Is there a guy out there who doesn't cheat?

originally posted by: Cuervo
a reply to: TealFox

Have you thought this about most of your ex-partners?

No not all of them.

Yes and no. I've never cheated but I've thought about it plenty of times which to a lot of people is tantamount to doing it. At some point, even if it was just very early on and for the briefest moment I've thought about having sex with every one of my female friends; most get filed in the hell no box and never looked at in that way again, with others things can be a bit more tense.

While there are definitely guys that don't cheat and can say with certainty they never will I refuse to believe that it's never crossed a guy's mind. It's in our nature to want more but morality and common sense can be powerful enough to override those impulses.

I'd be very wary of any guy that says they're such a nice guy they would never consider it. Either they're sociopaths trying to game you by projecting an image of themselves that they think you want to see or they're lying to themselves.

a reply to: MagnaCarta2015

So I guess the best thing to do it be alone the rest of my life...

a reply to: TealFox

Been faithful to any woman I was committed to. So yes, there are men that are faithful.

Trust is sacred. It's the rock-bottom foundation of any relationship, and that trust comes in many forms.

What leads you to believe he's cheating other than what your gut is telling you? Not saying you're wrong. Many times, what your gut tells you is correct. However where we feel most vulnerable, sometimes our imagination gets the better of us.

I was in a serious relationship for a few years with one particular person and she always thought I was cheating. However that was never the case, ever. Unfortunately no matter what I did to reassure her, it wasn't enough. Her insecurity caused our breakup. Actually being on the receiving end of her accusations, I became very resentful because of her lack of trust and it ruined our relationship. Hope that isn't the case here.

a reply to: TealFox

After 25 years of marriage, I have lost some of my hair(that which is left is mostly grey), have hair growing in bodily areas that scare me, but on occasion still draw a glance from the opposite sex every once in a while(I don't pay attention,and don't really care). After knowing my wife for 27 1/2 years, she is still the sexiest, smartest woman I know, and will let me catch her while chasing her around the house.

Bottom line, why would I leave home for hamburger when I got steak at home? Guys that value their opposite and not stray are out there--they just gotta be aware and mature enough to realize the gem that's sharing their life at home!

a reply to: TealFox

Of course, not all men cheat. Many do. In some cultures it's considered more acceptable than others. I would think those guys don't really consider it "cheating."

Anyway, you say that you are sure he is cheating, but you have no proof. The bottom line there is; relationships are based on trust. If you can't trust him, then the probability of a long term relationship is slim. Whether he is cheating or not, the relationship is going to end. If you want to spend time on it, that's up to you. If he's happy with the relationship and you're getting something out of it, then enjoy it while it lasts. If you want to move on and look for something better, go for it.

The lease should be the last thing on your mind. You can make more money, you can't make more time.

I would suggest you put a lot of thought into Cuervo's question. Maybe he's cheating, or maybe you have trust issues. I know I do.

originally posted by: Bilk22
a reply to: TealFox

Been faithful to any woman I was committed to. So yes, there are men that are faithful.

Trust is sacred. It's the rock-bottom foundation of any relationship, and that trust comes in many forms.

What leads you to believe he's cheating other than what your gut is telling you? Not saying you're wrong. Many times, what your gut tells you is correct. However where we feel most vulnerable, sometimes our imagination gets the better of us.

I was in a serious relationship for a few years with one particular person and she always thought I was cheating. However that was never the case, ever. Unfortunately no matter what I did to reassure her, it wasn't enough. Her insecurity caused our breakup. Actually being on the receiving end of her accusations, I became very resentful because of her lack of trust and it ruined our relationship. Hope that isn't the case here.

Just the usual, hiding his phone, not initiating sex as much, taking calls outside, going out to drink by himself, working late, up all night online and not coming to bed with me...just shady things.

a reply to: TealFox

That's up to you, you can accept guys for what they are, understand that they're hard wired to be flawed but not always selfish enough to act on it and find a way to come to terms with it or be alone. Either way you can have a long happy life.

originally posted by: TealFox

originally posted by: Bilk22
a reply to: TealFox

Been faithful to any woman I was committed to. So yes, there are men that are faithful.

Trust is sacred. It's the rock-bottom foundation of any relationship, and that trust comes in many forms.

What leads you to believe he's cheating other than what your gut is telling you? Not saying you're wrong. Many times, what your gut tells you is correct. However where we feel most vulnerable, sometimes our imagination gets the better of us.

I was in a serious relationship for a few years with one particular person and she always thought I was cheating. However that was never the case, ever. Unfortunately no matter what I did to reassure her, it wasn't enough. Her insecurity caused our breakup. Actually being on the receiving end of her accusations, I became very resentful because of her lack of trust and it ruined our relationship. Hope that isn't the case here.

Just the usual, hiding his phone, not initiating sex as much, taking calls outside, going out to drink by himself, working late, up all night online and not coming to bed with me...just shady things.

OK those could be telltale signs of what you suspect, or it could be something else. Maybe taking him up on the counseling offer will reveal the reasons for them.

These same issues could also mean he has some issues of his own he's avoiding or he's feeling inadequate in some way. Or, maybe he's thinking it's time to move forward with the relationship and he has cold feet. So, unknowingly he's pushing you away. Just a thought, not knowing anything about either one of you.

Been married for nearly 25 years, have never cheated.

OP?

there's someone out there for you, don't despair.

originally posted by: TealFox

Just the usual, hiding his phone, not initiating sex as much, taking calls outside, going out to drink by himself, working late, up all night online and not coming to bed with me...just shady things.

Sounds like an average ATS member.

originally posted by: beezzer
Been married for nearly 25 years, have never cheated.

OP?

there's someone out there for you, don't despair.

