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Some things just don't work out.....divorce

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posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:24 PM
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I am pretty new here, but you seem like a very nice person. I am sorry to hear the situation you are currently in and I hope everything works out.
As a tip: Do not try to confuse yourself, for example it is okay if you still love him, however it does not mean you made a mistake. Do not try to overinterpret dreams etc. Emotions are important, but they could fool you. Also do not become someone, who does not believe in love. Stay strong, I hope these words and that of the rest may have eased your pain even if it is a little. I know too about heartbreaks. . . . . . Never forget love. . . .




posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:26 PM
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a reply to: mblahnikluver




My husband has never been physical but he scares me sometimes when he corners me and wants to talk.


There were many things I picked up on reading this, but that comment right there says it all.

If you're scared it's wrong period.

Call me old fashioned, but a husband should protect his wife and family, not induce fear. If you feel it rest assured your child will know.

It's gonna be tough, and we are all here for you, you're a respected and well liked member here, and we look after our own when support is needed.

It's difficult to admit to yourself you made a mistake, took me 7 years and a world of pain and heartache to admit it. But I did, then it cost me 10 years of not seeing my kids. I'm not bitter but I do regret not seeing them grow up.

You're an amazingly strong lady, and from your posts obviously intelligent, as elevatedone said, get everything in writing, get it signed and witnessed, notarised if necessary.

Divorce is a multiple headed beast, best to have the sword ready just in case.

My very best wishes for an amicable outcome

Cody



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:27 PM
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I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you. But it's great that you are smart enough to know when to split up. Lots of people stay together "for the children" and that's probably the worst thing you can do for a child when you're unhappy.

Good luck to you!



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:35 PM
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Sorry it didn't work out.

You've made the best decision for everyone involved.

From a man's point of view.... My wife divorced me roughly five years ago, it was totally unexpected and rough as hell for me but amicable. The odd thing was, I was actually very proud of her for standing up for herself.
She was always emotional bullied by her parents and I was her emotional crutch to lean on.
I'm proud that she managed to pick herself up and make a huge decision like this for herself.

We're very best of friends again.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:42 PM
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originally posted by: Enock47
I am pretty new here, but you seem like a very nice person. I am sorry to hear the situation you are currently in and I hope everything works out.
As a tip: Do not try to confuse yourself, for example it is okay if you still love him, however it does not mean you made a mistake. Do not try to overinterpret dreams etc. Emotions are important, but they could fool you. Also do not become someone, who does not believe in love. Stay strong, I hope these words and that of the rest may have eased your pain even if it is a little. I know too about heartbreaks. . . . . . Never forget love. . . .


BRAVO

Cody



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:44 PM
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It is always a bummer when I hear about a failed marriage.
Been there myself.

Best of luck to you!

I'm sure you will find the world a much brighter place once you get out of this dark patch.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:51 PM
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I'm sorry it's come to this mblah.


But you do sound very determined and courageous - I admire you for it.

Of course, as your on line family we want to support you but, as a mother, and as a woman who has also had a horrible pregnancy and even one of the conditions you had post partum. ..I have to ask: Have you and your counselor ruled out post partum depression? Also PTSD? Simply wondering because you did go through so much physical suffering, mostly alone, since your pregnancy. Both can take such a toll on relationships.

Regardless, I wish you peace and strength as you venture into this new era of your life. I think it's especially admirable and a very good start that you can give credit to your husband for being a good dad, even if you are not a fit for each other.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 03:52 PM
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originally posted by: donktheclown
I've been with my Wife for 34 years. Love doesn't "wear off" for everyone. I honestly love my Wife more every day. I just can't wait to see my Angel......a reply to: whyamIhere



I should of said...Lust wears off.

Many confuse the two.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 04:00 PM
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a reply to: mblahnikluver

You KNOW if you need to talk and have a good friend just listen...I am here.
I wasn't expecting to click on this thread and see it was you who authored it.
I remember talking about a couple ex's you were with when you were with them and i was happy that you finally got a good guy and got rid of the assholes.


