Wife's Ultimatum: Get Rid of Newborn With Down Syndrome or Get Divorced. He Chose...

a reply to: Sublimecraft

No disclaimer needed lol. I do hope though, you've read the other side of the story now.

originally posted by: On the level
I've decided not to just join the lynch mob my friend

There is a very quick to react lynch mob mentality on here, I think it comes with the fact we get instant news here thanks to such a diversity of members from across the planet.

What amuses me is when the other side of the story comes out, many folk just stop commenting on the thread and probably realise they were quick to react and move on, some become even more irrational vilifying the poor mother even more (in this case) and other hire out the reverse-o-cycle and pedal backwards so quickly they could reach orbit.

I will keep my pitchfork sharp but unused on this one.

So where is this Armenia? I don't think I have ever heard of it? It prejudices against disabled sounds a bit Nazi to me?

Is it legal there then to Euthanise disabled at birth? What happens if you get disabled during your life, do they kick you out of the country?

Sounds like a strange place?

Well better her leave then abuse him later. Most people of that mindset wouldn't speak up and be honest and wind up taking their aggression and non acceptance out on the children at a later date.

Screw the spin on this one. I'm not gonna touch it with a ten foot pole.

Looking at that sweet little face I can't imagine anyone not being overjoyed...he's adorable.

What a little angel.

May laughter, love, and beauty surround him in life always.

Do any of you people even read???
The mother wanted to move to New Zealand and the father didn't want to. She said disabled babies have no chance in her own country. A special needs child requires ALOT of finances and resources to take care of. I'm not saying the mother doesn't deserve her criticism but it's not like she told the husband to dump the baby in the street or she's divorcing him. Maybe they have very little money and she's scared and really does want a better life for the kid. Women give up their kids in the US all the time under much less challenging circumstances and everyone admires them for it because they can be adopted into good homes. Don't rush to judge based on stupid media propaganda!

Had to leave for a bit, sorry folks.

Surprised by the large response and having gone thru the thread and seen a few different sides to the story it only makes it more interesting. Who to believe?

Mother?
Father?
UK MSM?
USA MSM?

Such an abundance of info and opposing viewpoints yet no evidence that the OP is wrong in its stance. Or as it seems, right in its stance either.

So once again we have a claim, a counter claim and a discussion as to who is telling the truth. I for one don't care much about that at this point because all the bickering, media coverage, forums, blogs etc is only going to spin it whichever way one sees fit to do so. Whatever the gain.

It just makes me even more aware that this little guy is going to see all this one day and could very well be hurt to the core..

Thanks everyone for chipping in. As always, muchly appreciated.

BTW...whatever the outcome, I'm still pissed.

Peace

originally posted by: Forensick

originally posted by: On the level
I've decided not to just join the lynch mob my friend

There is a very quick to react lynch mob mentality on here, I think it comes with the fact we get instant news here thanks to such a diversity of members from across the planet.

What amuses me is when the other side of the story comes out, many folk just stop commenting on the thread and probably realise they were quick to react and move on, some become even more irrational vilifying the poor mother even more (in this case) and other hire out the reverse-o-cycle and pedal backwards so quickly they could reach orbit.

I will keep my pitchfork sharp but unused on this one.

The mother's side, in her own words....

21 January was the happiest day for me, as I finally gave birth to my long-awaited son. Our son was born at 6.30 in the morning and I remember alarmed faces around and doctors worried looks. I woke hours after anaesthesia. My first question was about the whereabouts of my child. I remember the sad faces of my relatives and the doctors and the diagnosis that sounded like a verdict: ''Your child was born with a Down Syndrome.'' One can never imagine my feelings at that moment․

Hardly had I recovered from the first shock, when the doctor approached me and told me to voice my decision whether I was going to keep Leo or not. I had to make the most ruthless decision in my life within several hours. The first thing that came to my mind after the diagnosis was that I don't want my child to live in a country where certain stereotypes dominate the lives of people with DS and no opportunities at all. I want him to be involved and well-received in society, an integration that will require years and years for our society to adjust to. I saw the evasive looks of the doctors, my relatives' tear-stained faces, received calls of condolences and realised that only a move to a country with such standards as New Zealand would entitle my son to a decent life. This fact was not disputed by my spouse either, who occasionally claims in his articles that the baby can't afford the life he deserves in Armenia.