Good for you too

I just thought he was the one...

I treat him so good....making him awesome meals, styling his hair for him, buying him clothes, making sure he has everything before he leaves the house, making him art, trying new things (sexually), just loving him for who he is...

it just hurts me so much

originally posted by: TealFox
Hello!
embarrassing as it is, this is my first post.

I'm just not feeling happy in my relationship because I'm pretty sure my bf is cheating on me.
I just don't get it...I treated him so good and let him do whatever he wants. I stayed faithful and trusting...but he can't do the same.

It's very hard to trust people when there's just so much available these days (facebook, the internet)...

He denies up and down that he's not cheating, but I know in my gut he is.

He suggested couples counseling so I'm gonna give it a try, but I'm not counting on it to fix this.

How can I trust a man?!

The bolded text is your problem, in a nutshell. How can I trust a man? How can I trust a woman? How can I trust anyone? Trust is based on the relationship you have with another human being. Not on gender. If that trust breaks down. So does the relationship.

If I were your boyfriend, and I read your OP. I would end the relationship with you immediately, no matter how bad it hurt to do so. NO trust. NO relationship. It's over. Time to move on.

originally posted by: Klassified

originally posted by: TealFox
Hello!
embarrassing as it is, this is my first post.

I'm just not feeling happy in my relationship because I'm pretty sure my bf is cheating on me.
I just don't get it...I treated him so good and let him do whatever he wants. I stayed faithful and trusting...but he can't do the same.

It's very hard to trust people when there's just so much available these days (facebook, the internet)...

He denies up and down that he's not cheating, but I know in my gut he is.

He suggested couples counseling so I'm gonna give it a try, but I'm not counting on it to fix this.

How can I trust a man?!

The bolded text is your problem, in a nutshell. How can I trust a man? How can I trust a woman? How can I trust anyone? Trust is based on the relationship you have with another human being. Not on gender. If that trust breaks down. So does the relationship.

If I were your boyfriend, and I read your OP. I would end the relationship with you immediately, no matter how bad it hurt to do so. NO trust. NO relationship. It's over. Time to move on.

How is it my problem if he's at fault here?

I HAD trust in him...

a reply to: TealFox
The moment someone asks a question that specifies a whole gender, rather than an individual, I know there are issues within that person that need resolving. That part is on you. Also, you have no definitive evidence he is cheating. You have suspicions. You said so yourself. But you have convinced yourself he is, whether or not it is true. Leaving all that aside, though...

I have seen too many relationships break down and die over nothing but lack of trust. If you don't trust him, and he isn't able or willing to allay your fears. It's over. The longer you two stay together, the worse the breakup is gonna be.

Just my opinion, though.

a reply to: TealFox

How is it my problem if he's at fault here? I HAD trust in him...

it just hurts me so much

Just the usual, hiding his phone, not initiating sex as much, taking calls outside, going out to drink by himself, working late, up all night online and not coming to bed with me...just shady things.

I'm just not feeling happy in my relationship because I'm pretty sure my bf is cheating on me. How can I trust a man?!

I thought the person I'm with wouldn't be a dog, but now I know ANYONE can cheat.

The first problem is yours. Stopping you from going through his phone is a sign that he wants his privacy. You are searching for faults.

Cheating or not, you have no proof ... but you have already found him guilty.

I suggest you go to counseling, but be prepared to admit to your own inability to trust him.

While that list you posted could well indicate he is cheating it is also a list that would indicate to me that he is reacting to your need to control and smother him.

Examine your self before making accusations.

Many men do not cheat! But you have convicted all of us!

If he is the one for you, you will just push him away!

P

a reply to: TealFox There is this silly old book, "Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus," I think. Well, the two things I found are true from it are that men like to chase, and they also go into their caves to be hermits.

If I flirtatiously neglect my sweet Husband a little and let him chase me, he's all over me. And when he's in hermit mode, just ride it out. It is just how he sorts stuff out.

As far as cheating, he knows I have zero tolerance. If he did, he'd never see me again. We have a pact to split up rather than cheat...and I'm Catholic, so divorce is a big no no. Make sure he knows what consequences are if he were to break your trust.

a reply to: TealFox

Why would a grown man need you to style his hair for him and buy him clothes? Am sure these things are well meaning on your part but they sound either like you're controlling or he's into being mothered and lacks independence. Not really conducive to a balanced relationship either way.

If you want to keep it going then take the counselling but be prepared to hear some things that may hurt your feelings.

a reply to: TealFox

Is there a guy out there who doesn't cheat?

yup... theres plenty

but they've been cheated on... so trust is hard to come by

a reply to: MagnaCarta2015

Unless its happened to you! If you have ever been cheated on by someone you loved with all your heart, I can almost promise 100% you will NEVER cheat!! Because You never forget that sick punch in the gut feeling when you found out and you would not wish that on anyone....

To the OP yes a lot of guys don't cheat! And here's the thing unless you have full proof that he is cheating you are damaging the relationship beyond repair by continuing to accuse him of cheating you are going to make your worst fears a reality...If you constantly think or ask him if he is messing around and he answers you honestly and you still have doubts, eventually he is going to say to himself: "well she already thinks I'm cheating so what the hell , might as well cheat"!! You are trapping him

He feels damned if I do damned if I don't...Very unfair for your man.. So you have 3 choices..

You need to understand this is your problem and you need counseling by yourself....You can't contribute to couples counseling until you have resolved your issues..

1. Start to trust him and seek counseling for yourself.

2. Higher a private detective which is not cheap and then what do you do if he is innocent?

3. Leave him and move on...I don't understand why you moved in with him if you were sure he was cheating...


Trust him you have nothing to lose but if you continue to falsely accuse him you will have nothing to save...

Pax