a reply to: peppycat
I had the best offer I have had in three years on Sunday morning. I had arrived at a taxicab office, to request transport home at about half past two
in the morning, to find three individuals, two females, and one male, sitting on a broken wall next to the portacabin construction that was the office
The individuals who sat there, piped up whilst I requested a cab that their destination and mine were like, and it might be wise to share a cab, so
that none would be left waiting. I shall describe these individuals to you. Ladies first. One brunette, about five nine, around the forteen stone
mark, late twenties, early to mid thirties. One blonde, approximately five four, five five, about eleven or twelve stone, late twenties at the very
most, and one lad of approximately six foot tall, fifteen stone, and aged about twenty five.
All of them were drunk as hell, barely capable of speaking without performing a feat of mental gymnastics first, and all of the typical Essex type.
They were drinking a bottle of white wine between them when I arrived. Upon discovering our destinations were similar, the trio announced that my name
was now Meatloaf, and the blonde proceeded to have the brunette take many pictures of the blonde, and myself, in various, totally unrelated poses.
The blonde wasted no time at all in informing me that she believed my manhood must be huge. I informed her as to the enormous folly upon which she
was embarking, dispelling the notion entirely with an anecdote from my past. Our cab arrived, and all four of us piled in, the Brunette lady in the
front, the blonde, the tall lad, and myself taking up the right, middle and rear passenger positions respectively. The whole way home, the blonde was
pressing me about my manhood, at once believing it to be forty foot thick and possessed of a sentience of its own, then questioning its very
existence, and asking whether I would be engaging in autostimulatory behaviour when I got home...twenty yards from my door, she said "Do you have to
go home? I REALLY want you to take me to bed".
Of course, being the gentleman that I am, I replied "Madam, we hardly know eachother well enough to exchange phone numbers yet!", and as I exited the
cab, leaving the others to the remainder of their journey, "Besides, dinner and a show first mi'lady, dinner and a show".
I actually hate the fact that on the one occasion I have recieved female attention so clear cut in the last three years, it has been from a woman who
was so drunk, that she could not decide whether to use me for humour or sex.