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Is it out of line?

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posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:22 PM
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There's a woman out sometimes, appears somewhat homeless, and has a cardboard sign. She stands in a certain shopping center.

I see her when I come have lunch over here.

Would it be wrong to ask her to have lunch with me? I don't carry cash to give her. (Even though I'm going to eventually with the card problems I've been having.)

I don't know. Part of me just wants to be real with people and try to give, try to connect.

But that's where I'm at. She's probably not there.

You may have seen my threads detailing a homeless friend of mine, and my awkward attempt to help.

Perhaps my desire to be hero is misguiding me.

And anyone on ATS knows I'm a hopeless romantic scraping the bottom of the love barrel.

I would just feel wrong offering to buy her lunch--as it may be an awkward gesture to her.

Because I'm a lonely man and she's a woman asking for help--it seem wrongs--it makes me feel like a predator. Or am I overthinking?

Maybe it's all in execution. All in intention. And I don't trust my intentions because it's not a selfless offer.

Oh well, just letting my heart do some prose over lunch.




posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:25 PM
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Just be prepared for rejection. And if that were to happen, it wouldn't be your fault, so don't take it personally.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:29 PM
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a reply to: schuyler

Well yeah I always expect rejection haha.

Just wondering how "normal" people look at this situation.

I've lost the ability to tell what's normal and what's NB's fantasyland.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:30 PM
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It depends on your Intentions, Treating someone with dignity and not assumptions as to why they are in that position

When I was homeless small acts of Kindness, such as someone offering to purchase a meal, or water, or just conversation. Treating me like a person and acting genuine, not assuming I was a degenerate because of my situation.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:30 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I think you should do what feels right to you as long as you aren't intending to cause harm or pain to her.

If it makes you feel like a hero than that is a by product of the gesture. If she's asking for money on her sign then it is reasonable, in my opinion, to assume she may be hungry and I'd rather offer her food than to sit and eat in front of a hungry human. That would bother me more than offering lunch.

Who knows? You may meet a really interesting person with an interesting story and you all may become friends and help each other out in some way.

I can't imagine you being a predator but that's my opinion of you. You could be.

If I want to get to know someone because I'm lonely or need company and if I weren't lonely or whatever I may not have ever reached out would that make my intentions bad?



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:41 PM
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a reply to: TNMockingbird

I think the fact I'm very cautious with this should reveal I'm not a person looking to hurt anyone.

Hell I don't even want to offend her by asking. She might think I'm a pervert.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:45 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I'm sorry if it sounded as if I was insinuating that you would hurt someone. Of course I wasn't.

We can never know if our words will be offensive, we can only try and be genuine.

I would hope that asking someone to lunch wouldn't lead them to think you are a pervert!

If it did, you could just assure her that you aren't. Have the lunch in a public place, and I wouldn't maybe invite her into your work/van truck at first.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:54 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I'd make the offer for free food. What's the worst that can happen? A bit of cursing and name calling?



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:54 PM
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a reply to: TNMockingbird

No prob.

Anyway back to work and the beat goes on. I'll file this one under 'maybe next time.'



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:55 PM
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a reply to: TerryDon79

As if I'm not used to that already haha



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 02:56 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

And that's just through my PMs to you.




posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 03:16 PM
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originally posted by: TerryDon79
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

And that's just through my PMs to you.



Thanks for building my immunity



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 03:17 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Maybe if you offer without expecting anything besides a few minutes' conversation, and maybe if she accepts without expecting anything more than a meal and a few minutes' conversation, it would be a good thing for you both.

If it's not a disaster the first time out, do it again sometime.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 04:30 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

She is a person, you are a person. In my opinion forget everything else, it sounds like you may find her attractive as a Woman, nothing wrong there. If you are not afraid of the possibility of becoming involved (feeling more) for someone who is either down on their luck or into drugs or mental problems then by all means be a Man treat her as any Woman with no more or less expectations then what is there meets the eye.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 05:23 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

It depends why you are thinking about doing this.

If you want to put food in a persons belly, share a conversation, and go your separate ways pleased that you did a good thing, then of course, there is nothing weird about that, or out of line.

If, however, there is even the tiniest sliver of a thought in your head, that some unlikely, topsy turvey, Cinderella thing is going to happen, which improbably sees everything work out, everyone come away dying old and happy out of it, then it probably would be a little out of line.

You need to work out whether you want to do something charitable, or have a date without the date. One is laudable, the other counter productive at best, and I would rather not go into what it would mean as a worst case!

edit on 25-9-2016 by TrueBrit because: Grammatical error removed



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 06:18 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

That's not out of line at all. Unless you really are just using it as an excuse to prey upon her and her position. But if you're not and just honestly want to buy her lunch and talk to her there is nothing wrong with that at all.

What is your end goal here though?? Just to meet her and talk over lunch or to take her home like a puppy and use her as your own personal sex toy???



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 06:29 PM
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The next time you see her, instead of asking her to dine in, go buy take out somewhere and invite her to a park bench for lunch.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 06:47 PM
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It sounds like you really have sympathy (empathy) for her but it goes a bit deeper; like sexually-you are human after all. However, she is the vulnerable one in this situation. Best maybe to have someone else bring her food or whatever comforts she may be in need of (and you pay for it and arrange it) while she is in her sad situation. That takes away any opportunity for misunderstanding.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 07:27 PM
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It's good to be kind, but if it is just about being kind then you can just as easily go buy food and bring it to her. If you are looking for something more.. well, I'll just say it, don't! Normal relationships don't exist because there is no such thing as normal, but you should think about things like what got her to be in the place she is at. Is she just down on her luck or does she have some serious issues or personality problems that make her unstable and homeless ect.. Not to mention a relationship based on a little bit of pity and empathy is not a good one as far as I'm concerned.



posted on Sep, 25 2016 @ 08:19 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

If your intentions are pure, then just do it. We can rationalize ourselves out of doing anything.



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