Have you ever read things you wrote years back and found them weird and not you at all?

I remembered that originally this account was created by my brother and he used to post a bit before he gave up and i took it over and made it completely mine.

Today i was bored and started looking at the post history and found things he wrote way back. He was as usual blunt and hateful lol

But also i saw things i wrote. Well, half wrote, I used to not be too good and not saying i am now but i was way worse at English back then so most of the stuff i wrote was corrected by a friend or my brother so that i could see how it should be written. But still i see those things and it is so foreign and weird, like a completely different person thinking and writing those things, like someone i don't like at all in some posts and someone i would not be friends with

Just so weird, i don't feel i could be like that, it has been 3 years or so and i just feel like i dislike myself from back then, i don't even know

I pretty much write my posts and replies all on my own now, get bit of help here and there but once or twice a week as opposed to 5+ times a day back then. Not sure if that has to do with now feeling weird about reading those things back, it was still my way of thinking even if someone helped me rewriting it in more correct English

How do you feel when you look at things you wrote few years ago? Are you still the same more or less or have the same thinking style? Or is it something you feel can change from one year to another?

I understand that people change but one thing is changing on some things and other to feel like you don't know yourself anymore from back then, like looking back and saying, who wrote this or as if saying, who's the person on this picture when it is a picture of you, like completely not knowing how you were back then, is just so weird. Maybe i'm crazy lmao

a reply to: WarriorMH

My best friend (I've known him since 1st grade), has some old musings of mine I wrote in my early teen years. He showed them to me and my wife (of 5 years). She pointed out it sounded like every teen she has known.

We all evolve.

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: WarriorMH

My best friend (I've known him since 1st grade), has some old musings of mine I wrote in my early teen years. He showed them to me and my wife (of 5 years). She pointed out it sounded like every teen she has known.

We all evolve.

How old are you? I'm just wondering is just that i feel like in 3 years i have been completely changed in a way that i don't feel happened, i don't know i just feel so weird looking at my own writing even on my notebooks and i have been looking on things like facebook that i wrote back then and is starting to look as if i wasn't me, i think i'm getting freaked out with no reason but i still feel like all things i posted here and in other places are completely foreign to me.

I have a feeling like i "lost" something in me somehow, like some parts of me are not there and it made me feel weird and bad, as if i could possibly not be keeping my mind in full control and at 100%. I don't know how to explain

I was 14 back then, 17 now, i know people change but i did not expect it would be crazy change when you don't even recognize yourself, i thought it was things like i used to like this color or this song and now i don't much but never like reading something you wrote about how you think and feeling rejection so bad that you want to reply and go against it, like a complete rejection of that person, it made me feel very weird

I don't know i think i just got confused for a while

Your wife said that but when you read those things, do you recognize yourself in those words?

a reply to: WarriorMH

37 now. Probably around 16 to 19 for those writings.
I recognized my truths in them. I also recognized my wife was correct in her assessment.
We all grow. We do not lose. We learn. Sometimes learning is the hardest thing we have to do.

I was there once as well. I'm actually working right now with 3 people I first met on a job when I was 16 (for a short time). It's cathartic to be able to slip back into relationships when one was young. But it gives your own knowledge away in favor of another.

We grow and we evolve. But the one thing I can say having many peers I have know since under the age of 10, who we are dosn't change. The base values we hold onto, sharing, caring, wanting everyone to have a great life. There is no change in that without a major traumatic event.

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: WarriorMH

We grow and we evolve. But the one thing I can say having many peers I have know since under the age of 10, who we are dosn't change. The base values we hold onto, sharing, caring, wanting everyone to have a great life. There is no change in that without a major traumatic event.

Always thought the same and it made me scared reading things and feeling completely unknown to myself, like it had nothing to do with me. I just thought something in me changed so much that i just could not get me anymore, i hated all about how i thought and it made me go into crazy mode, scared of not knowing what's up in my mind

I just think i let myself wander too much into myself, i'm sure i won't feel the same tomorrow

I'm just a bit scared to think that last part about no change unless something major happens could be true for me, as i did go through some bad stuff but it was about one year and half before the posts i read (almost 4 years ago) I don't know anymore i just felt like what i described

I will have a talk with my brother about this tomorrow as i feel insecure and weird but no worry i will sort it out for sure

Thanks for your reply, it did help me focus on the aspects of what i may be missing and to not let go into wandering along on my mind and figure out the wrong thing

originally posted by: WarriorMH

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: WarriorMH

We grow and we evolve. But the one thing I can say having many peers I have know since under the age of 10, who we are dosn't change. The base values we hold onto, sharing, caring, wanting everyone to have a great life. There is no change in that without a major traumatic event.

