At Age 3 — Transitioning From Jack To Jackie

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: EKron
You know, I reread the article linked in the OP then watched the video and read the comments I didn't the first time and may have a slightly different opinion? Had the parents strongly refused to let Jack identify and experiment as Jackie, the consequence one way or the other may have equal significance as allowing it? This would be interesting to look at again in five or six years.

I'm on my 3rd generation now of raising kids (I have a 22 year old grandson as well). I've learned a lot.

I can't even imagine being a first time parent and dealing with something like this. Thankfully today there is help and awareness. Did you know there are camps for transgender kids, and they've had to expand? They can go when they are 8.

(Tamara here)

Bless your heart. My sister's oldest son is autistic and I see what she goes through. Here's a little love going your way and I hope the best for both of you.

I have to say, I did not know they had such camps. I wonder how far back they go? Did they exist in 2003? I know that Brian and I would have loved to have been able to send Jade to such a camp when she was 8. She would have probably LOVED it since she had just spent her first year being able to live at home as a girl. I remember when she was 8, after her hair had grown out long again she wanted to be able to be herself not just at home so that camp would have been perfect for her to make friends with other children like her.

originally posted by: Threegirls
Thank you for your kind words EKron. x

I wish with all of my heart I had gained awareness and true understanding of what my son was going through sooner. I just honestly thought I had a miserable, angry child, that was the personality of the little girl I was raising.

I still go through very tearful days as I try to come to terms with the guilt I feel over my inadequate parenting. I take my hat off to Jade's Mum and Dad. I relate to so much of what each of you wrote, my husband is still struggling though and the rest of our family go through phases, sometimes they seem to get it, others, not so much.

I have noticed that in the USA much has been done to raise awareness of trans issues. Here in the UK the work has only just begun. We do have a few transgender adults in the public eye such as journalist Paris Lees and boxing promoter Kellie Maloney. Transgender guys are few and far between and the issue is rarely discussed.

Love and hugs to you all. X

(Tamara again, Jade's Mom)

I want you to know that you did the best you could. That's all any of us can do as mothers to children born this way. I'm happy that you and your son are now able to talk and that he's getting treatment. That will make a world of difference just you wait and see.

I don't know that there's more awareness in the USA. I always thought there was more awareness in Europe? But I will say this, you are not alone.

So much of what you describe really hit home for me and brought back memories. I remember feeling isolated, scared for Jade, scared for our whole family and felt as though the world would be against us when we finally decided to do the right think and allow Jade to be who she is.

If you need to talk with someone or find resources both I and my husband are here for you. Know that brighter days are ahead and we wish you and your son the best from this point on.

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: JadeStar

originally posted by: AnonymousMoose
There's a great episode of that iconic classic TV show Full House, where the youngest daughter Michelle feels left out because all the boys are playing and she is often treated differently by her male friends, or told she cant play sports with the older boys, so she stars dressing like a boy and acting like a boy and tells her dad she wants to be a boy. He sits her down, and the cheesy feel good 90s music begins as he explains to her the facts of life that boys and girls are different, and that there will be times when she won't be able to hang out with the boys but she'll have female friends and get to do girl things that boys can't do when she gets older.

Hey Dad, did you see this? Remember those times you tried that with me?

Sorry but I just LOLed so much reading that. I mean seriously? TV sitcoms resolve all issues in a half hour.

Thats what is wrong with some people. They believe everything out of Hollywood is real.

I remember them like it was yesterday. I also remember that cheesy show and how awful some of the episodes were. Pay no attention to that. People thought as you say like you like to say, "hella stupid" things in the 90s so that show and the person who proposed that its premise that a gender dysphoric child envies their siblings and that all it takes for a gender dysphoric child to become happy is just a nice talk with mom or dad is overly simplistic.

I pretty much doubt that show was trying to represent gender dysphoria to begin with. It was just a silly plot to make people laugh. Funny that guy took it seriously.

originally posted by: Darth_Prime
a reply to: blacktie

But you can't tell a Child what their Gender is, they know it because it's what they are, their true Gender Identity..

^^^^^^ Soooooo THIS!

