How can a person turn around their life?

I recently listened to a friends story as he spoke of his life and career over the last twenty years and it wasnt a happy one. He explained about his misfortunes through a string of bad jobs, failed marriages, and being no better of financially than he was twenty years ago; after graduating with a Bachelor degree in engineering. His story was amixed with emotive scenes of bitterness towards a struggling career and relationships, and the declines of which having the appearance in his view of being controlled through cruel twists in fate.

Last night he stopped by for some beers and with some friends who I hadnt seen for a while we talked over with interest what everyone had been doing. There emerged some triumphant stories in between those which sounded more like being relegated to the category of life as usual experiences and routines.

And with almost with a perfect cue of timing; the last tale told for the night again a friends reminiscing story of failures and concluding with an animated outburst accusation that God had taken a personnel dislikening to him in life. Not really being in a mood to entertain a notion that his path of back luck in life has been due to Gods doing and targeted attack i shrugged it off as another rant.

The next day however when all had gone and im cleaning up food and beverages left over i started thinking about his bitter accusation; that it is God who is personally seeing to it that his pursuits in life for success and happiness are fraughted.

Could this be possible? Is this a ludicous idea i thought to myself. I then started to think back through my own life and those instances when i had to make a life path changing decison to turn right or left? Was a life of success and happiness simply the result of making the right decisions for turning left or right, or was the outcome of success and happiness alternatively being deterimed by Gods will?

In self reflecting and thinking through these questions i thought well who is God? In basic terms he is described as the creator of all life on earth. Then i thought who is man? Well man is the thing created in Gods image. I surmised then that the answers to why Man fails is due to Man and not God. Therefore any solution to achieving success and happiness in life is up to Man, and in context of my friends story, then it infers his failings in his life path have been for the most part caused by his own doings - actions and descisions.

If accepting that a persons failings in life are mostly are due to their own doings of choices and actions, then what can they do to turn around behavioural patterns which are harming their ability to succeed. In practical day life terms what can the individual do to change negative behaviours into positive ones that yield mostly successful outcomes.

This is where i would like posters to contribute to the debate. How can a person turn their life around so to become successful and happy in life. I will suggest as a starter learning time management skills and the link below will take you to a Time management map, which identifies all the key attributes which make up a good system for time management.

First off,thank you for the thread.

Second,everyone has choices through out life.
Be it a good choice ,or a bad choice is dependent on the individual.
When you chose to take the seemingly easy road to adulthood early on,things just don't work out as great as if you had chosen a much harder path to follow.
Hard work,determination and a goal.
Once you have made your mind up of where you want to be in life,you are the the only person keeping you from gaining that goal.

The key is destiny is in your hands and it is your responsibility to fulfill it.

reply to post by AthlonSavage


Dear AthlonSavage,

I liked what you wrote till the end. You talked about who we are rather than how we get all the cookies. In the end, you talked about, how we win and not who we become or recognizing who we are.

This is where i would like posters to contribute to the debate. How can a person turn their life around so to become successful and happy in life. I will suggest as a starter learning time management skills and the link below will take you to a Time management map, which identifies all the key attributes which make up a good system for time management.

Life is not about being successful and winning, it is about being you and that is where it ends. It is not about avoiding pain and gaining comfort, it is about being the you that you are willing to die being regardless of the consequences. It is about defining yourself.

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by AthlonSavage

 

Dear AthlonSavage,

I liked what you wrote till the end. You talked about who we are rather than how we get all the cookies. In the end, you talked about, how we win and not who we become or recognizing who we are.

This is where i would like posters to contribute to the debate. How can a person turn their life around so to become successful and happy in life. I will suggest as a starter learning time management skills and the link below will take you to a Time management map, which identifies all the key attributes which make up a good system for time management.

Life is not about being successful and winning, it is about being you and that is where it ends. It is not about avoiding pain and gaining comfort, it is about being the you that you are willing to die being regardless of the consequences. It is about defining yourself.

Thank you,AQuestion,because I feel that has been a problem all my life,defining myself.
I am successful and comfortable ,surrounded by loving family members and friends,yet I am still uncomfortable with myself.

Does that make sense,and hope thats not to far off topic.

reply to post by AthlonSavage


In terms of success or failure, people need to look inward, not outward for whom is responsible.

It's easy to place blame.

It's hard to accept responsibility.

