A woman's "right" to have a child

A couple close to me is going through a difficult part in their life and in it, there is something I think that could be good theorpy for those here who may have gone through it before or maybe could help those who may go through this in the future (or worse off; now).

This couple, we will call them Wanda and Rob, is reaching the age of forty and as most women can attest, Wanda's clock is ringing loud in her. She (now) wants a child, however Rob does not. When they got together there was an agreement that neither wanted a child and it was left at that.

Sitting on the outside of this turmoil in their lives, I have seen the stress and problems that has continued to press into their great relationship. This is really their only hang up. The only thing that hurts their relationship now.

Wanda has even gone as far as get her friends (and some of his friends) to wear him down to the idea. There was something that she said in my presence that made me wonder... She stated “Women have the right to have a child.” I was taken aback, but held composure and have tried to keep neutral in the dellema. I think that has drawn me in more.

I guess the thing that annoys me is that this woman who I respect and see as a friend, actually believes she has the “right” to bear a child. Now is she correct and I am off the wall or is it vise-versa?

I know quite a few women who have children that probably shouldn't have (given how they treat them). But I am not a woman and I have to sympathize with Rob here. He did not change his priorities in life and still does not want one. However, I think it low that Wanda has to get her friends to “wear” him down to the idea.

Also, is it truly a right for a woman to have a child? Just because they have the ability? I think that is a lousy excuse. I have the ability to kill another person, but that surely does not give me the right to. So, I cannot see how that is viable.

What is your input? Is it a right to have a child? Can the couple make it through if they have one? What if they don't?

Just because a woman has a uterus, she doesn't have a right to a child. She just has the ability.

I have male genetalia. Just because I have this, doesn't give me the "right" to impregnate any woman I see.

2 cents.

Of course she has a right to have a child, if she gets preg.

Do you have a right to your own nature?

And who will stop you from this?

What kind of monster would intervene and prevent this?

How do you prevent it? Mutilate her body? Kill a fetus?

It's free by default.

Originally posted by Jkd Up
Wanda has even gone as far as get her friends (and some of his friends) to wear him down to the idea.

This, to me, indicates a problem in the relationship. One person encouraging others to put pressure on her mate is a crap move, IMO. Very wrong, IMO

I guess the thing that annoys me is that this woman who I respect and see as a friend, actually believes she has the “right” to bear a child. Now is she correct and I am off the wall or is it vise-versa?

Of course she has the right to have a child. Why not? But she doesn't have the right to force her husband to father her child. NO ONE should be forced to have a child, man or woman. If she wants a child so badly, and her husband doesn't, then she needs to find another way to do it.

Procreation is a basic right.

In a long line of cases beginning in the 1970s, the Supreme Court has recognized a fundamental constitutional right to procreate and make decisions about procreation.

FindLaw

Originally posted by beezzer
Just because a woman has a uterus, she doesn't have a right to a child. She just has the ability.

I have male genetalia. Just because I have this, doesn't give me the "right" to impregnate any woman I see.

2 cents.

Having a child is the nature of a woman.

You impregnating any woman is rape.

How are you even able to compare such vastly different types of ideas?

Originally posted by Jkd Up
I have the ability to kill another person, but that surely does not give me the right to. So, I cannot see how that is viable.

Killing a person is against the law. Having a child is not.

Can the couple make it through if they have one?

If he resigns himself to it, yes, but I would expect some resentment, especially when times get tough, as they always do at one time or another when raising a child.

What if they don't?

Again, there's a lot of room for resentment. If she doesn't get to fulfill the very basic need and drive in a woman to have a child, she may resent Rob for keeping her from experiencing that.

She should get a puppy! I didn't have kids, but I got 2 puppies at the same time and it was a WONDERFUL time in my life! I felt VERY much like a mother.

Here is a perfect comparison.

Do you have the right to urinate or sneeze?

To breathe?

They are just bodily functions.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic

Procreation is a basic right.

In a long line of cases beginning in the 1970s, the Supreme Court has recognized a fundamental constitutional right to procreate and make decisions about procreation.

FindLaw

Hi, Benevolent Heretic!

and make decisions about procreation

shouldn't that be a decision made by two people? Just because a "woman" wants to have a baby, and a man doesn't, what would be the difference between a man wanting to impregnate a woman to have a baby, against the womans wishes?
Me thinks they call that rape.

