Please help me help...

a reply to: ketsuko

My daughter also has an auditory processing disability; a really tough one.

Both my children took martial arts-the discipline can be helpful. However, there were no expectations of self-defense-these were small young children.

Basically, I wanted the poster to know there are alternatives to physical altercations with bullies.

Each child is different.

a reply to: Justso

The self defense is component of the program. For the youngest kids, it's mainly about getting away from strangers. So those techniques are mostly about getting people to let go of them.

For kids my son's age, they start working on what might happen if another kid (or someone larger) is going to attack them. Releasing chokes, getting tackled that sort of thing.

But even with the conventional strikes, blocks, kicks, he could lay someone out. When he dances, some of those moves make an appearance just instinctively now.

Of course, part of the program too is teaching kids when to use and when not to use force -- mostly not.

But as mother, you put your kid in soccer and don't think about this sort of thing while he gets better. These are the things you think about with this. If I seriously thought my kid would lay someone out just because he can, he wouldn't be taking lessons, but at the same time, you know in the back of your mind that possibility exists. He is capable of doing it if he had to and was pushed to it.

a reply to: ketsuko

Before my brother got involved with martial arts, he was a holy terror. Piss him off and there would be blood.

After martial arts training, I don't think he ever had another fight. He could and would walk away. Most folk knew not to push it, even now when he gets angry, he walks away, but you can still sense there is something dark under the surface that you want to keep there.

a reply to: NightSkyeB4Dawn

I think with my kid right now part of what is keeping him from really freaking out and doing something he'll regret is that he does know that the kid putting him in the headlocks or trying to tackle him is such a pipsqueak. He is strong enough that he can easily get away and get out of those attempts, so it's not as big a deal whether the kid is just socially maladjusted and trying to actually play or being malicious and failing miserably because he's just not strong enough.

Right now, this kid can't hurt him, so it's annoying and confusing more than frightening like it could be.

That's part of the confidence though. Son knows he can already handle himself, so there's no need to do much more than he already is. Problem is that I know there's a temper in there that can snap.

When an event starts, tell her to say "F**k you" and turn around and walk away.

Edit: Take that person's power away from them and own it.

a reply to: Justso

caring daughter into a fight night freak

The whole purpose of teaching a child martial arts, boxing, etc, is not to fight, but to know how to
defend themselves. Often it teaches them that fighting is used a last resort.

Best thing I ever did was to put her in private school

That is great that it worked for you, but what would happen if the private school had the same problems? Would you continually move your daughter over and over? Maybe this worked for you but is this really the answer for every bullied child? BTW I went to a private school, and know for a fact not all private schools are trouble free, in fact some are much worse than public schools!

Don't punish your daughter for being the child you raised her to be. Offer her a loving, caring, learning environment.

Teaching children self defense is in my mind the absolutely best gift a parent can give a child. It goes hand in hand with a loving caring learning environment. It also helps with self esteem issues.

a reply to: ketsuko

When I was in taekwondo during elementary school, I had this minor scuffle after school on the way to the buses. No punches but maybe some pushing and pulling. Never really got into trouble from the school either. We had taekwondo tournaments to advance belts through sparing and forms. This one was in Minneapolis and I can remember standing up in front of the judges for my belt advancement and they brought up the scuffle, that occurred months earlier, in front of everyone. They pointed out that was not what this sport was about and asked if I would take more care with others. That episode will always be burned into my memory, mostly one of shame. I never got into a physical altercation after that.

The instructor was also instrumental in teaching self control. I am very glad to have gone through that teaching.