You definitely know where i am if you need me or want to talk.
You have my email and I am always a u2u away.
Its easy to deal with your own crap....its harder to see others going through crap.
You know where I can be found.

Head up,shoulders back and walk like you own the day.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 04:03 PM
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a reply to: mblahnikluver

Dont worry. It happens to the best of us. Ive been there myself....twice. And now after 27 years more...this third one's the charm.
Good luck. You'll be fine.....MS

PS Its roughest before and over the speed-bumps. From there on out? Its smooth sailing!!!!!!!!!!



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 05:02 PM
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Whatever you decide to do, your friends are here to support your decision.

And should you decide to divorce I would like to offer you my hand in marriage so you can cook all those unbelievable meals you make for me.

Big Hug.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 05:22 PM
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I have to say I was surprised to see it was you who wrote this thread. I always pictured you as having this wonderful little life all happily married and all. You seem to have your head together and I feel confident that all will turn out well for you. HUGS!



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 06:31 PM
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originally posted by: mblahnikluver
Well I have asked my husband for a divorce. We are just not compatible and he is not who he said he was when we first met and fell in love.

I feel so stupid to have believed it all but hey what can I do? It happens to the best of us. We have a 19month old and Im not worried about him being taken care of I know my husband would not be like that. He is very good with him. This had been coming for a year for me. I tried every time he came home to be the wife and do the family thing but he never really wanted to do anything but sit around. He would treat it like a vacation and just the way he talks to me and so many other things I just can't be unhappy anymore. He is only here 9 weeks out of the year, the rest of the year it's just me and my son. He does provide financially for us since I do not work, his idea too btw, plus daycare would take my whole check so we didn't see the point. Well now I found affordable child care at a small place that is perfect for him! I am looking for work right now because I have honestly gone a tad nuts not working. I've worked since I was like 12, babysitting and I have always worked.

He knew all these things I had asked were small but to me they mean more than anything. Buying me things shows me nothing other than you can buy things. The little things matter to me more than anything and he doesnt' get it. I have had three surgeries since I had my son and they all sucked! I had them all done when my husband was home and he tried to say I used them as a crutch or an excuse. Oh yea how about you get cut open a total of 4 times in a year and tell me how you feel!! I have two conditions as a result of pregnancy that make me very sick at times and i"ve even passed out. His response when I told him was "oh and." I couldn't believe it! He also asked for documentation on my bi polar which is a joke. I've been open about that for over a decade. He says it's an excuse. I have tried to get him to go to counseling but he doesn't feel he needs to. I'm done trying. It's been over a year and I want to be happy.

This may sound silly but I was watching a movie, "The Notebook" (dont laugh) and the scene at the end where Noah asks Allie what she wants got me thinking. I never worried about myself. It was always how it would affect everyone else. So I stayed in relationships I knew were doomed thinking I could fix it or them and I winded up hurt. I just can't do this again especially now with my son. I dont want him to see us fight and argue, it's not healthy. I would NEVER keep my son from him or his family. I am not like that and despise women who do that. He is a great dad but as far as compatibility for relationships we are not. We were really good friends before we dated and I think that is the kind of relationship we should have kept.

I just feel kind of lost in a way because I dont work so now I'm worried about money. He won't just leave me without but he will try and use it against me by being passive aggressive like he is. I will sell a few things I can get some money off of to put aside for when I need it. Our lease is up in August so I will stay here until then. I should be able to get some money saved and find a place for my son and I. I really love where I live but I can't afford it on my own. I won't make the money he does so that won't happen. Where he lives he pays NOTHING to live there. Everything is provided even a damn maid which annoys me because when he comes home its like he expects me to clean up after him all the time. Um no I won't.

