How do you get over someone that you love?

originally posted by: underwerks
I've recently gotten out of a relationship. I love this woman more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. She was my entire world, every part of it. I really believed we would spend the rest of our lives together, have kids, everything. She was all I ever wanted and then some. And now its over.

I haven't eaten since Monday, haven't slept since then, and I'm a wreck. Physically and emotionally. I couldn't tell you which way is up or down. She's the only thing I can think about, and no matter what I do I can't stop that. We genuinely had a soul to soul connection, and that is such a rare thing to find. How is someone supposed to start getting over something like this? My instinct is to drink, but I realize that will probably only make things worse. And the last thing I need to do is send her some crazy drunk messages.

I dont know. I've been in love before but it was never like this. I've never loved anyone as much as I love her, and now it feels like my world is completely broken in half.

I feel like there is no future or hope for anything at this point. She was my light at the end of the tunnel, and now it's gone. How do you even begin to start letting go of someone that means that much?

Time is the key. Only passing of time will ease the pain. I've been there. I'm still there after 2 years and believe me, I so understand what you're going through. Although now for me is not as bad as it was I still think of her daily. Don't fight it my friend. Accept it. Embrace it. Slowly time will heal the wound and soothe the pain. But most of all don't let it control your life and your health. That's what it did to me. The pain I went through mentally and physically had only one outcome for me. I got an heart attack at 46 and now I have to live with the heart condition and medication for the rest of my life. So think of what I said and remember that as bad as it is now, can get worst. Wish you best of luck

Do not fn start drinking whatever the eff you do.

I was with a girl for 12 years.

I'd take back every moment to have never met her.

My new wife is awesome, makes me wonder wtf I was thinking.

I was right where you are buddy.

There are tons of good women out there.

Don't let your emotions tell you otherwise, because they will try.

Stay away from the sauce dude, trust me.

Go meet some hotties, give us the deets.

a reply to: underwerks

I can imagine what you're going through - as long as you make it known to the "history girl" that you need comfort and not a new relationship right now, have at it for a few nights.

There is healing in reclaiming some "power and confidence" with a few romps in bed.

Stay away from the booze. Alcohol episodes don't end well.

a reply to: Baddogma

Relationships are a mirror ... and we project on that mirror-person a whole lot.

Such intense feelings rarely reflect actual admiration, but more a desperate clutching against some existential terror or perceived personal lacking. It's rarely fair to project such intense feelings on another...

it's a huge responsibility that few would want or can bear.

But be glad time didn't dull the insanity of early love and live with a richer memory of what was, rather than the usually dour reality of what is.

What great words of wisdom! Well written.

Honestly, you should write a book.

I just want to say thank you ATS for all the great advice. I know a lot of us have our differences, so thanks for not kicking me when I'm down.



And I decided against the alcohol for tonight. It wouldn't be a good idea at this point.

Applause to everyone in this thread 👏🏽There is so much good advice, from everyone participating!

Let this be a staple thread on ATS for many years to come — for everything ‘to do’, and, ‘not to do’ when feeling the loss of loved ones.

I’ve gleaned so much from all of you. Thank you!

Her name was Jan. She was the first love of my life and we couldn’t get along. Years later I found out she had passed on. I have been totally screwed up since. Maybe in the next world I can hold her again. It broke my heart when I found out. My friends some times life sucks the big one.

originally posted by: neo96
How do you get over someone that you love?

1. lots of alcohol.
2. Lots of strip clubs.
3. Lots of time.

This is my kinda guy. And just for safe measure repeat steps 1 through 2 well beyond the "over her" part.

a reply to: underwerks

And I decided against the alcohol for tonight. It wouldn't be a good idea at this point.

Good idea, it wouldn't have gotten you real rest anyways.

I just want to say thank you ATS for all the great advice

It's a community man, and you're part of it.

It takes some balls to ask for advice, sometimes all you need is to hear some other thoughts on thing.

It's easy to let our minds run astray, we all know that and we've all had it happen.

As has already been stated, don't hit the booze. It can turn into a daily habit fairly quickly. It doesn't kill the pain, it just temporarily numbs the senses. Until the next day when you wake up anyway.

Even though it may feel like it, it is not the end of the world or your world but a period of transition. It will be hard. Good luck.

One more thing, eat food. Alcohol will remove your hunger temporarily but it is not a substitute for real nutrition. Even if you have to go to McDonalds or some other fast-food place.

Peace.

a reply to: underwerks

Hey there's nothing wrong with boozin' to get over the heartache.

But you'll end up saying and doing embarrassing stuff towards her that you'll regret.

I don't recommend getting bombed.

originally posted by: tinner07
a reply to: tinner07

Just focus on yourself... you gotta eat man.... relax and deep breaths... and realize that the sun will still come up tomorrow...

15 years, 2 kids.... she left me for another guy... I ended up in jail for DUI.... that was 20 years ago... she has broken up with all her "boyfriends"... lives at her sisters house... I am happily married and 16 months away from 32 years of my union pension...

It is not the end of the world...

Actually it is an end of the world...and really after something like that you never are the same.

Drinking is fine as long as you don't get in car ,and is sometimes beneficial...the people who do not drink lose it in other ways.

10 years later I am still becoming better, but certainly a part of me realized this planet is a complete joke if i already did not know...and i decided better to stay away from relationships altogether after that....and it has worked..all the people i know are busy yo-yoing around looking for answers in people.

