a reply to: stolencar18
I'm gay, but not feminine at all. No one would ever know I'm gay by being in my presence. I always have to tell people.
First of all, no one comes out of the closet and suddenly becomes effeminate. Someone is effeminate or they're not. What CAN happen is they may try to
cover it up to a degree, and when they come out, stop covering it up. Some gay people, usually people who have always been out, love to spread it on
thick. They're already effeminate, but like to overdo it sometimes for fun, or to separate themselves from others and let everyone know they're gay.
But....they were already effeminate.
There are plenty and plenty of gay men and women who you would never have a clue are gay. There are also straight men who you would SWEAR are gay.
Yes, of course there are gay men pretending to be straight, but there ARE straight men who are incredibly feminine, same with women.
I once read an athroplogist's/psychologist's very good take on gender/gay/straight, and I will repeat it here, because I've always believed it.
Gender behavior is mostly a learned thing. There are some, but not that many inherent, hard wired, genetically present DNA or genes in males that make
them what we think of as male: strong, tough, less emotional, etc., etc. Same goes for females. Cultures DEFINE masculinity and femininity to a large
LARGE degree. Babies/children are born and raised in this culture and before they can even speak are completely indoctrinated in what it means to be
male or female.
Other cultures of the past have had completely different versions of male/female. One culture had the women who rad most things; these women were
strong, much more masculine than what we're used to, but that was that culture. That culture would have considered a lot of our feminine qualities as
non-existent in their females.
I would love to see what a gay person in the 1500s or the 900s would look and sound like. It would probably be a lot different than what we see now.
And this is because their social concepts of what defined a man or a woman were DIFFERENT than ours.
In the modern age, we are more polarized than ever about masculine and feminine stereotypes. When people are born, as I say, they pick up unconscious,
conscious signals every which way about what a man or a woman is. Most of them simply follow the gender they are supposed to be.
You've heard it before, and I'll say it again. No one is really 100% straight or 100% gay. Now remember: I say this while defining myself as 100% gay.
What I mean is no one is really born that way. The rampant bisexuality of ancient Rome and Greece clearly show us that if you're born into a society
where it's accepted, more people simply become bisexual. So....we are born with an inherent bisexuality, and everyone is on a continuum. However, one
of the things we learn quickly when we're born NOW in this culture is that that does not exist, and we quickly adopt that and follow along the lines
of what we were born as: a straight man or a straight women.
For some reason, some people break from this - the reasons are far FAR too varied to talk about. But some people reject this automatic "training." Now
the very act of rejection means all of these people COULD be bisexual, and had they been born in a different culture, they WOULD be. But at such a
young age, and very unconsciously, they just assume that if it's not all the way one, then it's ALL the way the other.
I am convinced I could have been bisexual but am not, because I just assumed it was one or the other. Bisexual people are the ones who TRULY did not
become indoctrinated by current social morays.
Anyway, so to answer the OPs question: what happens, is that some gay people become obsessed with stereotypical feminine or masculine roles. It's very
evident in the way some men like to dress up in women's clothes, and it's always HEAPS of make-up, lipstick, long hair, high heeled shoes - ULTRA
feminine, according to the current definition. Or....they go the opposite way: they dress up in leather, chains, ride motorcycles, etc., going ULTRA
masculine, according to the current definition.
They are simultaneously rejecting society's definition of masculine/feminine, while also embracing it to the max.
Straight people tend to express both masculine and feminine traits to various degrees at various times. Some of the stereotypical gay people you talk
about are trying to create (unconsciously mostly) a gender role for themselves.
Oh, and please....there is NO GAY GENE. There is NO proof whatso-frigging-ever. No one is born gay. But by the same token, no one is born straight.