I feel like I finally made a decision once for what is best for me. I want to go to school and he isn't very supportive of that. The school is here and he loves to say I'll never get in. Yea way to be supportive! My family is here, my close friends. Ever since I moved back I have connected with all my old friends and I feel happy for once. You can be happy in one part of your life and not in another, something he doesnt get. I've tried talking to him but it doesn't work. He makes promise after promise and never keeps them. I can't live like that. I get excited over something and then it never happens.

I have been seeing a therapist as well which has helped A LOT. I take meds that i never had before and I feel like my mind is finally calm enough to think things through and make a decision. Sure it's a hard one and yea I'll be a single mom but I refuse to stay with someone just because we have a child and then have myself be miserable. Kids can pick up on that. I can't fake being happy with him anymore. I did it too long and I just can't anymore. I can't be with someone who talks down to me. When he does I see my abusive ex in my face and it scares me. My husband has never been physical but he scares me sometimes when he corners me and wants to talk. Having been abused in the past I DONT like being cornered! When I tell him this he calls it an excuse and it's not. It's very true.

So what i thought would work out didn't. I tried. I have my son and I wasn't suppose to have kids. The universe works in mysterious ways so I like to think that we came together for our son and that miracle. I never thought I would have kids but Liam is a blessing and he is my everything. SO now he is my main focus.

Anyways....just wanted to share since I share more on here than anywhere else because I always felt like many people I've met on here are like family.


At least you learned early. It took me 18 1/2 years to wise up. Through most of those years, it was me with the job, and him being the schlub. I tried to get him to go to counseling too. I have severe PTSD from childhood rape and stalking. I was told HE didn't need counseling. I couldn't get him to understand if it's affecting one of us, it's affecting both of us. His solution? Go cheat on me THEN ask for the divorce. He went about it in such a classy nice guy way too. He took my daughter with him when he went to cheat on me. Brought home an engagement ring for Valentine's day. When I had a miscarriage (my 5th), he decided that was it! How dare my body not be able to bear him more fruit! So on my birthday, yes, my birthday, he asked for a divorce. I told him he was a jerk to ask on my birthday, his classic response? "I forgot it was your birthday." Gee, thanks for caring. He then proceeded to tell me that when we renewed our vows 8 years prior, he wanted a divorce then, he just stayed quiet for 8 years. I said, "So what, for 8 years I was just friends with benefits? Gee thanks!" I threw my wedding dress away, the flowers, everything associated with that day. I was so disgusted that was used in such a way by that jerk. It's been 4 years since the separation and December 18, 2013 was the date of divorce and I have never been happier. That's my date of freedom. Slowly but surely he beat me down and got me to stop doing the things I loved over 18 years, now I am learning to love those things again and slowly finding who I am and I'm enjoying every moment!



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 06:32 PM
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You know I love you and wish the best for you. I am always here if you want to talk. It's scary now, but you will get your footing in no time. XOXO



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 06:42 PM
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originally posted by: SaturnFX
Wow, that's a bit rough. Well neighbor, you know there are plenty of fish in the sea, and that's only if you are even wanting to go fishing.

Marriage is a difficult thing to manage overall. People do a lot of BSing initially to "win" the hearts of someone, and eventually become more themselves after time goes on.

Was this a young relationship/marriage?

Guess it doesn't matter. I recommend just to remain friends. you said you were before, and perhaps you can still after. make better friends than spouses..and you will know him for the rest of your life anyhow due to the kid..so yeah, keep it peaceful, warm, and simply a fact that you two are in different places and require different things.