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: EKron
You know, I reread the article linked in the OP then watched the video and read the comments I didn't the first time and may have a slightly different opinion? Had the parents strongly refused to let Jack identify and experiment as Jackie, the consequence one way or the other may have equal significance as allowing it? This would be interesting to look at again in five or six years.

(Tamara here)

I'm on my 3rd generation now of raising kids (I have a 22 year old grandson as well). I've learned a lot.

I can't even imagine being a first time parent and dealing with something like this. Thankfully today there is help and awareness. Did you know there are camps for transgender kids, and they've had to expand? They can go when they are 8.

Bless your heart. My sister's oldest son is autistic and I see what she goes through. Here's a little love going your way and I hope the best for both of you.

I have to say, I did not know they had such camps. I wonder how far back they go? Did they exist in 2003? I know that Brian and I would have loved to have been able to send Jade to such a camp when she was 8. She would have probably LOVED it since she had just spent her first year being able to live at home as a girl. I remember when she was 8, after her hair had grown out long again she wanted to be able to be herself not just at home so that camp would have been perfect for her to make friends with other children like her.

Thank you.

Here is info on the camp: www.camparanutiq.org...

My grandson is very mild high functioning Autistic, for which I am very grateful. But, you still have to do the early work to help them understand themselves and find their potential that will guide them to being a happy, successful adult.

I didn't mention my oldest daughter was ADD, and that was way back in 1972 when she was in kindergarten. We are one of the early lucky ones who had an amazing team of doctors and teachers who really knew what they were doing. That's how I learned to listen to those who have knowledge. Not that I didn't fight them through the whole process, I did. You don't just turn your kid over and say she's all yours.

originally posted by: SoulSurfer
a reply to: Liquesence

Am I the only one feeling the despair of a world gone mad? I just.. don't even know how to reply to some stories anymore. I want to cry, but feel angry at the same time.

Even if the kid stated it , he would have grown out of it the moment he hit puberty as with most males experiencing that.

And if not then they become another transgender woman with a deep voice and 5'o clock shadow. I guess that's finein your book huh?

When you are a kid, you play using imagination and imagination knows no bounds until out grown. Im sure many males grew out of that mindset the moment they discovered they liked girls.

People with real gender identity issues still have them during puberty, it doesn't matter. Ask any transsexual who transitioned later in life, or at least post puberty if going through puberty made them feel any different. The ones I've talked to or read personal histories of all say the same thing: puberty was hell for them.

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: EKron
You know, I reread the article linked in the OP then watched the video and read the comments I didn't the first time and may have a slightly different opinion? Had the parents strongly refused to let Jack identify and experiment as Jackie, the consequence one way or the other may have equal significance as allowing it? This would be interesting to look at again in five or six years.

(Tamara here)

I'm on my 3rd generation now of raising kids (I have a 22 year old grandson as well). I've learned a lot.

I can't even imagine being a first time parent and dealing with something like this. Thankfully today there is help and awareness. Did you know there are camps for transgender kids, and they've had to expand? They can go when they are 8.

Bless your heart. My sister's oldest son is autistic and I see what she goes through. Here's a little love going your way and I hope the best for both of you.

I have to say, I did not know they had such camps. I wonder how far back they go? Did they exist in 2003? I know that Brian and I would have loved to have been able to send Jade to such a camp when she was 8. She would have probably LOVED it since she had just spent her first year being able to live at home as a girl. I remember when she was 8, after her hair had grown out long again she wanted to be able to be herself not just at home so that camp would have been perfect for her to make friends with other children like her.

Thank you.

Here is info on the camp: www.camparanutiq.org...

My grandson is very mild high functioning Autistic, for which I am very grateful. But, you still have to do the early work to help them understand themselves and find their potential that will guide them to being a happy, successful adult.

I didn't mention my oldest daughter was ADD, and that was way back in 1972 when she was in kindergarten. We are one of the early lucky ones who had an amazing team of doctors and teachers who really knew what they were doing. That's how I learned to listen to those who have knowledge. Not that I didn't fight them through the whole process, I did. You don't just turn your kid over and say she's all yours.

Thank you for that information on the camp. Too late for us and Jade but if we happen to be contacted by another family of a young child through PFLAG or something we'll be sure to pass it on.

Ok your son is in a better situation than my nephew who is highly autistic and can't be left alone. He ran his mom ragged. And I hear you on your experience with your oldest daughter and trusting the doctors and teachers.

