originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: schuyler
Thank you. No it isn't easy. But no one ever guaranteed life was.
Guess I'm just finding my way to deal with it.
Christ. I wish there was a formula, an equation, a series of steps and tasks to do in order to deal with it.
Where's the solution?
DB, may your Dad RIP.
So far you've got four pages of condolences, great stories and empathy. I'll share one more for your consideration, and hopefully you will see it.
(Sorry, I'm a little late to the memorial).
Lost my Dad in '14, a day before his 90th. Unlike your Dad, he didn't go quickly at all, but rather he slowly declined over a period of about 2+
years. It was agony for me, and truly humiliating and demoralizing to him. I honestly can't say which is a better way to go, light-switch quick like
your Dad or an agonizing descent like mine. I was there with him when he passed. He was truly a hero (a real one), and he was my hero.
Right when I thought I had come to grips with Dad's loss I got a call from my sister saying Mom had a "slight cold" and was taken to the hospital as a
precaution. In roughly 3 weeks she was gone too. She passed on Christmas Eve last Christmas...just hours shy of Christmas Day. Her passing was a
crash descent through the depths of a place I sincerely hope to never experience again! Pure torture for both her and us. An absolute nightmare
right to the bitter end. The loud moaning will echo in my mind forever. I was there with her when she passed as well. We all were, unlike Dad where
only I was there.
With Mom's passing I remember sitting there on Christmas Day, alone in a hotel room, just in disbelief of it all. The dichotomy of it all. I didn't
want to leave my hotel room for fear of people wishing me a "Merry Christmas" when it was anything but
'merry'. It wasn't about me personally;
I didn't want to have to respond to those usual Christmas questions...and inadvertently ruin someone else's Christmas. You know the
one's..."Spending Christmas with the family?" or "What did you get for Christmas?"
When the only answers were: "No, they just died last
night." or "Ummmm, I got a Medical Examiner's report on the death of my Mother last night...with a little bow on it"
In some ways I was mad I
When I did finally leave my room to go deal with the various things we had to do, I had a far better frame of mind, and a far
better message to
share with people on Christmas Day..."Give your Mom & Dad a really big hug, and really ENJOY spending time with them on this day. Remember, it's
I wish I could tell you there is a formula, or some series of steps, for how to deal with these losses. Sadly, and unfortunately, there really isn't.
For me, it's like a part of me died when each of them passed. There's this void and numbness where there used to be emotion and feeling. I don't
know how to describe it really, it's like a hole. In some respects maybe this is the body's defense mechanism. I don't mean to characterize it as
this deep regret or sorrow, there's that at first, but later just a missing part of me where something used to be...oddly.
They say, time heals all wounds. I guess I say...time will tell.
Just know, you are not alone in your thoughts and questions.
Best to you and yours.
edit on 9/25/2018 by Flyingclaydisk because: (no reason given)