Wife's Ultimatum: Get Rid of Newborn With Down Syndrome or Get Divorced. He Chose...

originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: Tangerine

A few reasons. 1) she's in shock right now.
2) her hormones are totally out of wack right now.
3) she will realize she wants and loves her child.
4) she's a human and humans change their minds all the time.

You're making the following claim of fact: she will realize she wants and loves her child. On what do you base this claim of fact, a crystal ball? You are trying to imbue her with your beliefs and emotions.

a reply to: jude11
It's likely he will never understand any of that.

originally posted by: Tangerine

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Realtruth
a reply to: jude11

It sounds like the baby is being used as a pawn here, and people are being played.

Sad situation all around.

I hope not.

But, that was my first impression too.

How quickly did this father set up the "Go Fund Me"?

Probably pretty quickly and he'll likely use it to hire someone to take care of the child (unlike the mother who likely would have had to do an entire lifetime of caregiving herself).

Without investigating ---- you fully accept his side of the story?

Why? Because you want to?

Having a baby is a very emotional experience. The woman and baby were still in the hospital (apparently).

a reply to: Tangerine

I said she may reconsider.
You asked for reasons she might reconsider.
May and might are not absolutes.

a reply to: caladonea

All children ars blessings but some can also be a challenge and a heartache.

a reply to: Skywatcher2011


X wife? Shes probably still in a postpartum state and recovering from childbirth. Things don't move that fast.

originally posted by: Annee
From the comments, People Magazine.

I am not stating this is accurate. But, it could be.

GUEST: If you people would get real...and If you google Samuel Forrest, he has a website and is a highly paid Business consultant who would like become a NonProfit Board member and of course he would be willing to do this probono. He and his wife have already made up and are discussing their options, now that people have made them wealthy!

www.people.com...-1841215022

:

Oh wow. Wonder what these folks will say about saint dad and sinner mom now?

originally posted by: AutumnWitch657
a reply to: Tangerine

I said she may reconsider.
You asked for reasons she might reconsider.
May and might are not absolutes.

You also said, in your numbered list: 3) she will realize she wants and loves her child.

That is a claim of fact not a "might" or "may".

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Tangerine

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Realtruth
a reply to: jude11

It sounds like the baby is being used as a pawn here, and people are being played.

Sad situation all around.

I hope not.

But, that was my first impression too.

How quickly did this father set up the "Go Fund Me"?

Probably pretty quickly and he'll likely use it to hire someone to take care of the child (unlike the mother who likely would have had to do an entire lifetime of caregiving herself).

Without investigating ---- you fully accept his side of the story?

Why? Because you want to?

Having a baby is a very emotional experience. The woman and baby were still in the hospital (apparently).

I don't know how you got that interpretation out of my post. I supported her decision (assuming it was reported accurately) and speculated that he will use the influx of money (assuming that was reported accurately) to hire someone to take care of the child rather than doing it himself. Please reread my post.

originally posted by: Tangerine

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Tangerine

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: Realtruth
a reply to: jude11

It sounds like the baby is being used as a pawn here, and people are being played.

Sad situation all around.

I hope not.

But, that was my first impression too.

How quickly did this father set up the "Go Fund Me"?

Probably pretty quickly and he'll likely use it to hire someone to take care of the child (unlike the mother who likely would have had to do an entire lifetime of caregiving herself).

Without investigating ---- you fully accept his side of the story?

Why? Because you want to?

Having a baby is a very emotional experience. The woman and baby were still in the hospital (apparently).

I don't know how you got that interpretation out of my post. I supported her decision (assuming it was reported accurately) and speculated that he will use the influx of money (assuming that was reported accurately) to hire someone to take care of the child rather than doing it himself. Please reread my post.

OK. We are in agreement then.

IF the mom made her decision for the benefit of the child --- which may be true. Seems to me she made the right logical decision.

I was recently reading about how some other countries treat children who are "less then perfect". As it used to be in this country they hide them away or put them in an institution.

The father may be 100% legit. It just seems a bit scamish.

