It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

How to deal with the death of a parent

page: 4
56
<< 1  2  3    5  6  7 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 11:05 PM
link   
a reply to: DBCowboy

Be grateful for the things he taught you and the times you had. It will get better.

Blessings to you and your family.




posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 11:10 PM
link   
To say I'm overwhelmed by the kindness shown would be an understatement.


Thank you all.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 11:28 PM
link   
a reply to: DBCowboy

Oh my dear - when one loses a loved one, all else fails to matter. As they say, time stands still and you wonder how there can be laughter and the knowledge that people are moving onwards with their regular lives just stumps one - don't they realize everything has changed? That life has just turned upside down and a life force is gone?

I think that is the biggest part of grieving - that feeling of being alone. That no one can understand what you are going through, the depths of complete loss.

But we do. Most of us. And all we can do is walk beside you, hold your hand, hug you, listen... know that we are here for you, offer you all comfort.

To see this post is so heartbreaking. Your Dad wouldn't want you to talk that way about yourself: wash yourself with the love he had for you, and still does. You simply cannot see him at the moment. But one day you will. He is having the adventure of a lifetime and you just have to play the waiting game. This is in no way to negate the enormity of what is going on, the shock, or the immense hole in your lives right now - but, just know that this is much like he has gone on before you and you will meet again. In human terms it may feel like forever at times, but really it will only be the blink of an eye.

Hugs DBC.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 11:42 PM
link   
a reply to: DBCowboy

I lost both of my parents in the last 4 years — my dad just last year, a couple days before his birthday and week before my 40th.

People say all the familiar platitudes. They mean well but I personally found little solace in it. One thing that I kept telling myself was that this is what happens to us all. We all die and in the natural order of things, we'll all bury our parents. I'd watched my parents bury my grandparents and just as I was burying them, one day it would be my time too.

Still, I can't help but feel that they were somehow cheated, that life isn't fair and they had more living to do. Sometimes out of the blue it hits me that my parents are dead. I'll never hear their voices or see their faces again.

I'll never forget my younger brother, a big tatted up giant, telling me through streaming tears how much it hurt to know that our parents would never see him get his # together, would never meet his wife if he ever settled down or know his kids if he had any.

What helped get me through — get us all through — in the immediate aftermath, was family. Grieving together. Sitting around the fire, drinking and telling stories, laughing and crying.



It gets better with time but from my perspective, where I am at this point, it still stings a lot.
edit on 2018-9-24 by theantediluvian because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 11:48 PM
link   
a reply to: ccseagull


Well done! That was beautiful. I am stuck with just saying "Sorry for your loss" because I have nothin more to say.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 11:48 PM
link   
I am So sorry to hear this ... The loss of a parent can be extremely difficult as it leaves you feeling orphaned , as all you have know your whole life has ended . It's terribly hard to deal With , and I am Sorry your going through this .. ...the only advice I can give to you to help you is;

" There is no right nor wrong way to grieve. We all grieve in our own way in our own time . we are all different deep within ourselves .....If you want to cry ... Then cry .... If you want to scream ... Then scream .... If you want to shake your fist at the sky ... Then do it ...as there is no right nor wrong way to grieve ."

Sending g you and your family prayers and hugs from afar . Please Do not Hesitate to reach out if you need to Vent , or need advice .



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 12:55 AM
link   
a reply to: DBCowboy

I won't be sappy I will just say truly that I am sorry for that pain, I know it also. It will, in time...hopefully, get better for you but, it is a tender wound that never quite heals completely. I have to guard it and make sure that the slightest memory doesn't open it back up wide and I'll fall into a heaping lump of self pity and worthlessness. There are too many people who need me to be strong. < Remember that, it may help you get strong and get by.
Be well and good luck on your journey.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 01:07 AM
link   
a reply to: DBCowboy

Sry DB.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 01:50 AM
link   

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: schuyler

Thank you. No it isn't easy. But no one ever guaranteed life was.