Thus, I spent the hours after Leo's birth trying to collect my will and decide on the best destiny for the kid. Everyone in our family realised that the baby's interests should be placed first and only his move to another country could remedy the situation, something that Sam himself also accepted.

I understood that in Armenia, where is no extensive social infrastructure to help children with developmental disabilities, no governmental support, with the continuous hard economic situation in the country, with the possibility of renewed war with our hostile neighbour--with whom the fragile cease-fire seems to be deteriorating over time--always looming in the background, with my salary of 180$ being partly supported by my sister and living in my mother’s place and having no other income, as my husband did not work, I would not be able to raise my child with special needs.

In Armenia every child is loved and respected and family is a high value, but in this country children with special needs do require special attention, huge financial resources and dedication.

In the hardest moment of my life when my husband should be next to me and support and help to take the right decision, I could not find any support from his side. After that incident, he left the hospital notifying me hours later that he was taking the kid with him, that he is going to leave the country for New Zealand and I do not have anything to do with the situation. Without giving me any option and trying to find with me any solution in this hardest situation, he started to circulate the story on every possible platform without even trying to give me a voice accusing that I put him an ultimatum marriage or the baby, which is absolutely not true. I tried several times to communicate but he never tried to listen me and to find common solutions. The only response was the accusation from his part.

Sam has never suggested joining him and bringing up the child together in his country. Neither did he tell me anything on the day we filed for divorce. The only thing he kept saying was that he didn't want us to separate, whereas my question what we should do always remained unanswered.

As a mother who has faced this severe situation, being in the hospital under stress and depression, experiencing enormous pressure from every side, not finding any support from my husband’s part on any possibilities of giving a child decent life in Armenia, I faced two options: to take care of the child on my own in Armenia, or to abandon my maternal instincts and extend the baby an opportunity to enjoy a decent life with his father in New Zealand. I went for the second option.

It sounds like this mother did the best she could do. There just isn't enough services for special needs in her country, especially with a fragile cease fire to boot, and if true, to have dad leave the country without a howdy-do, just no words. Obviously there's his side, her side, and somewhere in the middle. I doubt we'll ever see the full truth. As I said in my earlier post, I still feel for her for having to miss out on raising her child. Whether through dad's means, her own, or a combo of the two.

a reply to: Annee
i don't think everything is how it looks about this story ,

she wanted the child to be raised in her husbands country because the child could be better cared for there , there was no help in her country for special needs children .

the husband runs an internet sales company and is well versed in using the internet to advertise .

and that is just what he has done , he has told this story and at the last report he has had over $120.000 of donations

and he has said that he would like he and his wife to get back together sometime in the future .

i will lay odds that when that pot of gold has grown some more , he his wife and their child will be setting off to their new well financed life in NZ

Well, now that I've read the woman's side of the story, I must say that... I have no idea what's going on there. Are the parents trying to get easy money from the public? Is the father an opportunist jerk? Is the mother a cold-hearted snake?

I feel really sorry for the kid. I hope his parents can get their heads out of their own asses and start taking care of him soon.

a reply to: jude11

I had a discussion the other day about fathers, and how lots of men wouldn't think twice about being there for their children..the other person was of an opposing opinion.

On a personal level, 4 years ago my now ex wife and I were on our way towards having a baby. Long story short she ended up being like this woman, and forcefully had a miscarriage by not taking care of herself and doing things specifically to abort the fetus.

In case your wondering where I was, well I was at work every hour of the day and doing what an expecting father should do, especially at 21 years old. Meanwhile she left the house when I was at work one night and wouldn't tell me where she was for a month, nor could I contact her to know what was going on.

I'm still F'ed in the head from that..it's not like I didn't want to be a father and it's not like I even had a say regarding my own child's life!

Rant over

originally posted by: threeeyesopen
a reply to: jude11

I had a discussion the other day about fathers, and how lots of men wouldn't think twice about being there for their children..the other person was of an opposing opinion.

On a personal level, 4 years ago my now ex wife and I were on our way towards having a baby. Long story short she ended up being like this woman, and forcefully had a miscarriage by not taking care of herself and doing things specifically to abort the fetus.

In case your wondering where I was, well I was at work every hour of the day and doing what an expecting father should do, especially at 21 years old. Meanwhile she left the house when I was at work one night and wouldn't tell me where she was for a month, nor could I contact her to know what was going on.

