I'm tired of being crazy

Profusion,

I only really look at ATS when my one neighbor friend comes over, we like to have a few brews and read things on here. I never post much here, I told her to make her own account or I made this one for her, I forget, neither of us has a whole lot of time to spend online.

And this idea could be part of "training your mind" to focus on work. So to say. Cut out what there is no point of thinking of or wasting your time with. (I do like this site but I avoid many topics because it's the same old crap and you have to manage your time.) This idea can apply to anything. I believe there is an area of psychology called "cognitive behavioral training"? Something like that. Which is the same general idea, to train your mind to focus on certain things and I think it can help to "train you out of anxiety" too.

I also wanted to say, regarding reading things here, I have seen many of your thoughts in the relationship forum, you don't seem like a bad guy to me. I think you might "ruminate" too much.

As a woman I can maybe say a few things to you. Maybe my friend here too. She's drinking all my beer - QUICK WE HAVE TO DISTRACT HER! Ha.

Let me preface this by saying that I am "40 something" and in no way interested in finding any type of partner at this point in time because I must be focused on work too. Friend agrees. So if you are having any type of "online friendships" or potential relationships - let me assure you that neither of us are interested in anything like that - which I say because I guess then we can all "speak freely". No agenda here.

I'd like to know more about these work issues of yours, but I won't ask for more because I know that people do need to be kind of vague about work. I want to say something about "business" - I'm not sure what. I'm an artist. This is a business too though, and you must be professional. And keep the drama to a minimum. I also know various musicians and people who work in the theater, some film and TV, we're in Chi here and you can get work in these various things, I know some people in fashion also, models, photographers, designers. You can get work in tv ads and catalogs and etc. here. Various type of arts. IF you are professional. In fact I think that work wise that counts even more than "talent". People do not wish to put up with BS and the unprofessional can be easily dismissed for those who ARE willing to step up and work. Goes for any line of work.

My friend here is a - "biz" business person, she's a commodities analyst and trader. There's no fooling around. And they "have to be transparent because of the tax man and SEC". No fooling around. And also: She says they are a "Boutique operation" and there is no one else to foist your mistakes off on." And the "accountant and tax guy yell at you". Sounds fun. And no romance or sex. "With my drunken maniac partners? I would like to strangle them but the insurance won't pay out for that."

Corporate Trainers: I think we have found the next TEAM SPIRIT! paradigm right here!

One thing we do have in common, as well as for many people I know - we used to work as engineers. And that's mid sized to "big biz" - and there's no fooling around in there either. And I'm not talking about "sex and romance" with these thoughts here - I'm talking about trying to foist your work off on others. You had damn well better know how to do your job, they test you on all of it, and you'd better know all kinds of software, and mainframe systems too. You also have to understand the competitors products. You will also be doing your own typing and admin work.

If you were LUCKY - some co's might have a departmental admin. Who was usually worked to death. And you felt guilty and tried not to give them too much.

This would be - where you would give some work to another though. Is it a situation like that?

Or, vice versa. Is this woman trying to give you some work you're supposed to be doing? Such as with the aforementioned example - the dept. admin shouldn't be doing other people's work, if the eng's were supposed to be doing it they should, and it shouldn't be shoved off on others, nor anything, such as if the mailroom people were supposed to be handling that (thought of because I saw that shoved off on an admin once.) I've had plenty shoved off of me, too.

Is this woman trying to "do something devious" or did she just hand you some paperwork with "Your Department" stamped on it?

If she is asking for help on something - is this a project you are supposed to work on together, or something that you interface with in some way? If you are unclear on it all - why not ask a colleague or those you report to?

You should NEVER be "flirting" or thinking of colleagues anyway, DO NOT # WHERE YOU EAT.

And you may be wrong and reading way too much into things.

So anyway, I remember 'biz' biz too and in the professional settings - there's no BS. You must focus on the work. You cannot make mistakes. People in "the arts" are mostly professional too. I and plenty of others I know make decent $ in this work too. And THE KEY is to be professional.

Just some thoughts.

I want to tell you a tale about my friend here too, she says it's ok if I say. I will make a separate post for that.

A few other thoughts, my friend's recent "admirer" - which is "work related". I am supposed to "be vague" on this. For those who think that others may be "watching them" - my answer to that is - who in the hell really cares that much about you? They probably don't. No one probably does. And I myself have been a stalking victim. Which, there are enough of them out there, but on average you're not likely to come across one.

I have many thoughts here, I am musing on being an "attractive woman". I am, and so is my friend here. I'm the blond, she's the brunette. She wants me to put here, if I'm going to talk about her, that I used to be involved with a fairly well known musician. She thinks this is "cool" and that I can "get that type of guy". He's just a person. No, he wasn't 'super famous' either. More locally known. No, it wasn't Billy Corgan.

I suppose why I even mention this, two reasons, for you kids out there thinking you have to be a "badass" - or an asshole - this particular guy was very professional. College graduate and took music seriously. Very nice person also, and a good cook, and if I cooked he'd jump right up and do the dishes. Good guy. Very serious in all endeavors and cared about others. Has lots of friends and a huge "following". You don't get those by being an asshole. We parted on good terms and I can't think of one bad thing to say about the man.

My friend. I think she's better looking than me. Has the exotic eurasian looks. She wishes to be blond, no way, she's better looking. Another thing we have in common: We don't think all that highly of ourselves and do in fact consider ourselves to be "average". That's her term. That's what she says: I'm Jane Average.