Take ownership of your successes AND failures. Once you do that, you'll find yourself better able to steer your own destiny.

my 2 cents.

His answers, at least according to my belief system as it pertains to the Almighty and the accusation in question, are in the book of Ecclesiastes.

Not really much to add that Ecclesiastes doesn't convey with superior delivery and unapologetic clarity.

Respectfully,

FTE

reply to post by kdog1982


Dear kdog1982,

Thank you,AQuestion,because I feel that has been a problem all my life,defining myself. I am successful and comfortable ,surrounded by loving family members and friends,yet I am still uncomfortable with myself. Does that make sense,and hope thats not to far off topic

How can you be uncomfortable with being yourself? Wait, I have a Pink's dog in the refrigerator and must heat it up and eat it. I will be back and try and remember my point.

Okay, I am back. You are the only you that you get. How can you be uncomfortable with you, be the you that you should be, not just reactive to your emotions. The one that you know in your heart and your mind that you are. Be you. In the end the answer is so simple, do others matter at least as much as you? That is the question of forgiveness and love. We all choose as we do. Peace.

reply to post by followtheevidence

Not really much to add that Ecclesiastes doesn't convey with superior delivery and unapologetic clarity.

Would you be able to elaborate with an example from Ecclesiastes so we can see how its delivered? I havent heard of Ecclesiastes before at all.

reply to post by AthlonSavage


Dear AthlonSavage,

You can read all of Ecclesiastes here. Bible Gateway - Ecclesiastes 1 (New King James Version). The author is generally believed to be Solomon, the smartest man that ever lived or so we are told at least until his time. The point of Ecclesiastes is that all of human endeavor is vanity. That we seek success more that we have concern for others; but, the story of the same is that if we worry more about others, we all succeed in finding happiness and joy. Peace.

Originally posted by AQuestion
Life is not about being successful and winning, it is about being you and that is where it ends. It is not about avoiding pain and gaining comfort, it is about being the you that you are willing to die being regardless of the consequences. It is about defining yourself.

I dunno dude, I find myself to be a lot happier than the friends who wasted time slacking while I carved out a career for myself. They struggle and they are stuck with ugly women. I did my share of slacking...believe you me...but I never lost sight of the prize and I knew I wanted to live a comfortable life and let me tell you, it makes a difference. There is nothing wrong with striving for self-improvement and empowerment. Nothing. Plus, chicks dig it, man.

reply to post by AQuestion

You can read all of Ecclesiastes here. Bible Gateway - Ecclesiastes 1 (New King James Version). The author is generally believed to be Solomon, the smartest man that ever lived or so we are told at least until his time. The point of Ecclesiastes is that all of human endeavor is vanity. That we seek success more that we have concern for others; but, the story of the same is that if we worry more about others, we all succeed in finding happiness and joy. Peace.

I can see a lot of real life examples to support argument that all of human endeavor is vanity. In practical terms however what should a person do lead alife without vanity. And in leading a vanity less life will they be successful ?

reply to post by Unidentified_Objective


Dear Unidentifie_Objective,

Yeah, I heard what you said, let me repeat it.

and they are stuck with ugly women.

I do hope you are gay because to call any woman ugly kind of misses what they do have. One of the most beutiful women in the world, to me, was a grandmother in Bakersfield, a town I dislike immensely. She was bit by a violin spider and lost her arms and legs and nose, some moron asked her if it would not be better if she had died, if she would not have been better off. She said that she could still have her grandchildren sit on her lap and help them. That woman is one of my heroes, she was amazing and showed what strength and what benefit we could be for others, the value we could bring to the table if pushed to our limits. There are no ugly women, the physical is just that, there are only ugly hearts, the selfish and self absorbed an even those matter.

Originally posted by AthlonSavage
How can a person turn their life around so to become successful and happy in life.

Success and happiness are not always connected. Only the lucky few are able to marry the two.

I can relate to your friend, except I don't necessarily blame God. If god is a personal god who has a plan for everyone, and you cannot escape destiny, then one can blame God. While I believe in God, I don't believe he micromanages the universe in that way. I consider myself a victim of circumstance.

For a person to turn their life around, they either need to have something in the world coincide with their desires, or their desires have to change. I think having ones desires or what one needs to be fulfilled change is impossible on its own. It would require new information or outside circumstance.

I think at best, you can hope that your friend is able to emphasize the small things in life that bring him satisfaction. It won't change the whole, but the perception of negativity will not be as strong.

