My Christmas Gift...My 17 Year Old Son "Came Out" To Me

a reply to: shawmanfromny

Thats great. I have to ask though.. maybe h ei snot "gay" but is actually Gender dysphoric and wants to be female with tendencies like he has.

a reply to: yuppa

Well, I was busting his chops and asked if I needed to worry about him dressing up as a woman. He laughed and told me he was completely comfortable in his own skin and I need not worry about that. Thanks for your input!

a reply to: fiverx313

Thanks so much for the kind words! Hope you and your family have a Happy New Year!

a reply to: starwarsisreal

Thanks...that means a lot to me. Judging by your screen name I take it you're a Star Wars fan. What was your take on the new movie? I really don't want to spoil my memories of the original un-cut movies that I still have in "super" VHS lol.

originally posted by: yuppa
a reply to: shawmanfromny

Thats great. I have to ask though.. maybe h ei snot "gay" but is actually Gender dysphoric and wants to be female with tendencies like he has.

Lots of gay guys cross dress but have a fully-intact sense of maleness. Same with women being tomboys.

Sexuality and how a person dresses, alone is not what indicates gender dysphoria. Two different issues, regardless of statistical overlap.

a reply to: shawmanfromny

I hadn't seen Episode 8 yet but I'll tell you this: I believe Disney ruined Star Wars by rehashing a lot of things in 7. Sure Rogue One is alright for being original but 7 is 'meh'.

Personally, I think they should have made a movie in the KOTOR era to make a fresh start.

Instead they just milked the series.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: shawmanfromny

A parents love for their children should always be unconditional.

I agree but their must still be a degree of private sadness for what could have been the hope you originally had for him.

originally posted by: shawmanfromny

I think my boy was gay right from birth. Being an ex-jock and typical "straight" male, I bought the typical toys that dads buy their sons. Matchbox and hot wheel cars, construction sets, etc. However, as soon as my son was able to, all he wanted to do, was to draw with crayons and play with his older sister's dolls. I was dumbfounded on how good of an artist he was at such at young age, but at the same time, I was a wee bit concerned about him playing with dolls. He enjoyed playing with his sister, so I thought it was just a phase, until he wanted us to buy him a "my little pony" toy.

None of that behavior is homosexual. Those are gender biases. You think that 1 gender does this, and 1 does that. But dolls are dolls, any kid with imagination can play with them. That doesn't have any bearing on their sexual preferences.

I personally think you taught and encouraged gender biases and this led to confusion in both of you.

Also I need to specify that children are born asexual (no sexual feelings, desires, orientations), and that sexuality develops around puberty. If they show any desire for affection towards a specific person or sex before that it is social and they are taught that by the environment they are in (tv, family, culture).

So the moral of the story is that your son was born a blank slate, he wasn't anything other than a new human being. Everything he has become is because he was taught to be that way.

This is why all of us are the way we are. We are purely products of our environment.
Labels are not actually real, they are constructs that we create to classify and group things.
Which I disagree with because it limits rather than liberates.

originally posted by: Bone75

originally posted by: shawmanfromny

Ticks me off, how some so-called Christians treat people. Large reason why I don't go to church anymore...too many damned judgmental hypocrites, who "think" they know the truth.

Perception is a funny thing isn't it? I actually agree with you. Except I don't go to church anymore because of how tolerant they've become of homosexuality and gay marriage.

Why do you care how someone else feels?

And if you follow Christianity, all sins are equal, including your judgment of other people.

You don't get to pick which parts of the Bible you like more if you truly follow that belief.

a reply to: shawmanfromny

The reason my children (not saying anything against you or your children) trust us more is because we never catered to the Santa Claus, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy fallacies to them. A lot of children when they find out there is no Santa, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy get angry at their parents because their parents set up an example of lying to them.

I open up to my kids about my weaknesses/problems/situations and in so doing I have set the example that they need not fear sharing with us. We pray together and read our Bibles together and share our days with each other.

