The Perfect Religion!!!!!!!!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'..... So I says to myself, Self, what is the perfect religion?
Hmmmmm..... The perfect religion, what would be the perfect religion?
C'mon brain, I really need you to do some good thinkin' on this one.
Catholicism? I can't eat a nice juicy steak on Fridays? Nope not perfect.
Islam? They get offended real easy and stuff, I don't think I'd fit in too well.
Judaism? Nah, they feel too sorry for themselves.
Scientology? What, are you kiddin' me?
Hmmm....The perfect religion......
Man, this is some really hard thinkin'.........
Wait I got it! I could start my own religion!

Yeah! I could take some little bits and pieces from other religions, and make 1 really excellent one!
Good Points of other religions I gotta do some thinkin' about......

Catholicism: Drink wine and eat bread at the service.
Pope wears that really cool big gold hat.

Baptist: Really cool singin' and dancin' and stuff at the service.

Judaism: Their holy scripture is rolled up in a really cool scroll.
They have alot of holidays, and one of them you can't do any work at all!

Islam: 72 virgins - need I say more?

Scientology: What are you kiddin' me?

So, here's some good thinkin' for you!
You go worship in the garage - every week you go to someone elses garage, and whoever's garage it is get's to wear a really big cool gold hat that day, and has total control of the remote that day.
During the service, there's lots of cool music and dancin', and you drink wine, and beer, and eat breaded fried stuff.
Oh man, I'm liking this thinkin' so far!
You take your scroll and mount it to the wall like a window shade, then roll it down to the days lessons. That way you don't bend any pages. You declare every Friday and Monday during the Summer months a high holy day, and you can't go to work.
This is some good thinkin'!
You do good stuff for people, and try not to hurt anyone, and say your prayers the way you like. Love your god in the fashion that fits you best. Never "preach" your religion to others.
Hmmmm.... I gotta figure out how to work in those 72 virgins..........

Yeah this is some darn good thinkin'!

Now I gotta think of a good name for this new religion.
Hmmm, what would be a good name.......... C'mon brain, come up with a good one.....
Wait I got it!
The perfect name for the perfect religion is "Perfectionistism"!

I wonder where I can get a really big cool gold hat?.....

I will follow Perfectionism, Just a question though, how long will the 72 virgins stay that way?? I think your onto something here though I will follow you to the ends of the Earth.



KEEP ON THINKIN DUDE!!!!!

Originally posted by chris01621
I will follow Perfectionism, Just a question though, how long will the 72 virgins stay that way?? I think your onto something here though I will follow you to the ends of the Earth.



KEEP ON THINKIN DUDE!!!!!

Welcome aboard chris01621! You made me do some thinkin' here......
How long would the 72 virgins stay that way? Hmmmmmmm........
Guess I gotta do some thinkin' to figure out how to replenish.............
Hey I just did some more good thinkin'!
My son has these colored markers that you draw on glass windows with. We could use those markers and draw on the garage windows and make stained glass windows! That would be sooo coool!

So i've been thinkin and I thought are we going to worship a god or our leader (you).
We're going to need somthing to draw on those windows with those glass paints in your garage.
Also we will need some more worshippers because I dont think two guys worshipping you or a god will be enough to make it a religion.
Just a thought, have you any ideas of how we can get more people.

Originally posted by chris01621
So i've been thinkin and I thought are we going to worship a god or our leader (you).
We're going to need somthing to draw on those windows with those glass paints in your garage.
Also we will need some more worshippers because I dont think two guys worshipping you or a god will be enough to make it a religion.
Just a thought, have you any ideas of how we can get more people.

Man, you do some good thinkin'! We do need some more worshipers!
Let's see, I need to do some more thinkin'........
Who do we worship? Hmmmm....
Not me, I'm just a regular guy who does some really good thinkin'....

The cross thing is kind of scary. When I got married, my best man who happens to be Jewish said, there were only 2 Jews in the church that day, and one was hanging on a cross.

Hmmmmm...... C'mon brain do some good thinkin' here.....

God should be all powerful, and all knowing and able to do some good thinkin' too.
Hey! How about we call our God Skeptic Overlord!
Wait, I think that one is already taken.........

Our god should also make you feel really good...........
Hmmm......... Hey! How about Jack Daniels!

Nah, that ones taken too.........

All powerful, all knowing, able to do some good thinkin', makes you feel good, and of course has to be perfect.....
That's some big stuff to think about..........