I'm still F'ed in the head from that..it's not like I didn't want to be a father and it's not like I even had a say regarding my own child's life!

Rant over

Sorry doesn't seem enough, but I don't know what else to say.

a reply to: Anyafaj

It's ok, between that, and the countless other things that have happened that are just as bad or worse..I no longer really have much connection with my emotions. so although it bothers me to an extent, I can throw it in the back of my mind and continue to move on with life.

In reality I just wanted to show that not all men are bad fathers, and some women are not cut out to be mothers, and vice versa.

originally posted by: jude11

It just makes me even more aware that this little guy is going to see all this one day and could very well be hurt to the core..

He has got Downs Syndrome pal, I doubt very well he will ever be mentally mature enough to comprehend this.

a reply to: jude11

How convenient for you to claim you would have done exactly that which he did and not that which she did when you are not in their situation. After all, it's highly likely that she, not he, would be saddled with caring for the Down Syndrome child for the rest of her (the mother's) life. Of course, the media will not follow up on this story in ten years so we won't know what the father has done.

Have you ever known anyone who has had a Down Syndrome baby? I know someone. The father of the child only stuck it out for a short time before bailing and leaving her to care for the child. She is now 80 and her child is 50. She has had to devote close to every waking moment of her life to caring for him. Of course, i haven't asked her if she regretted the decision to take him home from the hospital but I wouldn't bet that she hasn't. Don't judge others when you're not the one in their situation.

a reply to: jude11

C-YA! NOT!
And don't get your smelly ass pinched in the door on the way out!


I obviously believe the father.

originally posted by: threeeyesopen
a reply to: Anyafaj

It's ok, between that, and the countless other things that have happened that are just as bad or worse..I no longer really have much connection with my emotions. so although it bothers me to an extent, I can throw it in the back of my mind and continue to move on with life.

In reality I just wanted to show that not all men are bad fathers, and some women are not cut out to be mothers, and vice versa.

I was raised by a single father. He raised 3 kids by himself in the 70's. Social Services tried removing us from the home because he worked too much and didn't spend enough time with us. He told them I have to clan my house this weekend, how about you come do it for me, and I'll spend some time with my kids. Will that work? That was the last he heard from them. LOL On a serious note, I told him last night thank you for doing a great job with us growing up. It taught me wonderful examples and made me a better parent with my daughter.

originally posted by: Forensick
originally posted by: jude11

He has got Downs Syndrome pal, I doubt very well he will ever be mentally mature enough to comprehend this.

My daughter is mature enough to understand her father took her to go cheat on her mother, I'm sure this kid will understand his mother is not with him. BTW, she's autistic, missing part of her brain, has brain damage from oxygen loss and an IQ of 50.

Mild to Moderate Retardation

So if SHE can understand it, I'm sure this kid can eventually. You'd be amazed at how smart ALL children are, including special needs. Please give them a little credit and don't discount them or their abilities.

Shocking stories are making big money on these crowed funding businesses like GoFundMe.

Guy who walks 21 miles to work every day gets $311,000.

Guy with down syndrome kid gets $450,000.

The more outrageous the story, the more money you get. Funny part is, these people asking for donations don't have to be 100% honest. So the story could be complete BS.

a reply to: jude11

I know this is so emotive but I do think you need to have a little compassion for the woman. If she didn[t know she was carrying a Downs Syndrome (DS) all her dreams have been destroyed. She will never be able to let her child grow up and become independent. Unless you have had a DS yourself do you really know what is involved?

I have a close friend with a Downs son. He is 13 and so full full of energy it needs a very strong man to handle him when he either gets too excited or infuriated about something. She can't physically calm him and control him when he is lashing out. He is also a threat to his younger brother of 3 who doesn't understand what is going on and is so nervous around his older brother. To further complicate bringing up a DS child it has to be realised that although there are varying degrees of how afflicted this condition can leave someone, DS now live well into 50 years of age, whereas a life expectancy was only to about 21. As parents get too old to manage (if they physically can) someone has to take over as very few DS can live independently. So his brother, whether he want to or not will have to be responsible for him.

Its not a happy place to be in and all the good wishes in the world won't take the responsibility and strength parents need to deal with this syndrome if their child is born with it, or the worry of what to do when they simply get too old.