What is your earliest memory ? Most of us can remember back to starting school, or slightly earlier. We can sometimes recall the birth of a sibling.
But how far back does our memory reach ?
I have a memory, which I admit can read as a bit dreamlike in the sense that, I find it really difficult to translate the memory into language.
Instead it is like a collection of sensory images and feelings that seem to hover just outwith the reach of my grasp. But this is not a dream, or a
I know it is not, because decades later I can still feel
So as uncomfortable as it is to share this memory on an ATS forum, the reason I choose to is in the hope that somebody within the ATS membership may
be able to offer a theory or explanation.
Over the years, my whole life really, this memory has stayed fresh in my mind, not fading in the least, and the only plausible explanation I have is
that I remember being born. My actual birth.
There are flashes of blood, lots of it, just appearing like red on white, along with the smell of blood. The cold feeling of metal, sharp and shiny.
Pain and tightness and a feeling of terror. All of these descriptions are overwhelming, it is like it is the only things that I can sense, and I sense
them all at once, like you do when you experience something. I know that this description may seem vague at best. But is the only way I have to put
this memory into words. This stays with me, even today.
I have tried to research memory a little bit, to find out when it starts, and how far back our memory can go. When we are born, our hippocampus is not
fully formed, and this is the part of our brain that structures and forms memory. So how can I have this stored within my memory for what seems to me
to be like forever. I mean, I cannot think back to a time when i didn't " know " this.
There is another part of our brain the amygdala, which is where our emotions including fear are stored, and this is fully mature at birth.
I couldn't talk about this to my parents, when I was a child as I didn't have the language to explain it. But I have strong memories of kind of re -
living this sensory experience even as a child and I do remember it being horrific and terrifying for me.
I do remember as a young child talking with my parents about an early memory. I remembered a house, described the layout, ( which was odd in itself,
with a sort of hexagon shaped hall with doors all going off from the hexagon shape ) the furniture around the room, and being carried into the house
by my father, at night time....all wrapped up in a checked blanket. When I told them about this recollection, they just said that there is no way I
could remember that! They went on to tell me that this was a description of my grandmother's house and that the night I was describing was a night
when I had been really sick, and my dad, in a panic, had taken me to his mother's house. I was only 4 months old, and it turned out I had Scarlet
Fever. But to their complete astonishment, I did remember. They still to this day have no explanation as to why I would remember this night. They told
me that when I was about 6 months old, my grandfather passed away, and soon after that my grandmother moved to a new house. A terraced town house
type, no hexagon shaped hallway, just a small entrance hall. She lived there for years and of course I remember this house very well.
The other strange thing though, I can remember my grandfather, sitting by the fireplace in an old high backed chair, and he is holding me. I was only
6 months old when he died.
So ATSers.....What are your earliest childhood memories?
Can we remember our birth experience ?
edit on 17/3/16 by cosmickat because: grammar