Cigarettes or ice for your child

it is a story about how freeloading karens are born.
they all know they only have to cry as loud as possible and plead "you promised".

I did not have that impression but what sense would it make to write down my impression?

It will be just dismissed and twisted or claimed wrong. I mean, it's my impression and no one else from here was there. It's moot.

My solution, that I posted a page ago, I won't repeat it, is set. I think that's the best way to go from here. I never claimed I did everything right but the nitpicking and fantasizing is getting tiring.

I stared posts (and it feels so lame to write this) I did not agree with / did not agree with me but were polite and thoughtful. That's my MO. People talk about respect and how I need to give it to the guy upfront by all means, but they are without respect themselves.

I don't argue with hypocrites. I thank everyone regardless their opinion that could stay civil and wish a nice evening.


If someone has to add something without histrionic, fantasized claims... but thoughtful pro or contra, I ask them to check out this post of mine first, we can go from there then.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain


That was very kind of you!

That father is a selfish jerk! Poor kid, can only imagine what his life is like ☹️

nvm

a reply to: aLaughingMan

I would edit about the respect part, I would say, Did the kid look well taken care of? Aside from the ice cream was he happy? Shouldn't the father get a little respect.. As just being the father.

The father has no self respect when he makes the decision the cigs are more important. He doesn’t get respect just for being a father either, there are many lousy parents out there that frankly have messed up their kids lives.

The father could have been grateful and told his kid to thank the kind lady but instead he chose to be offended, because while lacking self respect he is still prideful and his ego was hurt.

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

No.

You're not the idiot. It's what most decent people would do if they were in the position to do it.

And frankly, he's not the idiot. He's an a-hole for behaving like that after the fact. If he wants to look like a man for his kid, then he pays for the popsicle and gets his cigs later.

a reply to: surfer_soul

We do remember this is about an ice cream treat? The father didn't say something like " No food for you tonight, I am buying myself a steak." IF it's fair to assume not buying his child ice cream makes him disrespectful with no self worth, human trash that we should gleefully eradicate from this plane of existence.

Then I think it's fair to assume, Maybe the child had ice cream or cookies or candies at home, but Dad was out of smokes. Is that too far fetched?

I don't think the story is really about that, because we just don't know. The meat and potatoes are why was he angry? I say it's because she ignored him, Giving the treat to his child without acknowledging him purposely ignoring even.

Was his anger justified? No. Not at the level he displayed. Did she do the "right" thing? Sure. It was a nice thing to do, I just think the father may have deserved at least acknowledgement.

As I said previously, First declaring your intentions (with his child) gives him the chance to thank her. Her intent though I think wasn't just to give the child ice. She has stated and all the others posters anger towards this man shows, There was intent to demean and belittle his existence based on this small broken promise of ice.

Yes, Giving the child ice is a small thing. Cigarettes, to a person who knows they need 2 packs? Well that is a physical mental and chemical addiction. As it has been said, He probably smokes at work.. It helps him make the money to buy the food/clothing/medicine and whatever else the child needs to be healthy.

Ice is a treat. Sorry kid. Why can't the father just make it up to him later? Should the child hate his father over this ice? Ignore the love and care he does provide? Pretty childish viewpoint if you ask me.

Remember it's only ice.

a reply to: aLaughingMan

"Daddy, you promised!"

I don't know about you, but I was taught that you don't make a promise unless you intend to follow through. If I'm not sure I can do something for my son, I say, "We'll see." I don't promise what I'm not sure I can deliver, and if I miscalculate, it's more important to me to see that my kid knows I follow through on my word than it is that I satisfy my craving of the moment at that second.

a reply to: ketsuko

"Daddy, can I get a HFCS filled treat?" Father replies, " Uh yeah sure."

An iron-clad bond of his word. Seppuku might make up for breaking this promise?
He might as well die, Smoking 2 packs in we have no idea how long.

We just don't know how serious this promise was, Did the child get it in writing you think?

