America has a parenting problem

We do not have a gun problem, a violence problem, a race problem, a homeless problem, a drug problem.

We have a parenting problem.

Somewhere along the line, the pendulum swung too far.

Parents were scared of disciplining their kids in any way. Not just spanking, but even a harsh word. Too many people are single parents. I'm not just talking about single moms, I'm talking about families that can't afford it to have one parent at home.

My mother once told me that teens are not normal if they don't "go crazy" at least once. I thought that was weird until I had teenagers.
As a parent, that was the single scariest time in my entire life, and I've had some scary moments!

Absolutely nothing has changed with teens, it is the parents that have changed! The way parents let their kids talk to them, treat them.
ZERO RESPECT. Parents letting their kids wear pajamas out, ZERO RESPECT. Kids out all hours of the day and night. This is not normal!!!
If you don't learn to respect yourself you will never have
respect for other people. That starts with the parents, if you don't respect yourself your kids will never respect you. I've gone through this test.
Trust me, respect yourself.


On a side note, our kids are not getting the connections they desperately need. Teens/young adults are grumpy, but they need us.
I've had my kids friends over for dinner in the past. They did not want to leave the dinner table. They expressed how much they enjoyed eating and talking and being together and it was something they did not do at their houses. Everyone eats on the run. That was so so sad. Not even a shared meal together!

It takes a village to really F# your kids up...

ETA: I agree Jag, S&F.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Letting the kids out in pajamas?
Hell, I see the parents out shopping in pajamas and bedroom slippers. ( Oh, and having a severe case of bed-head too) Just too much trouble to get dressed and look somewhat presentable.
They are setting the bad example.

a reply to: JAGStorm

yes it has a parenting problem and a problem with government getting involved and families too much.

a reply to: JAGStorm

No you DO have a gun problem, are you suggesting parents in the USA are worse than the UK, Norway, France, Italy, Germany, Canada etc as there are tennagers with angst in ALL these countries, America is choosing to ignore the access to firearms again, dont worry as nothing will change, there will be no gun grab by the gooberment, and this will happen again unfortunatly, but it is a gun issue, anything else is weak excuses as there are more countries than America on the planet with all the same daily trials and none has anywhere near the frequency of attacks.

I agree but it runs deeper. American society was once a hierarchy with various systems (community, faith, patriotism etc), those systems have failed or been cast aside. We will never have that society again, it is past. The new generation is responding to that vacuum and they are struggling to find meaning, hopefully a better meaning, something that will endure. We older citizens should be guiding them in free thought, helping them solve these new problems themselves. Our older systems are no longer working. Only the young can define their own society because we will not be living in it.

originally posted by: UpIsNowDown
a reply to: JAGStorm

No you DO have a gun problem, are you suggesting parents in the USA are worse than the UK, Norway, France, Italy, Germany, Canada etc as there are tennagers with angst in ALL these countries, America is choosing to ignore the access to firearms again, dont worry as nothing will change, there will be no gun grab by the gooberment, and this will happen again unfortunatly, but it is a gun issue, anything else is weak excuses as there are more countries than America on the planet with all the same daily trials and none has anywhere near the frequency of attacks.

No we do NOT have a gun problem, we really don't. I'll tell you why.
I've grown up with guns all around. KIDS used to take guns to school, that's right to school. They would bring them and go hunting after. Its has never been about guns. They want us to believe it is about guns. It's not.

www.bbc.com...

Ten charts on the rise of knife crime in England and Wales
This is an 80% increase from the low-point in the year ending March 2014, when there were 23,945 offences, and is the highest number since comparable data was compiled.

a reply to: ServiusTull

Well said Servius! It really is a combination of factors that influence children.

originally posted by: UpIsNowDown
a reply to: JAGStorm

No you DO have a gun problem, are you suggesting parents in the USA are worse than the UK, Norway, France, Italy, Germany, Canada etc as there are tennagers with angst in ALL these countries, America is choosing to ignore the access to firearms again, dont worry as nothing will change, there will be no gun grab by the gooberment, and this will happen again unfortunatly, but it is a gun issue, anything else is weak excuses as there are more countries than America on the planet with all the same daily trials and none has anywhere near the frequency of attacks.

You get the ignorance award for the day.

Do you really believe if somehow guns were removed from the equation that we would instantly be some utopia?

JAG nailed a major factor, parenting, but there is much more.
Pharmaceuticals being given to our adolescents almost as a babysitter anymore, along with the good old electronic babysitters. The state telling parents what is and is not allowed when it comes to raising your child. The agendas being pushed through schools labeled as 'education'. Shall I continue?
But you want to blame an inanimate object, a tool, as the root of evil.