Some of us try to keep that line of communication open, so they can have a good relationship with their child, but sadly they are determined to pretend the marriage never existed, with the exception of said child and new wife. They want to pretend the old wife never happened, which of course does not endear them to the child. I'm sure taking said child to cheat on old wife and having said child remember this also does not endear them. Now said child thinks they love their new wife more than the child. It doesn't help when said child is special needs and operates on a 12 yr old level, has a cell phone, but said father refuses to contribute to said cell phone because real age almost 20 year old daughter is "too young" to have a cell phone. Now the reality is, he has a job, and his disabled ex wife, who walked away WITHOUT child support or spousal support to try and make things easier, is forced to pay for each and EVERY necessity daughter's disability does not cover, and said ex just loves seeing ex wife squirm in the wallet. Just living up to his jerk reputation. He has now put a ban on daughter going on Facebook, even though she only has father's and mother's family members on her friend's list. Daughter is so upset, she has now stated because he treats her like a child, and not like an adult, like I do, she will no longer go to his house and is ignoring all calls by him. Once he can think of her as an adult, maybe then she will take his calls and visit him again. I have done the best I can to keep lines of communication open between the two, but I will admit, he is NOT making it easy.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 06:56 PM
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originally posted by: SonOfThor
a reply to: mblahnikluver

I divorced my first wife after I found out she was having an affair after only 3 months of marriage (we had been together almost 5 years) to a married man 15 years older than her (who also had three kids). Before I give you my heartfelt advice, let me just say that after a LOT of darkness, my life really turned around and I am re-married to my soulmate, so things do get better if you take the time like you are to really reflect and think about your life.

With that being said, my ex and I really had compatibility issues, although kind of the other way around. I was always faithful, but she could never explain why she was not. Either way some things I learned going through that process. Disclaimer: This is not legal advice, just tips from a friend that has gone through divorce. You will have to do what is right for you.

1) Do your own legal research on your state's marriage laws and those where you were married. Some states require a reason for divorce (abuse, infidelity, etc) or require a minimum amount of time being totally seperated (living apart). Talk to family you trust and a lawyer with a free consultation because you will need to be prepared to meet the legal requirements for filing for divorce. You might also want to think of doing mediation as well as this can help split up custody and assets in an amicable setting prior to the courts getting involved (it keeps the cost down overall).

2) Be prepared with a place to stay, if I were you I would move out and move in with family once you have made your decision. The sooner the better to get the clock rolling on mandatory seperation (assuming he hasn't had any affairs). Also, be prepared for major backlash from him (i.e. your personal belongings where you live, etc).

3) Research custody laws in your area. Although the legal precedent has been the mother usually gets custody I have a couple buddies who's wives cheated on them (I dont have any kids) and they got full custody. Now, I am not saying you have cheated, but the times are changing some and if your husband is the bread winner and a great dad with a good lawyer he could get majority custody (or if he had a shark lawyer he could even go after your mental illness and get full custody). I say this not to frighten you, but to prepare you for what you are getting into.

4) Research property law in your area. If your husband has been the sole bread winner a lot of states (but not all) still split property 50/50, but that can also change depending on if the divorce was due to something like infidelity or abuse, or due to reasons that you mentioned. Because of my situation I took possession of everything I wanted, and did.

5) Be prepared to spend a large chunk of money depending on where you live in legal fees, court costs, etc. Again - because of my situation I made my ex pay all of it, but it was in the thousands (roughly 6-8k) for the whole divorce.

6) Keep your friends and family close. No matter the reason divorce feels similar to a close death in the family. Take time to regroup, mourn, and move on. Friends and family will help, and you will be better able to meet your real soulmate if you take the time to regroup.

7) Above all keep breathing and stay positive. If you take your time and take a lot of the above considerations into account you will be more prepared for what you are facing. If this is what is right for your life do it. Life is too short to be unhappy, and I promise from experience, everything does get better



