Mom....died tonight

condolences from me as well. Didnt read the whole thread yet...had to take my dad in to the ER saturday...still waiting...

Very sorry for you and yours who must be struggling to make sense of your Mom's passing right now. My intuition says to immerse yourself in your feelings for her. My Grandma had a saying regarding memories -- "look backward fondly, but don't stare." Took me a while to figure out what that meant.

People that love you might try to pull you out of your funk, and great if that works, but if not, don't feel as though you have to have a stiff upper lip and all that. Remember your Mom and feel the loss and continue to live your life and love your Mom. Remember the laughter that you both shared; that's an important part of her.

Wishing you peace.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

My sincere condolences ...

Thank you all for the kind wishes.

I'm not exactly sure what happened to my OP, I had typed a brief background story but I must have goofed something up when posting. Then other chaotic events took over. Thank you (Mods) for the fix.

Mom was elderly (93), but had been in excellent health up until last week. She was up and talking as recently as Wednesday. The downward spiral was both shocking and unexpected. Even as late as Thursday afternoon her doctors were predicting a complete recovery from some minor breathing issues. By mid-day Friday she was in a free-fall decline. I jumped on an airplane and headed east, arriving Friday evening. She was pretty much comatose by this point...and in obvious physical distress. It was horrible to see. She had calmed down some by yesterday morning, and seemed to be at least comfortable. She passed at roughly 7:20pm last night, Christmas Eve.

Pretty tough ordeal on everyone.

Again, thank you all for the sentiments. They are greatly appreciated.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Oh, you poor sweet guy. I lost my mom in 2012. No one can prepare you for how much it hurts to lose your mom. My heart goes out to you. Worst pain in my life. She was your mom and no one will ever make you feel so special as she did. It's a huge loss and I am so very sorry, FCD.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I'm very sorry. I'm sure she was quite a lady. Would it help to share some things about her?

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I am so sorry to hear that! I hope you were able to spend enough time together before she passed on, and I hope you have a hope of seeing her again sometime down the road! It's not easy losing a parent, I know. (((hugs)))

I am So Sorry to hear this . ... Losing a parent is a bit like becoming an orphan . All you've known your whole Life is suddenly gone ..... Please know that there is no right nor wrong way to grieve. We all grieve in our own way , and heal in our own time .if you want to cry , ... Then cry ... If you want to scream at the sky , then do It....As there is no right nor wrong way to Grieve .

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

As everyone else I am sorry for your loss.
For me grief over the loss of my Mothers has ebbed and flowed. It's been 3 years and I thought I had come through the worst of it and then right around Thanksgiving, something triggered a massive darkness again. I have no idea what.
I hope that you find peace and healing and find your new life without your Mother in it.
I'm still trying to figure that part out.
Good luck to you.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I’m just seeing this, hun. My sincere condolences, and I hate that she died on Christmas Eve. Not that it would’ve been easier on any other day, but that your holiday will always be tinged with sadness for years to come.

Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

originally posted by: Meldionne1
I am So Sorry to hear this . ... Losing a parent is a bit like becoming an orphan . All you've known your whole Life is suddenly gone ..... Please know that there is no right nor wrong way to grieve. We all grieve in our own way , and heal in our own time .if you want to cry , ... Then cry ... If you want to scream at the sky , then do It....As there is no right nor wrong way to Grieve .

What about anger? Some of the whole experience makes me angry. I won't go into the gory details here, but there are things which could have been done which would have made things considerably less traumatic for both her and her family (albeit more expensive, but MUCH less traumatic...and money was never even a worry anyway).

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I understand your anger. It is not unusual when one must deal with the medical-industrial complex. These people are taught to follow rules, not to be health care professionals. My recently departed husband had signed a Do Not Resuscitate order many months ago. When I saw the medical reports after he suffered a massive brain hemorrhage I realized that this was the time he had described in saying to me, "You will know when it is time to use it." Despite this, it took me four days of going from one bureaucrat to another just to be able to bring him home so he could actually enjoy the last few days of his life. I finally gave up on talking with them in a reasonable manner and had my lawyer call them. I have my own anger about them robbing me of four days that we could have spent at home together.

I've had to put that aside. We expect health care professionals to be the same as when we were growing up. They're not. It's a different world in health care today. Rules and regulations can override patient & family wishes unless you're fortunate enough to have the means to have an attorney. It's the MONEY! My Beloved had a "Cadillac policy" so they wanted to milk every dollar they could get....but that's for another thread.

Try to put the anger aside by wrapping yourself in wonderful memories. Glory in fact that your Mom had a good long and active life.

My thoughts are with you.

ETA: Go to the kitchen. Cook food your Mom taught you to make or food that she loved. Share it with others. That is this Southern Woman's remedy.

I'd be lying if i say the Holidays ever get fully better after a mom's passing. The best thing for you and in her wishes I am sure is to be strong, grieve at your own pace. Be grateful for the time they were with us on earth(but are still with us in heard and besides us in spirit), as well as the fond memories. You're in the comfort of many others around here who have gone through the same- such as check out the Mother's Day threads.

Regards

I'm so sorry. Losing your mother is the worst. Your emotions will be all over the place for a while.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I was angry at the medical care my mom got when she died, FCD. I can relate. It was medical negligence that caused her death and created a situation where it was very painful in the seven hours leading to her death. It was horribly traumatic for me and my sisters.

The anger is hard to move past. I haven't moved past it. I feel angry less often. But when it hits me, it hits hard.

Sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. There is nothing more devastating than losing a parent. Both of mine are gone , dad in 2003 and mom in 2010. Time doesn't heal all wounds as they say, or it didn't for me. It is still so hurtful today as it was when they passed. I send prayers of comfort during this difficult time. Memories is what you will have to hold on too.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's awful and no words can make it better.