I'm a 35 year old student of Esoterics. I've had a wild ride through Belief Systems of all kinds, like many of us here. I'm back to a planned,
lifelong continuing study of Esoterics and Life--Knowledge and Art; especially after the year I'm having.
Last Spring, I came off a few month long heavy drug addiction, where I would do nothing but work, come home, get stoned, sleep, wake up, stoned again,
go to work, repeat. When I came off the drug, I started to have the beginnings of what I call a 'religious psychosis', where it began with praying
all the time, for everything and everyone. One day, I felt drained of all life force while working at my delivery driver job, but I just trudged
along. On a long drive back to my warehouse near the end of my shift, I started breathing very deeply, for no reason. I felt like something was about
to happen. I started to pray very loud (I had lost my voice from the praying in the previous week, but it was back at this point). I remember thinking
that the Holy Spirit or Christ was falling upon me, I prayed a very strange prayer, in a very strange mindset. Something weird happened.
I used to feel 'energy' during prayer, in a cool, chilling comforting way. But this day, while praying and driving, I started to feel a heat in my
body, and a strong vibration throughout, but mostly in my arms and hands, like my skin cells were going to fly off; like something was trying to burst
out. The vibrations lasted for about 5 minutes during the intense prayer, then subsided leaving me more drained than before this event.
Immediately after I was done praying, I opened this bottle of soda pop that had been sitting in the cup holder for about 45 minutes after I had bought
from my last stop. I hadn't opened it, or dropped it at any point in the 45 minutes it was in my possession. As soon as I was done praying, being
parched from the expenditure, I picked it up from the cup holder, opened it, and the soda exploded as if I had just shaken it up. At the time, I felt
it was connected to the energetic/vibration event I had just experienced. I felt it was a confirmation that something DID happen.
That alone was weird, but the weirder things were to come, and some immediately as I was driving down the interstate that day.
As soon as I was done praying and exploding soda pop all over the cab of the truck, weird things began to happen to and around me.
While driving down the interstate, still in weird drained shock, the cars on the highway began to act strange toward me.
Driving a straight-truck in the right lane of the highway, at a governed 60 mph, I'm used to the tailgaters I usually get. But suddenly cars were
tailgating me, cutting me off, getting in front of me and slowing down below 60 mph. It seemed like 1 out every 8 or 10 cars had a negative attraction
to me. I had never experienced anything like it in my 10 years of professional driving. I felt at the time, that it was some of those people's lower
selves unconsciously acting against whatever energetic charge happened to me, that might have still been in the air.
When I got to my warehouse, I clocked out and had a good friend come and pick me up, as I had no energy left to drive even my personal car.
I somehow knew that I would be different the next day, and I was, after a long night's sleep.
The next day, my personality changed. Where I'm regularly a calm, considerate and quiet person, I woke up with a confident stubbornness towards some
of the fake-ness of people and situations around me. I felt ALIVE again, with infinite energy and patience, but willing to tell people how foolish I
thought their actions were when such was the case. Well it's hard to describe fully, but continuing for the next two weeks or so, things just got
weirder and cooler too.
I noticed that I could speak Spanish at nearly a 90 percent fluidity, where I normally struggle to speak it even 50 percent without stumbling and
stuttering (English being my first language). I spoke Spanish so well and with such a good accent that it was freaking out some of my family members.
My voice had changed a little too, deepening with a slow confidence. My Spanish was so striking to one man that he commented that I speak Spanish
"like a General."
The next strange thing was that I felt stronger, and exhibited more physical strength than I usually had. I worked delivering produce, and when I went
back to work after a couple days off, I was moving pallets around in my truck that I would normally not have even been able to budge. At the warehouse
and while making deliveries, a few people would remark to me about how strong I was. It was warranted, as my light-medium frame was performing beyond
what it normally was able to do in my estimation which was confirmed to me by their comments.
On top of the physical strength, I also had added 'poise' or grace in my step. My body seem to make movements before I thought or considered the
actions, like it was one step ahead of me, and doing a fine job without my conscious mental impulse. Actions felt automatic. Also, where I'm
naturally a little ambi/pedi-dexterous, I was now almost fully so, performing many common tasks (outside of writing) with my left hand, and with ease
and little thought (I'm right hand dominant).
At work, I was moving and shaking, making my deliveries with an un-rushed ease, and an added patience.
Basically, I knew I was experiencing something mystical, as it was somewhere similar to an experience I had had at the age of 21 years. I had just
turned 35 last year at this new emergence. (I will not mention why I felt it was Spiritual and Mystical, cause that's a much longer story and very
After about a week into this experience, I was riding on clouds, loving this state of Being. However, some family members around me were worried about
the change that I could not then (or now) fully explain, since I didn't have a full knowledge or good enough reference points (nor did they or most
people) to make sense of it. But on the Inside, I KNEW what was going on. It was ineffable.
At home, I was the peace keeper, and voice of reason to family and friends.
At work, I was a shinning star to my coworkers and clients. All smiles, unless I was preaching about something.
Family pets seem to respond me differently, in a better and obedient regard.
Every stranger I met seemed to want to be my best friend. I was fearless, and everyone seemed to know.
Odd telepathy would happen about me. Nothing I would consciously do, but I felt connected to an 'subconscious will' that would seem to affect the
situations around me, causing dozens of synchronicities.
I also was able to remember ideas and facts about Spiritual Philosophies and metaphysics, that I would normally struggle to remember, if at all (that
was during the times I got preachy or just 'deep'). It felt like my mind had expanded, or had become clear or more activated.
It all ramped to a point where it began to be too much though.
I was riding High for a couple of weeks now. One day I was moving on full automatic, lost in a higher world, and I would watch my body move while
working, with no effort, just sorting out and delivering product with the most easy and calm in a normally high paced and stressed work environment;
my consciousness in bliss, while my bodies worked automatically, emotions still, mind free. Everything was cool, but then the next day, I could no
longer control the energy, and my mood flipped chaotic.
It got to a point where I almost brought a market worker to tears after calling him out on his dirty jokes and immaturity. I almost blew a huge sale
for my company at the same time. I had lost control for a moment, and Life had corrected me through a synchronicty. I was coming down, and my inner
voice said, "you need to get grounded, fast."
I called my boss, and told him I was having a psychotic episode, as I pretty much was at this point, not being able to fully control my charged
emotions and mind anymore. I was relieved of work, and given a week off to rest and see a doctor.
The next few days, I couldn't control the preaching, and I began to get a bit deluded. Clarity and Bliss were replaced with chaotic thought and
grandiose egocentric-ness. I was sleeping only 3 hours a night (but man, I would wake up feeling so good!).
I saw a psychiatrist (which I had already had an appointment with concerning the Dark Night I was having with depression and the drug addiction prior
to this event), and soon began taking medicine. It was appropriate. I wasn't ready, and my Life not disciplined and planned right (not untangled
yet), for to remain at wherever I had gone in those Consciousness Heights. It was once again just a taste, and a reorientation for me.
Since then, I've had a few more or less intense experiences, and some of the stars I saw in the Heights, I now have names for them. I've expanded my
knowledge base, and I have better reference for what happened to me, then, and even now, throughout my entire life, this one.
I see a long path ahead of me, and I feel things still, think things, contemplate on things that I can not yet put into words. I have Aspirations, and
no matter how daunting they are, I know that if I choose to, I can rest now in this Life, having a wavering, faint, but ever present connection to
Well, this was long, and the details were more, and some more intense. Thanks for reading this. (I want to add that I understand that much of what
I've been through could have many different explanations, yet I will interpret it personally and esoterically.)