Guess I'm just finding my way to deal with it.

Christ. I wish there was a formula, an equation, a series of steps and tasks to do in order to deal with it.

Where's the solution?



I know i don't know much so far but i can say that once it came to me that life was going to be like this from the on, i started noticing all the things i had in me that came suddenly and were thought by them but i did not even notice

Then every day it was like "Oh this is something i just did that my dad also used to do" and i felt so proud to be like him, like i knew he had actually left me so many things, and i was happy and i would smile and remember him with love and pride.

I think that's the formula, you keep going and notice all those things that he was but you are too, and then you can see that he is right there inside you, and you are part of him. That never will go away and right now i don't know how else to say it but i feel a bit sad and i can understand what you feel but also i can smile and feel warm inside because i am remembering this feeling of knowing that they never leave, we are them, and they are us

At the time it happens i know there are no words that can help much, i remember. But words can remain for a bit later on and i'm not good explaining these thigns but i wish you the best and things get better for sure, i know that well

I just wish you to be well < 3
edit on 25-9-2018 by BoneSay because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 01:56 AM
link   
when my grandma died, a friend of mom gave her an advice. because my my mom's and grandma's relation was very special she too was having real hard time.

she said ' imagine her as if she went to a vacation to another town".


edit on 25-9-2018 by Damla because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 02:04 AM
link   
i am sorry.i read the title as how to deal with the death of a partner.

maybe in the meanwhile, you try to take care of your mom. thats how i got over my grandma's death. i was too much focused on mom.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 03:16 AM
link   
I'm so sorry, brother. I lost my Dad Thanksgiving was a year ago, relatively suddenly.

There aren't any shortcuts to dealing with it, unfortunately. Although a nice, really old single-malt Scotch enjoyed with friends and/or family doesn't hurt.

My condolences to you, and your family.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 03:52 AM
link   

originally posted by: DBCowboy



I am so sorry for your loss, especially after him being on the mend. My mother

died 10 years ago and I still miss her every day.




As a parent I hope to die before my kids, but I rarely think about what my kids would be going through.
It's impossible to imagine.


That truely is the hardest thing to go on living with........



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 05:08 AM
link   

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: schuyler

Thank you. No it isn't easy. But no one ever guaranteed life was.


Guess I'm just finding my way to deal with it.

Christ. I wish there was a formula, an equation, a series of steps and tasks to do in order to deal with it.

Where's the solution?



DB, may your Dad RIP.

So far you've got four pages of condolences, great stories and empathy. I'll share one more for your consideration, and hopefully you will see it. (Sorry, I'm a little late to the memorial).

Lost my Dad in '14, a day before his 90th. Unlike your Dad, he didn't go quickly at all, but rather he slowly declined over a period of about 2+ years. It was agony for me, and truly humiliating and demoralizing to him. I honestly can't say which is a better way to go, light-switch quick like your Dad or an agonizing descent like mine. I was there with him when he passed. He was truly a hero (a real one), and he was my hero.

Right when I thought I had come to grips with Dad's loss I got a call from my sister saying Mom had a "slight cold" and was taken to the hospital as a precaution. In roughly 3 weeks she was gone too. She passed on Christmas Eve last Christmas...just hours shy of Christmas Day. Her passing was a crash descent through the depths of a place I sincerely hope to never experience again! Pure torture for both her and us. An absolute nightmare right to the bitter end. The loud moaning will echo in my mind forever. I was there with her when she passed as well. We all were, unlike Dad where only I was there.

With Mom's passing I remember sitting there on Christmas Day, alone in a hotel room, just in disbelief of it all. The dichotomy of it all. I didn't want to leave my hotel room for fear of people wishing me a "Merry Christmas" when it was anything but 'merry'. It wasn't about me personally; I didn't want to have to respond to those usual Christmas questions...and inadvertently ruin someone else's Christmas. You know the one's..."Spending Christmas with the family?" or "What did you get for Christmas?" When the only answers were: "No, they just died last night." or "Ummmm, I got a Medical Examiner's report on the death of my Mother last night...with a little bow on it" In some ways I was mad I guess.