You know, I had to fight my own family about that?! You see there's a distrust in some of the black community for doctors, ESPECIALLY psychologists and psychiatrists. I had my cousins tell me "you take him to one of those shrink and they will will mess his head up and then mess yours up too if you ain't careful."

I know enough to know that a lot of that mistrust while it has it's place for historical reasons, it also is responsible for a lot of people not getting the help they need. And trust me, we needed help. So I fired back to them: "If you don't think we should get help from professionals who know what they're doing then you're the one whose head is all messed up."

I want to say that I would give you the biggest hug if I could for all that you have gone through. And I remember reading what you said about not being able to imagine going through what I went through with Jade as a new mother. I am lucky that she is my last. I know that I would have been far less prepared for everything had she been my first.

Now right here I want to say that Jade is a person not a problem. So much discussion around these issues often turn the child into a problem rather than a person. We allowed the doctors to treat Jade as a person, not as a problem and slowly the problems in her life became less and less. A happier Jade helped Brian and I be happier for her too because like I said, she has a gentle presence and smile that lights up a room. Of my three daughters she is the most girly girl of all of them. You know what I mean? Like I wanted to teach my oldest how to sew and she wanted no part in that. And our middle daughter has always been kinda a tomboy but that doesn't matter. They're my children! I love them all.

I will just say that it was so nice being able to sit down with Jade and teach her how to sew, knit and cook all while she was so eager to learn! And she is very good at both I might add! Oh and can SHE SHOP! Whether it is with me or her sisters she always finds the nicest things and at good prices too!

She has also always been very concerned with the feelings of those around her. She is a pleaser and I think that is also why she would like some understanding and felt like we were being attacked when people said parents like us should be locked away in jail. She wears her heart on her sleeve and always has. She's always been delicate, on the petite side, stands about 5'6" but has an inner and outer beauty and strength that warms my heart and those of others.

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: EKron
You know, I reread the article linked in the OP then watched the video and read the comments I didn't the first time and may have a slightly different opinion? Had the parents strongly refused to let Jack identify and experiment as Jackie, the consequence one way or the other may have equal significance as allowing it? This would be interesting to look at again in five or six years.

(Tamara here)

I'm on my 3rd generation now of raising kids (I have a 22 year old grandson as well). I've learned a lot.

I can't even imagine being a first time parent and dealing with something like this. Thankfully today there is help and awareness. Did you know there are camps for transgender kids, and they've had to expand? They can go when they are 8.

Bless your heart. My sister's oldest son is autistic and I see what she goes through. Here's a little love going your way and I hope the best for both of you.

I have to say, I did not know they had such camps. I wonder how far back they go? Did they exist in 2003? I know that Brian and I would have loved to have been able to send Jade to such a camp when she was 8. She would have probably LOVED it since she had just spent her first year being able to live at home as a girl. I remember when she was 8, after her hair had grown out long again she wanted to be able to be herself not just at home so that camp would have been perfect for her to make friends with other children like her.

Thank you.

Here is info on the camp: www.camparanutiq.org...

OMG Mom!!!

Why didn't they have this when I was little?!?!


DAAAYAaaam kids today are lucky!!!!!!! They have everything!

originally posted by: JadeStar

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: EKron
You know, I reread the article linked in the OP then watched the video and read the comments I didn't the first time and may have a slightly different opinion? Had the parents strongly refused to let Jack identify and experiment as Jackie, the consequence one way or the other may have equal significance as allowing it? This would be interesting to look at again in five or six years.

(Tamara here)

I'm on my 3rd generation now of raising kids (I have a 22 year old grandson as well). I've learned a lot.

I can't even imagine being a first time parent and dealing with something like this. Thankfully today there is help and awareness. Did you know there are camps for transgender kids, and they've had to expand? They can go when they are 8.

Bless your heart. My sister's oldest son is autistic and I see what she goes through. Here's a little love going your way and I hope the best for both of you.

I have to say, I did not know they had such camps. I wonder how far back they go? Did they exist in 2003? I know that Brian and I would have loved to have been able to send Jade to such a camp when she was 8. She would have probably LOVED it since she had just spent her first year being able to live at home as a girl. I remember when she was 8, after her hair had grown out long again she wanted to be able to be herself not just at home so that camp would have been perfect for her to make friends with other children like her.