SMH

originally posted by: ServiusTull
I agree but it runs deeper. American society was once a hierarchy with various systems (community, faith, patriotism etc), those systems have failed or been cast aside. We will never have that society again, it is past. The new generation is responding to that vacuum and they are struggling to find meaning, hopefully a better meaning, something that will endure. We older citizens should be guiding them in free thought, helping them solve these new problems themselves. Our older systems are no longer working. Only the young can define their own society because we will not be living in it.

Damn, that was heavy, and I couldn't agree more.

Ironically with the advent of things to "connect us", we have drifted apart further. Fewer face to faces, and people breaking bread together.

I'm agnostic, but I definitely believe it's important for people to find their own way to have community weekly or at least monthly. A big group of friends and I have made our own way to do that and I've spoke about it before.

The reason community is so important is because you are more vested with skin in the game. Before you say or do something in public you put it through your "if this got back to my people, what would they think of it" filter. When you're sick for a while or in a depression funk, people will say "we haven't seen so and so in a while, we should check up on them", and they will help you rebound.

a reply to: JAGStorm

I’m going to disagree.

Violent acts have occurred throughout history and are not mutually exclusive to America.

a reply to: JAGStorm

It is not only America that has all this problems. My impression is this:

It is also social media. Since December I have a smartphone. Before I had a normal one. SMS and phoneing. I am happy I skipped all this for a time.

I see myself now often with the phone. I do not pull it out in public but I do have it around now often.
Oh I am drifting off..

What I want to express is that I experienced that a "appointment" is not so much worth like 15 years ago. It is easy for some people to just cancel by SMS or Whatsapp. Back a few years they had to call at least. Yes, sometimes something gets in between the appointment and one can not make it. Understandable yes.

Or back in school, someone asked to to something like "we meet today at 5pm at the basketball court". Nobody would call at 4pm, he has something better to do. Show up or not. Do not show up a few times in row even you said you come?

Not get taken serious anymore. Today it is easy to bring some excuse in a text.

a reply to: JAGStorm

You nailed it. I will even include grandparenting. Grandparents aren't what they used to be either.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Then why are the vast majority or school shooter type mass shooters, from upper middle class families????


To the best of my knowledge none of them has come from homes with absentee parents..


Most came from down right nuclear families...




I find most fixes for these things are awfully convenient for the parents in the fact they don’t have to pay anything themselves..


“Blame video games!! We don’t play video games, so let’s blame them!!”


That sure is a low cost sacrifice...

No we have a Government over reach problem , Spank your kid with a belt and you go to jail or they are taken away . I know of a few kids right now that would benefit from a good ass whipping .

originally posted by: JustJohnny
a reply to: JAGStorm

Then why are the vast majority or school shooter type mass shooters, from upper middle class families????
To the best of my knowledge none of them has come from homes with absentee parents..
Most came from down right nuclear families...

Many parents can be physically there, but they are not there mentally. How can a child drown in water when there are
people around?

I think you could add the "stepfather" issue as well. Teenage boys seem to always think stepfathers can pound sand. At least all the men I have known think that about the stepfather when they were or are teens.

Divorce for no real reason is a problem as well.

Parents are working longer hours than ever before. How can you raise your kids when you hand them off to strangers to raise them for you while you slave away for 40+ and 50+ hours per week? Instead of putting our time in with our kids we hand them off to the state to be taught and told how to act. The family unit has been systematically dismantled over the past few decades to the point where we are today.

It's a societal issue more than anything else. Modern society is having some pretty severe side effects on the human race.

a reply to: JAGStorm

Many parents can be physically there, but they are not there mentally. How can a child drown in water when there are people around?

It goes fast. Not that long ago I just read about that in a magazine. A mother told a story at the public swimming pool. They were talking, and she watched her son jump off a floating foam island. She saw his feet sticking out under it. He did not move much.

She jumped the water dragged him out. He had not hit the head on the floor or anything, he was awake. He was in an area he can stand. But the boy did nothing of this. The article ended explaining the head body weight ratio and that once little kids are head forward in the water they have problems standing even in shallow water.

Oh and she said, they all were not on the phone. She said, if used the phone her son would be maybe dead but the point was, it goes so fast.

a reply to: JAGStorm


I agree with you mostly but whats this about it being disrespectful to wear pajamas outside? I do this and I have children. Have you ever been on a collage campus?