posted on Mar, 14 2016 @ 11:26 AM
I was diagnosed two weeks ago with PTSD. It is in relation to the car accident that took both my father in law and mother in law five years ago when
they came to visit my newborn son. He was a week and a half old and I was packing up their house when I should have been cuddled up with him. During
the insanity that followed, it took all winter to resolve, my genetic disposition to Celiac disease was also triggered.
I recently went through about $4000 of medical testing to find out why a few things were happening physically. My questions were answered, and I was
also diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. In the meantime I discovered that the path I have been walking with my naturopath has healed
extensive damage and brought me to the healthiest physical state I have ever been in.
Now it's time to heal the rest. My biggest problem is that I can't seem to find a therapist/ counselor/ psychiatrist, to help me out. I have massive
trust issues with people, and have reached out twice now only to be turned down.
We are going as far as to attempt to move to Hawaii. My husband is waiting to hear on a job that he has applied for there. We have friends there as
well who want us around. Most of me is thrilled at this, because I can't hardly go to town without passing at least one serious reminder of the
accident. Whether it's where they were cremated, where their car was stored in plain sight for two years or the actual accident sight, I seem to have
some reaction. They range anywhere from a sudden catch of breath that makes it hard to breathe to a full blown cry session. On the other hand this is
where we have spent a decade building our lives.
I have decided rather than reach out to any more professionals that don't want to deal with me that I will wait until after we move, if it works out.
I'm afraid that I might be useless anyway for a bit after starting therapy and I need to be as sound as possible to accomplish a move from Alaska to
I'm sure some will want to tell me how wrong I am for reaching out to ATS for help, please refrain. I'm fully aware of the situation and am taking
the steps I need to mitigate it. I simply need some backup through all of this. The people here are wonderful in sharing their own experiences and
their kindness. Due to my difficulty with trust and moving freely about my physical community, I instead turn to you, my online community.
I don't know what to do at this point as I seem to be falling further down a hole lately. I attempted a couple of SSRI's that didn't react well
with me. My last option is Paxil, and I honestly don't want to take it since it's so hard to come off of. My irritability has shot through the roof
and I'm even wanting to start hiding from my family since little things like a kid whining at me seems to set me off.
I won't even have any gardens this year at the rate I'm going unless we accomplish the move to Hawaii. I haven't even looked at my seed stock yet
and by now I usually have flats and flats of babies littering my house just waiting to be moved outside.
To top it all off the ladies that I thought were my friends have completely blown me off. I got a snide email for my birthday in September telling me
that there's just not time for me and that not everyone likes to spend so much time in the kitchen or plan out their activities. This was in response
to an invitation to join us for dinner and a few beers around the bonfire. I have met a couple of other very kind ladies, but due to my trust issues
have been unable to really connect with them.
My poor husband has been a rock through all of this when in reality I should have been able to be strong for him. He and my sons are all I have in
this world that even matters. I don't want to ruin this life for them. I just don't know what to do anymore since my ability to at least pretend to
be strong has deserted me entirely at this point.
Forgive me for the book, I'm simply hoping someone may have some suggestions. Something that has helped them or a loved one. Anything to cope through
this next transition in life. Thank you for sticking with this to the end.