I just heard the kid ran away and joined the circus. Want's to be a clown, or some sh##.

I dunno. KIDS!!, what can ya say???

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

I was shopping with my child and we were already bagging our things, when the next customer, a man with his son, had trouble paying the goods they put on.

So, other people have 'sons', but you have 'a child'?

Is your child genderless or do you practice some kind of weird fiction here?

He could not pay and the cashier told him, he has to either leave a pack of cigarettes, or the ice.

Since when do CASHIERS decide WHAT products you want to leave out if you don't have enough money? As far as I have experienced this sort of situations (and I am clumsy and stupid enough to have suffered through MANY), the CUSTOMER gets to pick and choose what he/she wants to leave out.

What kind of nazí country do you live in where cashiers make your choices FOR you?

a reply to: ThatDamnDuckAgain

He didn't think a second and said "the ice". At that moment I looked at his son, looking up to him in complete dissapointment. He started like "But you promised!" and that broke my heart. So I started to unbag the bag with the frozen stuff, opened the pack of water ice and gave the little guy one. He said thank you, my daughter got one too and he was happy. I ignored the father completely staring at me while I bagged the stuff again and became a little inconvenience because I was not fast enough for him. I ignored.

I have read this whole thing multiple times, and I still can't understand it completely. You 'unbag a bag'? What? Are you sure 'unbag' is a word?

You separate 'frozen stuff' to different bags instead of just packing by weight or something more logical?

What the heck is 'water ice'?! You gave 'the little guy one'? One what? Piece of regular ice? How is that as good as a popsicle or something like that?

Also, it's "disappointment", not "dissapointment". Don't people look 'with disappointment' instead of 'in disappointment'?

Why would it break your heart that some (probably) whiny, badly-raised brat doesn't always get everything they want? You actually destroyed a valuable life lesson; you can't always get everything you selfishly lust for, and it's a good thing to learn. There's a reason why kids are called 'spoiled', when EVERY whim is catered to by clueless parents.

So you are turning good parenting into bad parenting. With SOMEONE ELSE'S kid. What happened to 'minding your own business'? Is it really wise to intervene with someone else's parenting without asking, and without their consent? You are lucky you didn't get punched or something.

"He said thank you, your daughter got one too and he was happy" - what the heck does this mean? This sentence is either incerdibly incoherent, jumping from one thought to another or just exemplifies bad writing.

Your daughter got one WHAT, too? One thank you? Are you sure he was HAPPY? How do you really know? Maybe he was grinning selfish self-importance that you nurtured. Now he thinks he will always get his wish even if his deadbeat dad doesn't cater to his whims.

Also, happiness is not something that's possible on the physical plane, at least in this kind of world. We don't come to this world to be happy, but to learn. Students are rarely happy, but they trade happiness for learning, so it's even better than happiness.

Happiness is something that lasts. At best, he experienced some kind of rush, fix, temporary joy. Do you think he's still 'happy'? Do you think he hasn't cried at least 5 times between then and now? What if that kid is some kind of horrible, evil monster, because of bad parenting - now you rewarded a monster.

Sorry to say, but the guy was correct; you had no right to intervene with HIS kid and his parenting, even if you think it's wrong. Do you interfere with everything when someone does something differently than you, even if it might have been a better way than your way? You need to chill and mind your own business, and you are talking beside his point, refusing to understand YOU CROSSED THE LINE.

You don't parent other people's kids, no matter how 'your heart breaks' - kids are resilient, and they need to learn the tough lessons to be able to cope as adults. It's possible that kid is going to need psychiatric help or become a school shooter because you prevented the kid from learning a valuable life lesson.

By the way, please study english harder, half of your stuff doesn't make sense or is such convoluted way of saying things, it's hard to understand what you're trying to say, and your grammar could use some fixing. In fact, I was going to go through your post and correct everything, but looking at that workload, I decided, it's too much.

