I need some help with a recent PTSD diagnosis, please?

I was diagnosed two weeks ago with PTSD. It is in relation to the car accident that took both my father in law and mother in law five years ago when they came to visit my newborn son. He was a week and a half old and I was packing up their house when I should have been cuddled up with him. During the insanity that followed, it took all winter to resolve, my genetic disposition to Celiac disease was also triggered.


I recently went through about $4000 of medical testing to find out why a few things were happening physically. My questions were answered, and I was also diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. In the meantime I discovered that the path I have been walking with my naturopath has healed extensive damage and brought me to the healthiest physical state I have ever been in.


Now it's time to heal the rest. My biggest problem is that I can't seem to find a therapist/ counselor/ psychiatrist, to help me out. I have massive trust issues with people, and have reached out twice now only to be turned down.


We are going as far as to attempt to move to Hawaii. My husband is waiting to hear on a job that he has applied for there. We have friends there as well who want us around. Most of me is thrilled at this, because I can't hardly go to town without passing at least one serious reminder of the accident. Whether it's where they were cremated, where their car was stored in plain sight for two years or the actual accident sight, I seem to have some reaction. They range anywhere from a sudden catch of breath that makes it hard to breathe to a full blown cry session. On the other hand this is where we have spent a decade building our lives.


I have decided rather than reach out to any more professionals that don't want to deal with me that I will wait until after we move, if it works out. I'm afraid that I might be useless anyway for a bit after starting therapy and I need to be as sound as possible to accomplish a move from Alaska to Hawaii.


I'm sure some will want to tell me how wrong I am for reaching out to ATS for help, please refrain. I'm fully aware of the situation and am taking the steps I need to mitigate it. I simply need some backup through all of this. The people here are wonderful in sharing their own experiences and their kindness. Due to my difficulty with trust and moving freely about my physical community, I instead turn to you, my online community.


I don't know what to do at this point as I seem to be falling further down a hole lately. I attempted a couple of SSRI's that didn't react well with me. My last option is Paxil, and I honestly don't want to take it since it's so hard to come off of. My irritability has shot through the roof and I'm even wanting to start hiding from my family since little things like a kid whining at me seems to set me off.


I won't even have any gardens this year at the rate I'm going unless we accomplish the move to Hawaii. I haven't even looked at my seed stock yet and by now I usually have flats and flats of babies littering my house just waiting to be moved outside.


To top it all off the ladies that I thought were my friends have completely blown me off. I got a snide email for my birthday in September telling me that there's just not time for me and that not everyone likes to spend so much time in the kitchen or plan out their activities. This was in response to an invitation to join us for dinner and a few beers around the bonfire. I have met a couple of other very kind ladies, but due to my trust issues have been unable to really connect with them.

My poor husband has been a rock through all of this when in reality I should have been able to be strong for him. He and my sons are all I have in this world that even matters. I don't want to ruin this life for them. I just don't know what to do anymore since my ability to at least pretend to be strong has deserted me entirely at this point.


Forgive me for the book, I'm simply hoping someone may have some suggestions. Something that has helped them or a loved one. Anything to cope through this next transition in life. Thank you for sticking with this to the end.

I have a close friend with wartime PTSD. To be frank, I recommend Xanax. I would find a psychiatrist that lists PTSD as a specialty before moving to Hawaii though as well as immediately when you get there. I've been to 6 or 7 pschiatrists in my time & you're best bet is to go to as many different ones as possible to learn what you do & don't want in a Doctor.

Sidenote: I have lived in Hawaii & you should move there asap. What island are you looking at?

a reply to: woodsmom

As you would imagine I have no easy answers or miracle cures for you.

A good friend and former neighbour of mine has PTSD from an incident when he was In the army in Northern Ireland and he saw some of his closest friends get blown up and only just survived himself. It was one of the saddest things I have ever known to watch him struggle and he would often get angry at himself for upsetting those around him and it would make it far worse.

The only thing he told me that might be of a little use is that after many years of trying to understand what was happening and beating himself up over his "weakness" was that he cannot help who he is, he can now understand that those that truly love him will understand and that you have to take the good days with the bad and make the most of the good days.

Sorry this is a little lame but I understand how you must be feeling and thought that anything is better than nothing.

NS.

a reply to: BigScaryStrawman

The Big Island. My husband and I got married there and I spent a hippy winter hitchhiking the island almost 15 years ago. That's when I met our amazing friends. It's beautiful, warm, bright and I can grow fruit all year around. It's also always been a dream of mine to start an inn and have a farm. It's the one place that would seem to work for us.

The therapists are huge reason behind the decision. There is one person in my current area who specializes in PTSD. I looked down there and I have a choice of around 25 as well as about the same number of naturopaths available.

I've also read that moving in itself can be massively therapeutic. It forces a breaking of the cycles. It would be an entirely new life for us there.

a reply to: woodsmom

I'm not sure what to say.
Perhaps the move to a new climate will help.
I am sure that a move would help me in my situation.
I know that is not the answer but maybe a start.
I believe some sort of professional help (counselor/coach) would be ideal although I respect your trust issues.