Wait! I got it!

We will worship Lord Perfecto! And he'll carry a Vince Lombardi Trophy above his head!
Oh man, that is some good thinkin.

Now about getting more worshippers......
Hmmmm......
Wait! I got it! We can get a really cool big screen TV, and put it in the garage when we meet for services. We'll open up that garage door, and put a football game on that TV and turn it up really loud. Then we'll put a really cool sign in the driveway that says "Free Beer" with a really cool arrow pointing to the garage.

I bet we'll get lot's of worshippers!

Man, sometimes I amaze even myself.......

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'..........
Yeah, we know that the person holding the service, is gonna wear a really cool big gold hat. Now what else should he be wearin'?
Hmmmmm........Let's see, I gotta do some thinkin' about this.

A black outfit with a white thing on the front collar? - Nah, too hot in the summer....

Long flowing togas, with a really cool rope that you wear like a belt? Nah, too much ironing to do on thosed sheets.....

A bright red suit, and we could carry little red pitchforks? - Nah, Red stains too easy..........

Hmmmm, what to wear, what to wear?..............

Wait! I got it!
Everyone will have to wear really cool Hawaiian shirts, and big comfortable shorts! Hawaiian shirts are so comfortable, and you can spill stuff on them, and no one can tell the difference. And wait! Wear sandals with some black socks - Now that's a look! That way when we worship Lord Perfecto, we can all look so cool, and be nice and comfortable. Man, I bet everyone would be so jealous!
And wait! Now here's some good thinkin'! When we're goin' through the service, instead of eatin' those little round wafers like in church, we can eat Goldfish crackers!
Now what should we have as our symbol. Hmmmmm..........

A cross? Nah, I already covered that...
A six sided star? Nah, Every time I draw a star it only has five sides - so it's too hard to draw.
A Big eye on a pyramid? Nah, I've never been good at brickwork.....
Hmmm, the perfect symbol.............
Wait! I got it!
The perfect symbol would be an Ice Cream Cone!
Oh man, that is some good thinkin'!
Yeah, everyone loves Ice Cream Cones!
And wait! Oh brain, I love you! How's this for some good thinkin'?!
On top of that Ice cream cone, we can have Jimmies on it! They'd represent all the colors of the worlds people - White ones, Brown ones, Black Ones, Yellow Ones, and Red Ones. That show's that everyone is welcome to the church of Perfectionalitarianism. Hey maybe throw in a couple of nuts - no wait! No nuts, some people are so allergic to those nuts. That was close! Man, I am so glad I can do such good thinkin'......

I've been thinking and I thought of an initiation, everyone gets a 4 litre tub of ice cream and they have to eat it in 1 hour but even if they dont succeed they can still join us in perfectionism but at the same time they see what cool guys we are by giving them all the ice cream they could eat, and they will want to stay with us and worship Lord Perfecto, after we had the ice cream eating ceremony everyone just relaxes with some beer and abit of music maybe.

The last time I had ice cream and beer I prayed to the porcelin god for quite some time. :w: You may be on to something.

Join us Darkelf join us!!!
You wont regret it, we can all sit about and do the deepest thinking of mankind, and maybe we might just solve some of mankinds biggest problems.
HAIL LORD PERFECTO!!!!

Man, chris01621, and darkelf - you guys do some really good thinkin'! When we sit and do all that good thinkin' together, I bet everyone else will be so jealous!

I haven't had such good thinkin' friends since I was in school. The school even knew what great thinkers we were. Everybody else got on those big long school buses. Nope, not us! That school sent a really cool short yellow bus to pick us up right at our front doors. No waitin' at a bus stop for us! It was nice and short so we could all sit really close together, and think and stuff. Yep, we all did some really good thinkin' together. Well everyone but Edward - he drooled alot, and kept having a big bubble of mucus inflating and deflating in his nose. Nah, he didn't really help us think, he was doin' some thinkin' on his own, all quiet and stuff.

I think I'm going to go out and get an ice cream cone necklace!
Yep, some ice cream, beer, and goldfish crackers. I gotta get some black socks and sandals too. Wait! I gotta clean out the garage too.
Man this perfect religion is alot of work!
But Lord Perfecto is so worth it!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'........
We need some kind of holy water or somethin'. That way if a monster comes we can splash that holy water on him and make him go away.
Hmmmm, what can we use?
What can we use?
I gotta do some good thinkin' about this......