Thank you.

Here is info on the camp: www.camparanutiq.org...

OMG Mom!!!

Why didn't they have this when I was little?!?!

DAAAYAaaam kids today are lucky!!!!!!! They have everything!

I know baby girl. Your dad and I would have loved to have sent you to a camp like that. It would have brought more fun into your life when you needed it most.

Alright honey your Dad and I have to be up early again tomorrow. Don't stay up too late yourself. We all need our beauty rest.

We'll be back tomorrow evening in case anyone has any other questions or comments.

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: JadeStar

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: EKron
You know, I reread the article linked in the OP then watched the video and read the comments I didn't the first time and may have a slightly different opinion? Had the parents strongly refused to let Jack identify and experiment as Jackie, the consequence one way or the other may have equal significance as allowing it? This would be interesting to look at again in five or six years.

(Tamara here)

I'm on my 3rd generation now of raising kids (I have a 22 year old grandson as well). I've learned a lot.

I can't even imagine being a first time parent and dealing with something like this. Thankfully today there is help and awareness. Did you know there are camps for transgender kids, and they've had to expand? They can go when they are 8.

Bless your heart. My sister's oldest son is autistic and I see what she goes through. Here's a little love going your way and I hope the best for both of you.

I have to say, I did not know they had such camps. I wonder how far back they go? Did they exist in 2003? I know that Brian and I would have loved to have been able to send Jade to such a camp when she was 8. She would have probably LOVED it since she had just spent her first year being able to live at home as a girl. I remember when she was 8, after her hair had grown out long again she wanted to be able to be herself not just at home so that camp would have been perfect for her to make friends with other children like her.

Thank you.

Here is info on the camp: www.camparanutiq.org...

OMG Mom!!!

Why didn't they have this when I was little?!?!

DAAAYAaaam kids today are lucky!!!!!!! They have everything!

I know baby girl. Your dad and I would have loved to have sent you to a camp like that. It would have brought more fun into your life when you needed it most.

Alright honey your Dad and I have to be up early again tomorrow. Don't stay up too late yourself. We all need our beauty rest.

We'll be back tomorrow evening in case anyone has any other questions or comments.

Thanks again! I swear you are the best parents in the world! Soooo wonderful!

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian
Thanks for your support. You're right we have had to do a lot of growing and healing but I would say that this was never in danger of breaking us. I know that Tamara and I became closer and that we as a family became closer as a result of our experience.

Hello Brian

Okay I will concede, you're lucky and you work hard at being a family, either way, I've only seen that kind of thing in the movies, I know it exists and I will never cease to get a little green around the edges when I see that kind of mutual support but I have little actual experience of your kind of family. We have a lot of cross generational dysfunction in my family, as do many others, too many individuals wallowing in self-pity or petty resentment, cheating and lying, familiar stories that have accompanied us into Western modernity. It's hard to be a team when all the members are turned inward on themselves, hiding who they really are, ashamed or fearful of judgement. As my son navigates puberty, the most important thing to me, as a parent, is that the lines of communication stay open, we all make mistakes, none of us can entirely anticipate what life is going to throw at us, but there is very little that cannot be resolved by talking about it, then combining to confront it together.

Very best of (continued) luck to you (though I do believe we make our own) and yours, and many thanks for your candor.

Am I the only one who has maybe only one memory I can recall from that age?

If these parents listened to his explanation of why he was sad about being a boy, and taught him to be happy with who he is, and help him be happy as a boy... Instead of reinforcing his 3 year old way of thinking... Would he even remember it when he was older? If he was a halfway intelligent being, would he possibly hold it against them if he did remember, providing that his gender identity issues persisted?

What is the real harm done with teaching your child to be happy with who he or she is? Do not reinforce such beliefs that a 3 year old expresses... There's PLENTY of time to reinforce those beliefs later if they still exist. Nature and nurterer... Reinforcing these will eliminate the likelihood that they will go away. If they are real, not reinforcing them and teaching your child to be happy with his or herself will not make the real gender identity issues dissipate

Anybody who thinks a 3 year old should be deciding if it should have gender corrective surgery is crazy, what if they flip back at puberty ?

