How to deal with the death of a parent

a reply to: DBCowboy

That sucks. It gets better with time but you never really stop missing them. It leaves a big hole that never really goes away. Look after your mom the best you can. It was really hard on my grandma when my grandma passed away and my dad's never gotten over my mom dying even though they'd been divorced for years. I worry about my dad. He's not that old but he's not in the best of health.

I personally like to really bluntly tell people my mom's dead when they start asking about her. It makes them really uncomfortable. Then when I say so they usually say sorry so I ask them why? Did you kill her? I think she would've approved of this. She worked in a hospital and always had a pretty dark sense of humour.

Sorry. I hope this doesn't make you more dour. All the best to you and your family. Try and keep ahold of the good memories and don't focus on the bad things.

I just want to be half the man my father was.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Just lost my mom in mid July after a vicious metastatic cancer took her within three months. She was 68. Youngest of seven. It’s been rough. I know your pain.
My dad is lost without her. It would have been 50 years they had been married in November.

To make matters worse, two weeks ago I was diagnosed with cirrhosis and stage four liver failure at 42. This was after two months of not drinking booze. Damn OTCs, antacids, Imodium, a crappy diet and a fatty liver led to my condition worsening.

I still haven’t told him yet. Hell, I could live another two decades or two hours, I can’t get a straight answer. But it would be hell for him to lose his wife and youngest son all within a span of several months.

a reply to: DBCowboy

DB, I am so sorry for your loss.
Losing a parent...well, nothing compares.


May your Dad RIP.

a reply to: the owlbear


Hang tough.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Lost my father when I was a teenager-over forty years ago.

It changed me. I felt rudderless at first. So glad to still have my mother. She needed me and I needed her. So, I do hope you have your mother so you may comfort each other.

I always love your commenting. You are appreciated. I think your Dad must have been a fine and clever guy. So much to be proud of...and grateful.

Be thinking of you. So sorry.

a reply to: DontTreadOnMe

Thank you.

a reply to: Justso

My wit?

I attribute all to my dad.

a reply to: DBCowboy

I lost my mum, she was a single parent to us and it has to be the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me, all I can say is that your dad was probably very proud of you, you know he loved you and now you have to be there for your mum.

Every day I miss her, just before this Christmas past she took a very bad turn, a tumor had spread from her bowl to her liver yet she clung on and I prayed more perhaps than I have ever prayed in my life.

I have to stay for my sister and niece, my other brothers and sisters betrayed there own mother over money and simple greed but both of us stayed by her.

I cry too, it is hard to hide when you are a big man and some can not control there emotion's, at her funeral I broke down and was literally trembling almost violently from head to foot, this was my world ending as I had lived with my mum and cared for her - really she cared for me - in spite of my own ailing health and depression yet suddenly the pillar of my whole world had been wrenched away from me leaving me feeling like I was pointless listless and useless with no purpose - this was very recent for me and the days have simply flown by while I feel like I am in a shocked daze from this loss.

But for them we have to go on, a woman whom I see for grief counseling lost her parent's, her aunt and her son and husband and she put it this way.

God has a purpose for us we may not know what it is yet but there is a purpose.

And like her I do very much believe we will be with those we love again some day, it is just so tempting to be impatient about that some day though but that would be a mistake.

I feel for you, for all of us that have suffered the loss of those we love and the truth is you never get over it.
Some call it acceptance but it is more a matter of habit, each day come's and you carry them very much in your heart with you, also they may very well still be watching over you and your family.

God willing bless and keep you, your mum and the rest of your family and may in the fullness of time when it is the Right time we all be reunited with those whom we love.

a reply to: LABTECH767

Years ago, we lost a great family dog named Baron, a Great Dane. My dad loved that dog.

I picture them tossing a ball in a field.

Thank you.

a reply to: DBCowboy

You will never forget those time's for me the greatest fear was forgetting my mum's face but that will never happen, or her voice.

It's those little thing's when you live with someone, I would hear her call me and ask what she wanted and she would say that she had not called me but had been thinking of me or I would get the urge to ask if she wanted a cup of tea and she would say that she was thinking that.

Your father will be with you and more than likely watching over his grandchildren as well.

a reply to: DBCowboy


Sorry for your loss DB.....

a reply to: LABTECH767

I have always talked to my dad.

Even when we weren't on the phone or in the same room. When faced with an issue/problem I would "talk" to him and imagine what he would say.

I suppose I will always talk to him.

He was a great source of wisdom.

So sorry for your loss DBCowboy. I always look forward to your humour and wit, keep smiling when you can friend

a reply to: DBCowboy

sorry for your loss

a reply to: LABTECH767

So sorry. Life isn't for the faint of heart. You are in a hard place. Many of us know that feeling so you are not alone.

Thinking of you, also. So sorry for the loss of your mother. At least, it never gets tougher than this. You will come out the other side. Hang in there.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Sorry to hear this. I could wax poetic to make it sound good, but the reality is you lament the things that could have been different and feel it the worst when there isn’t the chance to share something or ask for advice or fulfill the need to spend a moment again. You realize your own mortality, understand your own limitations and accept it.

Hurts but you still have life to share with those still around. You take the pain and try to be that man for them as he was to you. And with that, we live life as best we can. You will alright DB.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Bless you and your family my man...

I lost my Father back in '01, there is no grief like that grief, short of losing a child which I hope NONE of us ever have to go through...

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: schuyler



I wish there was a formula, an equation, a series of steps and tasks to do in order to deal with it.

Where's the solution?

And that's the awful secret- there is no procedure to follow, and everyone processes the loss in different ways and timing. That's part of what is so scary about trying to imagine life without your loved one....you can't even imagine what that will be like, nor can you comprehend any way to get there.

That said, talking to others who have gone through it CAN help. There is so much power and healing in sharing with another human who has been or is on a similar journey.

I'm so sorry, DB. Prayers for you.

I lost my Dad back in 2007 and come next month, it will be 3 years since I lost my Mom. I understand what you are going through. They teach us how to live, but not how to live without them. No one is ever prepared for such devastation.

You have precious memories to hold onto and you can still talk to him DB. My Parents had good, long and happy lives. I feel they went on to a better place, a place we will all go to someday.

To you and all those who have lost a Parent or loved one or have one in the end stages of their lives, my heart and thoughts are with you.