How many couples have split since Covid?

originally posted by: JAGStorm

originally posted by: Deplorable

originally posted by: Annee
Man, just can not come home and take over.

Is that what you think happens?

Pretty jaded if you ask me.

Sorry I have to side with Anne on this one.
I am not a military spouse but a brat. I saw this first hand so many times and not just with my family, but many others growing up.
Sometimes my dad was gone for 6 months at a time, and then he would come and he expected to pick right up. It was very difficult and traumatic when I think back on it, and my dad was a wonderful dad. I now understand how difficult it was for my mom going back and forth from single mom to married wife over and over.

I think things are different in todays military. We also did not have internet like we do today when I was growing up.

I went to school in Italy and lived in "the economy ", meaning we lived off base. No base housing, 30 miles from the nearest NATO and Navy bases.

And we didn't even have a phone!

a reply to: Xtrozero

I'm 100% the same with my wife. We do things together like travel, but we also have hobbies separately. We also never fight... We can argue a little at times, but never really fight. I asked her one time that our marriage was messed up because we do not fight like other couples. She said, OK what do you want to fight about and I said IDK why ask me?

Oh my goodness SAME here, we never fight. I heard someone mention that you have to fight because that is passion.
No I don’t agree with that. When you truly marry your best friend there simply is nothing to fight about because you are too busy having a good time.

originally posted by: JAGStorm

Oh my goodness SAME here, we never fight. I heard someone mention that you have to fight because that is passion.
No I don’t agree with that. When you truly marry your best friend there simply is nothing to fight about because you are too busy having a good time.

We actually like to travel around the world just the two of us and just do whatever without anyone else getting in the way. That way we can just hangout for a day if we like or doing anything we want without the need to please others.

a reply to: SourGrapes

I went to school in Italy and lived in "the economy ", meaning we lived off base. No base housing, 30 miles from the nearest NATO and Navy bases. And we didn't even have a phone!

Same here but not Italy.
We lived close to one base where my dad worked but we had to ride the bus for an hour to go to school on another base. It was nuts. We were in a special assigned house based on my dads rank. It was like a mansion in the middle of a corn field. It was absolutely beautiful but very lonely and isolated.

originally posted by: SourGrapes

I went to school in Italy and lived in "the economy ", meaning we lived off base. No base housing, 30 miles from the nearest NATO and Navy bases.

And we didn't even have a phone!

Same with me and my wife but it was 5 years in Japan off base. I was in Afghanistan and she called me to tell me the fence blew down and I was like what the hell am I going to do about it...lol When I got home the fence was back up...

originally posted by: JAGStorm
a reply to: SourGrapes

I went to school in Italy and lived in "the economy ", meaning we lived off base. No base housing, 30 miles from the nearest NATO and Navy bases. And we didn't even have a phone!

Same here but not Italy.
We lived close to one base where my dad worked but we had to ride the bus for an hour to go to school on another base. It was nuts. We were in a special assigned house based on my dads rank. It was like a mansion in the middle of a corn field. It was absolutely beautiful but very lonely and isolated.

My wife and I hardly every fight. We've had a few disagreements and squabbles but never a significant "Well Fnck You!" kind of fight. She'll say she isn't happy about something or I may mumble something but that is about it. Last maybe 5 minutes. Longest time she's been mad at me was when I bought a motorcycle. After about two weeks she was over it.

We know some of our friends have some significant fights. I don't get it.

I'd never marry someone or be in a relationship with a person who is a hot head.

a reply to: SourGrapes

I well recall when calling the States from Europe was an expensive proposition that was only seldom done.

These days, the sensation of being isolated from the USA, family, and friends is much reduced thanks to the internet.

Cheers

a reply to: SourGrapes

It's difficult for one spouse to take on both roles and relinquish one role, when their partner returns home. But, it's important to step back and allow that person to resume their role, with support. It's also difficult for the children to adapt.

My dad was very high rank in the military and used to everyone doing whatever he said….
That absolutely did not work with my mom. She was the matriarch and although tiny in size that lady was a force to be reckoned with. Think of Granny from Beverly Hills hillbilly, that was my mom. Drinking and Smoking and would cuss you out if needed. I am convinced my dad was terrorfied of her. I know why they were married so long, it’s because she was probably the one person that was his match.

originally posted by: F2d5thCavv2
a reply to: SourGrapes

I well recall when calling the States from Europe was an expensive proposition that was only seldom done.

These days, the sensation of being isolated from the USA, family, and friends is much reduced thanks to the internet.

