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Payday [YJA2017]

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posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 01:39 AM
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A sequel to Overtime

*BIP* *BIP* *BIIP* *BIIIP* *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* *Thunk*


I could hear a voice rise above the sounds throughout the busy room. "I'm going to call it, 03:30." "Give me a moment with his son." I lived great life. One filled with travel and adventure. Felt the love of a woman and the joys of fatherhood. Compassion of a friend and laughter with family. However, I knew that my time was borrowed. It was all due back to he who had lent it.

Feeling my consciousness free from the bonds of my physical body, I found myself on a very different plane...his plane. I stoically waited for him to show up. Perhaps a sort of welcoming party, after all, a debt was due. As I ventured around the hospital room my curiousness grew. Could I freely travel? I could run! Attempting my newfound freedom I dashed through the wall. Nurses at their stations, faces blurred by the green smoke that seemed to linger in this place.

Through the next door I could see a doctor talking to a man. My son. Tears streaming down his face. At least he can now heal. Just then the scent of sulfur pervaded the air. The green smoke took on a dark hue and realized he was near and it was time. I felt no fear thought I'm not entirely sure I was able to had I a choice. Through my mind he spoke, "it's time."

Like a fish on a set hook, I was yanked through a long corridor. Hands and arms reaching out along the way. Decayed and twisted they reached for me. Flesh dangling off the nails, I had not been the first. Kicking and trying to scream as I was drug along by a seemingly invisible chain. It clanged on the floor behind me although was not immediately visible.

The room was bright red and made of a biological substance. Slime covered in appearance with dark black veins running in and out. I imagined that this is what a brain looks like from inside! He stood before me. Much the same as I saw him at first with his wings tucked against his back. Eyes black as onyx and gazing in my direction. His armor made no noise as he reached into it and produced a long quilled pen. He walked over to an archaic desk that held a book. I managed to get out an inquiry. "What do I call you?" It snorted, and continued its business.

He opened the book. It's engraved silver cover glistened in this dark room. I again heard his voice in my mind. "You knew I would come for you, yet you lived a normal life; why?"

I responded in voice, "It was normal?" I asked in sarcasm. "It felt it was like a good life."

"Such capability met with mediocrity...hmmmph." He replied.

He wrote something down and slammed the book shut. It resonated and echoed throughout the small chamber. He then took on a menacing stare. Wings flying open and bared his sharp teeth. "We're done here!" He yelled and his dagger came out. I could then feel, for the first time since my death it seemed, the lingering pain of his original incision. It burned. As he made his way in my direction the room began to increase in intensity. Everything was brightening. He got closer as it got brighter. He started to laugh. I could no longer see and I heard his voice in my head again.

"My name?" "My name is......."




"Peter."


edit on 2-3-2017 by JinMI because: (no reason given)




posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 01:43 AM
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The doctor returned to the waiting room. "Congratulations, it's a boy." "You may go see them now." The family of the newborn and momma made their way into the small hospital room. They gathered around, smiles abound and celebrated their new arrival.

Upon inspection it was noticed. The long birthmark along his abdomen and beautiful vibrant green eyes.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 02:13 AM
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a reply to: JinMI

Wow, What a read to remember, Great work, well thought out,

kinda like real life happening everyday,

Much respect,

bally,

beaut tale.




posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 03:15 AM
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a reply to: bally001

Thank you Bally. I'm glad you enjoyed it.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 03:46 AM
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a reply to: JinMI

That was awesome mate, you have great talent in your writings.

Awesome ending too ay!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 03:59 AM
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a reply to: JinMI

Beautiful I love this masterpiece! I'm behind and can't think of anything to write lol.

Wonderful writing JinMI


S&F!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 04:22 AM
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a reply to: JinMI

marking for to find simple later next week.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 05:00 AM
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originally posted by: LadyButterfly
a reply to: JinMI

Beautiful I love this masterpiece! I'm behind and can't think of anything to write lol.

Wonderful writing JinMI


S&F!


Thank you much LadyB. I hope you get to yours this round!!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 06:08 AM
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a reply to: JinMI

Hey JinMI!!


Great story! I loved this line:
"Such capability met with mediocrity...hmmmph."

The story got dark, but the reincarnation 'birth' at the end took some of the darkness away. Good balance.

S&F
jacy



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 09:50 AM
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Wow, well done my friend!!!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 11:56 AM
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a reply to: jacygirl

Thank you Jacy. I like my stories to have balance. If it tips in a darker direction, that's ok by me!


Glad you read it and liked it.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 11:56 AM
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originally posted by: Night Star
Wow, well done my friend!!!


Thank ya Ms. Leaper!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 12:12 PM
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a reply to: JinMI

The ending was great!




posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 01:21 PM
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a reply to: DBCowboy

i agree



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 03:34 PM
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Good story.
Peter??? LOL
Interesting twist.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 06:32 PM
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originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: JinMI

The ending was great!





Thanks DB!



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 06:32 PM
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originally posted by: Errollorre
Good story.
Peter??? LOL
Interesting twist.


I thought it would be a good bit to add! Thanks for reading Sir Tom.



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 07:13 PM
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a reply to: JinMI

I can only echo the sentiments above.

Great ending, loved the dark spirit (?) Peter.

The descriptions of the hands and the hallway struggle.

All of it.



Good luck JinMI



posted on Mar, 2 2017 @ 07:18 PM
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a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thanks TN.



I'll set the record here for Peter which is loosely based on the fable that he guards the keys and access to Heaven.



posted on Mar, 3 2017 @ 12:15 AM
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originally posted by: peppycat
a reply to: JinMI

marking for to find simple later next week.


Waiting for yours as well Peppy!




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