In any case, there's a reason why people say 'mind your own business', and there's a concept of 'tough love'. You should _ABSOLUTELY_ have gone through the parent in a situation like that, you should've extended friendliness to the parent first, and ask for a permission. Or you could've given whatever you're gonna give, to the PARENT, who then could've made the decision whether to give it to thekid or not.

You robbed the parent of authority, power and parenting, the ability to teach their kid, and be someone to look up to. You did a very evil thing, and you pat yourself on the back for it..

You CAN'T just think of what the kid wants in situations like this. You have to look at the WHOLE family dynamic, you have to think the kid as 'someone who needs to learn what life is REALLY like so they can cope as adults', not as some teddybear, whose EVERY WHIM has to instantly be fulfilled. Kids are happier, when they DON'T get everything they scream for. (This might be a shock for you to hear, but discipline is more important to kids than presents)

Don't just bribe the kid and think you did a good deed.

Consider the parents, their authority, the power and respect-dynamic between the kid, parent and strangers. You have to be very delicate and sensitive in these situations. Sure, it's a bit stupid of the parent to buy cigarettes in the first place (no parent should ever smoke, what are they thinking?), and then prioritize them over something the brat lusts for - but think how much quicker the kid is finished with the ice thing than the parent is finished with the cigarettes? They're factually a better long-term investment. The kid won't be any happier after he's eaten the thing, but the parent will at least stay calmer than he would otherwise, because he has his cigarettes, and thus he's gonna be a better parent than if he doesn't have cigarettes.

I still can't get over the fact that a cashier would give a customer a dilemma like that, though.. why can't the customer choose the product?

You also don't know if the kid has already had some ice creams and such, and this might've been useless extra anyway, if the kid even deserves it, what their family dynamic is, if they have ice cream at home, and so on. You don't know the situation and yet you act like you need to intervene and BYPASS the parent completely. This is ridiculously disrespectful, and you're lucky the parent ONLY flipped you the bird, I can pretty much guarantee I would've flipped a lot more than that.

Also, you are basically underlining and broadcasting that THIS PARENT IS POOR to the whole world when you do things like this, how would YOU feel in a similar situation? You can't afford everything, you have to leave something out, and before you can explain it to your daughter, some douche starts suddenly giving candy to your daughter.

Think about it, and be honest - HOW would you feel?

It seems your goal was to embarrass and scold the man. Why not discreetly hand him the 3 bucks for the ice? The way you went about it seemed like it was more like you wanted to teach him a lesson and publicly shame him more than help the kid. My two cents since you asked for it.

originally posted by: ThatDamnDuckAgain
This morning I was witness to something that still kind of bugs me.

I was shopping with my child and we were already bagging our things, when the next customer, a man with his son, had trouble paying the goods they put on. Two packs of cigarettes and a popsickle. He could not pay and the cashier told him, he has to either leave a pack of cigarettes, or the ice.

He didn't think a second and said "the ice". At that moment I looked at his son, looking up to him in complete dissapointment. He started like "But you promised!" and that broke my heart. So I started to unbag the bag with the frozen stuff, opened the pack of water ice and gave the little guy one. He said thank you, my daughter got one too and he was happy. I ignored the father completely staring at me while I bagged the stuff again and became a little inconvenience because I was not fast enough for him. I ignored.

Outside, we were putting the bags inside the front trunk and the father approached me on the parking spot, his child was in his car I think, could not see him. He started how degrading that was to him and the only thing I said to him was that he degraded himself all alone without me. In front of his child and everyone inside that took notice that his nicotine addiction is more worth than bringing a smile to his child.

Then he said it's easy to talk like that with money in the pockets. I ignored him and then, out of the backseat of my car, my daughter said to him like:

"You promised!" he turned to her but I let the windows up with the keyfob before he could say anything and looked at him with eye brow raised. He finally turned around and walked away, I stood there watching him until he reached his car. The guy turned around and showed me the bird.

Am I the idiot here?

a reply to: Skepticape

If someone puts cigarettes before their children’s happiness they deserve shame.