In Marriage do you have a Right to Sex?

reply to post by InTheLight


Fair enough. Legitimate medical issue aside.

ArtemisE
reply to post by InTheLight

 

Fair enough. Legitimate medical issue aside.

What if a woman develops such low self-esteem issues that depression sets in? That is considered a medical issue, in my opinion.

reply to post by thisguyrighthere


That would be rape. Lol

I think wanting to is a mental process. You could prob to things to put yourself in the mood. Especially over time. Like if it were months or years between sessions.

I agree that it takes a semi psychotic personality to use sex as a control in a relationship. That doesn't mean it isn't very common. Ran into this very thing just a while ago in my own family. My wife has always attempted to use sex as a control in our marriage. It has been an issue we have been working on for many many years.

My daughter was having a disagreement with her fiance a few weeks ago and asked my wife for advice. Anyone want to guess what advice my wife gave her? Yep, that's right!

"Just stop giving him sex till he does it your way" was out of her mouth so quickly I didn't even get a chance to open mine. Needless to say my daughter was treated to a rousing lesson on how NOT to settle things in a marriage...

reply to post by InTheLight


I disagree. I think being sexually active would do more for her self esteem. Also that's completely ignoring the effect that would have on your partners self esteem.

(( treading lite )).
I think physical contact, not meaning sex is important. At least being able to trust each other by holding one another.
But I don't know if I understand the question well.
And "guilt trip sex" is ...I can't find the words..would make me feel shameful.
But I do know of partners coming to an agreement, to allow to split and remain civil friends. If one can no longer perform and it feels creepy.
In one case. The moron husband ( catholic and a bit of a chauvinist ). Began to hate his wife because hey were trying to have kids. She lost the baby and had to have a Hysterectomy. She told him how bad she felt and said he had a right to file for divorce. And to find a partner that can please his needs ( sickening). Turns out 9 years later. He admits to hating kids anyway. Not because he couldn't have one. He just has no patience.

I don't know what to say. I have not been in a relationship since Oct 2005. Perhaps dating and marriage has changed since then.
Good luck finding the answer you are looking for.
Be mindful the the opinion varies between genders and individuals.

Paper agreement or not. The individual still has all the right in the world for ones own body.

I think some of it might be to do with if the female side of the pair enjoys love making or not, if the guy cannot be bothered to make sure his partner enjoys the experience, who is to blame there?
Also if one partner use lovemaking as a reward, or 'weapon' perhaps the best thing is a dissolution of the partnership, although in America, a pre nuptial seems a good idea these days, seems there are far too many 'anti male' judges around these days, or is it damn greedy lawyers?

I specifically said it wasn't ok to rape someone spouse or not. All who wrote its rape either didn't read the OP or just don't want to address the actual question. Do you have the right to leave some one. IT SPECIFICALLY SAID Leave SOMEONE. Not do you have the right to force yourself on your spouse. Also I mean morally. Legally you can leave for any reason.

reply to post by ArtemisE


IMHO, yes,you have the "right" to sex in a marriage. The question is, how frequently are you entitled to the "right" of sex? That's where the "rights" question might be more of a grey area.

reply to post by ArtemisE

Legally you can leave for any reason.

Not without repercussions.

There's this thing called abandonment.

Well if you have been married for 20 years and for whatever reason one does not, you are not entitled to anything thats not possible, find a way, or split ways.

This really is not difficult.

Contractual sex has no place in any marriage. Seriously, I would find more pleasure knowing my husband is participating out of desire, not just to appease me or vice versa. Certainly, a marriage is more than sex and when one or the other is not feeling in the mood...one can always pleasure themselves. Why waste one's early puberty experience...it will most certainly come in 'handy' in any long term relationship.

Edit add: As far as ending one's marriage...it is called irreconcilable differences. It is up to the individuals involved to determine whether sex is all they want out of a relationship. Personally, I married my husband for more than some idea of having regular sex.

reply to post by Gozer


Good point.

reply to post by CynConcepts

...one can always pleasure themselves.

Then there is that.

( how do I make this go up and down?)

Oh.

ArtemisE
I think being sexually active would do more for her self esteem. Also that's completely ignoring the effect that would have on your partners self esteem.

Well .. brushing off my psychology books here ... Having sex doesn't cure the 'not wanting to have sex' part. There is something else causing that. And just having sex without wanting to could actually hurt the self esteem more. It's degrading to go through the motions without emotion or physical pleasure. The more that she does that ... the worse she'll feel .. not better.

There are medical issues that can be at play here.
There are mental issues that can be at play here (which also can be medical issues).
There are natural loss of interest with age issues that can be at play.
There are BORED issues that can be at play as well. People naturally lose interest over time.
Is she tired from work and housework and kids?
Does she have low blood iron or anemia or another hidden ailment that effects her?

And then there is this ... how sexually appealing is the man? Did he let himself go? Is he a sloppy tubbo? Does he no longer bother cleaning himself up first or no longer bother trying to be attractive? Does he eat a cheeseburger and not brush his teeth and go straight to the 'honey give me some luv'n' attitude?

Many people naturally lose interest in sex after being married for years and years. It's natural. It happens. But the LOVE is supposed to be the binding force. Not the 'gotta get me some or I'm leaving' thing.

reply to post by CynConcepts


So basically the consensus is that if your partner doesn't enjoy sex with you and you still wanna have sex you should leave her/him.

reply to post by ArtemisE

I'm saying do you have the right to expect sex and terminate the relationship if the other person just isn't willing.

It depends.

A relationship, as you've defined it, implies intimacy. For one partner to completely deny the other intimacy doesn't sound like a relationship to me. It sounds more like one half is being used.

A monogamous relationship and a marriage are two different things. The latter requires vows (akin to an oath) and there's typically a promise that the marriage will only be broken by death. That's a serious vow to take and it should always be taken seriously.

To get to the sex thing. Fair, is probably defined by an understanding of frequency. If you're getting drunk every night and can't perform ... you're partner's expectations will go unfulfilled. The consequences of unfulfilled expectations should probably be well understood by both parties before any knot gets tied.

My opinion, FWIW. It's worked for me and my wife going on 30 years now. A lot can change over such a span of time. You learn to take the good with the bad, so manage those expectations and understandings very well early on. Flexibility is the key.

ArtemisE
reply to post by InTheLight

 

I disagree. I think being sexually active would do more for her self esteem. Also that's completely ignoring the effect that would have on your partners self esteem.

Most women don't respond well to 'spread em' requests.

ArtemisE

Here's the premise,

In marriage or a full blown monogamous relationship, do you have the right to sex?

I'm not saying do you have the right to beat or rape your spouse. I'm saying do you have the right to expect sex and terminate the relationship if the other person just isn't willing.

I'm glad you made clear that this isn't about forcing sex or demanding sex when someone doesn't want to.

I'm pretty sure people have divorced for exactly that reason haven't they? "Not getting any"!
I mean it's probably not solely and explicitly stated that it's for no sex... It's irretrievable breakdown or incompatibility or something, but I guess if you feel that strongly about it then sure, separate, divorce.... why not?

Maybe you could work on your issues... why are you not having sex etc, that would be best, but legally I guess there is no issue with divorcing.

reply to post by ArtemisE


No, i think the consensus is if sex isn't desirable for an extended period of time and for other than medical (physical or psychological) you probably don't have a relationship in the first place.