Just last night, we went to see Star Wars, let me back up a little to set the scene, 2 months ago or so, our 10 year old son was diagnosed with Phelan-McDermid Syndrome, it means he has a shank 3 Gene deletion, his specific deletion is neurological, meaning his brain synapses are not connecting correctly. Now last year we had no problems with him at the movies. But since then we noticed at home when he gets excited (which may be normal of young children) at the really intense action scenes of a movie, he will jump up and down or jumps up and moves around while watching flapping his hands too.

But confining him to sit in a seat in the theater last night we noticed when he got excited his legs would shoot straight out and he would hit the seat in front of him. I kept taking his legs and crossing them and told him not to kick out. Dummy me I should have just switched seat with him. At the end of the movie I gave my sincerest apologies to the couple in front of him.

Now here am I with my family, a friend and his family and two of our neighbor kids with us. I have a permitted concealed gun on my hip, and this guy starts berating me very loudly on how I need to learn how to train my child better. He never even let me finish my apology by telling them about our son and I would pay their tickets for them. The heat went up in my head (had I been in my old nature I think I would have plummeted the guy) but I grit my teeth and said loudly, SIR, YOU NEED TO RELAX! I grab my son and the two neighbors kids and headed out the door and to the car quickly.

The guy came out and I could tell he was looking for me as I drove by him to pick up my wife at the door. When we all got back to the house I told them what had happened. They were shocked. My daughter said I sure am glad you are saved papa, because you might have shot that guy if you weren't. My oldest started crying because she couldn't understand why people act like that. I told her it was my fault I should have moved her brother behind a seat that was empty, and that having someone kicking your seat is an irritation to ones mental stability. So I couldn't blame him for being upset. But if he would have let me finish he might have had a little more compassion on us and he would have gotten the best of the night getting a little cash to go relax wit or two new tickets to watch it without a child like my son behind him.

Sharing it got it off my chest and we all learned something. Maybe when we go to the movies again we wont put him behind anyone or sit in the handicap area. But by this time next year our son may not even be like this each year as he grows is different. We want to enjoy of time with our son as much as possible because he could die from a seizure caused by his body over heating because he doesn't sweat like normal people do to cool down. Or he could get a water cyst on his brain and it break resulting in instant painful death.

Being an open example to my kids has helped us to maintain a good open relationship with them and they with us.

Wonderful.

a reply to: shawmanfromny


Shawmanfromny, it is important and meaningful that you and your son have such a trusting and caring relationship that he felt comfortable revealing this to you. Good on you for choosing your son over ridiculous and antiquated societal and moral "norms."

As a conservative, I am happy to see my party moving toward advancing gay and lesbian rights, as Trump is the first Republican presidential candidate to hold the LGBT flag on stage at a Trump rally. To the cheers of thousands.

www.joemygod.com...

Merry Christmas. Your gift is having a son that loves and trusts you enough to take the path of most resistance and be honest

Well, you're entitled to believe whatever you want. I, however, disagree with you. I agree that we indeed are born with a "blank state,'" however, I believe one's sexuality is a complex issue, that has recently been the subject of scientific research. Most scientific organizations today, believe that homosexuality is not a choice, that biology plays some role. The National Mental Health Association says, “Most researchers believe sexual orientation is complex, and that biology plays an important role. This means that many people are born with their sexual orientation, or that it’s established at an early age.” Personally, I'll believe in a doctor's opinion based on current scientific data, over some layperson's opinion.

The following article was written by, Dr Qazi Rahman is an academic at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College London. He studies the biology of sexual orientation and the implications for mental health and is the co-author of Born Gay? The Psychobiology of Sex Orientation. From 2015:

Evidence from independent research groups who studied twins shows that genetic factors explain about 25-30% of the differences between people in sexual orientation (heterosexual, gay, lesbian, and bisexual).

Twin studies are a first look into the genetics of a trait and tell us that there are such things as “genes for sexual orientation”

Sex hormones in prenatal life play a role. For example, girls born with congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), which results in naturally increased levels of male sex hormones, show relatively high rates of same-sex attractions as adults.

