Is there a guy out there who doesn't cheat?

Oh hey, thanks, to both of you! That is very kind!

I don't know if I am well adjusted.... I think I have tons of issues and problems, one of them being that I sometimes too open and spill out too much information!!!
But if I have learned things, it is precisely through making mistakes. So in some ways, I have been a massive fùckup during much of my life.

The self confidence thing starts to raise it's head when you start to get older. I think my husband is gorgeous, and let him know it, but he is starting to feel like his forehead is getting way too big, as well as his tummy; the glasses on a chain around his neck doesn't help his self image!
No matter what I think, he always has the doubt that I only say that because I love him, and don't see him accurately (I need glasses too.... which, up close, makes the wrinkles invisible!)

When I have men try to pick up on me at the grocery store I feel flattered and I admit it boosts my ego. I can only imagine that he feels the same when women flirt with him. Some part of me thinks I wouldn't mind if some other women backed me up on this and also let him know he is still desireable! He's sexy when he feels good about himself!

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To the OP, TealFox-

In my past experience I described, I realized later that I was with him because I had a similar state of mind. I looked for my value in my ability to seduce and make a man love me. Too much focus went on that. We were essentially in the same boat.

If you are too focused on seducing and keeping his attention, it is possible he also, has a similar type of mind and focus.... with women in general.

I think the only thing to do is communicate, in the most honest and non-judgmental way possible. He won't open to you if he senses you'll fly into a rage or get hysterical. Remember he is just a person, with his own weaknesses and shortcomings and internal struggles. Don't fall into the trap of swinging between idealization and demonization. It's sounds like you two are still young, and in process of becoming...
Just my opinion, take it or leave it, but know it is only offered in good will.

originally posted by: TealFox
Hello!
embarrassing as it is, this is my first post.

I'm just not feeling happy in my relationship because I'm pretty sure my bf is cheating on me.
I just don't get it...I treated him so good and let him do whatever he wants. I stayed faithful and trusting...but he can't do the same.

It's very hard to trust people when there's just so much available these days (facebook, the internet)...

He denies up and down that he's not cheating, but I know in my gut he is.

He suggested couples counseling so I'm gonna give it a try, but I'm not counting on it to fix this.

How can I trust a man?!

Is there a guy out there who doesn't cheat? Well I've had the chance twice. On one occasion I worked on a job and I showed the female representative of the subcontractor a situation that needed fixing. We talked about the job, went talking about other things. the next thing shes says is "lets go for a drive somewhere" I pretended i didn't hear for my wife's sake.

on another job the HR lady came into my office to talk about something, Again we talked business then we went on to other things. I said something that surprised her, she puts her hand over her left boob instead of between her boobs as most women do they saying something like OMG. Again I pretended not to notice.

On another would talk a lady most days of the week on the other side of the country, I know she was young and Asian. We become friends over time. I went over east once for work and we all went out that night. When I saw her she was stunning, we stat together and i said you must have known I'm a lot older than you, 20 years. She said she knew that from other people from there who had seen me.

she agreed to see got out with me the next night but at the last minute she pulled out. I left the company soon after and she wanted us to 'have a good talk' next time I went over their but I terminated the relationship so as not hurt my wife because I knew what that conversation would have been about.

Am i idiot or a nice guy. Are nice guys idiots?

a reply to: TealFox

TealFox...

Before I answer the question posed in your title, I want to clarify a few things, just so that you know where I am coming from.

When one has been hurt a certain way, it can be difficult to accept that the next situation will be any different, or have a different outcome in the fullness of time. This is entirely normal, and is a part of your subconscious defence against the pain one has been through before. However, it can also ruin something between two people, because a lack of trust. If you are ready to be in a relationship, then you need to be certain that what you are feeling is not just an echo of some old data from a time gone by, or whether there is a genuine reason for your concerns. Not all men are alike in all respects.

Which brings me to the answer to the question posed by your thread title. Yes, there are guys out there who do not cheat. I personally find that when I am in a relationship, all other women in my life, become guys with different equipment, and the woman I am with becomes the only one in the world. I have been screwed over by every woman I have ever dated, either through them cheating, or just failing to trust me because of the behaviour of past lovers. So yes, there are guys who do not cheat, but it is by no means certain that their fidelity is valued by those they happen to be dating.

I am sorry that life has bought you to this point, where you are questioning the existence of honourable men. I can assure you, there are some around. Of course, many of us, and I speak from personal experience, are several pallets short of a full inventory, having been beaten up by a world which has no place for them, so you take the rough with the smooth on that front!

I wish you the best of luck.

originally posted by: TealFox
Hello!
embarrassing as it is, this is my first post.

I'm just not feeling happy in my relationship because I'm pretty sure my bf is cheating on me.
I just don't get it...I treated him so good and let him do whatever he wants. I stayed faithful and trusting...but he can't do the same.

It's very hard to trust people when there's just so much available these days (facebook, the internet)...

He denies up and down that he's not cheating, but I know in my gut he is.

