My Christmas Gift...My 17 Year Old Son "Came Out" To Me

Thought I would share my experience with you all. First time posting on this forum, so here I go:

Today, my 17 year old son handed me a letter explaining he was gay. I opened the envelope, read the 1st few lines, looked up at him from my desk chair and then back at the letter. I then looked back up at him with a smile and he asked if I finished reading the letter. I then stood up and embraced him. I told him how proud I was of him having the courage to come out to me and that my love for him was boundless. He had come out to his mother on Christmas eve and was a little afraid on how I would react apparently. I told him that I loved him no matter what his sexual preference was and also mentioned I had always known he might be gay.

I think my boy was gay right from birth. Being an ex-jock and typical "straight" male, I bought the typical toys that dads buy their sons. Matchbox and hot wheel cars, construction sets, etc. However, as soon as my son was able to, all he wanted to do, was to draw with crayons and play with his older sister's dolls. I was dumbfounded on how good of an artist he was at such at young age, but at the same time, I was a wee bit concerned about him playing with dolls. He enjoyed playing with his sister, so I thought it was just a phase, until he wanted us to buy him a "my little pony" toy. Let me tell ya, after a couple years, he had quite the collection. As time went on, he outgrew the "doll" stage and devoted his time to art, winning several awards in middle school. During this time, he had no interest going out in the backyard with me, to toss a nerf football or throw a baseball around. He did enjoy playing "horse" with his sister and me, since his sister at the time was playing in a basketball league. He also got into horseback riding (the "western" style) at a local stable and won a dozen ribbons over the course of 3 years.

When my son entered high school, he made friends very fast, mostly girls. He continued to excel at art, winning high school awards and high praise from his two art teachers. As time went on, my wife an I noticed that he had become real close to a half dozen girls from his class and a boy who was a freshman at a local college; hanging out with them after school and on weekends. I, personally was alright with my son's "clique," because they all were good students and nice kids. They would introduce themselves at my son's art shows and seemed like they really cared for each other.

My son is a senior now and still hangs out with these friends, even though he's busy working a part-time job at a coffee shop, where my older daughter works when she's home from college. Everytime I stop by for a coffee during his shift, his boss often tells me that my son is a diligent worker and gets along great with the customers and his co-workers. During the past six months, I slowly began to notice how the older boy in my son's "clique" started to frequently pick my son up to go places. He was a freshman in college, worked at Applebees part-time and seemed like a good guy. One day, in late summer, he picked up my son to go to their friend's house to watch movies and later needed my help to jump start his car. I noticed that my son's male friend seemed a little nervous around me and I always had a gut feeling that he might be gay. I asked my son about it and he said that his friend "wasn't" gay, had many girl friends and that he was sometimes intimidated by me. I chuckled, because I'm a laid back type of guy, who's bald with full sleeve tattoos. I explained to my son then, that I liked his friend very much and he had no reason to be scared of me.

Well, you guessed it, turns out my son had been dating this guy since early summer. I told him on Christmas day that I was very happy for him and I thought very highly of his boyfriend. I hugged him tight and told him he never needed to be apprehensive, because his mom and I always just wanted for him to be happy in life. I must admit though, as I glanced at my son's letter, a whole mixed bag of emotions flooded my mind. As an ex-Catholic, I was at first in disbelief, a little shocked, then felt disappointed, then relieved...and finally felt contentment. My son trembled while we hugged. We pulled away from each other, a tear running down my cheek and my son with a bright smile on his face. Here before me, was a bright, caring and talented young person, who had become a man right before my eyes.

A lovely story to tell your grand kids one day.

a reply to: Konduit

Thanks so much for the kind words

He grew up well . You did a good job parenting .

a reply to: Konduit

He has a daughter so there's still a good possibility he will have grand kids. I have a feeling you weren't being 100% genuine with this response, apologies if I read too much into it.

