Does your love have a secret life?..and you don't know about it.

reply to post by pasiphae

my gut is usually right but

You see here is the point,that..right,sometimes is the point of now return.

reply to post by diamondsmith



i know. i won't ever take my gut for granted again. i even told a friend when we first started dating... who remembers me saying this... " if he's lying he's a psychopath". i just thought that was sooooooo unlikely and that i was being paranoid.

anyway, my point is that i was in a relationship with someone who had a secret life. i didn't want to believe i could know and fall for such a person. he charmed me and was sooooo sweet to me most of the time. i met his coworkers and friends who also believe his lies. he's good at playing the innocent victim. he's been practicing for many years.

reply to post by pasiphae

the's been practicing for many years.

I understand,like some sort of sport,or he try his so called powers on innocent human beings.

I know more then they know about themselves.Chilling ,ain't it?

Doubtful. You can see things about that person that they can't see themselves simply because you're coming at it from a different angle. Your perspective of someone is always going to be different than the perspective someone see's themselves from.

How could that NOT be the case?

It doesn't mean that you know more about them than they know themseves, it just means that you're seeing it from an angle they don't. This is why it's good to have friends or assocites around you to keep your ideas and the way you see things in check. Otherwise you would just be living in your own little world.

I've always been known to see things from a slightly different angle than anyone else, and I can tell you from personal experience that it's very hard to find someone who is a lot like you when it comes to something like that. If you are like that, and find someone else who, you instinctively know, is also like that; hang on tooth and nail to that person because there will always be a level of trust there that you won't find anywhere else.

It's like finding a piece of silver in the garbage dump. You just won't want to let it go because you certainly don't want to go back to the dump where no one can really give you what you need anyway. Solid companionship where there is always trust on a level that is really hard to find these days.

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reply to post by Taupin Desciple

Doubtful. You can see things about that person that they can't see themselves simply because you're coming at it from a different angle. Your perspective of someone is always going to be different than the perspective someone see's themselves from.

Depends, if you work with accurate information and files things are different.

The information that you're working with, the information I'm talking about, are the persons mannerisms and how they carry themselves. This tells a lot about a person. Watch them long enough without them knowing it, and I can guarentee you that you will know them from a different perspective from how they know themselves.

Why would they be faking what they really are if they believe they are all alone or otherwise not being watched? It might sound kind of creepy, but that's the best way I know of getting to know a person. As long as the ends justify the means, and the ends are good......then it's ALL good.

I have to go look at a truck today, I'm down to one vehicle and have to move soon, but I'll definately be keeping an eye on this thread as I can. You sound like a very interesting indidvual whom I would like to get to know better.

In time I suppose.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple

I can guarentee you that you will know them from a different perspective from how they know themselves.

You are referring to knowing them better.I am referring to see their actions as they never dream that someone can see, but let's cut the subject,this is becoming dangerous.

reply to post by diamondsmith


As you wish.

2nd

reply to post by Taupin Desciple
Well Taupin thank you that you understood.

reply to post by diamondsmith


sooo.... do YOU have a secret life? i'm sure i'll never have a secret life if i ever have a partner (at this point i'm pretty content to live alone with my kids and animals).

reply to post by pasiphae

do YOU have a secret life?

My life is so secret that not even I know anything about it,but I still explore,Psychology is a fine art that few know.

reply to post by pasiphae

do YOU have a secret life

No I don't have a personal secret life,I don't even know what is that(from personal experience)because a secret life is no life is more like a rack,to lie all the time is not for every one,but almost everyone do that.

reply to post by diamondsmith


sure, people lie all the time. some lie more than others. some only tell little ones that don't cause hurt. a secret personal life would definitely seem like no life at all. the people that do that (like the man i dated) have no conscience, no real feelings, and only seek selfish "pleasure" regardless of harming others (since feelings mean nothing to them). i've never experienced anything like him and i hope to never meet anyone like him again. i hope someday he trips up and gets caught.

reply to post by pasiphae

i've never experienced anything like him and i hope to never meet anyone like him again. i hope someday he trips up and gets caught.

Life is made of different experiences,we must have them all in order to learn but everything depends at what age we have all those experiences,and that is a question of luck.Some of us are more or less lucky.Unfortunately bad people are more lucky then good people.

.Unfortunately bad people are more lucky then good people.

I'll have to repectfully disagree with you on that one.

I'm of the belief that you make your own luck. I can understand though how it may appear that bad people have more luck. They get more press.

2 cases in point: 2 different men are down on their luck in diffferent ways. By all appearence both are good men. (I know one is)

Both men live an entirely different existence by all outward appearences. One is virtually on the street because of addictions while the other lives in a very affluent part of town. His addictions are just getting started.

