A question regarding transgendered women

I've been trying to increase my awareness and become more accepting of transgendered people, for those who don't know my sister identified as gay for ten years, she however just recently married a nice young man. For the longest time I lambasted my father about his reactions to my sister when she came out,(note: I was in the army in Germany so I could only voice my disdain over the phone)he was a very Christian and bible thumping man who I disagreed with daily, he didn't speak to my sister for almost two years, even while she was living in his home. I still sometimes wonder if she decided to marry a man for my fathers approval, but I don't think I'll ever get a straight answer on that. He eventually became more accepting, and dropped some of his overt hard line views,but I saw how destructive all this was to my sisters psyche,and I have held some resentment towards my father even still.

Having said that, in order to give perspective, and in the wake of these transgendered school issues regarding the PE showers, my father has always said to me," what bathroom do they use". He goes on to say that, "just because someone 'pretends' to be a girl does not make them a girl. That the majority should not be forced to accommodate and feel uncomfortable because of a minority's desires." I know that psychology is saying these people do not make the choice and that though their body parts may reflect differently, they are in fact women/men.

If that is the case, and I don't wish to be divisive or cause inflammatory rhetoric; my question is if a man sleeps with a transgendered woman, pre OP does that make him gay, and after post OP does it make a difference? I'd really like to know your opinions.

for me, i know what science says, even still I feel I could not sleep with a transgendered woman pre OP or post OP . I honestly do not wish discrimination, and believe in equal rights. I don't think I could MAKE or force myself to feel any different way. I believe the question is pertinent because intuitively based on my own inherent feelings, I realize transgendered people cannot be accepted in the way they wish to be, even if logic and science says otherwise. Does anyone have any light to shed on this topic thanks.

I'm yet to be convinced on the toilet side of things.

I don't think I'd ever have "relations" with a transgender female.
Wouldn't judge those who do either.

Everything else I'm all for.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I don't think so. I don't even think if a straight man sleeps with another straight man once, that they are gay. It may be an experiment or bisexuality. It may be that person falls somewhere nearer to the middle of the Kinsey scale.

I think you may be asking is this man imagining the pre-op transgender person is a woman, even if they do not appear to be, that could be the case. You may be saying they form a relationship with this person. The biological male may be hoping for the day his partner is physically changed and it doesn't matter to him right now. If he were truly gay, I don;t think he would continue on with a person that identifies as female and will eventually, physically, be female. The human imagination is vast.

I'm sorry about how your father treated your sister. No idea, like yourself, why she chose to marry a man.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I hear you and agree, but do you feel it qualifies a man as 'gay' who sleeps with a transgendered woman. And also the reverse question I'm asking as well, I only say transgendered woman because I am a male and of course charlie you are a male as well.

a reply to: TechniXcality
I'm a little snake bit and want nothing more to do with all this trans business at the moment but here is a good informative thread that answers a few of your questions. Two Questions for Transgender People

You've asked a legitimate question to help your understanding in these matters and I appreciate that. I've had my share of being ripped apart the last few days so the link above probably is the last I'll have to say on this. I may U2U you (say that three times fast) a few additional comments.

Edit to add: Read the other thread - it talks a great deal about relationships and sex.

a reply to: TechniXcality

LOL, as for bathrooms, another ATSer said it correctly "toilets are for toileting". It is really a waste of space to have 2 different ones in most places, when there are stalls. I think they should be unisex and a separate facility in malls/large restaurants/amusement parks for babies to be changed in. Many places have 'family bathrooms' now, like airports.

a reply to: EKron

I saw some of your posts ripped apart, and for no reason. I should have said something. You post in a very academic and logical manner.

originally posted by: TechniXcality
a reply to: CharlieSpeirs

I hear you and agree, but do you feel it qualifies a man as 'gay' who sleeps with a transgendered woman. And also the reverse question I'm asking as well, I only say transgendered woman because I am a male and of course charlie you are a male as well.

I don't think it qualifies a man as gay if he sleeps with a transgendered woman, she is presenting herself as female, and even as an old heterosexual, some of the transgendered ladies are pretty hot. Human sexuality has always been somewhat fluid, but I think with the internet, the things that most of us would consider "outside of the norm" have become more known, and more have participated, at least in their fantasies.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I wouldn't say it makes someone gay.

But there is a certain preference to it.
Either that or a completely carefree mentality.

I have neither personally.

But good for those who do.

originally posted by: reldra
No idea, like yourself, why she chose to marry a man.

From my experience, homosexual women are rarer than bisexual women.

I also have a hard time understanding what some transgenders portrayed by the media want. I think that if I felt like I was a women inside, then in society, I would still use the men's bathroom. My feelings about me being a women wouldn't be hurt, because seriously, who cares about the opinion of others?