I am a huge fan of American Horror Story and their third season, "Coven," portrayed a young lady as one of the five stars who had Downs. I think I remember seeing her in commercials for Glee as well. I was so happy to see this girl who is actually a phenomenal actress, Downs Syndrome aside. Even better though, they didnt cheese up the mood of the show by trying to make her part like anyone else to look progressive with their casting. Tbey didnt try to write a script ignoring her Downs but embraced it and even showed some bullying by a roommate of hers. I spent Elementary school through my first semester of high school on and off participating in Downs related programs where I was assigned buddies for the year or something like that. I dont have any experience with Downs in the family or anything but in first grade we had a boy with DS in our class and being much more intelligent and mature than my classmates (bussed to Jr. High for Math and English beginning in second grade for example and finished HS and was in college and had a full time 60k managerial position at the international offices of one of the biggest companies on Earth by 14 or 15 so I mean much more mature) so what was commonplace behavior to them bothered me so much. I would see two attitudes...kids who saw this boy as comic relief and would hand him things to eat he shouldnt be eating or tease him and second, kids who wanted to show how ok they were with his Downs and talked constantly about it to show others hes an oddity defined by his disability...and by golly thats ok with me. So a district program made us buddies for the year and i spent lots of time doing everything kids do together with him and it stuck. I know our local university here employs and gives free classes to mentally handicapped people so through k-12 they learn to take care of themselves and after graduation they can be independent and not independent on government payouts (dont get me wrong Id give them payouts gladly and much more deserved than some boneheads milking social sec., unemployment, disability, rent assistance etc. as a full time job but where 50 years ago even they were with mom and dad or a home for life now they can choose to be differently abled and not DISabled as the cliche goes) So kudos to AHSCoven/Glee for taking the next step after it looks like DS people now have the ability to live an independent life, now theyre being assimilated into culture as well and hopefully this girl turns into the first DS millionaire actress lol!

So its no longer some sort of lifelong ball and chain to have a kid with DS (not that it was really before but in wifes eyes). So too bad the wife wasnt aware of this. Too bad the docs dont educate her. Of course, once she said she didnt want him itd be kinda uncomfortable for her to change her mind. Having bio mom around and chalking it up to PPD may have its positives of course. I understand too though cuz if it were me and a woman wanted me to choose her or my child, id be holding him or her tightly as she packed her bags. Love is one thing when its romantic love. But the love you feel for a child, your own or yours through other means like adoption, that love comes from another world and its what drives people to do anything. There has to be some PPD involved because I dont know how its possible for a person to will themselves to do something so strong it can overpower the natural fatherly/motherly instinct, an instinct stronger than survival that causes decisions in split swconds a parent will die to protect their child. I have seen it too much and people say internet video games gays and lesbians Hollywood is killing society. Whats killing society is this instict fading away. Men with five kids from five women who mail a box of diapers and fifty bucks then fade out of the picture, women who wont work to feed their kids but slide by BSing gov checks out of the gov as long as they have fatty fat fat food and an apartment but cant model responsibility for their kids and let 28yo boyfriend sleep over in 13yo daughters bed. Masters in child psych/ed so ive seen too much too often. Its sad when it boils down to congratulating a man for not throwing his flesh and blood out like garbage and giving 100k dollars cuz he is being a father and not a baby daddy. Im sure hes a great guy but if we were a healthier world this wouldnt be news and if he were a real man hed provide for the kid on his own. Maybe keep some money to pay for early childhood help to make sure kid can live everyday life healthy n happy then donate the rest to DS charities.

a reply to: AlexandrosTheGreat

That was quite a rant. Wealthy people might be able to afford the help it takes to raise a Down Syndrome child for life. The notion that they can function well living on their own is a joke. Yes, some have been stuck in apartments and people call that living on their own but they require ongoing supervision and assistance. At one time, I lived in a building where a Down Syndrome man lived. He repeatedly set his microwave on fire and didn't have the sense to call the fire department when the fire got out of control. Someone else had to call. By the time the fire department got there, half the building was filled with smoke. The firemen found him huddled in the corner. He hadn't even had enough sense to leave his apartment, let alone his building. He was often seen out in the halls naked. He called 911 when he misplaced his water bottle. He pounded on people's doors and screamed and ranted. Mind you, this was a person who had been raised by a former teacher who devoted her life to him and saw to it that he took advantage of every program and opportunity available to him. Nevertheless, it was like putting a five year old in an apartment and expecting him to function. Sure, most of the time he colored and watched cartoons. But he could not behave properly even to the point of keeping his clothes on and in a crisis he was totally incapable of functioning. I have talked to other people who have lived in buildings with Down Syndrome people and their experiences are similar or worse.