Cola? - Nope, that stuff eats the paint off of cars. I don't want a really cool dish gettin' all eaten up with cola..............

Beer? No way. I'm not wastin' any beer on a stupid monster!

Grape Juice? Nah, it'll turn our fingers all purple and stuff........

Hmmmm......... C'mon brain, you better do some good thinkin', or I'm gonna stab you with a Q-tip..........

Wait I got it!!!! We'll use water. But we'll freeze it! Yep, we'll have all these really cool little ice cubes. If a monster comes, we'll peg that monster with those Ice cubes! I bet that monster would be so surprised!

Oh brain, you do some amazin' thinkin'!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some thinkin'.........
So I says to myself, Self? Now that the perfect religion is all set up to go, we're gonna have to have some really fun events.

Hmmmmmm............ What can we do......

Let's see, Jadaism has Sukkot, where the build those fancy Sukah houses, and hang squash, and corn, and fruits, and artwork and stuff....

Christianity has Easter egg hunts and stuff.......

Islam has Eid-Al-Fitr which is really cool with all kinds of fancy food, and gifts and stuff..........

Hmmm........ C'mon brain you gotta do some really good thinkin' here. What can we do for Perfectionistism. Our first holiday.............

Hmmmmm.................

Wait! I got it! For our first perfectionistism holiday, we'll have a Ice Cream Cone Hunt! Oh man, that is such good thinkin'! Yep, we'll get lots of ice cream cones and hide them, and everbody can go huntin' for them!

Wait! Instead of Easter baskets, we can have Perfectionistism cornucopias! Yep they're shaped kind of like ice cream cones and everything!

OK, I'm gonna set up the Ice Crem Cone Hunt. I'll give you details later!!!

C'mon brain, let's go!

Whassup Dude.

Just thinking, should we write our own bible or not???
Or at least just a book about how this religion started?

Call it " A potrait of Perfectionistismalist's"

What are your thought's?

Also how about we shape those icecubes into the shape and size of baseballs and use one of those batting machines???

Originally posted by chris01621
Whassup Dude.

Just thinking, should we write our own bible or not???
Or at least just a book about how this religion started?

Call it " A potrait of Perfectionistismalist's"

What are your thought's?

Also how about we shape those icecubes into the shape and size of baseballs and use one of those batting machines???

Hmmmmmmm.............Now that's some darn good thinkin'!
A portrait of Perfectionistismalists, eh? I like it! And like we can draw some really cool pictures in it and stuff. Chris, you better give that brain of yours a really cool reward!

Now here's an update on the First Annual Perfectionistism Ice Cream Cone Hunt.

It was a beautiful day, 80 degrees and sunny. I went out and got lots of ice cream and ice cream cones, and those really fancy Jimmies. There were brown, white, black, red, and yellow jimmies. Man this is such good thinkin'! So I made up lot's of ice cream cones, and blessed them in the name of Lord Perfecto. Then I went and hid those ice cream cones all over the park. What a great idea!

I put on my hawaiin shirt, my loose shorts, my sandals with black socks, and my really cool, big gold hat. Then I hung up a really fancy cool sign that said:
"Come one, come all to Lord Perfectos Ice Cream Cone Hunt, Bring your Perfectionistism Cornucopias!"

Lot's of people were drivin' by lookin' at me sittin' in my really cool outfit next to that really fancy sign. Nobody was stoppin' by though. I probably should have brought thos goldfish crackers and beer. Hmmmmmm......maybe next year.

In a little while this guy staggers up. He had a scraggly beard, one shoe, ripped clothes, 2 teeth, and smelled like a toot that my dog Yabaastad makes after he eats hotdogs....... I asked him where he lived, and he told me the heat vent on the corner of 5th and Vine. He told me he wanted to have some ice cream. I asked him where his Perfectionistism Cornucopia was. He didn't have one so I just gave him an ice cream cone, and told him all about Lord Perfecto. He took a little paper bag out of his pocket and drank whatever was in that paper bag, then fell asleep right under my fancy sign.
Hmmmmmm..............