May I just lend support and let you know that you are NOT alone.
I will be thinking of you and good luck in your move and your future!

a reply to: woodsmom

Look up Tapas Acupressure. They do a lot of work with PTSD.

a reply to: woodsmom

I also have fairly severe PTSD from some military and police issues..

What helps me is this..

1. Feel like crying? CRY
2. Don't feel strong? Lean on someone until you feel stronger
3. Get some light therapy every day. Go for a walk or just sit outside for a bit
4. TALK TALK TALK and SHARE SHARE SHARE how you feel
And most importantly
5. Wake each day and tell yourself "This will be a good day" ... "I am going to be happy today" ... Do this out loud in front of a mirror

These things really help me, I can only hope they may help you..

Semper

a reply to: woodsmom I'm not sure how similar to PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks are but, I take a non addictive anxiety medicine called Vistaril in the generic form, Hydroxyzine. You could talk to your General Practitioner about if it would work for you.
If you want to go most natural, magnesium comes to mind. If I think of more natural relaxing herbs and things, I'll post later.
Hawaii sounds really nice and calming.
I hope you find what is safe and works for you!

a reply to: nonspecific

It's not lame at all. I appreciate it!
You perfectly described where I seem to be stuck. I want to be strong for my family and it just doesn't work anymore, I've officially crashed. I feel terrible that anyone has ever had to go through this, but it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone. It's selfish though.

There are free CBT self help courses online...I have no idea which one you'd resonate with, but working on things at your own speed is better than nothing?

Hugs

originally posted by: woodsmom
a reply to: BigScaryStrawman

The Big Island. My husband and I got married there and I spent a hippy winter hitchhiking the island almost 15 years ago. That's when I met our amazing friends. It's beautiful, warm, bright and I can grow fruit all year around. It's also always been a dream of mine to start an inn and have a farm. It's the one place that would seem to work for us.

The therapists are huge reason behind the decision. There is one person in my current area who specializes in PTSD. I looked down there and I have a choice of around 25 as well as about the same number of naturopaths available.

I've also read that moving in itself can be massively therapeutic. It forces a breaking of the cycles. It would be an entirely new life for us there.

Just the difference in your tone of posting first one to this one...

I believe the move is key.

Just my opinion.

originally posted by: woodsmom
a reply to: nonspecific

It's not lame at all. I appreciate it!
You perfectly described where I seem to be stuck. I want to be strong for my family and it just doesn't work anymore, I've officially crashed. I feel terrible that anyone has ever had to go through this, but it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm not alone. It's selfish though.

It's not selfish in the slightest, as I said one of the biggest issues with my friend was that he felt that he was a burden and no longer useful and this was not the case. His partner, friends and neighbours were always there for him and some days he would be like superman, running round doing this for that person and cracking jokes. other days I could hear him screaming through the walls and crying, he used to get so upset with himself afterwards as felt ashamed but given the trauma it is to be understood.

As he said, take each day as it comes and don't feel guilty.

I can recomend a therapist that does work over skype, I dont know of I can say much more in forums but will point you in the right direction.
It is my partner, and I posted about EFT (emotional freedom techniques) which works very well for ptsd.
Please feel free to message any questions to me and I will pass them to my lady.
I sincerely hope you can begin resolve things soon

a reply to: TNMockingbird

Thank you.
I have reached out, and seem to get shot down. I have many more therapy options there than where I currently reside.

Moving is supposed to help from all I've been reading. It pushes you out of the damaging cycles we find ourselves in. A new perspective on life become more easily possible than being stuck in our ruts that we dig deeper for ourselves. Maybe an option for you to look into as well? I know it's not always possible though. I swore I would never move again, and here I am making myself a liar.....

The idea of the change has even lifted me more than anything else lately honestly.

a reply to: FyreByrd

I was given some acupressure points to use by the doctor that diagnosed me. Thank you for the suggestion! The two points just below my collarbone seem to be very effective.

a reply to: semperfortis

Thank you so very much semper! I wish you the very best and truly appreciate you reaching out. I took a screenshot of your post!

a reply to: peppycat

Thank you for the magnesium idea! It's one I don't already take. I will also be addressing this with my naturopath when he gets back from out of town.

I'm unsure of the actual differences, since it's my anxiety and panic attacks that were addressed by my doc. They are crippling and scary. They are what has forced me deeper into hiding.

a reply to: Caver78

Thank you! It's very much appreciated!
I will look into that! I need something, which is why I reached out here.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

I believe so too.
The amazing, year round opportunities abound there. If for no other reason, it will be nice not to be cooped up in the house for months on end in the dark. I even have a SAD light that hasn't made much of a difference this year.

It was during the winter that everything happened as well. That's one thing I will never have to deal with in Hawaii.

a reply to: nonspecific

Thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart.
I must say though I prefer the superman days. Being useless is one of the hardest things to cope with. I guess I should say feeling useless. Both my brother and my husband dislike that one. I don't know how many times they've told me I'm not. It's a hard one to believe when you are suddenly incapable of making I through a day, let alone accomplishing anything more than breathing and hugging the kids.

I'm grateful for my amazing husband, he is truly my rock. My brother as well. They are literally the two people in this world that I can lean on.