a reply to: mblahnikluver
I divorced my first wife after I found out she was having an affair after only 3 months of marriage (we had been together almost 5 years) to a married
man 15 years older than her (who also had three kids). Before I give you my heartfelt advice, let me just say that after a LOT of darkness, my life
really turned around and I am re-married to my soulmate, so things do get better if you take the time like you are to really reflect and think about
With that being said, my ex and I really had compatibility issues, although kind of the other way around. I was always faithful, but she could never
explain why she was not. Either way some things I learned going through that process. Disclaimer: This is not legal advice, just tips from a friend
that has gone through divorce. You will have to do what is right for you.
1) Do your own legal research on your state's marriage laws and those where you were married. Some states require a reason for divorce (abuse,
infidelity, etc) or require a minimum amount of time being totally seperated (living apart). Talk to family you trust and a lawyer with a free
consultation because you will need to be prepared to meet the legal requirements for filing for divorce. You might also want to think of doing
mediation as well as this can help split up custody and assets in an amicable setting prior to the courts getting involved (it keeps the cost down
2) Be prepared with a place to stay, if I were you I would move out and move in with family once you have made your decision. The sooner the better
to get the clock rolling on mandatory seperation (assuming he hasn't had any affairs). Also, be prepared for major backlash from him (i.e. your
personal belongings where you live, etc).
3) Research custody laws in your area. Although the legal precedent has been the mother usually gets custody I have a couple buddies who's wives
cheated on them (I dont have any kids) and they got full custody. Now, I am not saying you have cheated, but the times are changing some and if your
husband is the bread winner and a great dad with a good lawyer he could get majority custody (or if he had a shark lawyer he could even go after your
mental illness and get full custody). I say this not to frighten you, but to prepare you for what you are getting into.
4) Research property law in your area. If your husband has been the sole bread winner a lot of states (but not all) still split property 50/50, but
that can also change depending on if the divorce was due to something like infidelity or abuse, or due to reasons that you mentioned. Because of my
situation I took possession of everything I wanted, and did.
5) Be prepared to spend a large chunk of money depending on where you live in legal fees, court costs, etc. Again - because of my situation I made
my ex pay all of it, but it was in the thousands (roughly 6-8k) for the whole divorce.
6) Keep your friends and family close. No matter the reason divorce feels similar to a close death in the family. Take time to regroup, mourn, and
move on. Friends and family will help, and you will be better able to meet your real soulmate if you take the time to regroup.
7) Above all keep breathing and stay positive. If you take your time and take a lot of the above considerations into account you will be more
prepared for what you are facing. If this is what is right for your life do it. Life is too short to be unhappy, and I promise from experience,
everything does get better