The Accidental Fat Shaming Of Women

My girlfriend's had a few people say it to her, usually little old ladies. Sometimes it bothers her. Mostly depends on what kind of mood she's in when it happens. Personally, I learned a long time ago just never ever comment on anyone's physical appearance ever in any way. Seems to work well. Personally I couldn't give the slightest # about anyone commenting on anything to do with the way I look.

a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

The foods that have the highest potential to cause obesity are more expensive in general than healthy unprocessed foods. Eating less costs less than overeating.

This is not a fat issue at all.
So, let's not make it one, okay?

It's something I bet every woman of child-bearing age has heard more than once.
I know I have.
Plenty.

All you have to do is have a new boyfriend or husband and wear a loose shirt/blouse/dress.
You don't even have to had gained any weight.
People you know, people you don't know, old ladies, relative, friends, coworkers,....and its mostly women....even if folks mean well.

It's nosy, cruel, and/or invasive.
And none of anyone's business.

Some of we women may be gaining weight. May be be trying unsuccessfully to become pregnant. May be don't want folks to know. May be not happy with being pregnant. May be don't like the invasion of privacy. May be the father/relatives/etc don't know yet.

If we want the world to know we are expecting, we'll tell the world.

In the meantime, mind your own damn bizness

originally posted by: MysticPearl
a reply to: Blue_Jay33

I say toughen the hell up and if being asked if you're pregnant offends you, lose some weight.

Not that hard.

And if you're happy being as a fat as a pregnant woman, then why would you care what others think or say?

Some women who have had children are left with a separation of their abdominal muscles (diastasis recti). Even thin women can develop it and *look* pregnant when they aren't.

Diastasis recti can only be fixed with elective, cosmetic surgery.

Eh, I think it's best to not ask, just in case.

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

I have the answer for everyone .... be like me .

I can give a sh!t less if a woman is pregnant or not . Even if I KNOW a woman is pregnant , I will not ask her the due date , if it is a boy or girl and you will NEVER hear me tell a woman "she is glowing" ( dont even know what that f*cking means , most I have seen are messes) . So there is no fear of me fat shaming some woman .

I never understood this fasinaton with pregnant women (or babies and children for that matter) that makes people comment on it anyway . Thank the lord my wife didnt want children .

a reply to: MotherMayEye

Why?

My wife is pregnant right now as we speak, and she loves her clients coming up to her and asking if she's pregnant, others as well. It's something to celebrate.

So because a few fat women who get offended if someone with good intentions mistakenly assumes they're pregnant, all the actual pregnant women out there shouldn't share in the joy of being pregnant?

Do people understand how ridiculous this is, yet again.

It's the premise that because a few fatties are thin skinned, no one else should assume or ask a woman if she's pregnant. Ridiculous.

originally posted by: c2oden
Fat people skinny shame me.
I'm in good shape, not skinny, and get told by older women that they'd like to take me home and fatten me up.

Misery loves company

a reply to: audubon

I wonder how many women who have been "fat shamed" this way have ever refused a man's offer of a subway seat and told him "I'm not pregnant, just greedy." I don't wonder at all; the answer is 'zero'.

Maybe the guy is offering his seat to a woman without caring if she is PG or not. Why would a nonpregnant woman think otherwise? You think she goes around all day THINKING she looks pregnant?

I'd go so far as to suggest that if you feel ashamed of people thinking you are pregnant when you're actually just a greedy gutbucket

Someone's Mother didn't teach them anything about manners or feeling superior and where that gets you.
Add: I can't believe how many people stared that post.

originally posted by: dantanna
im a power lifter. big chest but big belly. i hear 'you gotta drop that weight' all the time. people need to grow the fokk up. 'fat shaming' LMFAO. for a chick no less? guys LOVE fat broads. if only girls loved fat guys lol.

Guys love fat broads? Ummm could've fooled me. Me and every guy i know must be the exception. I have seen many guys settle for one though.

originally posted by: MysticPearl
a reply to: MotherMayEye

Why?

My wife is pregnant right now as we speak, and she loves her clients coming up to her and asking if she's pregnant, others as well. It's something to celebrate.

So because a few fat women who get offended is someone with good intentions mistakenly assumes they're pregnant, all the actual pregnant women out there shouldn't share in the joy of being pregnant?

Do people understand how ridiculous this is, yet again.

It's the premise that because a few fatties are thin skinned, no one else should assume or ask a woman if she's pregnant.

Oh, if you ask a woman if she is pregnant and she is, it is not hurtful...it may be annoying to some though.

You missed the point completely. It's the women who aren't that might find you to be an a**hole if you ask.

Is this your wife's first child? If so, she might find, afterwards, that she has what is called 'Diastasis Recti.' Two-thirds of pregnant women develop it, IIRC. It's the separation of your abdominal wall muscles and is almost always only correctable with surgery.

Basically, the two muscles in the front of the abdomen separate and don't heal after delivery. And a permanent 'pooch' develops that even makes thin women look pregnant, if they develop it.

So, it's not about 'fat' when many people errantly ask a woman if she is pregnant...it's about shape. And sometimes exercise can make diastasis recti WORSE....like crunches/sit ups.