I look for answers everywhere else, and I am finding them all.

Sometimes gotta realize we are NOT here for relationships and whatnot, as well that some of us are just too damned intense to be in one period.

a reply to: underwerks

Buy a pet.

Seriously.

A gold fish, a turtle. A cat, dog.

You have all this "love" and it needs to go somewhere.

Focus on loving again, but with a pet.

2 cents.

a reply to: underwerks

First thing is delete her number from phone...delete facebook and everything that ties..don't make that mistake cause you will likely drink and its too easy to text dumb snip.

Second thing is delete all pictures, friends and talk to noone she knows.

Third play sports when you can, workout and find a mission in life that has nothing to do with what other people do.

Wish I had done those things alot sooner...glad i did after few months.

originally posted by: LightSpeedDriver
As has already been stated, don't hit the booze. It can turn into a daily habit fairly quickly. It doesn't kill the pain, it just temporarily numbs the senses. Until the next day when you wake up anyway.

Even though it may feel like it, it is not the end of the world or your world but a period of transition. It will be hard. Good luck.

One more thing, eat food. Alcohol will remove your hunger temporarily but it is not a substitute for real nutrition. Even if you have to go to McDonalds or some other fast-food place.

Peace.

Booze kills the pain for a while. Then I remember she is gone and I can’t ever hold her again. My tears on her grave have no effect and sometimes I dream of her. It’s no wonder I am so screwed up.

My suggestion is to play what I call the "as if" game. Walk through the next few days living "as if" nothing has happened and you are carefree and happy. First time's a struggle but then the act begins to feel natural. Don't play any old tapes in your head featuring your ex-she's the past, the ex.

Also, try not to be alone too much or spend time in your home alone unless absolutely necessary. Talk to friends and make plans to do stuff and follow through.

Who knows? You might just run into your true love. Bet you will and if you don't you'll have some fun and do something nutty and different-expand yourself.

Find a date to take to dinner. Start dating, dating, dating. You'll get over this. Start dating.


PS: Don't talk about her while on a date...

a reply to: underwerks

I've been there, sir. It's only been that bad once. Exactly what you're describing. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate or think of anything else but him, and that dropped out feeling in the pit of my stomach never went away. I was newly sober, about a year and a half, so if I drank I would throw away my hard-won sobriety. But this break-up got me so bad that I didn't even feel like drinking! How does a full-on extreme alcoholic get to the point where even booze doesn't sound good????? Hoping that will help you understand how bad it was for me, so that you know I DO understand where you're at, man.

Nothing helped for a little while. Then one of my girlfriends would come over and make fun of him; she would say stuff about him that I had never noticed (because I was so in love), and my instant reaction was to defend him, but when I thought about some of the things she pointed out, it helped! That sounds mean, but ANYTHING that helped for even 5 seconds was good. So she would come and make me laugh, which helped until she went home. So for a few hours the stomach thing would be less. You HAVE to hang out with good friends during this time. You won't feel like it, and when you're with them you will be thinking of her, but do it.

Then after a little while more, I started fantasizing about running into him in public while I looked amazing, with some hot-ass guy all over me. Now- I didn't want to think of anyone else but him. So the "get back on the horse" advice made me so sad. I couldn't imagine EVER being attracted to anyone but him. Still, I put a hot guy on me and imagined running into him and him being devastated that I had moved on. As dumb as that sounds, I made progess with that!

Then eventually my girlfriend MADE ME go onto Match.com and send a few hot guys a message. I wasn't attracted to any of them- I still couldn't imagine anyone else, but I sent messages to my "type." Once they started replying and I talked with a few of them, I started to feel better. Then I met one and by the end of the night I felt hope for the first time. I dated that guy for a few months- after our third date I was hooked. I still thought about HIM but less and less, and more and more he got replaced by this new hot guy who had a lot of stuff I liked that the ex didn't have.

I'm sorry this is such a long post- but I felt your pain and I wanted to let you know what helped me. You CAN and WILL get over her. I know it's hard to believe now, but you will.

Was it a sudden, unexpected breakup? Ours was- out of the blue for me- which I think made it worse.

By the way, he and I got back together maybe six months later, at his behest, but I really had moved on, I discovered.

Hang in there!!

a reply to: KansasGirl

Thank you for your reply. That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. And yes it was sudden. One day we were fine, and the next it was over.

I can't help but to question everything she told me at this point. Even though I believe deep down that she meant everything she said about us, her actions say something completely different than her words.

Anybody can say anything, but actions will always tell the true story.

originally posted by: underwerks
a reply to: KansasGirl

Thank you for your reply. That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. And yes it was sudden. One day we were fine, and the next it was over.

I can't help but to question everything she told me at this point. Even though I believe deep down that she meant everything she said about us, her actions say something completely different than her words.

Anybody can say anything, but actions will always tell the true story.

I knew it. That out of the blue thing makes it worse, and like you said, it gives you the added hell of going back and questioning everything. I did too! Forgot about that shippy part.

I know you don't believe it, but I promise you will feel normal again and you WILL be with another woman again whom you love as much as Ms. Sudden Breakupper. In fact, I bet money that you will end up with someone who is a million times better than Ms. Didnt-have-the-guts-to-bring-anything-up-until-the-last-minute-and-just-ran-like-a-12 year old-Girl. I'm also gonna bet money that you'll be with a woman so much better that you will look back and wonder why the hell you ever loved this one. Happened to me! 😃😃😃