So you see a few Down Syndrome people on television or in a commercial. So what? You don't think television is reality do you? You have no idea what it took to get those few seconds or minutes of video footage and how many people had to devote themselves to those DS performers. Do you really think they learned their lines and hit their marks like other actors and then drove home?

Of course they should be treated humanely but it's a total fantasy to think that they can take care of themselves.

a reply to: jude11

Big respect for this guy and god willing that child will bring him a lot of live and and he will be a great father as well.

My best pal had a similar situation. He has two wonderful boys but when the eldest was 2 his wife turned around one day and said "I can't do this, I need my life back" and walked out on all of them!

But he has turned into one of the best fathers I know and actually puts whole families to shame, that I can always respect.

a reply to: Tangerinea reply to: Tangerine

Talk about a rant...wow...ive never seen anyone react so negatively to something that really doesnt give too much to work with that someone can try to read into and fuss about. I stopped paying attention after you said, "you dont even know," and barely skimmed the coo coo. The fact youre complaining about the fact i think its great that companies are giving mentally challenged people full time jobs, equal pay, and benefits so they have the choice to be independent or opt to continue living with family or registering for aid tells me that youre one of those people who need to actively seek arguments and who have been on a binge since the advent of the internet abd anonymous forums. The fact my friends were able to pick which path complimented their comfort and the severity of their DS is a wonderful thing and its too bad in the past people like you gathered them up, told them "you cant," which they get enough throughout life, and put em all in a facility or lock them at mom and dads even though many are highly functioning and continue on to social, romantic, marital, and sexual relationships. What would u have some do, get married to someone they meet at the playground and allow them weekly meetings on a leash? The fact you dont even know DS comes in a huge number of varying degrees of social maturity, hygene, coping skills, intelligence, etc. tells me you shouldnt be commenting on topics in which u can so easily offend someone. Then you said something about rich people...what does that have to do with it? I said im delighted he can use the money for scaffolding the kids future but IMO if he ends up with a whole lot, keeping all of it to spend on personal hedonistic things wouldnt be as kosher as donating the remainder after he provides the kid what he needs for equal ground to be happy and healthy like other kids. Im not an accountant for DS services i wont presume to know the cost i just am familiar w the psychology ofvdisabilities. So if he gets 350,000 by the end of his FundMe page and it costs 350k for the kids needs spend 350. I just pointed out once that is brought to a happy healthy level then one has the right to see it as as cash for doing what mammals usually do instinctually but looking around i see this instinct is overpowered by instict for sex, laziness etc and its a shame taking care of a kid u made gets a prize. So yea i dont get how u r against freedom of choice for those who had choices made for them in the past regardless of drive for independence n free will but i stick by my words. I get it, youre the wife right?

a reply to: Tangerine

Jeez. It was all part of what may be a reason for her to reconsider. All of them were may be or might be reasons. Any of them are possible. Chill out man.

I'm not making excuses for the mother, but what if she were suffering from Post-Partum Depression?

Postpartum Depression Symptoms

Okay. Here we go. You may have postpartum depression if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:

• You feel overwhelmed. Not like “hey, this new mom thing is hard.” More like “I can’t do this and I’m never going to be able to do this.” You feel like you just can’t handle being a mother. In fact, you may be wondering whether you should have become a mother in the first place.
  
• You feel guilty because you believe you should be handling new motherhood better than this. You feel like your baby deserves better. You worry whether your baby can tell that you feel so bad, or that you are crying so much, or that you don’t feel the happiness or connection that you thought you would. You may wonder whether your baby would be better off without you.
  
• You don’t feel bonded to your baby. You’re not having that mythical mommy bliss that you see on TV or read about in magazines. Not everyone with PPD feels this way, but many do.
  
• You can’t understand why this is happening. You are very confused and scared.
  
• You feel irritated or angry. You have no patience. Everything annoys you. You feel resentment toward your baby, or your partner, or your friends who don’t have babies. You feel out-of-control rage.
  
• You feel nothing. Emptiness and numbness. You are just going through the motions.
  
• You feel sadness to the depths of your soul. You can’t stop crying, even when there’s no real reason to be crying.
  