Then you really screwed them up for life.

Come on people have you lost all common sense ?

originally posted by: Blue_Jay33
Anybody who thinks a 3 year old should be deciding if it should have gender corrective surgery is crazy,

DId you read the story and watch the video linked in the original post? No one is talking about surgery. This is about whether it is anyone's business that a family is allowing someone who feels their gender does not match their body to just be how they want instead of forcing them to be unhappy.

Maybe the kid is transgender, maybe not but that is not for anyone at this stage to decide and if living as a girl makes them happy why not let them be happy instead of sad?

what if they flip back at puberty ?

Then they flip back. No harm was done.

But what if they don't? Well then they had a very unhappy childhood and probably hate life. Congratulations.

originally posted by: Kali74
a reply to: TheWhiteKnight

Cultural Marxism... lol.

WAKE UP.

YOU ARE ONE.

Now go worship at your little altar to the psychological disease known as social progressivism.

Run along now..

originally posted by: JadeStar
I'm so sorry. I was afraid that might happen. *Hug* please know that you have helped a lot of people here who may not even participate in this thread, but who have read your experience and have achieved greater understanding about these issues.

No worries, Jade. These are my feelings and I own them. Well, sometimes they do try to pwn me now and then like yesterday but I always win. If I didn't, I wouldn't still be breathing. I am a veteran survivor of this crap.

Your posts aren't what did this or caused my dismay. It was my mother, father and step-father and the times. Keep in mind, the lines of gender were much more strict and that boys/children had no option to transition or try things and were expected to just suck it up. I got away with more than most but not without some baggage. I'll post this here for further understanding of our struggles and maybe if your parents read it, can wonder what they'd have done with you in the 50's and 60's with no information and no doctors to turn to with knowledge of what to do.

I don't blame or hold anything against my folks. How can I? It was not like I was unloved or mistreated. As a somewhat weird and very sensitive only child, just the opposite was true. My parents were only being diligent and concerned and doing what they thought was the very best for me like I suppose when bloodletting was thought to cure illness, parents felt that was the best thing for their children too?

Unlike you, I did not strongly verbalize wanting to be a girl as much as I just naturally acted out. Concessions for my behavior were made at some point, I did have babies to play with and an apron for a pretend dress which was not something boys were allowed to do but I'm clueless how or when things got to this point, Maybe I was one of those 3 year old kids that spoke up but was viciously suppressed and harshly forbidden to express it? Who knows? I don't remember being three and there's no one to quiz about it. At 5 -6, do remember my father and mother loudly fighting about this more than a few times and knew they were arguing about me but I wasn't giving up my babies.

My dad was a Marine that fought in Korea and was unrelenting in his attempts to attack, belittle, humiliate and embarrass me at every opportunity without exception and I hated him for it. I've never forgiven him for buzzing my hair at 8 and for lacking an ounce of sensitivity about it. To me, this turned his verbal abuse into physical abuse.

I long ago accepted this was done out of love but it doesn't stop the pain or memory of how much these things can hurt. My mom was obviously less hardcore and sensed my true nature and I know she felt bad for me at times. My behavior of me being me was a source of contention between my parents. However, after they separated and as I got older, my mom picked up the torch where my dad left off and began to push with her own brand of shame and guilt until toward the end of my junior year in high school when she either mellowed out, was afraid I'd suicide our just gave up? I had had several "evaluations". Maybe she was told to back off and let me be me?

"Why can't you be more like a boy?" "Other boys don't do that"." Stop acting like a girl and man up." "Why won't you go outside and play with the neighbor boys?" "Do you want people to think you are a sissy?" "What, do you think you're going to grow up and be a girl?" "If you don't cut your hair, people are going to start thinking you're a girl" "Boys don't wear that". I could fill up a page of this "love".

It's one thing to encourage, guide and suggest. It's another to malign and harass. None of it worked as intended and if anything, strengthened my resolve to do, be and feel whatever the hell I wanted.

Starting in the summer before my senior year of high school, little by little I began drifting toward androgyny which was somewhat avant-garde and edgy in 1972 or just plain queer, but I felt better about myself every step I took, even though I was just a freak to most. My blond hair was almost waist length and it wasn't like my mother hadn't seen me maybe sneak a touch of her mascara now and then. For several years, I was a complete, friendless, introverted and isolated loner, angry at the world that would have preferred to remain locked in my bedroom forever but I did get good grades and enjoyed learning.

