In Marriage do you have a Right to Sex?

Here's the premise,

In marriage or a full blown monogamous relationship, do you have the right to sex?

I'm not saying do you have the right to beat or rape your spouse. I'm saying do you have the right to expect sex and terminate the relationship if the other person just isn't willing.


I would argue that yes you do. I think sex in a long term relationship is assumed. So the " burden of proof" would be on the with holder to say up front if they thought they might want to stop having sex. They would be the one in breach of contract.

So, if my husband became too ill to have sex, are you saying I should have the right to leave him?

I think the OP said "isn't willing", not isn't capable.

And yes, sex is an important part of a full relationship. Withholding of the physical side of the relationship for reasons other that incapability for an extended period would be grounds to end the relationship in my opinion.

reply to post by ArtemisE


I think there is already a right to terminate a marriage. It's called divorce. And it's been a well used remedy for many problems in life.

reply to post by ArtemisE


We make our own fate. If you feel that strongly and the partner isn't trying to at least compromise, then you have every right to discontinue the relationship. It is up to the individual how much emphasis they place on ANYTHING. Sex is not a guarantee as nothing is guaranteed in Life but Death.

Why would want to have sex with your spouse who doesnt want to?

that's really what the whole "right to have sex" thing boils down to isnt it?

You make a move, husband or wife says "not tonight/now honey" and you just go ahead anyway.

If this is ever an issue for either party you probably should not be married.

Also understand that sex will not make a bad relationship good. If there are fundamental differences to begin with sex will only drag things further down the road that should have been ended quickly.

thisguyrighthere
Why would want to have sex with your spouse who doesnt want to?

that's really what the whole "right to have sex" thing boils down to isnt it?

You make a move, husband or wife says "not tonight/now honey" and you just go ahead anyway.

If this is ever an issue for either party you probably should not be married.

I agree with your take on this, also what other factors are preventing the spouse from getting in the mood? Kids? Financial stress? Self-esteem issues? Incompatible sex drives (sex drive changes?)?

thisguyrighthere
Why would want to have sex with your spouse who doesnt want to?

that's really what the whole "right to have sex" thing boils down to isnt it?

You make a move, husband or wife says "not tonight/now honey" and you just go ahead anyway.

If this is ever an issue for either party you probably should not be married.

^^ This^^
Right on brother.

To the OP... No, there is no right to have sex with your marriage partner. If she doesn't want it, it amounts to rape.

While grinding crotches is pretty much a given in a marriage (or any committed relationship, really) that doesn't mean pressure when one isn't interested/willing is acceptable. If it boils down to regularly pressuring a disinterested/unwilling partner, you might as well hang it up and part ways. If your sex drives don't match up, they don't match up, you can't force a permanent change there.

reply to post by thisguyrighthere


"Just going ahead anyway" would be rape, wouldn't it? No one in this thread is saying that is ok. Seems kind of odd that you would take it there.

I think we are talking about on partner using sex as a control issue with the other, and whether that would be grounds to terminate the relationship.

ArtemisE

Here's the premise,

In marriage or a full blown monogamous relationship, do you have the right to sex?

I'm not saying do you have the right to beat or rape your spouse. I'm saying do you have the right to expect sex and terminate the relationship if the other person just isn't willing.


I would argue that yes you do. I think sex in a long term relationship is assumed. So the " burden of proof" would be on the with holder to say up front if they thought they might want to stop having sex. They would be the one in breach of contract.

simple answer...no....a "right" is a legal term...rape is when you force someone to have sex...thus, nobody has a legal "right" to rape.

ArtemisE

Here's the premise,

In marriage or a full blown monogamous relationship, do you have the right to sex?

I'm not saying do you have the right to beat or rape your spouse. I'm saying do you have the right to expect sex and terminate the relationship if the other person just isn't willing.


I would argue that yes you do. I think sex in a long term relationship is assumed. So the " burden of proof" would be on the with holder to say up front if they thought they might want to stop having sex. They would be the one in breach of contract.

I take issue with your usage of the word 'right'. I think a better way to ask this question would be:

"Does the contract of marriage require participation in sex?"

(Note my creative avoidance of the actual question)

You have the right to terminate a relationship for any reason you see fit. There really is no accounting for virtue, and honor seems like a dusty relic that has been long forgotten, but a marriage should be based on love. That said, I would be wound-up-tight and super edgy and unpleasant after about these days, but I still believe in doing the honorable thing.

ArtemisE
I'm saying do you have the right to expect sex and terminate the relationship if the other person just isn't willing.

For better or worse,
For richer or poorer,
In sickness and in health,
Until death do us part.

If someone doesn't want to have sex, there can be many reasons. Loss of interest comes when there are health issues - both known and unknown. Loss of interest naturally comes with age. If everyone who lost interest in sex got a divorce, then most of the older adult population would be divorced. There are mental blocks that can happen and that can be worked through. And then there is this .... maybe the person is no longer interested in sex because the partner isn't appealing anymore. Did the person 'not getting any' become fat or sloppy or start walking around the house farting and burping?

I don't see no-sex as a reason to terminate a marriage. That's something that can be worked on.

Terminate a marriage for chronic infidelities or spouse/child beatings or major things like that. Sex isn't important. Not really. Passion can naturally fade with age or medical situations. It doesn't mean that love does.

Since you asked for opinions ... that's mine.

reply to post by Montana


It would be rape. That's not the least of what's wrong with the scenario.

Maybe I'm just not in the psychotic sort of relationship many people apparently are but partners/spouses shouldnt be punishing each other like sending a child to their room.

At the very first hint of such an unstable personality that would view the witholding of sex as a form of control or manipulation I would end that relationship.

We're all supposed to be adults after all. Lifes too short to put up with people who would play either side of that game; demanding sex or withholding sex.

If one of you wants sex and one does not, you shouldnt be getting married, im not really sure i see the point of this.

reply to post by ArtemisE

I would argue that yes you do. I think sex in a long term relationship is assumed. So the " burden of proof" would be on the with holder to say up front if they thought they might want to stop having sex. They would be the one in breach of contract. -

The right thing for a spouse to do in this case is to find out why the other spouse doesn't want sex anymore.
The spouse that isn't getting any, have they let themselves go, do they stink of booze and cigarettes, are they mean and/or condescending to the other one? Is there still enough of a marital friendship, or is the relationship strained in some way?
Was there too much sex, too often, and now the spouse is tired of sex?
Is there a physical reason, like dryness, or back pain? Tiredness?
How long has sex been withheld? A week? A year?

This is not a yes or no situation

reply to post by ArtemisE


There is a relativistic answer to the question. It depends on how the marriage was made. If the marriage was made in the context of a meme, like religion, the marriage adopts the rules of the meme.

Obviously, it's a good thing to understand the values of the person you are marrying.

Marriage is like driving a golf ball. It takes both presence of mind and strength, but any amount of conflict, tension or asymmetrical force and you are going to lose a ball.

reply to post by thisguyrighthere

Maybe I'm just not in the psychotic sort of relationship many people apparently are but partners/spouses shouldnt be punishing each other like sending a child to their room.

Yes.
I have had sex when my back hurt. I have had sex when I had a headache. Did it when I had kidneystones. She wanted it. What trials I went through for love.

Awww, who am I kidding, I wanted it too. I always want it.