This is ALL very good advice having gone through this myself. Another one I might add, some people say that the mourning period is at least half the time of your marriage. I don't know how true it is, but there are times when almost 5 years later, as much as I'm not in love with him anymore, I still love him a little deep down, and always will. He was my first love. We were married almost 20 years. That's quite a bit of time for some. I expected to be married until I die. I don't ever plan on remarrying because in my eyes, I married forever before God. He may have professed to be Atheist later and not meant the words, but I did and that's what matters to me. Within months of our divorce, he remarried quickly, to the woman he cheated on me with, no less. To all his friends he called her his "soul mate". I'll admit that hurt. That's what he called me. I got over that hurt, but now and then a new hurt comes along. I have to admit, deep down, I'm glad my daughter is pi**ed at her father and not visiting him. We both live in PA and he wants to move to NY. He's trying to force her to NY and he's ticked off that I told her she's 19, she's an adult and she can make a choice where she wants to live. She chose PA. H's now claiming I forced her to live here. How? By letting her be an adult and make up her own mind? Apparently he's been sneaking her across to NY without telling me. I only just found out this weekend. I told him he needs to tell me when he's taking her across state lines otherwise I'll have the divorce decree amended with a child support claim of $20 for her cell phone bill, and no state lines without prior notice. Oh that made him mad. Now all of a sudden I'm the vindictive ex wife. (To him, I've always been. There's an invisible No-Contact order he imagines. I'm not supposed to call, email, text, or write. Because he lives in PA, he thinks I moved to PA to stalk him. LMAO I moved to PA to be closer to my daughter! Idiot! He wants to pretend 20 years of his life never happened. Good luck with that, let me know how that works out for you.)




posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 06:57 PM
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Im sorry for the challenges you are facing. From experience when you know deep down that things just are not right, it's better to make the tough decision and move on. I wasted 10 years of my life trying to make something work that in hindsight never had a chance.

I wish you the best.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:05 PM
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originally posted by: Anyafaj

originally posted by: mblahnikluver
Well I have asked my husband for a divorce. We are just not compatible and he is not who he said he was when we first met and fell in love.

I feel so stupid to have believed it all but hey what can I do? It happens to the best of us. We have a 19month old and Im not worried about him being taken care of I know my husband would not be like that. He is very good with him. This had been coming for a year for me. I tried every time he came home to be the wife and do the family thing but he never really wanted to do anything but sit around. He would treat it like a vacation and just the way he talks to me and so many other things I just can't be unhappy anymore. He is only here 9 weeks out of the year, the rest of the year it's just me and my son. He does provide financially for us since I do not work, his idea too btw, plus daycare would take my whole check so we didn't see the point. Well now I found affordable child care at a small place that is perfect for him! I am looking for work right now because I have honestly gone a tad nuts not working. I've worked since I was like 12, babysitting and I have always worked.

He knew all these things I had asked were small but to me they mean more than anything. Buying me things shows me nothing other than you can buy things. The little things matter to me more than anything and he doesnt' get it. I have had three surgeries since I had my son and they all sucked! I had them all done when my husband was home and he tried to say I used them as a crutch or an excuse. Oh yea how about you get cut open a total of 4 times in a year and tell me how you feel!! I have two conditions as a result of pregnancy that make me very sick at times and i"ve even passed out. His response when I told him was "oh and." I couldn't believe it! He also asked for documentation on my bi polar which is a joke. I've been open about that for over a decade. He says it's an excuse. I have tried to get him to go to counseling but he doesn't feel he needs to. I'm done trying. It's been over a year and I want to be happy.

This may sound silly but I was watching a movie, "The Notebook" (dont laugh) and the scene at the end where Noah asks Allie what she wants got me thinking. I never worried about myself. It was always how it would affect everyone else. So I stayed in relationships I knew were doomed thinking I could fix it or them and I winded up hurt. I just can't do this again especially now with my son. I dont want him to see us fight and argue, it's not healthy. I would NEVER keep my son from him or his family. I am not like that and despise women who do that. He is a great dad but as far as compatibility for relationships we are not. We were really good friends before we dated and I think that is the kind of relationship we should have kept.

I just feel kind of lost in a way because I dont work so now I'm worried about money. He won't just leave me without but he will try and use it against me by being passive aggressive like he is. I will sell a few things I can get some money off of to put aside for when I need it. Our lease is up in August so I will stay here until then. I should be able to get some money saved and find a place for my son and I. I really love where I live but I can't afford it on my own. I won't make the money he does so that won't happen. Where he lives he pays NOTHING to live there. Everything is provided even a damn maid which annoys me because when he comes home its like he expects me to clean up after him all the time. Um no I won't.