I left home a week after graduation for months of soul searching and very and dark suicidal times, bouncing between places to crash, living in my car for a bit, starving and not having a clue or direction (I was pretty effed up). I'd discovered simple things like some barrettes in my hair or a touch of lip gloss found the andro boy getting gendered female nearly all of the time. By the end of the year around the holidays and a few weeks before my 19th birthday, after not seeing since her since I'd left home, I went over to my mom's house and came out to her fully for the first time who I was and where I was going.

She freaked a little at first but then said she "wasn't surprised and always knew I would do something like this" which was an unexpected response after nearly a lifetime of be-a-boy programming. I got my girl name that day and life got better but there were still some struggles and a couple things I had to do that did see the andro boy back once or twice before he vanished forever a couple months later. That was 41 years ago. Three years later at 22, the last of his body was finally gone as well and I was whole.

So, when painful things from my past do sneak above the horizon in my mind once and a while, I remember what it took to get where I wanted to be and then have to pinch myself I've actually made it to 60 years old. In a way, that alone is a big FU to all the BS.

originally posted by: TamaraAndBrian
Thank you. We are very proud of Jade.

As you should be. Y'all done good. I told her the other day she made me proud too.

We're just one family who has had to deal with a lot of things which most families do not. There are other families who are having to deal with similar issues and it is my hope that by sharing our experience with raising Jade to become the intelligent, warm, loving, beautiful young lady she is that people understand these situations better.

Tamara, sharing the things about my life I have here has also been with the hope of raising awareness and understanding of this and that maybe someone can get something from it? I can't think of any better shining example to those that may be struggling with this in their own family than yours. I was very reluctant to even post anything here. The people I work and play with are unaware of this aspect of my life and I'm not particularly interested in making it one, it's not who or what I am, just someplace I've been so it took a little urging for me to come out. Jade's example of courage inspired me and some of her words to me privately then convinced me that fighting some of the ignorance and hate was more important than any illusion of privacy I may have been holding on to.

This has been difficult at times. Like Jade has said, talking about this is not part of everyday day life or something constantly on our mind we think about too often. Involving myself in these threads the last few weeks here has made me think about some things I haven't thought about fifty or more years so it is kind of weird. I'm not really anybody's shining example of anything but if one or two people can relate or change their mind from my stories, then maybe it's done some good? None of us "T" people are alike or reach their destination the same way. Some think it is a choice, a lifestyle or something that can be denied if we really put out mind to it. With some of the things I've written here, people may think I'm just plain crazy and they may be right, but it does illustrate this is a fundamental part of our core being and essential to who we are but the last thing on earth people would pick or choose to be. It just is.

Jade told me about you! ...so yes, honorary Granny from Another Family you are then.

Yes, I'm pre-historical! And also happy it's okay with you to be a HGFAF! Thank you! Born a couple days into 1955 and out of high school in '73. Nobody knew anything more about trans stuff beyond what they read of Christine Jorgensen in Life magazine. The medical profession was equally in the dark and oblivious of the condition or what to do about as the pioneering work was still being done. Even when trying to find resources in the mid-70's, research was still underway at John Hopkins University and I almost became a lab rat to get into their program. There are still many medical professionals today that are unfamiliar or unqualified to deal with transgender/transsexual realities and standards of care. I've done a bit of Googling, which of course wasn't something people were able to do before the Internet, to try to determine what types of resources were available in the 1960's and can find mention of next to nothing for adults and absolutely nothing for children. I can't imagine social pressures, lack of professional support or even knowledge could have allowed children to transition during these times and I can only imagine the witch hunt for any parents that would have considered or allowed such a thing. Boys were only boys. Girls were only girls.

I certainly exhibited plenty of "symptoms" early and had several evaluations as I got older but even in the 7th grade, when my first real problems came up, gender identity issues were not generally recognized as a real thing. Even if they had been, there were no hormone blockers and no physician valuing their license would give estrogen to a child or teen.