It's an inaccurate assessment and you can see in others what you don't see in yourself. Women like us think that you must be a super perfect porn star, what woman - or man - doesn't worry over looks?

And if you are "different looking" - that can be good or bad. Yes models should be tall - but for the rank and file female - that might be a disadvantage. And slim is good too - but is a size 8 too big? Meanwhile, your chest is not big enough. Friend is yelling: I only have a 36B chest! Because of this she says that she wonders why men look at her at all.

She's got the face, the bone structure, with those big (blue!) asian eyes. And an excellent body. 36B chest! She says that's a FAIL and says "I am Jane Average". No way, she's very pretty. Men drool all over her.

My one grandma said - "The Jewish girls are always very pretty". There are men advertising for Jewish women on Craigslist! WTF?

And that's a work thing too, for anyone, there are "construction guys" advertising on CL to trade their services for sex.
Yes I saw those too. We all need repair people from time to time.

So who knows what may happen with some guy, some tradesman, you may call?

And that's the tale I was going to tell - friend here now has "one of these guys" with his eye on her. It's my fault too because I thought they were ok. Not some random ad either, people "known in the neighborhood" here, people recommended to me, so I told her. Person in question is, I think, ok too and would not do harm to anyone, I've know this person for a few years and know others who have known him longer. There is no worry of "harm".

But the guy is still clearly pretty interested in her, and he's kind of a "ladies man" and might get a bit grabby....

I don't believe it would escalate beyond that.

Still. A person needs to put up with various crap - which some might call "flirtation" - WHY?

When you are just trying to execute a project, and the guy is married! - I think he might be shopping for a new and younger wife.

Women are just trying to get things done and if we say thank you that must mean we're madly in love with the guy?
And or they want to sex you. Or trade in for a newer model.

Or who knows what else?
Just because I asked you to fix my toilet, that doesn't mean I'm looking for a fisting.

Try not to read too much into things. Do us ladies a favor.

It's funny too because about THE ONLY thing that gets lechers off your back is to say you're married. Or have a serious BF. They usually still persist.

It's hard to have men breathing down your neck all the time. Even when you try to avoid it, you are not looking for it, you are trying to be professional. You will still get the lechers.

I have to say that I'm surprised at how much men ruminate over these things too. Friend agrees. We thought you guys wanted some big busted brain dead bimbo? Isn't that your ideal? So why the hell are you even looking at us?

Or is it that you'll just take anyone?

Can you at the least BACK OFF in professional settings?

OP....any updates ?

I was just thinking about this not trusting others problem because a drama broke out at work this week, that I had seen sneaking up, but hoped wouldn't actually explode.

A new girl was hired on an interim basis, to fill in for another who is pregnant and about to go on maternity leave.
She came about a week after my own arrival. It turned out she is the sister of a friend of mine, so we started talkign right away.

From the very first day, she was whispering to me that no one was welcoming her warmly - noone talked to her while they worked, no one asked her about her family life, no one invited her to go with them at break or work... she felt there was a terrible ambiance there, and that she was being met coldly. She started trying to get attention through speaking non stop about her past experience, about her ambitions of getting a long term contract there (the kind that nobody in that office has, even people who have been there 10 - 15 years).

I suggested she wait and try to understand the environment she is in, and the people, before judging. I have been in work places who have replacements coming and going in a steady stream (with all the vacations, paid sick and maternity leave here in France). I recognized the attitude I had after a year in such places - you see a new face and you don't want to know them. You don't want to get attached to them, and feel all the sadness when they leave again. You start to ignore the new faces that pop in and out.

I understood this, and made gestures to help them feel comfortable with me - made homemade cookies for all, exchanged light jokes, smiles, gave tissues to any I heard sniffling, cough drops to those I heard coughing, asked some out to lunch with me... but stayed superficial. I didn't tell them my life and didn't ask about theirs.

This positive approach made for a very comfortable feeling between me and the others. But her situation got worse and worse. She was acting aggressive, though thinking she was simply being defensive. She started to misread everything anyone said or did as a hostile attack. One day she broke down crying in a meeting with me and superior, claiming she is being silently persecuted by everyone there!

I was confused because I hung out with these people and had detected no hostility from them at all.

The next day she blew up at a colleague for nothing. Started a big fight in the middle of the office. Her response was totally inappropriate to the situation, and nobody but me (and the superior present the day before) knew what she had been brewing up to then, so everyone decided she has some sort of mental illness.

Her focusing on a negative perception of others towards her, she actually made it come about.

Our attitudes often have this terrible power to create.

a reply to: Bluesma

I'm sorry. I'm new and not certain how to pull an excerpt from your post. But, this is Buddhism.

"Perfect balance is the hardest thing for a human to achieve and sustain. That's why we've been coming up with practices, beliefs and disciplines we hope to aid us in that!

originally posted by: PRSpinster
a reply to: Bluesma

I'm sorry. I'm new and not certain how to pull an excerpt from your post. But, this is Buddhism.

"Perfect balance is the hardest thing for a human to achieve and sustain. That's why we've been coming up with practices, beliefs and disciplines we hope to aid us in that!

I did write that.. but don't remember where. Man, it is hard to be balanced, isn't it?

a reply to: Bluesma

hey you! so happy your here back on ats!
i missed yo! i see you in france!?
i know one friend from france....?
flow my best friend....
hows the launguage there...?
sari my english is poor...
i read french abit

i see nothing crazy in it