I feel like I finally made a decision once for what is best for me. I want to go to school and he isn't very supportive of that. The school is here and he loves to say I'll never get in. Yea way to be supportive! My family is here, my close friends. Ever since I moved back I have connected with all my old friends and I feel happy for once. You can be happy in one part of your life and not in another, something he doesnt get. I've tried talking to him but it doesn't work. He makes promise after promise and never keeps them. I can't live like that. I get excited over something and then it never happens.

I have been seeing a therapist as well which has helped A LOT. I take meds that i never had before and I feel like my mind is finally calm enough to think things through and make a decision. Sure it's a hard one and yea I'll be a single mom but I refuse to stay with someone just because we have a child and then have myself be miserable. Kids can pick up on that. I can't fake being happy with him anymore. I did it too long and I just can't anymore. I can't be with someone who talks down to me. When he does I see my abusive ex in my face and it scares me. My husband has never been physical but he scares me sometimes when he corners me and wants to talk. Having been abused in the past I DONT like being cornered! When I tell him this he calls it an excuse and it's not. It's very true.

So what i thought would work out didn't. I tried. I have my son and I wasn't suppose to have kids. The universe works in mysterious ways so I like to think that we came together for our son and that miracle. I never thought I would have kids but Liam is a blessing and he is my everything. SO now he is my main focus.

Anyways....just wanted to share since I share more on here than anywhere else because I always felt like many people I've met on here are like family.


At least you learned early. It took me 18 1/2 years to wise up. Through most of those years, it was me with the job, and him being the schlub. I tried to get him to go to counseling too. I have severe PTSD from childhood rape and stalking. I was told HE didn't need counseling. I couldn't get him to understand if it's affecting one of us, it's affecting both of us. His solution? Go cheat on me THEN ask for the divorce. He went about it in such a classy nice guy way too. He took my daughter with him when he went to cheat on me. Brought home an engagement ring for Valentine's day. When I had a miscarriage (my 5th), he decided that was it! How dare my body not be able to bear him more fruit! So on my birthday, yes, my birthday, he asked for a divorce. I told him he was a jerk to ask on my birthday, his classic response? "I forgot it was your birthday." Gee, thanks for caring. He then proceeded to tell me that when we renewed our vows 8 years prior, he wanted a divorce then, he just stayed quiet for 8 years. I said, "So what, for 8 years I was just friends with benefits? Gee thanks!" I threw my wedding dress away, the flowers, everything associated with that day. I was so disgusted that was used in such a way by that jerk. It's been 4 years since the separation and December 18, 2013 was the date of divorce and I have never been happier. That's my date of freedom. Slowly but surely he beat me down and got me to stop doing the things I loved over 18 years, now I am learning to love those things again and slowly finding who I am and I'm enjoying every moment!


Geez, no words! Glad your free.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 07:33 PM
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originally posted by: sirlancelot

originally posted by: Anyafaj

originally posted by: mblahnikluver


At least you learned early. It took me 18 1/2 years to wise up. Through most of those years, it was me with the job, and him being the schlub. I tried to get him to go to counseling too. I have severe PTSD from childhood rape and stalking. I was told HE didn't need counseling. I couldn't get him to understand if it's affecting one of us, it's affecting both of us. His solution? Go cheat on me THEN ask for the divorce. He went about it in such a classy nice guy way too. He took my daughter with him when he went to cheat on me. Brought home an engagement ring for Valentine's day. When I had a miscarriage (my 5th), he decided that was it! How dare my body not be able to bear him more fruit! So on my birthday, yes, my birthday, he asked for a divorce. I told him he was a jerk to ask on my birthday, his classic response? "I forgot it was your birthday." Gee, thanks for caring. He then proceeded to tell me that when we renewed our vows 8 years prior, he wanted a divorce then, he just stayed quiet for 8 years. I said, "So what, for 8 years I was just friends with benefits? Gee thanks!" I threw my wedding dress away, the flowers, everything associated with that day. I was so disgusted that was used in such a way by that jerk. It's been 4 years since the separation and December 18, 2013 was the date of divorce and I have never been happier. That's my date of freedom. Slowly but surely he beat me down and got me to stop doing the things I loved over 18 years, now I am learning to love those things again and slowly finding who I am and I'm enjoying every moment!