Differences in brain organisation mean differences in psychology and study after study show differences in cognition between heterosexual and gay people. Thus gay differences are not just about who you fancy. They are reflected in our psychology and the ways we relate to others.

www.theguardian.com...

a reply to: JBurns

Thanks buddy for that nice compliment. I'm conservative too, and never really had a problem with what someone chose to do in the privacy of their bedroom. It's none of my business and if they're happy in who they are and treat their partner with love and respect, I'm good with it. A parent's job is to destroy any barrier that leads to trust issues and a lack of open communication with their child. My wife and I, right from the start, wanted our kids to be happy with themselves and realize that there was no need to keep any secret from us. I'm thankful that my son got that "monkey off his back" and can now go forth realizing he has the full love and support from both his parents.

Hope you and your family have a Happy New Year! God Bless!

a reply to: shawmanfromny
Point 1 :

Twin studies are a first look into the genetics of a trait and tell us that there are such things as “genes for sexual orientation”

Point 2 :

Sex hormones in prenatal life play a role. For example, girls born with congenital adrenal hyperplasia (CAH), which results in naturally increased levels of male sex hormones, show relatively high rates of same-sex attractions as adults.

I seriously doubt there is any sexual orientation gene.

"Relatively high rates" is purely based on chance and they are not explaining any of the societal factors and their impact upon those people. Nor are they giving us a really good look at each specimen they examined so that we can figure out why each individual actually made each unique decision. It could still be because of environmental factors.

If those increased hormones make 1 person homosexual than please explain why that same level of hormone in another person does not make them homosexual? Maybe because these are poor statistical extrapolations?

I believe my points still stand because the information you retorted with doesn't actually disprove or prove much anything. It's essentially conjecture based on limited data sets. My points were primarily philosophical and theoretical, and so to disprove them will require actual evidence of a 'gay gene' that proves 100% of the time that they will always be homosexual.

It can't just be by chance. It's always by chance anyways so that defeats the purpose of even referring back to genetics because genetics supposedly take chance out of the equation. My argument relies upon the fact it's by chance, your argument relies upon the suggestion it was never by chance at all and that everyone's sexuality is predetermined at birth.

originally posted by: CriticalStinker

Why do you care how someone else feels?

Why do you care how I feel? Obviously if you didn't, you wouldn't have attempted to correct me.

And if you follow Christianity, all sins are equal, including your judgment of other people.

Who have I condemned to hell?

A good example of what you're referring to is Rosie O'Donnell telling Paul Ryan he is going to burn in hell. That would be judgement in a Biblical context.

By not attending a church that performs gay weddings, I'm not judging anyone but myself.

originally posted by: CriticalStinker

Ticks me off, how some so-called Christians treat people. Large reason why I don't go to church anymore...too many damned judgmental hypocrites, who "think" they know the truth.

yeah even Christians can be hypocrites and they mistreat people, but if you use that as an excuse, then you really don't have any.

Perception is a funny thing isn't it? I actually agree with you. Except I don't go to church anymore because of how tolerant they've become of homosexuality and gay marriage.

A broken clock is right twice a day

And if you follow Christianity, all sins are equal, including your judgment of other people.

the only sins not equal are those under the blood of Jesus and only if someone puts them there through faith.

You don't get to pick which parts of the Bible you like more if you truly follow that belief.

You need to have the Holy Ghost to even get close to understanding the Bible.

The sad truth is there are many in churches today who are not saved.

originally posted by: Bone75
By not attending a church that performs gay weddings, I'm not judging anyone but myself.

Truest words I've read from you.

He is lucky to have you as a dad My son is 11yo and seems like he will be straight but who knows.I do not care what sexual orientation my kids are as long as they are happy.My husband does not like homosexuality so if my son had to turn out gay,to me it would matter not in the least,while i know for a fact it would ruin his good relationship with his dad

a reply to: Raxoxane

Thanks so much for the kind words. Sorry to hear about your husband...your husband needs to support your boy no matter what. I have no problem with my son and his boyfriend holding hands, cuddling and hugging each other, because I think it's great they're happy with one another and in love. We certainly need more love in this world, right? I was honest and admitted to my son that I would feel really "weird" walking in on them, while they were "making out." He laughed and told me he understood completely and that they would never intentionally make me feel uncomfortable. That was cool for him to say that. I think it's important to be honest with your kids and communicate your feelings. Maybe your husband would surprise you if your son turned out gay and had "that talk" with your husband.