The Accidental Fat Shaming Of Women

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

I agree in part with your principals, and those of everyone here (including the OP). Being thoughtful before speaking is a quality all humans should embrace.

However, some people are, to put it bluntly, overly-sensitive. Not just that, but generally it's accompanied by a "victim" mentality; placing them on the cusp of being perpetually victimised.

I am uber skinny. So skinny in fact that for the entire 30 years of my life; I've been laughed at, ridiculed, "shamed", had unwanted "professional" advice from random PT wannabees, stared at open eyed and "encouraged" to eat more food or offered to be "looked after" until I'm healthy.

My whole life. Does it get through to my sensitivities? No, it doesn't, and I'm a fairly sensitive and empathetic person... it's not toward myself, only toward others that I direct those qualities.

So, when i see threads and topics like this, it frustrates me that it is expected that we as individuals should remain alert to ALL possible sensitivities each individual might have. It's irrational. You can not presume to know what may offend an individual. It's up to the offended individual to civilly explain why those words hurt, and to educate the commenter on how to avoid offending that particular individual in the future.

Ultimately though, they either; grow thicker skin and change their mindset along with their health (yes, everyone can lose or gain weight, there is zero excuse. I've known all sorts of people on weightloss journeys, and each one of them had biological hurdles to leap. But each one of them lost their weight and achieved their goals. So, zero excuses. Just as i could gain weight, but choose not to bother).
Or they'll forever feel like a victim of bullying when some human says something that is innocent to the commenter, but offensive to the listener; and will respond either with confrontational violence, passive aggression, or cry themselves to sleep.

But hey, we all have our opinions, and that's mine.

Is Rosie O'Donnel still fat and mean?

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

I say toughen the hell up and if being asked if you're pregnant offends you, lose some weight.

Not that hard.

And if you're happy being as a fat as a pregnant woman, then why would you care what others think or say?

originally posted by: carewemust

originally posted by: Deaf Alien

originally posted by: MDpvc
This is why I always just ask
"Do you have any children?"
If she's knocked up you'll get something along the lines of, "Not yet, but I'm expecting ______"

I always tell them they appear to be glowing which they do and they usually tell me they're expecting.

I said that to one of my Sister-In-Laws this Summer. She asked, "Are you calling me FAT!?". Didn't speak to me again while she was in town. What is it about California women?

Ha, my mom, also in CA, said the same to one of my sister's friends at my sister's baby shower, no less. The lady got a little offended and then went and sat in the corner the rest of the afternoon, stuffing her face with Doritos and cake. Apparently some will just say she has a thyroid problem though, not exercising and eating crap has nothing to do with it.

Seems to me the same people who proclaim fat is beautiful are the same who get offended if it's suggested you're fat. It's a contradiction.

originally posted by: MysticPearl
Seems to me the same people who proclaim fat is beautiful are the same who get offended if it's suggested you're fat. It's a contradiction.

Wow, the first thing you've ever posted that I thoroughly agree with. It is a massive contradiction sending incredibly mixed messages, whether anyone wants to admit it or not. If being fat is as beautiful as the body positivity crowd hollers, then so is being mistaken for being pregnant. Many, many people laud pregnancy as something holy & beautiful (and many men find it a hell of a sexy turn-on, so considered attractive, too)

BUT, if you're fat & mistaken as being pregnant, suddenly pregnancy is something offensive to you? WTF, why? That says one of two things to others -- either fat is not as beautiful as howled, or there's nothing special about pregnancy after all. Or, actually the third option I almost forgot about-- neither are & the offended somebody's just being a difficult, impossible to please picky-s#.

It's like the guy who proclaims, "I have plenty of Black and Mexican friends!" Then get's upset when he sees one of them moving onto his block.

"Do these pants make me look fat?"

"No....that big fat ass makes you look fat."
Honesty can be perceived as a character flaw.
Don't ask my opinion if you don't want to hear it.
Love you all.

originally posted by: skunkape23
"Do these pants make me look fat?"

"No....that big fat ass makes you look fat."

The only time I ever asked my husband (boyfriend at the time, we were still dating) that, it was tongue-in-cheek, but I think he thought I was serious.

So he sang me Baby Got Back. I knew he was a keeper right then & there.

originally posted by: skunkape23
"Do these pants make me look fat?"

"No....that big fat ass makes you look fat."
Honesty can be perceived as a character flaw.
Don't ask my opinion if you don't want to hear it.
Love you all.

Well it's a completely different discussion if the woman actually asks "Do I really look pregnant?" to her boyfriend/husband/girlfriend.

At that point I am personally not going to lie to protect somebodies feelings, it's like a bald guy asking his girlfriend, "do I look bald"?

This is more about the rudeness of strangers commenting on somebodies looks they are meeting for the first time.
It's just not cool or nice.

I only do it on purpose or not at all. Wheres Richard Simmons when America needs that old fruit?

Fitness is out and gluttony is in. I get it. Its too much work to try and be reasonably fit or not eat twice the calories you should. Therefor lets pretend its awesome to be fat. Nm the medical reality or the aesthetic.

SHAME AMERICA MUCH SHAME
*must work out tomorrow*

a reply to: Abysha

Best reply in this thread

My takeaway from this is:

Never ask a woman if she is pregnant.

Never offer a fat or pregnant woman a seat.

Okie dokie, I feel more equipped for the world.

You special snowflake generation makes me wanna puke. That's how i stay thin *wink wink*

Anyway, to stay on topic, if someone asks if you're pregnant and you are not, they are not rude people you just have a huge belly that looks like another human being is inside. Ponder about that.

Sorry if you are offended.
I was just thinking about the well being of the child that may or may not be inside your body.
Fat bottom girls, you make the rockin' world go around.

originally posted by: Nyiah
So he sang me Baby Got Back. I knew he was a keeper right then & there.

"My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hun."

I just never understood why Sir Mix-a-Lot was feeding heavy women to his pet snake. Very confusing.

If the person accidentally thought that the woman was pregnant, how the hell is that "fat-shaming?"

It'd be like bumping into someone in a wheelchair, and then being accused of "bullying the handicap."

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

I've seen it happen to others.
I've also heard pregnant women complain that a person wasn't even interested or caring enough to ask her about her very obvious pregnancy.
-Suggesting that the person in question was maybe just concerned about making this particular mistake is not taken well either (that blunder I've made... it was met with a horrified and angry response, "I look like I am only FAT????")

You can't win. People who want to feel offended will, no matter what.

And frankly I don't get the current american position of it being unacceptable to acknowledge someone being in a life threatening health condition. Apparently shaming someone from smoking and putting their life in danger is totally acceptable, - even desirable; but noticing they are putting their life in danger through bad eating habits is taboo?

Whatever. Showing attention to someones pregnancy.... do it or don't, you'll regret it either way.

There are three steps fat women can take to prevent this happening. Eating healthily, portion control, and exercise.

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

Stupid people exist, and those are the folks who presume a pregnancy without being informed.

To those people, no amount of pleading to be smarter will help....they are stupid.

originally posted by: CulturalResilience
There are three steps fat women can take to prevent this happening. Eating healthily, portion control, and exercise.

Oh geez...one of "those".

Yes, you are right in general. But you forget to add in that "eating healthy" when done via conventional wisdom, is among the least healthy things you can do. To truly eat healthy requires an additional input of cash, as veggies and other perishables are much more expensive.

The right answer is, "I am not any of them, so it doesn't concern me what they weigh".

This is as good a reason as any to remove all gun control. A well armed public is a very polite public.