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Becoming - [YJA2017] non-writer

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posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:00 PM
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[THUD]

Unnngghhhhh…ahh crap, I must have passed out...I gotta stop doing this to myself…what the…why is it so dark ?
Why can’t I move ??
What the hell is going on ?!??
Why can’t I feel my legs…..my arms ……ANYTHING ????????
Oh god, did I have a stroke ?.....Wait…I don’t feel my heart beating……I’m not breathing ?...
I’M NOT BREATHING ?!?!?!?
This can’t be happening…THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING !!!!
[a siren is faintly heard and some mumbling voices]
What is that?!?! I can almost hear you…who is that ?
Jenny ? Please talk louder Jenny, I know it’s you but I can’t hear what you’re saying …..
I’m here honey, Daddy’s still here…
DON’T LEAVE ME !
[Suddenly a bright flash of light, and his vision returns somewhat. A man’s face looms close yet appears as though seen through a fishbowl, and a small bright light moves back & forth over his blurred vision]
[muffled, the man’s voice]
No response…no response…charge him up…
[crying in the background]
Oh god…please no…not yet…please......
[ZZZTTT]…….[faintly] Hit him again…….[ZZZTTT]
[The man’s voice is heard even more faintly] No response…call it…time of death 5:23pm…
[The man’s hand moves slowly up over his blurred vision, then downward and all goes back to pitch dark]
[muffled, a woman weeps] I love you Dad …go be with Mom…[weeps]
NO ! …STOP !...I’M NOT DEAD !! … I’M STILL HERE !!!
I’M STILL IN HERE !!!!!! ……
Oh no…I’m still in here…here...I’m dead, I’m alone, and I’m still in my body…
GET ME OUTTA HERE !!!!!
Oh god please get me out of here…pleeeeaaase………
[mumbled voices followed by ZZZZZIPPP…barely audible, the man’s voice]
Very sorry for your loss Miss, please sign here so we can …
[voice trails off as a van engine starts]
Please make this stop…this can’t be real…
I can’t be trapped in my body…THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING !!!???!?!?
This can’t be real…it can’t be real…..how can I still be here ?...
How am I here…
why am I here…
oh please…
oh god why…
why, I’m not done yet…
I’m not done yet ?!?…that must be it…I can go back….
that HAS to be it !!!
I CAN GO BACK !
How do I do it…how do I get back…
concentrate…think John, think think think…that’s gotta be the key…
somehow…you’re still thinking so you aren’t out of it yet…
calm down and focus…
[mumbled voices followed by the sound of a metal drawer sliding, then the CLICK of a metal latch engaging]
What was that ? What are they doing to me ?? …
relax John…you’ve seen the movies…they put the body on the sliding table, slide it into the freezer and close the door…
oh god I gotta get outta…CRAP, FOCUS JOHN…
you’ve got some time, figure this out…think man…
come on…calm…calm……keep calm…
no more panic…no panic…calm…
let go of the fear John…let it go…let it go…..let it all go……let go…
[a woman’s voice rings like a bell in the night]
Yes John, let it go……let go …..
Amy !?! I can hear you !?!
Oh god I CAN HEAR YOU !!
Where are you, love ?!?!
All around you John…right where I’ve been for years…
but you have to let go…it’s all fine now John…just let go….
[forgetting his fear at the sound of his deceased wife’s voice, John feels a rush of warmth and a flowing that reminded him of floating on the pond in the summer sun when he was just a boy]
That’s right John …
let go...
come float with me…
you and I my love…
we get to be…
and become…
everything……

THE END




posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:05 PM
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a reply to: UncleSoze

Awesome!!!

Great job and hope to see more of your writings.



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:11 PM
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a reply to: UncleSoze

Bravo, this was great. Nice One!

While reading this, the Video ONE by Metallica went through my head


S&F



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:13 PM
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originally posted by: luckskywatcher
a reply to: UncleSoze

Bravo, this was great. Nice One!

While reading this, the Video ONE by Metallica went through my head


S&F


Glad I'm not the only one who had got that implicate song!



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:34 PM
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a reply to: JinMI


lol, Right On



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:34 PM
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originally posted by: JinMI
a reply to: UncleSoze

Awesome!!!

Great job and hope to see more of your writings.


Thanks much
Payday is exceptional, loved it



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 07:39 PM
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originally posted by: luckskywatcher
a reply to: UncleSoze

Bravo, this was great. Nice One!

While reading this, the Video ONE by Metallica went through my head


S&F


ah, thank you kindly...I've never tried anything like this before so I figured may as well go all out on day 1

Too funny on ONE, I haven't heard that song in like 20 years...but yup you nailed it



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 02:09 AM
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Thatz pretty visceral, that would suck to go out like that trapped in your own body... Lovrdnthe ending especially!



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 06:01 AM
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originally posted by: LucidWarrior
Thatz pretty visceral, that would suck to go out like that trapped in your own body... Lovrdnthe ending especially!


Thanks



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 02:00 PM
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a reply to: UncleSoze

Well written Uncle.

Beaut ending.

bally



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 04:12 PM
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Beautiful ending!



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 06:31 PM
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originally posted by: bally001
a reply to: UncleSoze

Well written Uncle.

Beaut ending.

bally


Many thanks

Death Became Me is a really gripping story... enjoyed it very much



posted on Mar, 4 2017 @ 06:40 PM
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originally posted by: Night Star
Beautiful ending!


Thank you kindly ma'am

I hope you put an entry into this, I admire your poetry ... and the more the merrier




posted on Mar, 5 2017 @ 04:01 AM
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a reply to: UncleSoze

No worries sir,

My response was from the heart.

Good on ya mate.

bally



posted on Mar, 5 2017 @ 04:23 AM
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a reply to: UncleSoze

Extremely well done uncle , nice ending . Hopefully one day i might be able to write like that .



posted on Mar, 5 2017 @ 06:37 AM
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a reply to: UncleSoze

Good job man!



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 08:18 AM
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originally posted by: hutch622
a reply to: UncleSoze

Extremely well done uncle , nice ending . Hopefully one day i might be able to write like that .


Thank you kindly Hutch....I figured I'd try something different for my first time on the merry-go-round



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 08:19 AM
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originally posted by: FauxMulder
a reply to: UncleSoze

Good job man!


Thanks much sir



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 11:38 AM
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Hello UncleSoze!


I love dialogue heavy pieces, and that was great.

My only complaint...is that it was TOO realistic, lol! I actually started breathing faster while I was reading it, and think I may have clutched at my chest a couple of times.
I'm playing, that was awesome! Good luck to you!
S&F
jacy



posted on Mar, 6 2017 @ 12:53 PM
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originally posted by: jacygirl
Hello UncleSoze!


I love dialogue heavy pieces, and that was great.

My only complaint...is that it was TOO realistic, lol! I actually started breathing faster while I was reading it, and think I may have clutched at my chest a couple of times.
I'm playing, that was awesome! Good luck to you!
S&F
jacy


Ha, you are too sweet my dear ... thank you kindly
I've got a lot of work to do to get myself up to the level that you and many others here have obtained ... writing with such style and ease ... I'm looking forward to the challenge





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