Please help me help...

...my daughter.

A pre teen.

She is the smartest, funniest, nicest girl I know. She is as beautiful as her mother...fml.

But she is being bullied by a friend she has had for years.

How do I teach her to stand up for herself, but not be the aggressor? How do I teach her that some people are aholes and to ignore them? Wtf do I do?

Thanks.

originally posted by: theatreboy
...my daughter.
A pre teen.
She is the smartest, funniest, nicest girl I know. She is as beautiful as her mother...fml.
But she is being bullied by a friend she has had for years.
How do I teach her to stand up for herself, but not be the aggressor? How do I teach her that some people are aholes and to ignore them? Wtf do I do?
Thanks.

Point out to her that someone who bullies is not a friend and its time

to move on. That life is hard enough without having a viper in her nest.

The thing is to ignore the bully and be happy....... that is the best revenge

bullies want to hold the stage, so being ignored will hurt most.


Help her widen her interests and meet new people, good luck.

a reply to: theatreboy


Can you give some examples of the type of bullying your daughter's friend has been engaging in towards your daughter?

a reply to: theatreboy

Lol

a reply to: theatreboy

Just make sure she knows your there to support her 100%... In the long run, that'll seriously mean something.

In the short term though, I doubt there's much you can really do to resolve the situation... life's tough.

a reply to: theatreboy

Try talking to the bullies parents, with or without your daughter knowing. Give them a stern warning to have her back off or else...

originally posted by: EchoesInTime
a reply to: theatreboy

Try talking to the bullies parents, with or without your daughter knowing. Give them a stern warning to have her back off or else...

Only go this route if you know them well. The problem is that because your daughter is emotionally compromised, you'll be emotionally compromised and could end up making things worse.

The first step is to go the adults at school like the teacher, counselor and principal. They *should* be trained and willing to handle this situation. Make sure you get a full accounting from your daughter and when you approach the adults at the school, be rational and reasonable so that they have no reason to think anything other than a straightforward bullying issue is going on that needs to be dealt with.

If necessary, let them contact this other kid's parents. They're neutral parties.

There are multiple resources online about approaches that can be taken to help your daughter from your end in the meantime. Which one you and she choose really depend on her. For example, some kids do well with humor to defuse nasty teasing but that won't work for others. You and she need to take time to look these resources up and discuss them. The biggest thing is that she needs to know you are in her corner and will be there for her as an emotional support.

Also understand that it's really hard sometimes for kids to talk about being bullied, so don't be judgmental about it, and the betrayal of having a friend turn on you cuts keenly, but it does happen. I've seen accounts talk about it. Girls can be the worst for that.

a reply to: ketsuko

Ty...wise words.

A member here is concerned for his daughter and is asking for advice.
There's absolutely NO reason to be hostile and douchebagish towards him/her.

This isn't the Mud Pit.

originally posted by: theatreboy
a reply to: ketsuko

Ty...wise words.

I'm having to deal with it. My kiddo is a smart kid with learning issues. He doesn't fit in, so he gets picked on for being different. One of these days, one the little jerks is going to push him too far, and he's going to go off on them and they'll also learn that he's a muscular little kid who's earned more than a few belts.

a reply to: theatreboy
Maybe it is the perfect chance to begin showing her reality? Just talk with her. Talk about how people manipulate others. Be honest. Maybe discuss how people crave being in the popular crowd and thus use others towards that end. Maybe your daughter can use this as a lesson to either accept or cut out the bad influence.

Does you daughter realize she is being bullied or is it just something you witnessed?

I find that people who become dead inside are those who refuse to equalize their fantasies of how life works to how life actually works. Honesty would be my choice.

a reply to: theatreboy

brother, my skin is thicker than you will ever want to know . I am trying to keep my little girl from being as jaded as me.

I'm a lady, and old one at that. My daddy was a drill sergeant and my mom survived horrors that shouldn't been seen by any human. Neither one tried to shelter me (or as you say from your jadedness).

Instead they taught me to fight and defend myself. Bullies seem to know exactly who to pick on. Rarely do they pick on kids that know how to defend themselves. When they do, it's a rude awakening. Maybe help her with some self esteem. Have her take some self defense classes, karate, taekwondo, boxing etc.

Sure we would like our daughters to live in unicorn and glitter sprinkles world forever, but that isn't going to help them in a cruel world. When others know her bite is worse than her bark then you will truly have taught her something.

Ever wonder why some girls seems to always end up with abusive guys/husbands, think about that real hard.

a reply to: ketsuko


My son also had some learning issues when he was in elementary school. He was also physically picked on in school.

I took karate classes with both my sons for years...The bully issues resolved themselves and/or ceased and it became a great bonding experience for my boys and I.