He suggested couples counseling so I'm gonna give it a try, but I'm not counting on it to fix this.

How can I trust a man?!

I have never cheated on any girlfriend and not on my wife of 11 years.

DITCH HIM .

Generalization's, gotta love them.

Cheating is a bloody virus these days, hard to come by someone not infected! But on to your question, Yes, there are us guys who don't cheat, and look upon the action with a bitter disgust. But most of us have been on the opposite end unfortunately and have probably all asked ourselves, ''are all women like this?'' .... the answer to that obviously is no they're not!

... And am with Zazz, ditch him!

It's true - a huge number of men cheat, perhaps the majority. As a man myself I offer no explanation, because I don't understand it and find it utterly abhorrent.

It could be the way we are socialised from infancy...particularly by our mothers and other womenfolk. I recall being ridiculously spoiled, almost suffocated with love. Ladies...DON'T DO THAT!!! It's a recipe for creating spoiled brats with no sense of responsibility.

Don't smother your sons, give them some space, allow them to grow emotionally. Then maybe when they're adults they will treat their lovers with more regard.

I haven't and I'm 56, scores of short relationships (months) and 5 long term (years), married once (she was unfaithful). I have had plenty of opportunity especially when on business thousands of miles away in a 5 star hotels with other delegates and alcohol!

I suspect the problem that a lot of women/men have is the type of man/woman that they are attracted to....the wrong ones. As a man on the outside looking on at many female friends and aquaintances over the years I have seen them fall for clones of the same man ! Oh and the guys do the same with the women they fall for they just don't share the heartache as much as women, if at all!

a reply to: TealFox

I've never cheated on anyone. But I haven't had many girlfriends. I'm usually the "nice" guy in the group of friends who always gets friend zoned. So take that for what you will.

a reply to: Krazysh0t

We talked about this KS. No more offering shoulder rides k?

PS/ you are a STANDOUT here as a great guy. Intelligent, well adjusted, even headed, and socially astute.
Believe me, that always trumps the other guys in the end. You'll end up long term happy. Just hang in there, the gals always catch up to guys like you when they grow into themselves.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

I know that expression of the bottom guy VERY well.

But I wasn't trying to be depressing! I was just offering my limited opinion.

a reply to: Krazysh0t

I didn't think you sounded depressing I stand by what I say , the 'too funny" social peacock guy lasts till his 30s then the Biff sets in...
But then I'm oversimplifying it anyway, what I should say is everyone has someone compatible out there we just arrive at that head space at different times.

a reply to: TealFox

I think the biggest problem to being faithful is all the access to social media. Hear me out.

When I was younger if I wanted to talk to a girl I had to call her landline phone in which shed go in her bedroom if the phone cord was long enough and id go in mine. Wed talk for 30 mins because it was long distance even though she was only 1 town over. It took months of me calling her and her parents answering and me begging to speak to her. All that time investment just to get one date and if I got a kiss it was the world to me.

Fast forward to now....you can message 100 random people of the opposite sex on facebook and get one of them to be interested in you. You talk and text all night using your secret text hider app and by the end of the night you know every single preferred sexual position they like as well as have nudes of them from every angle.

It is just too easy to be tempted and distracted. My personal recommendation is that when a relationship starts you ditch all social media...and if you can't ditch it then id recommend sharing passwords with the agreement you can check up on each other.....just for the mental sake.

Or...you can be like me and just stay single forever which is actually working out quite well. And just for the record I have been on both sides of your situation. Once you have been cheated on...I feel you will never look at a relationship the same...they just aren't as important any more. But good luck!

a reply to: TealFox

Yes. Me...I have when young and stupid...horny too....

For almost 30 years now...I have been faithful, wouldn't do it for any woman...and am too committed to mine.

a reply to: Klassified

I have to say, that's exactly what I did with the person I referred to earlier. It did hurt, but so did the lack of trust and the constant questioning was very disconcerting. It actually led to my pulling away slowly. I'm sure that exacerbated the situation. I always reassured her, but to no avail. I realized, even in marriage, I'd be facing that problem and I was too young to want to deal with it for what could be a very long time.

It's my observation and experience, and that alone, that people who come from a broken, dysfunctional family situation, where one parent was unfaithful, that those people have issues with trust and that's understandable. It's not the rule of course, but that's been my experience.

News flash, this isn't a man problem..if you think for a second women don't cheat just as much then you are being very naive.


Their are a thousand reasons why women and men cheat..non of them are valid and none of them are good.

a reply to: zazzafrazz

Well we'll see... I stopped holding my breath on it a while ago. If it happens it happens. But my luck with women has been notoriously awful.

originally posted by: Krazysh0t
a reply to: zazzafrazz

Well we'll see... I stopped holding my breath on it a while ago. If it happens it happens. But my luck with women has been notoriously awful.

When you least suspect it my good man...

a reply to: Klassified

Another good one ^^^

You know at times, I've kind of wished I was bisexual so I could double my chances of finding a mate. Except whenever I think about a man like that, I just find it unappealing.