One man is looking for a better way of life and does everything in his power to get it. He keeps his heart, mind and eyes open for good opportunties. Eventually he finds one. He's given the opportunity to get it and he goes for it. After finding that opportunity, he works hard to get it and eventually does. People at the time think he's the luckiest man alive for getting that opportunity and making something of it. That may be so, but he wouldn't have found it had he not been looking for it and then worked hard to secure it.

He made his own luck.

Meanwhile, the other man from the other side of the tracks is on a slow downward spiral because of addictions. It takes a few months for him to hit rock bottom, but during that time he also is offered opportunties for a better life. He doesn't see them because his life is so focused on his addictions. Nothing about his life is open at this point; not his haert his mind or his eyes.

WhiIe driving a cab, I watched this guy as he slowly went from living in a million dollar home in Paradise Valley Az. to being on the streets in one of the worst ghetto's in Phx. Part of a wolf pack he was. It's not something that a person with a concience soon forgets. And it only took a few months. If that. You can offer someone a better way of life, what would seem like a stroke of luck to other people, but it's up to that person to take the offer. He didn't.

He made his own luck. Bad luck.

Do bad people get lucky? Certainly. Just because you're bad doesn't mean you don't work for what you get. It just means that you do it in a bad way. And again, it may appear that more bad people get lucky than good people, because people want a hear a "juicy" story before they want to hear an inspirational one.

It also doesn't help that if a good person and a bad person are both after the same thing at the same time, the bad person will most likely always win because the good person thinks that he or she is better than resorting to the tactics that the bad person would use. They don't want to "stoop to that level." Personally, I'm not above that. I've done it before and I'll do it again if I have to. That's just a cop out IMO because if the ends justify the means, then it's all good. Especially if what they're competing for is a better way of life.

You're not going to build yourself a home without getting your hands dirty. There are no free rides here. It reminds me of a scene in an old "Little House on the Prairie" episode. (Yes, I used to watch that ) Pa was out tending the fields on a Sunday morning and Ma was livid: "What do you think you're doing? You can't be working on the Lords day!!" Pa yells back to her "I'm a farmer, God understands farmers."

He ended up going to church ( You can't argue with women and win ) But the point is that he was willing to go that extra mile to get what he needed.

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Originally posted by diamondsmith
How many of us ask that question.

How many of us know about the secret lives of our partners ?

What is a secret life of the person next to us,maybe many of us don't wan't to know.It will hurt our feelings,could destroy our lives.
Or,just we are afraid of the truth that is living next to us.And what kind of behaviour we must see?
Maybe we have a secret life and,we are afraid to give the game away,or maybe it was conducted in parallel lives.

Maybe her(his) secret life could become yours.

Take your time before answer,someday you might have a secret life too.

I ask that question all the time. My partner is a very secretive person and I think he hides things from me. But, I am a very paranoid and mistrustful person by nature. I wish I wasn't that way, but I am. I am afraid of finding out the truth, so I have never confronted him. So, if you suspect your partner is indeed living a secret life, do you confront them or let it be?

reply to post by calendula

I am afraid

To live in fear is the worst thing in a relation,that's no life,fear is for spirit what a cage is for a bird,fear make us grow old faster,fear take the wings of our thoughts,fear is the fallen angel.

reply to post by calendula

So, if you suspect your partner is indeed living a secret life, do you confront them or let it be?

When you say confront, you already define the power poles, that will not be a discussion but more like an excuse.

Originally posted by diamondsmith
reply to post by calendula

 

So, if you suspect your partner is indeed living a secret life, do you confront them or let it be?

When you say confront, you already define the power poles, that will not be a discussion but more like an excuse.

i agree. if you have a feeling and it isn't a good one.... and you're afraid to find out the truth.... i think that says a lot about your relationship. if you did confront him how would you go about it? do you have questions you'd like to ask? do you think he would answer honestly? have you tried to do any research on him?

I was the person who trusted my partner 100%. When he started changing alittle I didn't think anything was wrong i wrote it off to new interests.Some times when people hit forty they go through that mid life thing. Then one day someone left an anonomus letter on the windshield of my car.It was basically telling all the bad stuff he had been doing. I laughed and thought want a sick world of idiots we life in. That night I was laughing and showed him. I was like could you believe what some sicko did. Well once I saw his reaction and he started with Im not defending myself to you crap when I didnt accuse him and thought it was funny. I knew. It's a crazy story that I'm Still living for one and a half years. So I agree you never know