Is it out of line?

To all replys asking my intent or my end-goal--

Well I hadn't really thought of that. I just thought it's a possibility she might want something to eat, and I wouldn't mind some company for a change.

I wouldn't say I'm 'pure' and just want to be charitable--obviously I'd be getting something out of it.

I am definitely not looking to treat someone like a caged plaything. That's messed up.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

In that case go ahead and go to lunch with her. Or at least ask her. Nothing at all wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong about dating her either if that happened. I mean you're both just people and people date each other. As long as you're aware of the possible issues that might arise there is nothing wrong with two people living their lives in ways that are meaningful to each other. Everyone is doing that everywhere, every single day.

I'm more curious as to why it's such a bold move for you to simply ask a homeless person to lunch though. I mean what are you worried about exactly??? The worst they can do is say no. Or maybe say yes and then rob you after. That might be worse.

But I mean, most likely you've got the upper hand here as far as social interactions go. She's homeless which usually comes along with being low on resources and options. If she's basically sane then she should love the opportunity to have a nice meal with someone who's interested in her and feeling like a part of society again.

This shouldn't really be that challenging of a thing to do. I talk to homeless people almost daily since there are so many of them around. I know a couple of them fairly well, call them by name, etc. Unless it's a 1 in a 1000 thing where she's just hit hard times for some reason, she'll most likely have some issues. It sort of comes with the territory. They're homeless for a reason. Be it Drugs or Alcohol, Mental issues or whatever. But then again most so called "normal" people have those same issues, they just keep them managed better.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I've lost the ability to tell what's normal and what's NB's fantasyland.

Firstly there is no normal, so you cannot be something that does not exist and secondly the worst thing to do is to look back on life and think " what if i did, or i should have done that, or in your case asked this girl for lunch"........as the old saying goes "nothing ventured nothing gained"....nothing wrong with a bit of rejection if it comes to that it builds character, although no one wants too much character

Go for it brother and good luck

Are you sure she's homeless ?...... I've seen a lot of people ( men and women ) pretend to be homeless and make more money per day then I do.

a reply to: Meldionne1

No, I'm not sure. She almost..doesn't look it. A bit too neat and proper.

It's possible she just wants free money--wouldn't be the first.

And yeah, I'm sure she makes more than I, and doesn't have to risk her life doing it like I do

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

That's not what I was suggesting either.

Jeez!

Ok... Let's assume that this person is living on the streets, OK? Let's assume that their experience of that is typical, rather than abnormal. Typically, living on the streets is a dangerous thing, and all the more so for a lady than a man. The kind of dangers involved, even the relatively mundane ones, are capable of causing post traumatic stress, flashbacks, reliving and all that. More to the point, those dangers include being in situations that a person did not invite, and that they did not want to be in.

Now, eating a meal seems like a totally safe thing to do. There's no harm or risk in eating a good meal. Right? Wrong. If the meal comes with even the merest hint of ulterior motive behind it, even a wiff, a pinch, a smidgin, and that wiff, pinch or smidgin is picked up on, that changes the psychological space in which the meal is being consumed, whether that is the intention of the purchaser or not. That alternative space is not a safe place for a vulnerable person, and awareness that they are in such a psychological space could be very harmful, even if you have no intention of making anything of it at the time.

I am not saying that you intend to put her in a box, because you are a nice chap, we all know that.

What I am saying is that you need to be very careful to manage your non-verbal communication, eye contact ratio, intensity and so on, because as I say, the slightest feeling of being a rabbit in headlights, no matter whether justified or not, could send the entire enterprise down crap alley with a quickness.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Many people have this messed up idea that unless you perform an action that is at least 99% altruistic in intent, you may as well not do it because your "intentions" are not pure. Just because you stand to gain something from an action does not mean that you should doubt your intent.

My advice to you is this: ask her if she would like a meal, and if she indicates she would, ask if she would prefer to have it alone or with company, making it clear you will buy her a meal either way if that is what she wants.

If more people acted in ways that brought mutual benefit to all parties involved instead of either sacrificing their own best interests and being excessively selfless or being excessively selfish, the world would be a better place.

Screw lunch bro, ask her how much it would cost to buy her as a girlfriend. Sounds like you need one.

Tell her up front you left the zip ties and duct tape at home.. then ask her to a cheap dinner and conversation.