OP: You're obviously a great dad and a good person. Thank you for sharing this with us. My brother came out about 5 years ago and I could tell almost instantly that getting it off his shoulders did wonders for him. He was always somewhat reserved but once he no longer had to hide his "secret" (even though we all suspected it) he opened up and could finally be himself. I feel sorry for those who feel they have to hide who they are from fear of being ostracized or disowned, it's good to see he had the courage to tell you in person.

Merry Christmas!

a reply to: shawmanfromny

If I ever have to handle something like this I can only hope to do as you did, take it like a father with real unconditional love. You should be proud of yourself as well as your son. Wishing all the best to your family.

a reply to: VengefulGhost

Thank you. That means a lot.

a reply to: 3NL1GHT3N3D1

Thank you...Hope you and your loved ones have a blessed New Year

a reply to: Illumimasontruth

Thanks, my kids are one of my greatest gifts in my life....my wife and two dogs too

originally posted by: shawmanfromny
a reply to: VengefulGhost

Thank you. That means a lot.

Welcome , its not easy raising them in todays world ( never has been any time in history either where it was )

from sound of it both your children will do well in life along with grew up happy and healthy .

All too often parents kiasu and try to force their children into being something theyre not rather than guiding them and letting them grow up to be happy with themselves .

a reply to: shawmanfromny

Well look on the bright side, at least he doesn't want one of them new fangled sex changes society is pushing onto vulnerable teen youth who have harmones raging and no bearings on life yet.

a reply to: TinfoilTP

Well, I was busting his chops about the time he wore a wig and high heels at my sister's house at Thanksgiving, when he was like 10. He assures me that will never happen again.

Great work! It sounds like you have been a very supportive parent. I'm not sure I could have done any better than you did. It is interesting to note how many differences there are between gay and straight men even in early childhood. I have never seen someone write up a report like this.

It is nice that your son can look at you with a "thank you Dad" understanding. I believe there are 2 types of people that are attracted to the same sex. One is, that person was born that way. My friend was always "girlish" and although he got married and had 3 kids, he found himself years later as the person that he was born as. His parents accepted that he was finally the person he wanted to be so that is all that matters. It's a private matter anyway. Tell your son to keep it private, that's my advice to you and there are many reasons to keep it private and a secret.

a reply to: shawmanfromny

He loves you, he trusts you. By definition you are a good parent.

Merry Christmas to you all...

No matter what the man has to unconditionally love his son. If he didn't then I would think there is a problem.

Though if you had thought he was gay, it would have been best if you had breached the story when you first suspected it, he would have had it better a lot sooner.

originally posted by: ChesterJohn
No matter what the man has to unconditionally love his son. If he didn't then I would think there is a problem.

Though if you had thought he was gay, it would have been best if you had breached the story when you first suspected it, he would have had it better a lot sooner.

That is true. But sometimes parents are too weak because of the "unconditional love" for their child.

a reply to: shawmanfromny

My son called me one day and said "Dad, I have something to tell you. Please don't freak out". Naturally I started to freak out internally but managed to quietly say "Sure son, go ahead, you know you can tell me anything."
He stuttered a bit but eventually blurted out "Dad, I am gay. My friend xxx that you met and I, are a couple."
I immediately exclaimed "Oh thank god!"
He asked in a confused tone "...why?"
My reply: "I thought you were going to tell me you liked rap music."

True story.

originally posted by: deltaalphanovember
a reply to: shawmanfromny

My son called me one day and said "Dad, I have something to tell you. Please don't freak out". Naturally I started to freak out internally but managed to quietly say "Sure son, go ahead, you know you can tell me anything."
He stuttered a bit but eventually blurted out "Dad, I am gay. My friend xxx that you met and I, are a couple."
I immediately exclaimed "Oh thank god!"
He asked in a confused tone "...why?"
My reply: "I thought you were going to tell me you liked rap music."

True story.

Sometimes we just have to laugh at life.

a reply to: shawmanfromny

If every parent, every person, was as kind and loving, what a nice world we would live in
Thanks for sharing