Ask JaxonRoberts!

reply to post by lordtyp0


Dear Lostboy,

As to the first question, I'd say you are well on your way to being a top notch paranoid schizophrenic! Keep up the good work here on ATS, and you may end up being the best one in the whole world!

As for the second question, you look EXACTLY like your avatar, so yes, you are what I expected (which is probably a rarity here on ATS)...

Originally posted by rogerstigers
Dear Jax,

I was in a poke war this morning with two hot friends on Facebook.. then I started posting stuff about government corruption, surveillance on US Citizens, and Texas' broken public education system.. now noone pokes me anymore.

What went wrong? What should I do? What is the average airspeed of an unladen swallow?

Re: your last question.

African or European?

Bad Jaxon!

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Sorry dude! They got me too. At least I got to read the response. Thanks for the help, even though it was devastating news.

Dear Jaxon,

Im gonna do this as carefully as possible. Since the other post exists no more, his one should be ok.

While researching the prior post, I did a google search to make sure I could describe the symptoms correctly. During the research process, I made the mistake of clicking on the "images" tab, and saw the things that nightmares are made of and they haunt me everytime I close my eyes.

My question for you is what should I do to get these nightmarish pictures out of my head? Would bleaching my eyes help, gouging them out, maybe? Give myself a concussion and hope for short term memory loss?

reply to post by Cheesefacedogbone


Dear Troublemaker,

No worries, I actually LOVE the smell of hypocricy in the morning...

reply to post by Cheesefacedogbone


Dear Haunted,

The only cure I know of is a Frontal Lobotomy, and that isn't 100% effective but it's worth a try... For future reference NEVER click on images of this nature... at the very least it will ruin your appetite...

Dear JaxonRoberts -


If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then does that mean girls with one leg work at IHOP?

reply to post by BlackOps719


Dear Waitress Stalker,

Yes, the one legged girls work at IHOP, and their names are Eileen... Unless they are Asian, then their names are Irene...

Dear Jaxon,

What makes the world go round?

Mr Roberts, Sir,

As a new member I find myself worried about what I have seen on ATS. Is this place a front for a bacon cult?

Help me Obi Wan, you are my only hope.

reply to post by pianopraze


Dear Ivory Tickler,

BACON...

reply to post by WrathShadow


Dear Blasphemer,

Not at all! Now just stay put until the Bacon Police arrive to take you to one of our many Indoctrination & Re-Education Centers... YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED... RESISTANCE IS FUTILE...

Dear Jaxon

How long can an adult male Persian cat run in front of a taxiing 747 before being sucked into the intake of the engine?

reply to post by Iamschist

Just long enough for it to be funny.

Dear Jaxon,

What happens if a member hijacks a thread? Is death by bacon real?
Am i real?

reply to post by Iamschist


Dear Sick Bastard,

Locster was close, but no cigar.... Just long enough to be hysterical!!!

reply to post by locster


Dear Pale Imitation of the Real Thing,

Yes, death by Bacon is real, but in your case I think the punishment should be exile from all pork products...

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


but but but but but.....

Dear Jaxon,

I think my friend may be gay. I don't judge him at all, and he's still my friend, but I'm just curious, are there any tests I can do to prove this theory?


Thanks