Father's Day: A dad wonders, does anyone ever get this job right?

a reply to: Nyiah

To be completely blunt, your comment was as those other accusations, a case of jumping to conclusions and as such offensive.

Those that cannot read properly should not comment on things they THINK was said but wasn't.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Jumping to what conclusions? I'm taking your insensitivity at face value here, exactly as you presented it. A refresher, if you forgot what you said:

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: bigfatfurrytexan

I call BS on your call of BS and accusation.

Did you have the responsibility of carrying your children in your womb?

How about giving birth to them?

Breastfeeding them?

Men cannot do that.

Therefore mother = more responsibility. FACT.

Casual uneducated misplaced accusations are still uneducated misplaced accusations, just saying!

You are unabashedly implying that possessing a uterus & the temporary resident in it equals something far above a dad's parenthood & associated worries. I disagree wholeheartedly, and find your desperate attempts to deflect from owning up to foot-in-mouth-itis (on a holiday for DADS no less, not you) to be pathetic, & far beyond rude. Shame on you, really. You shot yourself in the foot by posting the above in the first place, and continuing to argue about it. Just own up & be done.

a reply to: Nyiah

Are you crazy?

Go and read my first comment on this thread which was a friendly comment which happened to also contain these words ''mothers have all the responsibilities of fathers and more''.

That comment was offensively accused by a moderator as ''BS'' and ''misandry'' which is basically an accusation of lying and sexism.

Now if you can read things in context you would read the comment as neither a debate on mothers v fathers nor nastiness, and if you know anything about biology you will know that ''mothers have all the responsibilities of fathers and more'' is neither BS nor ''misandry'', it is a BIOLOGICAL FACT.

If you want to be falsely accused and not defend yourself then go ahead. I suspect however that your hatred is regardless of facts.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Your first post is not a defense against the second. That would be like someone complimenting the aspects of Kwanzaa on a holiday thread for it, then turning around in their very next post & saying Christian Christmas is more important. Get my drift yet?

a reply to: Nyiah

The second comment is a response to a false accusation.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: Nyiah

The second comment is a response to a false accusation.

I'll be very direct with it here. What you said was sexist & offensive. To say females have a tougher time as parents is a crock and you know it. Misandry is a fair way of describing it.
Why are you still digging a hole? If someone came in to a Mother's Day thread and said moms don't have anywhere near as much to worry about as dads do because they're not typically the overworked breadwinners, would you not be just as insulted? I bet you would be, but for you, THAT would translate as something ok to get mad about.

a reply to: Nyiah

Utterly ridiculous. How crazy are people that they accuse innocent factual comments as as ''sexist lies''.

Go read this comment again.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Besides 90% of the things you said are strawman arguments and therefore moot. Go talk to yourself.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

Biologically factual or not, the process does NOT negate the worth of the father or his feelings. Get it through your head.

I am done with you, you obviously don't care to regard fathers as equals.

a reply to: Nyiah

I suspect you ran off as you cannot quote me on your strawman argument.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

I take that back, I'm not done with you yet. And I used to reply button, happy now?

You are a real piece of work. You say women have more responsibility as a parent, and your only way of claiming it with any shred of verifiable proof is gestation & nursing. That is a miniscule difference in child-rearing when both parents are considered. Miniscule. I do not have it harder as a mom than my husband does as a dad, and my innards have nothing to do with any of it. Parenting is a team effort when two people commit to it, and a hell of a solo effort when they don't. You are repeatedly trying to claim you,mommy dearest, have it harder than daddy dearest does. You do not. It's an equal pull. We might file away our stresses & worries mentally as being tied to different things, but the task is exactly the same for both -- hope they become good members of society when we cut the proverbial cord & they go out on their own. Just because YOU birthed & nursed a baby doesn't mean dad's soothing a distressed baby or teaching them skills, giving them attention when they should have been in bed for the next workday, etc had zero impact & worth.

Guys, I deeply apologize for any & all women who snidely invalidate your worth as a parent. This is an appalling trend that needs to cease.

a reply to: Nyiah

Strawman arguments really are a bizarre way of lying to yourself about reality.

a reply to: theabsolutetruth

I don't think you understand exactly what a strawman argument is. No one set you up, you opened your mouth & out poured a disgusting POV first.

a reply to: Nyiah

You cannot even quote the accusations you are making as they do not exist. The very definition of a straw man argument. Crazy.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: Nyiah

You cannot even quote the accusations you are making as they do not exist. The very definition of a straw man argument. Crazy.