Sneezing spreads germs.

It can make others sick without their consent.

Should we outlaw sneezing?

Originally posted by beezzer

shouldn't that be a decision made by two people? .

A man cannot impregnate a woman without choosing to.

Do you know how people 'create' children?

If you don't want a kid, don't have sex.

I am baffled you don't see that.

Sex's only purpose biologically is to make babies.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


Very astute! Thank you! not only do I have a dog (that I rescued), I have two children from a pervious disaster of a relationship. But dam! I love those kids! I find that having the pup is a good thing to keep noise in the house after the kids leave for their visit.

Thank you for a female input! Much needed and very well appreciated! STiggity-AR!!!

Sure she has the right to have a kid, however the dude needs to man up and exert his right to NOT be coerced into reproduction. The fact that she is using other people to further her personal agenda of having a child despise knowing Rob doesn't want to have a child is pretty underhanded, and honestly he needs to jump ship if this is the kind of person he is involved with.

Originally posted by beezzer
shouldn't that be a decision made by two people?

Absolutely! As I said, forcing the husband to have a child when he doesn't want to is just as bad.

Wanda would have to find another man that's willing, or else go to a sperm bank. HER desire to have a child shouldn't outweigh his desire not to. BOTH need to consent.

Originally posted by muzzleflash

Originally posted by beezzer

shouldn't that be a decision made by two people? .

A man cannot impregnate a woman without choosing to.

Do you know how people 'create' children?

If you don't want a kid, don't have sex.

I am baffled you don't see that.

Sex's only purpose biologically is to make babies.

Agreed. As you pointed out, it takes two to tango.

Why should women have a superior right to have children over the right of a man that doesn't?

Whilst I would agree that every woman has a right to have a child, that does bring up a few questions on the suitability of the parent(s) to raise the child, also the responsibility involved in having the means to support that child themselves.
Case in point is the baby machine in the apartment below me: three kids, all from different fathers, all supported by the state - every benefit you can think off on the taxpayer ticket - and has not worked since leaving school. She and others I have heard speak on this subject all claim their right to these benefits, but seem to be ignorant of the source of the money, except that it comes from the government. This is something I strongly object to!
As a hard working taxpayer, I object to being taxed to provide for other people's kids, amongst other things. However, it seems responsibility is a dirty word these days.

Originally posted by beezzer
Why should women have a superior right to have children over the right of a man that doesn't?

She doesn't have a "superior right'. You're missing the point. Saying a woman has the right to have a child doesn't men she has a right to make her husband be a father. She will have to find sperm elsewhere.

Of course she does. Just as much as her partner has the right not to. I agree strongly with Benevolent Heretic. If this were my friend, and he is certain that he never wants to have children, I would urge him to have a vasectomy. I am childless by choice (I have a stepson whom I love dearly), but I can tell you that a woman who is determined to have a child can be just as thorough in making that possible as some of us in making sure that it isn't. Children, like pets, are for life and shouldn't be...whatever they are- engaged?, lightly or by default.

reply to post by Britguy


BRITGUY: You said the "R" word!!! I'm telllliinnnnnnnnn!!!!

Great post. Thank you!

Originally posted by DogsDogsDogs
If this were my friend, and he is certain that he never wants to have children, I would urge him to have a vasectomy.

WONDERFUL idea! Then if she does turn up pregnant, he'll be off the hook.

They both have equal rights and both have the right to have a child as much as the right to choose not to. Many women initially, especially in their twenties, "decide" to not have children, my step daughter included. However, as with my step daughter, as she has matured she has changed her viewpoint. When younger, and more free, children can be viewed as a obstacle to freedom especially when friends begin staying home more and cancel plans due to an unavailable babysitter or sick child waiting at home.

Further, when women are faced with the reality of "now or never" many fear they will regret their decision well after there is nothing they can do it about and opt to have a child before they no longer can.

As for the couple you are talking about, it really comes down to one decision: Does she want a child more than she wants her husband and is having a child worth the possibility of losing her marriage? Is she willing to raise a child alone?

Talking someone into having a child when they most clearly do not is not a great way to bring a child into a family. It's not like talking your spouse into getting a dog that if proves as bad as initially thought can be sent to a pound or given away.

Marriages, and especially those with children, have enough stress without trying to browbeat someone into giving in to their viewpoint.