Cheers

That's exactly why we didn't have a phone. Two teenagers at home, my dad was like "ah, Hell no!" 🤣

It was $5/minute, to call the states, if I recall correctly. This was early 90s.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Currently separated after almost 22 years married.

I side with Annee as well -
It was a major adjustment having my husband home with me, trying to take over. I lost my job during the virus and was used to doing everything on my own and it was fine.
Can't wait to get back to work!

originally posted by: MagesticEsoteric
a reply to: JAGStorm

Currently separated after almost 22 years married.

Oh that is terrible to hear 22 years is a long time!
If you don’t mind, was it the stresses from Covid? Do you think it would have happened regardless?

It's interesting reading people's comments and opinions on this, one thing that sticks out is some couples never leave their honeymoon period and can 100% stand the other half.

Love is an amazing drug, it'll blind you to flaws and enhance desirable qualities in people, that said I don't think it's as simple as being in-love makes people 100% compatible.

It's probably not so simple to say spending too much time with loved ones will cause divides either. Personal experiences and what I've always observed kind of says if people are not in love and are not used to so much company it can have a serious negative affect on relationships.

I'm guessing there's a psychological aspect of growing apart as we grow our own lives too. People change when they become single mums or soldiers for instance. I'm guessing it's not just lovers either since Summer holidays are dreaded by a lot of parents, I'd say it's fine to have no desire to spend 24/7 with the majority of people. Loved one's, friends and family? It probably shouldn't be so difficult to stand their company huh?

I think about stuff like this a lot tbh, humans are fascinating! I'm thinking about other cultures where it's highly typical to spend 24/7 with a lot of people. Could it be the western world has developed unrealistic expectations of relationships or even the individual?

Maybe even love?
With the right conditions anyone can fall in love and any group can become cohesive.

Yep, twas the final nail in my 20 year relationship

a reply to: RAY1990

I think about stuff like this a lot tbh, humans are fascinating! I'm thinking about other cultures where it's highly typical to spend 24/7 with a lot of people. Could it be the western world has developed unrealistic expectations of relationships or even the individual? Maybe even love? With the right conditions anyone can fall in

Some of the strongest most long lasting marriages in the past were all arranged marriages. They learned to compromise and work together and then love came.

As an Asian American I’ve lived in both cultures. In my opinion American culture is very difficult to form deep family bonds. The baby is put in a crib after birth. Kids are sent to daycare, the elderly are put in nursing homes. Not in all families, but it’s very common. None of those things are common in an Asian family.

In the Asian family everything is done in house. Also divorce is seen as the biggest failure one could have in life.
There is a HUGE stigma around it in my Asian cultures. Single women are really looked down on as are divorcées.
It is widely accepted in the US if not encouraged sometimes.

originally posted by: McGinty
Yep, twas the final nail in my 20 year relationship

Dang, sorry to hear that.

When my BF became some anti-vax tin foil wearing nut who thought the reincarnated entity of JFK had created the virus, I knew he had to go. Sad thing is he died a few weeks ago from covid, amazingly I was still in the will so there was a silver lining for which I’m great full for. I just hope he don’t try to contact me from the other side.

a reply to: JAGStorm

The west values rights and the east values duty?

That's overly simplistic and somewhat divisive too... It's an intermingled thing for every culture I'm assuming.

Tradition, that peer pressure from ancestors still holds a lot of sway in some cultures.

Some of the strongest most long lasting marriages in the past were all arranged marriages. They learned to compromise and work together and then love came.

Forced marriages!!! I kid, that's a very strong point that I wasn't considering.

I guess you could say modernised cultures are evolving or degrading. Rights and freedoms give us the ability to do what we like for better or worse. The right to happiness is took to heart in a lot more places than the US!

Amazing kids can be raised by single parents though so it's not like the realisation of breaking-up is always a negative one, it can be enlightening if things weren't working.

I'm not trying to frame it as tradition vs freedom either, I reckon such things can go hand in hand. I do notice some see growing pains whilst others say that's decay... Love really can be a battlefield!

a reply to: JAGStorm

Thanks! Me too, but what you gonna do?!

Pick yourself up and keep walking, I guess

a reply to: JAGStorm

We were lucky; as an officer my dad got really sweet housing on the economy too. Both in NL and in DE. I was super lucky in that i got to go to an international school for most of my time overseas so for elementary I had classes with Brits, Canadians, Turks, Greeks, etc. Then in HS it changed to only US and Canadian. The Germans always had their own classes. So special! lol
I remember my dad being gone a lot , I got used to kind of raising myself for a lot of things.