We are allowed to feel however we want to feel about ourselves and that's it. That's empowerment!

a reply to: reldra

Women use stalls.

Men have urinals. And maybe one stall that has a pissy floor and is full of s#.


Transgender males are in for a shock if they start using them.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I have to say, there is something about you. You have an amazing "energy" (paranormal type).

You literally question everything - - - at least in your mind. You come off in the physical word as kind of macho - - - but, that's not what I'm picking up. You are very sensitive (sense things), and are open to - - - beyond what is seen.

I really like the new term "Sexual Fluidity". I think most of us fit that. I think society and "man made" religion has drawn lines between accepted sexuality and unaccepted sexuality.

I truly believe sexuality is naturally more fluid.

Maybe your sister should not have used man made labels to define herself. I do not believe being attracted to both sexes un-defines her time of attraction to same sex.

a reply to: CharlieSpeirs
Guys are the worst when it comes to public bathrooms. Like seemingly go out of their way to do the most disgusting things.

On topic, I get why people wouldn't be comfortable with this issue, if I had a daughter I probably would have some reservations too.

a reply to: EKron

Thank you very much and I'm reading that thread, i really ask the question because I would prefer if all people were treated equally and accepted. However is it hypocritical to have that belief and yet still would not personally see a transgendered woman as sexually arousing. Or are the two beliefs unaffected by one another, how can society even with people like me who champion freedom and liberty ever be truly accepting with these internal beliefs even if on the surface they appear differently? Am I just a bigot?

originally posted by: TechniXcality

If that is the case, and I don't wish to be divisive or cause inflammatory rhetoric; my question is if a man sleeps with a transgendered woman, pre OP does that make him gay, and after post OP does it make a difference? I'd really like to know your opinions.

Well to answer this... Why do care what others do in their own home? Why put a label on them?

Oh this is for you?
Do you love this person? Then it should not matter what others want to label you as.

I think if a straight man sleeps with a transgender woman, who identifies as a straight female, it does not mean he is gay. That stands for me, regardless of whether he knows she is transgender or is unaware, and also stands whether she has transitioned or not. The straight identifying man is sleeping with a straight identifying female.

originally posted by: Annee
a reply to: TechniXcality

I have to say, there is something about you. You have an amazing "energy" (paranormal type).

You literally question everything - - - at least in your mind. You come off in the physical word as kind of macho - - - but, that's not what I'm picking up. You are very sensitive (sense things), and are open to - - - beyond what is seen.

I really like the new term "Sexual Fluidity". I think most of us fit that. I think society and "man made" religion has drawn lines between accepted sexuality and unaccepted sexuality.

I truly believe sexuality is naturally more fluid.

Maybe your sister should not have used man made labels to define herself. I do not believe being attracted to both sexes un-defines her time of attraction to same sex.

Annee,

You have said this much more eloquently than I could have, I was going to give him KUDOS earlier for this post, based on some responses I have seen in the past, but couldn't find the words I wanted to say.

originally posted by: BubbaJoe

originally posted by: Annee
a reply to: TechniXcality

I have to say, there is something about you. You have an amazing "energy" (paranormal type).

You literally question everything - - - at least in your mind. You come off in the physical word as kind of macho - - - but, that's not what I'm picking up. You are very sensitive (sense things), and are open to - - - beyond what is seen.

I really like the new term "Sexual Fluidity". I think most of us fit that. I think society and "man made" religion has drawn lines between accepted sexuality and unaccepted sexuality.

I truly believe sexuality is naturally more fluid.

Maybe your sister should not have used man made labels to define herself. I do not believe being attracted to both sexes un-defines her time of attraction to same sex.

Annee,

You have said this much more eloquently than I could have, I was going to give him KUDOS earlier for this post, based on some responses I have seen in the past, but couldn't find the words I wanted to say.

Thanks. I'm an Energy Empath.

It told me.

originally posted by: TechniXcality
a reply to: EKron

Thank you very much and I'm reading that thread, i really ask the question because I would prefer if all people were treated equally and accepted. However is it hypocritical to have that belief and yet still would not personally see a transgendered woman as sexually arousing. Or are the two beliefs unaffected by one another, how can society even with people like me who champion freedom and liberty ever be truly accepting with these internal beliefs even if on the surface they appear differently? Am I just a bigot?

Unfortunately you are judging people based on you own beliefs, whatever they might be. If you just remove the "beliefs" filter, and accept folks for who and what they are, no matter how they present, you might find some extremely interesting people in this world. What's more, they might open your eyes to things you have never considered before.

a reply to: TechniXcality

I don't think you're a bigot mate.

Preference is hard wired.
Can't force yourself to want something in the sexual department.