He needs to change his outlook on life for starters!

If he is healthy, has a place to live, not starving, not living in fear, has lived past 30 year old... he's better off than MANY others in the world!

My outlook on life is this: As long as the people I care about are healthy, safe and happy... that's all the matters, everything else is just icing on the cake. I'm soo not rich with money lol but I feel very blessed and grateful for what I do have. Life is just way too short to spend it angry and bitter or comparing yourself to others.

That old saying is true... Money is NOT going to bring someone like this true happiness. If he's serious about changing his life, he needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and make changes. I think volunteering at homeless shelter or hospital would help put things into perspective for him. Along with changing his attitude, he should get rid of all the negativity in his life, even if that means stop hanging around certain people. He should find what brings him happiness... his family, the outdoors, a new hobby or an old one that he forgot he loved and focus on them... build his (new) life around the things he loves the most.

Like others here, I have found that the biggest obstacle to change is the unwillingness to acknowledge ones responsibility in their experiences.

In some case, just doing so allows you to see how you can respond differently to life and create different results.

In some cases, you end up seeing that your responsibility lies so deeply in your subconscious, it looks hopeless... because that which is subconscious is slightly out of reach of your will in the moments it is active.

Sometimes that is wht makes me not want to acknowledge it- because I can't do anything about it! I just end up being unhappy with who I am and totally unable to change it.

But strangely enough, sometimes just accepting that "way" that you are is, in itself, the catalyst to it transforming.
But not always.

Sometimes you have to consider the ways in which your body and emotions have been conditioned and make effort to change habits, systematically.

Sometimes you just have to choose contextxs, environments, and people which are appropriate for who you are, rather than who you wish you were.

The topic of personal change is so vaste, but I think it all starts with being honest with oneself about their own power and responsibility in their life.

reply to post by AthlonSavage


Dear AthlonSavage,

Your words, not mine.

I can see a lot of real life examples to support argument that all of human endeavor is vanity. In practical terms however what should a person do lead alife without vanity. And in leading a vanity less life will they be successful ?

You believe your life is vanity. I don't believe mine is. I do believe Solomon missed the mark as we all do, the smartest man in the world chased the women and forgot that they mattered also. Smart does not mean wisdom. Tell me what hope we have, tell me what is worth pursuing. I will respond.

Originally posted by AQuestion

I do hope you are gay because to call any woman ugly kind of misses what they do have. One of the most beutiful women in the world, to me, was a grandmother in Bakersfield, a town I dislike immensely. She was bit by a violin spider and lost her arms and legs and nose, some moron asked her if it would not be better if she had died, if she would not have been better off. She said that she could still have her grandchildren sit on her lap and help them. That woman is one of my heroes, she was amazing and showed what strength and what benefit we could be for others, the value we could bring to the table if pushed to our limits. There are no ugly women, the physical is just that, there are only ugly hearts, the selfish and self absorbed an even those matter.

Sorry, Pedro...I don't play for that team. Straight as an arrow. I strive for success in all aspects of my life. Financially, mentally & physically. I believe that it takes a real lack of character to let yourself go physically....so looks are a definite must in the women I date. Yes, I care about what is on the inside as well but, one cannot pretend looks are not important. How can you expect to live a happy, successful & fulfilling life wen you surround yourself with unmotivated, unattractive & unsuccessful people? I do find great satisfaction in helping others as well but, like I said....I've never lost sight of the prize. The world is my oyster!

reply to post by Bluesma

The topic of personal change is so vaste, but I think it all starts with being honest with oneself about their own power and responsibility in their life.

I agree on this Bluesa that topic of personal change is so vaste and only hope mabey for seeing through it all to arrive at a position of clarity that empowers an individual to make effective decisions that yield positive changes in the their life. Another thing to add is change doesnt happen ovrenight it can be a gradual interaction of small changes that take years to mature into a recognisable form.

reply to post by AQuestion

Tell me what hope we have, tell me what is worth pursuing. I will respond.

Anyone can possess Hope, the question really simplifies down to what Hopes are worth pursing?

reply to post by Unidentified_Objective


Dear Unidentifed_Objective,

I understand who you are. "

How can you expect to live a happy, successful & fulfilling life wen you surround yourself with unmotivated, unattractive & unsuccessful people? I do find great satisfaction in helping others as well but, like I said....I've never lost sight of the prize. The world is my oyster!

Good luck with that.