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

In the interest of self disclosure, I've always gone after the bigger ladies. I like curves, probably a heritage/ancestry thing for me since my native culture prefers larger women as well. The fact that I', 6'4" and usually around 320 lbs give or take plays a role, too.

That aside, there are very, very few things more delightful than walking up to a strange fat man in a group of people, placing your hand near his gut, and saying "Do you know if it's a boy or girl, yet?"

originally posted by: Skywatcher2011

originally posted by: Blue_Jay33

But what I am speaking about here is when anybody says to a woman who is overweight from their perspective "Oh when are you expecting?"

ATS share your opinion ?

Don't ask, don't tell.

If you don't like it then lose some bad weight and keep the healthy. Can't blame anyone but yourself on this.

But instead of getting offended, and I get that sometimes there are physical or biological constraints which you don't have any control over, the best thing to do is respond honestly stating this. That way the other person has a better understanding of your situation.

But if you sit on couch and eat chips all day....tisk tisk!

Some fat guys get asked if they have had their thyroid removed. Perfectly acceptable question I guess as that causes body shape change and weight gain.

a reply to: SeaWorthy

lol

a reply to: MotherMayEye

Who cares if some lady might think you're an a-hole if you ask if they're pregnant? That's on them. That's their problem. Some women think I'm a a-hole for holding the door open for them. Who cares. Their problem. The next woman might get offended that I don't hold the door open for them.

Asking if someone is pregnant has good intentions. If they can't handle that, oh well. Talk about first world problems.

How about we all just stay indoors 24/7 and if we venture outside, we put tape over our mouths. That's where we're heading as the few insecure people out there always looking to cry about being offended come up with new things to be offended about every single day, to the point no one can do or say anything anymore.

a reply to: Blue_Jay33

I remember this little 4 year old asking me,"are you going to have a baby?"
I smiled at her and said,"no,this is all me,no baby." I didn't get upset or
angry,just accepted it.

originally posted by: MysticPearl
a reply to: MotherMayEye

Who cares if some lady might think you're an a-hole if you ask if they're pregnant? That's on them. That's their problem.

You, I think! I've seen enough of your comments to think you really wouldn't want to hurt anyone with the question, and would probably feel bad if you thought you did.

Anyway, I thought you would appreciate the information since you didn't seem to know about diastasis recti. And why would you? It's not on your radar.

Here's a wild dialogue I came up with.

Man: Hey Julia, are you pregnant? Congrats!

Julia: No, I'm not pregnant but thanks for the question and the congrats.

Man: Oh I'm sorry Julia, I thought you were. Excuse my assumption.

Julia: No problem, I know you had good intentions.

Man: Of course, it's something to celebrate. Anyway, how's life going? Work?


End of.

Why are Americans so thin skinned they can't handle the type of dialogue which has occurred for centuries? Here's the alternative getting thrown around here.

Man: Hey Julia, are you pregnant? Congrats!

Julia: How DARE you make such an assumption about me you fat shaming moron!!!

Man: Um, sorry Julia, I thought you might be pregnant and wanted to congratulate you.

Julia: Why would you do such an evil thing! That's none of your business! Quit being nosy you a-hole!!

Man: Ok. Didn't mean anything negative by it. Maybe my eyes tricked me. Sorry.

Julia: I'm so offended you'd ask me such a rude and out of place question. The NERVE you have! Why did your parents raise such an insensitive brat! Have some manners. NEVER ask a woman if she's pregnant.


In this transaction, the guy comes off as normal, the lady comes off as someone who belongs in an insane asylum.

a reply to: MysticPearl

I think the main thing here is that the issue we are discussing is a pet peeve of a sub-sub-minority (easily-embarrassed overweight women) of a sub-minority (overweight women) of a minority (feminists) of women.

But that sub-sub-minority has hitched its cause to the bandwagon of feminism and is presenting a real fringe concern as something mainstream and important. It's nothing of the sort. It's analogous to some BLM activists being afrocentrists - a small minority who make a noise out of all proportion to their numbers.

The only difference is that afrocentrists are objectively, factually, and demonstrably wrong, where as the concern of non-pregnant-fat-shamed women is completely subjective. So you or I don't have any right to tell them that they are wrong. But I do have the right not to take it very seriously.

a reply to: audubon

Oh, come on. women who get asked if they are pregnant when they aren't are NOT driving a feminist PC culture.

If you don't want people to think you are an a-hole, then don't even ask. If you don't care, then ask and risk being thought of as an a-hole by someone you may actually like.

But don't conflate it to BLM. That's absolutely ridiculous. There's no "real fringe concern."

JFC.

It's just good manners not to ask. Your rights are not being threatened, FFS.

originally posted by: MotherMayEye
Oh, come on. women who get asked if they are pregnant when they aren't are NOT driving a feminist PC culture.

You appear to have misunderstood what I said, which was the exact opposite of what you have claimed in this remark.

But don't conflate it to BLM. That's absolutely ridiculous. There's no "real fringe concern."

I didn't conflate the subject with (n.b., not "to") BLM, I used a subsection of BLM as an analogy. It's actually a pretty good analogy.

It's just good manners not to ask. Your rights are not being threatened, FFS.

I am already good mannered enough not to ask, but thanks for your concern. I was pointing out that I regard this particular species of "fat-shaming" complaint as self-evidently ridiculous and do not take it at all seriously.