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How to deal with the death of a parent

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posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:44 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Not going to be sappy, per your request. Yeah, Mr. Literal.

Life is pain, and life is joy, and that which we choose, which is both.


I'm a fat old man who cries enough as it is.
. You're not old.


Listen, you came here tonight because it's a safe place. So be safe, and do as you always do, and wander around and make us laugh and gnash our teeth and stamp our little feet, because by God they surely need stampin'.

I'll show you how I swing, bro. ;o)



Tell me you aren't smilin'?

The way you deal with loss is to grin fiercely at the world and laugh in the face of death and treasure what's good around you. ...... ......... and watch silly musicals, because they #ing heal.




posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:45 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Sad as hell

Nothing can be said to help or make u feel better so, no point in trying. Life is going to be painful and really damn #ty

The depth and scope is all relative... obviously

You’re lucky to get 6 decades though so, if u need to cling to something, that’s what I’d reach for

I say that only bc when ur a kid and your parents go..,things get CRAZY!

I’m truly sorry for your loss and hope u find a semblance of comfort toget thru the toughest times



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:49 PM
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God bless.

It gets better with time but talking makes it process even faster.

Keep talking.

Slainte
edit on 24-9-2018 by Paddyofurniture because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:52 PM
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Thank you all, sh#t, crying again.

WTF!

I'm a former officer in the Army, a self-made man, a director in a highly lauded engineering firm and I can't fix this.

I fix things.

It's my job.

Crisis management.

I'm supposed to have all the solutions. I have all the answers. I have a highly capable team of "Gunthers" who I bounce ideas across.


This sh#t isn't supposed to happen!!!



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:53 PM
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Suck it up soldier!!!!!

Relive memories with joy!!!!!

Not sadnesss!!!


That was actually something a dying friend told me once...



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:54 PM
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originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric
Suck it up soldier!!!!!

Relive memories with joy!!!!!

Not sadnesss!!!


That was actually something a dying friend told me once...



Ooo-rah.




posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 07:56 PM
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a reply to: argentus

Othello.


"I laugh so that I may not cry."



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:03 PM
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I have no advice, only sympathy.

Hang in there DB, we're here if you need us.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:08 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

What I have learned during a lifetime with many many many losses. Only time helps, nothing else, you have to greave don't try to be tough, let go until you can be strong for the rest of the Family.

It is a waiting game, this too shall pass, know you could go any day yourself, live each day as he would have wanted you too.
God Bless



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:08 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

I'm sorry.

I lost a parent when I was too young to know or remember. I have lost a lot of others.

This thread is about you. Find support in your family, if that's your thing. If not. No one can ever prepare for a sudden death, but grief is kinda selfish, even though you miss them.

It's hard to be without. I'm sorry.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:14 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Very sorry for your loss. I can relate having lost both of my parents at different times in the last 3 years. Your dad will always be with you in your mind, and in your heart. And sometimes you may even see subtle signs that he is still with you, at least in spirit. And if you see, hear or sense any of those signs, just say "Thanks Dad" and smile - he will hear/see you.


edit on 9/24/2018 by manta78 because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:22 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my younger brother two years ago. Then my mother died.

It changes... everything.

The only advice I can give you is that in time, the wounds scar over a little bit. It does get better, except of course on birthdays and family gatherings.

You learn to appreciate the family you have left... I grew closer to my other brother and sisters as a result.

My father and I have a better relationship that we ever had, simply because we were the survivors.

Don't feel that you're sappy about it. I was once told by a person far wiser than I will ever be is that tears happen because the heart is full and the emotion has no other place to go.

I saw the world in shades of grey for some time after that. Eventually, you will be doing something, look around and see colors again.

I leave you with this and hope it is a comfort... my mother knew she was dying and wrote this on her last letter to us kids. It is a quote.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight.
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there — I do not die.

Be strong my friend.



edit on 24-9-2018 by Lumenari because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:30 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
Some of you may know that my father had open heart surgery on the 11th of this month. He had a rough go in recovery but really seemed on the mend. This morning, while talking to my mother and complaining about Bill Belichick (he's a big football fan) my dad coughed twice.

Then died.


It was a massive PE. A Pulmonary embolism.

He just wasn't there any more.

I'm learning how to deal with this. 6 decades on this planet and I'm confronted by something I have no experience with.

Politics, conspiracy, drama, even the easy pickings of todays media fodder hold no interest to me.

I'm not asking for help. Bless you all, but I don't know how any of you could.

I lost a hero today.

Don't be sappy. Please. I'm a fat old man who cries enough as it is.

I hope the mods, owners just allow me to vent, maybe heal a little on these cyber pages.


Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad unexpectedly (he was just 54 at the time) to a massive stroke. He literally took me to the airport to drop me off on a Friday. I came home Sunday night went to sleep and got a call at like 2 am from my best friend saying he had a stroke and to come to hospital. He died the next day. No goodbyes or anything.

You will never get over it, but it does get easier. It has been 19 years since his death. Just cherish the good memories.

My mom isn't doing so great now, so I keep worrying that I am going to get another phone call. I was actually going to start a thread on this very topic as we literally just put her in an assisted living place and she is showing some signs of dementia.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:30 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

Im sorry to read this my friend. I hope for peace and comfort for you



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:35 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy


Othello


Bingo, baby. Both are good and necessary.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:50 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

What helped me the most when my father died was knowing that a few days before we talked with each other and I told him I loved him and he said it back to me.


Remember what he taught you. And you will be ok.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 08:53 PM
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My sincere condolences. Lost my Dad (74) over 3 years ago after a long fight with pancreatic cancer. Our family worked together, vacationed together since we were kids, so we saw each other frequently. Its still has its moments but its getting better. I promised him Mom wouldn't be alone so have thrown myself into helping her. Everyone of us has grieved differently and at different times like my niece said for awhile we all had PTSD. It gets better though day by day, told Mom he would be pissed if we grieved too long or didn't enjoy our lives again after awhile. And I suspect your Dad would too. Takes time,no schedule it will get better.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 09:05 PM
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a reply to: Lumenari

I had to take a break, couldn't read this without sobbing.

Thank you.



posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 09:08 PM
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Thank you all for your kind words.

Believe it or not, they actually do help.




posted on Sep, 24 2018 @ 09:10 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy




Don't be sappy. Please. I'm a fat old man who cries enough as it is.


Chin up DB. You're old enough to know that time heals all wounds and that some wounds never heal.

Deepest condolences.




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