Straw man is not that..
Straw man is you pull out one straw that is wrong and use that to pull the entire "straw man" apart.
It's a false logic because you can use 1% to call the other 99% wrong..

It is not that you pull something out of thin air. That would be the Air head? argument? Anyway..

You are tempting me to be mean,
but, you belittle yourself on your own...
Please come back.
Grow back into a woman.
please? Don't pout.


Maybe I don't want kids.. Hahahaha.. I kid, I'm kidding.. Maybe in the future I'll kid..
I think I would be a good dad though.

a reply to: KnightLight

I am certainly not belittling myself so less of the offensive comments.

When certain members suggested something I said as an inoffensive comment, as an attack and a debate, then proceeded bullying comments based on things I didn't say, it's a straw man argument.

It is truly a case of bullying and it was caused by a false accusation by a moderator, followed by the usual sheep.

My respect for all of them is zero.

en.wikipedia.org...

A straw man is a common form of argument and is an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of refuting an opponent's argument, while actually refuting an argument which was not advanced by that opponent.[1] To be successful, a straw man argument requires that the audience be ignorant or uninformed of the original argument.

originally posted by: Shamrock6
a reply to: theabsolutetruth

So I guess the answer to knight's question would be big fat "nope" with a victimization trump card.

And time has demonstrated that we can move beyond guessing in to "definitely the hell not" territory.

originally posted by: theabsolutetruth
a reply to: KnightLight

I am certainly not belittling myself

in my eyes.

I don't want that to happen though.

no one other's posts about you made me think anything about you.

Hard for us stepdads too.

We don't have the built-in authority since birth.

In my case, my stepson came to know me when he was 18. Fun.
My step-daughter was 20 when she came into my life.

The way I see it, my job is to:

1. Be the bad cop. Mom gets to be the good cop.
2. Help them boost their confidence.
3. Try and get them to respect themselves and others.
4. Love the family.
5. Encourage their success, provide tools and insight that I wish I had/knew of at their age (even if they will ignore it, because of course, they know everything).
6. Be someone they can talk to without hurting mom's feelings, or just when they need to talk.
7. Be there when needed.

It's a tough job, but glad to be able to do it.

a reply to: Gazrok

I don't know how you do it.
I gave my mom's boyfriend hell..
Maybe if they were not both crazy.. I would have been nice, but I don't know.. It would be VERY hard for me to look up to an "outsider." I couldn't even look up to my parents. My mom didn't help his case by keeping all her rules, so he was always wrong in telling us things..

It made things weird because my little brothers and sister had to look up to me,
and I wasn't doing the best either.


So good job my man.
I respect what you do.

originally posted by: Gazrok
Hard for us stepdads too.

We don't have the built-in authority since birth.

In my case, my stepson came to know me when he was 18. Fun.
My step-daughter was 20 when she came into my life.

The way I see it, my job is to:

1. Be the bad cop. Mom gets to be the good cop.
2. Help them boost their confidence.
3. Try and get them to respect themselves and others.
4. Love the family.
5. Encourage their success, provide tools and insight that I wish I had/knew of at their age (even if they will ignore it, because of course, they know everything).
6. Be someone they can talk to without hurting mom's feelings, or just when they need to talk.
7. Be there when needed.

It's a tough job, but glad to be able to do it.

Your stepdad post got me thinking about an instance that happened a good few years ago if I may.

My stepson at the time(about 7 years in total) was getting bigger and I mean BIG. At 14 he was about 6 foot 4 and getting on for 18 stone but not fat just huge. He was normally a really good kid but one day he just got angry and started throwing his weight around, he had a proper rage and began threatening everybody and it was getting a bit scary.

I asked him to calm down politley and he stood up and pretty much squared up to me nose to nose(he was a good 5 or 6 inches taller than me and nearly twice my weight). He asked what I was going to do about it and I calmly told him that If he was going to play big boy games I would knock him to the ground and if he got back up again I would do it again.

At this point my Ex parner (his mum) got involved and gave me a real ticking off for threatening her son. He turned round and defended me and berated his mum for not putting up boundries, he then appologised and gave me a big bear hug and thanked me for setting the bar.

On a few occasions he has thanked me for this as it defined him as a person. I have never had the guts to tell him that the only reason I did it was because I honestly thought he was going to kick my arse and needed to scare the crap out of him.