When I did finally leave my room to go deal with the various things we had to do, I had a far better frame of mind, and a far better message to share with people on Christmas Day..."Give your Mom & Dad a really big hug, and really ENJOY spending time with them on this day. Remember, it's not forever".

I wish I could tell you there is a formula, or some series of steps, for how to deal with these losses. Sadly, and unfortunately, there really isn't. For me, it's like a part of me died when each of them passed. There's this void and numbness where there used to be emotion and feeling. I don't know how to describe it really, it's like a hole. In some respects maybe this is the body's defense mechanism. I don't mean to characterize it as this deep regret or sorrow, there's that at first, but later just a missing part of me where something used to be...oddly.

They say, time heals all wounds. I guess I say...time will tell.

Just know, you are not alone in your thoughts and questions.

Best to you and yours.
edit on 9/25/2018 by Flyingclaydisk because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 05:25 AM
link   
We all do this in our own ways.

An ATS thread I did a while ago

Still seems mental.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 06:20 AM
link   

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: schuyler

Thank you. No it isn't easy. But no one ever guaranteed life was.


Guess I'm just finding my way to deal with it.

Christ. I wish there was a formula, an equation, a series of steps and tasks to do in order to deal with it.

Where's the solution?



time. It will get easier. I'm sorry for your loss.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 07:35 AM
link   
Condolences. I'm an only child. I lost my mother to cancer when I was 27. It was a terrible thing to watch the cancer waste her away for about a year. My father had prostate cancer two years ago. He was putting up a good fight but it was an aggressive cancer and had moved into his hip. We knew the inevitable. One day I got the call. He suffered a heart attack and died. I was a bit numb. For about two years, I worried about the cancer and the eventual suffering it would cause him and just like that, it was over. I tell people the silver lining was that he didn't suffer with the cancer and he was able to live relatively normal his last days instead of confined to a bed unable to move.

The hardest part about my mother passing is that she never got to see my children. The biggest regret of my life is not ever seeing her play and spoil them and do all the things a grandmother would do. The hardest part of my father passing is handling the estate. Digging through his things; deciding what to keep and what to sell. The finality of it all. At 41, I was now alone.

Obviously, I was not alone. I have a great family of my own and good friends who helped me when I needed. My parents gave me a great life and memories that I will pass down to my own children.

Sounds like your father lived a wonderful, long life. None of it is easy to deal with but you will get through.
edit on 25-9-2018 by jtrenthacker because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 08:11 AM
link   
I lost my mom in May to breast cancer. Exactly one week after Mother's Day. I'm still having trouble coping. There honestly isn't much anyone can say to comfort that pain. I'm sorry, DB. I know what it feels like.
They say the healing will come. But I don't know what that really means. I don't yet see it on the horizon.
I'll keep you in my prayers.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 08:21 AM
link   
a reply to: DBCowboy

Sorry to read of your loss DB , no one could tell you how to deal with it as it's a personal journey we all have to take at some point , you have to find your own way to come to terms with the loss and the void that loss leaves.

I wish you well on the road you must now tread , I'm sure your hero will be with you every step of the way.

Deepest condolences to you and your family DB.



posted on Sep, 25 2018 @ 09:31 AM
link   

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: LABTECH767

Years ago, we lost a great family dog named Baron, a Great Dane. My dad loved that dog.

I picture them tossing a ball in a field.

Thank you.



And they very well might be.

Many of us know this pain. I hate seeing you in pain.
The day will come when you can remember him and smile, so it's time passing that eases the pain.
I'm so sorry. The body perceives grief as stress, so take care of yourself.




top topics



 
56
<< 1  2  3    5  6  7 >>

log in

join