Gender behavior and expectations were cast in stone. As a "sensitive" young and only child I had some extra freedoms and by five had pushed my way into being allowed dolls, played with the girls, played house and dress up and all that typical behavior in spite of massive efforts against it. Had I insisted I was a girl, I most likely would have been seriously punished and even could have been at some point? Anyway I knew who I was inside and most of my childhood was gender neutral, so I managed and not all my memories are unpleasant. Seventh grade was when I had my first evaluation for "issues" with the ultimate outcome being a note to the school excusing me from showering in the boys locker room. There was no way in the world I was going in there and got to spend 7th and 8th grade folding towels in the coach's office. This is the biggest win I could have expected.

Continued.... (if you can believe that? Sorry, long winded as usual. It's a curse)

a reply to: EKron
Maybe it was because I had been taken to psychologists several times for more of that "IQ testing" without being told what the results were, what it was really about or if I had an IQ at all, and because it was never discussed with me, I got a bit paranoid? I became absolutely convinced in my mind if I ever told anybody I wanted to be a girl, they would put me in a mental institution. This was a genuine fear. I truly felt something was really wrong with me mentally and that I was broken and defective and for my own self-preservation, I damned well better never tell anybody about this. How could I be a girl if I was a boy? This was impossible. That was crazy. I was a sick nutjob. I carried around some massively heavy and crushing weight on my shoulders as a teenager living in a prison needing to get out. All teens have big issues, these were all that and more X 2.

I didn't get much from my family except "why can't you be like other boys". I'm not even sure what I was doing that wasn't like other boys? I was trying very hard.I thought I was hiding my secret knowledge and doing a great job of pretending to be like the other boys with my made up personality but apparently, my act might not have been quite as polished as I thought it was? Everything else was internalized and my mind pretty twisted. With so many "IQ tests" it was obvious my folks had some sort of concerns but they probably were more for my depression, anger, sadness (insert long list here) and the fact I wanted to lock myself in my room and never come out.

Either that or I was so incredibly brilliant they had to keep checking the results to believe it? Ha!

My last year of HS, I got much less pressure to conform to be something I didn't feel like inside and just sort of gravitated naturally away from this fake guy person I was forced to be and toward myself. I ended up right about in the middle by graduation and you know how mean kids (and adults) can be if you don't conform or confuse people so none of that was too fun but I felt better and just more, I dunno, relaxed?

School got out and I booked. By the end of that year, I had gone beyond the middle on to the right side. Before Christmas and my 19th birthday, I told my mom that I hadn't seen in seven months that I just couldn't do it anymore and if she wanted to keep me in her life, it was going to have to be as her daughter and she actually got it. Right away, in fact. Had it not gone well and come down to her or me, I'd have picked me and that would have been a big loss for both of us. I'm sure she went through things dealing with the loss of her son but she became my biggest supporter and champion. We did have some other things to work through. She was all fine and dandy with who I was but felt strongly against SRS. She didn't understand it and didn't seem to want to know but when she did find out what could be done, even in 1977 by a country doctor out in the boonies of Colorado (Dr. Stanley Biber), she admitted she was mistaken and became very happy I hadn't listened to her.

I really didn't mean to write all this much and am sorry but thought you might like to hear what things were like for me long ago when I was probably much like Jade in many ways but at a time when such nonsense was never heard of and nothing was available to be done about it. You are all very fortunate that science and medicine has caught up to this problem and that Jade has been able to put this stuff behind her early in life and not deal with the junk trans kids from the dark ages did. She will have a wonderful happy and healthy life. (Mom, don't worry about her health, she'll be fine)

a reply to: TamaraAndBrian

Always and forever..

i only wish i had this much support my life

originally posted by: Darth_Prime
a reply to: TamaraAndBrian

Always and forever..

i only wish i had this much support my life

Brings a tear to the eye, don't it Darth? I know you've had rough times and been through hell that makes my little slice of misery in the past look like key lime pie. It is hard not to be a little envious when you see this great loving, communicating family that actually works. Makes you go wow!

Jade's wit, knowledge, attitude and wisdom in things that far exceed her years and the way she writes and thinks reached out and grabbed and impressed me right away without even adding any of the other stuff. Now after getting to see the magic of their family dynamic in action, you can where she gets it from because they're all kickass folks.