So I sat there and started doin' some thinkin'........... It's startin' to get hot sittin' here. Maybe I'll take a little stroll around the park. Yep, that's one good idea.
So I'm strollin' around that park in my cool outfit, and fancy big gold hat. Yep, everbody was so jealous! They were all lookin' at me and stuff.
Man! It's really gettin' hot out here. So I says to myself, Self? Maybe I'll go and get one of those ice cream cones I hid in the bushes so I can cool down. Yep, that's another really good idaea and stuff! So I start strollin' towrds one of those bushes where I hid a couple Ice Cream Cones..
Hmmmm.........what's that funny buzzin' in my ears? Hmmmmmm......maybe I'm catchin' a cold. I'll take some aspirin when I get home.
I can't wait to eat some of that nice cool ice cream with those fancy Jimmies on top! That buzzin' is gettin' louder, I wonder if I'm gettin' heat stroke and stuff.
So I get to the bush where I hid a couple of ice cream cones. I reach my hand into that bush, and it goes right into somethin' really sticky. So I says to myself, Self? There was nothin' sticky and gooey when I hid those ice cream cones. So I pull my hand out, and there's gooey stuff on it, with Jimmies in it! Man, that buzzin' is gettin' really loud! So I stick my head in that bush, and man! There's like a billion bees and stuff eatin that gooey stuff. Owww! My fancy gold hat is stuck on a branch! So I pull and pull and pull, and finally the hat comes loose. It pulled a big branch off of that bush, and the bees come flyin' out!

So I start runnin', with all those bees chasin' me, and I slide on some more gooey stuff and fall down! What the heck! There's like a billion red ants in this goo, and now the goo and lot's of ant's are stuck to my legs.
So I get up and keep runnin'. Those ant's are bitin' me, and there's lot's of bees chasin' me. I'm runnin' through the park screamin' "BEES. ANTS. OH LORD PERFECTO SAVE ME!"
Lot's of people were starin' at me while I was runnin' and screamin' and stuff.
I bet all of those people were so surprised!
Wait! What's that? There's the trough where dog owners let their dog's drink out of! So I run over and dive into that trough. And the ant's and bees go away. Thank you Lord Perfecto!
Wait! I guess Fido didn't like me in the trough, and now he's runnin' over at me barkin' and foamin' at the mouth and stuff.
So I get up and hop on my fancy bike and get out of there. I bet that dog was so surprised that I could go so fast!
Yep, I'll go back and get my fancy sign later.........
Maybe next year I'll have my Ice Cream Cone hunt somewhere else......

Man, you never cease to amaze me! I gave you your first flag here earlier and now i'm trying to give you way above vote but \I get a blank screen, I'll do it when it's fixed.

All hail Lord Perfecto and pray that bee's don't take you in the night!!!

(Hey this could be the first line of our prayer?)

You have voted lombozo for the Way Above Top Secret award. You have two more votes this month.




I laughed out loud several times, good stuff. One suggestion, your 'holy cubes' - for smashin' monsters - should be cone shaped and not cubed. Also, the Scientologists got aliens and Travolta. There's gotta be something there worth co-opting into Perfectionistology.

All in all was definately some "darn good thinkin'"

Jealously yours,
~Rren


PS,
- What if a member doesn't have a garage and/or is lactose intolerant (ie, ice cream cones)?

- Can we show up just for the free beer, big-screen football and virgins?

Originally posted by lombozo
Baptist: Really cool singin' and dancin' and stuff at the service.

I hate to tell you this, but Baptists don't dance, and certainly not at church.

Did someone say 72 virigins? That are hot? The kind you see in music videos? The kind that will make a man pass out? AWESOME!!!

I'm coming, just let me go pick up a box of 72 condoms I should be able to get through all those babes within 2 hours! hehehe you guys are gonna kick me out for doing all of them all day long, heheh

You need to have a "sex break" 5 times a day, 7 days a week"

You also need a supah pimpin day on Sunday, where you get all 72 babez and do em all.

Who should we worship?? hehe, we shall worship Jenna Jameson

Part of da religion should be tippin hats and ridin on Spinnaz, lol


Be careful not to combine the "forbidden" foods of all religions, cuz you ain't gonna be able to eat ANYTHING lol , no pork, no beef, no shrimp, no bread, and so on so on, I think every religon bans some kinda food and if you combine em all, well no food left, lol

Catholism bans da use of condomz make sure not to put dat rule in yo religion or those 72 virigins are gonna be 72 mamaz lol. Mamaz dat I like to do! lol

Russian Soldier! Now that is some darn good thinkin'!

Hey can I join?

I say you ban Brussel Sprouts, any other veg is fine but NO Sprouts.
What do you think?