• You feel hopeless, like this situation will never ever get better. You feel weak and defective, like a failure.
  
• You can’t bring yourself to eat, or perhaps the only thing that makes you feel better is eating.
  
• You can’t sleep when the baby sleeps, nor can you sleep at any other time. Or maybe you can fall asleep, but you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep no matter how tired you are. Or maybe all you can do is sleep and you can’t seem to stay awake to get the most basic things done. Whichever it is, your sleeping is completely screwed up and it’s not just because you have a newborn.
  
• You can’t concentrate. You can’t focus. You can’t think of the words you want to say. You can’t remember what you were supposed to do. You can’t make a decision. You feel like you’re in a fog.
  
• You feel disconnected. You feel strangely apart from everyone for some reason, like there’s an invisible wall between you and the rest of the world.
  
• Maybe you’re doing everything right. You are exercising. You are taking your vitamins. You have a healthy spirituality. You do yoga. You’re thinking “Why can’t I just get over this?” You feel like you should be able to snap out of it, but you can’t.
  
• You might be having thoughts of running away and leaving your family behind. Or you’ve thought of driving off the road, or taking too many pills, or finding some other way to end this misery.
  
• You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you’ve “gone crazy”.
  
• You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you’ve lost the “old you” forever.
  
• You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.
  

www.postpartumprogress.com...

The emphasis in the above quote is mine. Looking at the symptoms of Post-Partum Depression, it seems a very likely possibility that the mother is suffering from it.

I feel that what occurred was horrible and deeply saddening but I also think that there is a lot of emotionally-reactive posts on this news story, in particular the OP's.


EDIT: Hmm.. guess I should have read the whole thread first. There was just so much anger and hate though so I found it a bit difficult to continue reading... Obviously others have posited that the mother could have PPD.

Blood is thicker than water !

dont let the door hit her

Oh btw OP (and all the other conclusion-jumping, hate-spewers) these articles might be helpful for you to consider:

abcnews.go.com...

Quote from the article:

"I remember the sad faces of my relatives and the doctors and the diagnosis that sounded like a verdict: 'Your child was born with a Down syndrome.' One can never imagine my feelings at that moment," Badalyan wrote in a Facebook post. "Hardly had I recovered from the first shock, when the doctor approached me and told me to voice my decision whether I was going to keep Leo or not. I had to make the most ruthless decision in my life within several hours."

And this one:

"In the hardest moment of my life when my husband should be next to me and support and help to take the right decision, I could not find any support from his side," she wrote. "After that incident, he left the hospital notifying me hours later that he was taking the kid with him, that he is going to leave the country for New Zealand and I do not have anything to do with the situation. Without giving me any option and trying to find with me any solution in this hardest situation, he started to circulate the story on every possible platform without even trying to give me a voice accusing that I put him an ultimatum marriage or the baby, which is absolutely not true. I tried several times to communicate but he never tried to listen me and to find common solutions. The only response was the accusation from his part.

Emphasis mine

www.independent.co.uk... -syndrome-son-speaks-out-10030721.html

Hmm... Two sides to every story, no? Imho I think that both wanted what they thought was best for the child. Both are obviously human dealing with very real issues that don't deserve for others to pass judgement so quickly. There are obviously a lot of other factors that should be considered when taking into account this sort of situation such as sociopolitical environment, upbringing, medical complications (depression), financial complications etc.

I've read through the thread a bit and there are still people jumping to conclusions about the mother and spewing their venom. To the OP and the other hateful posters on this thread: the name-calling and general trash-talk of the mother is completely unnecessary. You sound like typical, misogynistic MRAs (men's rights activist). Way to let the media dictate your emotions...

a reply to: jude11

I probably know the same as you do, I went to school with one who was removed from school when he went mental and threw food all over the canteen after king kongs finger dropped out from his trouser leg in the food queue aged 15.

So a DS can read a script, I never found them particularly 'deep' actors or even emotional, but well done to them to stepping up and beating prejudices, excuse me for recalling my own experience.

The other side of the story has come out and your backing of "won't somebody think of the child" and proving how emotionally secure they are nowadays kind of backfires when the millions of orphaned children without DS seem to live with the fact their parents chose not to keep them without your vehement support.

We are all living in realities that are meme driven, very few actually have free will independent from the influence of institutional control.
You can go anywhere you want with this subject it scales.