Geez, no words! Glad your free.


Thank you. His emotional abuse took a slow toll. I don't know if it was I didn't WANT to see it, or I was just blind period. I honestly feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. In the end he physically assaulted me twice before he left. One resulted in a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage. To think I trusted him to never do that given he KNEW my history. I could have charged him with marital rape, but the true irony is he's still mad at me over it. How, why, who the heck knows. If anyone should have the right to be angry, it should be me. I was the one held down while I punched his chest screaming. I have since forgiven him though. For the sake of our daughter. I know she would never understand why her father was in jail, so I never pursued it, for her. I'm ok with my choice. It's his misplaced anger that sometimes rehashes things and makes it a little difficult to move on, but therapy is helping. I have a wonderful therapist. My daughter has even gone on two visits with me and she loves her as well.



posted on Jan, 21 2015 @ 08:05 PM
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originally posted by: Anyafaj

originally posted by: sirlancelot

originally posted by: Anyafaj

originally posted by: mblahnikluver


At least you learned early. It took me 18 1/2 years to wise up. Through most of those years, it was me with the job, and him being the schlub. I tried to get him to go to counseling too. I have severe PTSD from childhood rape and stalking. I was told HE didn't need counseling. I couldn't get him to understand if it's affecting one of us, it's affecting both of us. His solution? Go cheat on me THEN ask for the divorce. He went about it in such a classy nice guy way too. He took my daughter with him when he went to cheat on me. Brought home an engagement ring for Valentine's day. When I had a miscarriage (my 5th), he decided that was it! How dare my body not be able to bear him more fruit! So on my birthday, yes, my birthday, he asked for a divorce. I told him he was a jerk to ask on my birthday, his classic response? "I forgot it was your birthday." Gee, thanks for caring. He then proceeded to tell me that when we renewed our vows 8 years prior, he wanted a divorce then, he just stayed quiet for 8 years. I said, "So what, for 8 years I was just friends with benefits? Gee thanks!" I threw my wedding dress away, the flowers, everything associated with that day. I was so disgusted that was used in such a way by that jerk. It's been 4 years since the separation and December 18, 2013 was the date of divorce and I have never been happier. That's my date of freedom. Slowly but surely he beat me down and got me to stop doing the things I loved over 18 years, now I am learning to love those things again and slowly finding who I am and I'm enjoying every moment!


Geez, no words! Glad your free.


Thank you. His emotional abuse took a slow toll. I don't know if it was I didn't WANT to see it, or I was just blind period. I honestly feel like an idiot for not seeing it sooner. In the end he physically assaulted me twice before he left. One resulted in a pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage. To think I trusted him to never do that given he KNEW my history. I could have charged him with marital rape, but the true irony is he's still mad at me over it. How, why, who the heck knows. If anyone should have the right to be angry, it should be me. I was the one held down while I punched his chest screaming. I have since forgiven him though. For the sake of our daughter. I know she would never understand why her father was in jail, so I never pursued it, for her. I'm ok with my choice. It's his misplaced anger that sometimes rehashes things and makes it a little difficult to move on, but therapy is helping. I have a wonderful therapist. My daughter has even gone on two visits with me and she loves her as well.


My ex had the same thing happen to her and it manifested itself after a year together into our relationship. I thought if I loved her so much she would forget the past. Sadly it didn't happen. She could not get past it.

Any man that is ware of a woman who has had issue's that forces himself on a woman is not a man at all. You most likely are traumatized and it will take time to get past it but please know not every man is is like that!

I wish you well.



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