Always thought the same and it made me scared reading things and feeling completely unknown to myself, like it had nothing to do with me. I just thought something in me changed so much that i just could not get me anymore, i hated all about how i thought and it made me go into crazy mode, scared of not knowing what's up in my mind

I just think i let myself wander too much into myself, i'm sure i won't feel the same tomorrow

I'm just a bit scared to think that last part about no change unless something major happens could be true for me, as i did go through some bad stuff but it was about one year and half before the posts i read (almost 4 years ago) I don't know anymore i just felt like what i described

I will have a talk with my brother about this tomorrow as i feel insecure and weird but no worry i will sort it out for sure

Thanks for your reply, it did help me focus on the aspects of what i may be missing and to not let go into wandering along on my mind and figure out the wrong thing

Forgive me if I suggested something that dosn't hold true to you. I can only go to my own experiences, as can any one else.
I think most of us have some bad times. Talk to the people you are comfortable with. If there is more going on reach out to professionals.
I can promise this. People that are 100% against you in a debate forum on this site, will have your back if you need to talk. And they will offer you the best advice they can.
You and I have communicated a lot over the last week or two. I think that is pretty cool.
There are a lot of very smart people on this site. Listen to them, learn and disagree when you are right.
I wish you the best. I hope to hear soon about your fantastic endeavors.

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme

originally posted by: WarriorMH

originally posted by: randomtangentsrme
a reply to: WarriorMH

We grow and we evolve. But the one thing I can say having many peers I have know since under the age of 10, who we are dosn't change. The base values we hold onto, sharing, caring, wanting everyone to have a great life. There is no change in that without a major traumatic event.

Always thought the same and it made me scared reading things and feeling completely unknown to myself, like it had nothing to do with me. I just thought something in me changed so much that i just could not get me anymore, i hated all about how i thought and it made me go into crazy mode, scared of not knowing what's up in my mind

I just think i let myself wander too much into myself, i'm sure i won't feel the same tomorrow

I'm just a bit scared to think that last part about no change unless something major happens could be true for me, as i did go through some bad stuff but it was about one year and half before the posts i read (almost 4 years ago) I don't know anymore i just felt like what i described

I will have a talk with my brother about this tomorrow as i feel insecure and weird but no worry i will sort it out for sure

Thanks for your reply, it did help me focus on the aspects of what i may be missing and to not let go into wandering along on my mind and figure out the wrong thing

Forgive me if I suggested something that dosn't hold true to you. I can only go to my own experiences, as can any one else.
I think most of us have some bad times. Talk to the people you are comfortable with. If there is more going on reach out to professionals.
I can promise this. People that are 100% against you in a debate forum on this site, will have your back if you need to talk. And they will offer you the best advice they can.
You and I have communicated a lot over the last week or two. I think that is pretty cool.
There are a lot of very smart people on this site. Listen to them, learn and disagree when you are right.
I wish you the best. I hope to hear soon about your fantastic endeavors.

Thanks for your help, i think it will be fine. I will have a chat with my brother tomorrow morning, i do live alone right now so it is a bit scary for me, i never felt like this before and i can't figure out why but it was so foreign to me how i sound and what i was thinking back then that it made me feel like maybe there was something wrong.

I had some bad experiences in the past but i thought that was over already i don't feel bad about it anymore and just now i realized that maybe i am not really that well about that but it has been a bit since last time i talked about it with someone so maybe yes i need to look more into this

I have lots of plans and this thing that happened today would not be good for me so thanks for helping me focus and get back on track and not going paranoid about this entire situation

I did not had anyone to talk about it right now and you were here i can't really say how much i appreciate it, thanks again

a reply to: WarriorMH


Why did you not just start your own account? Why take over someone elses account, that is weird

a reply to: WarriorMH

Well it's simple, really. You are not the same person you were then. That's the nature of living. You are still young. Still under 20 years old. You will find your life something different at many stages. I like to think of them as different lives, because who I was, what I thought, and where I thought I was headed were completely different to this incarcerated version of me, now.

You don't even realise how vastly different your world will be, given time. There will be a time when you think back, and don't even recognise who that memory was. It will feel so separate to who you are then, but it will also be so familiar, like one of those dreams that don't seem to fit, but you feel it was supposed to be.

It will happen... One day the who you are, will be so different to the who you were, that you cannot imagine being that person, but you will know it intimately. That is the loss of ourselves, over time.

It is how we get over death, love, loss, and fear. OR how we now feel them.

But what does this mean? Is everything right now, that unimportant, than given enough time, we lose touch with it? I believe so.

Life, is like the game, solitaire... we live it completely alone, even if we spend most of it with someone.

We start, unsure of what we should do, we get into a mojo thinking the cards have played out right, and at the end, there are just no useful moves left, and we think... how life gave us so much hope, knowing it always knew it was futile. And we just want to go back to when we placed that 8 of clubs, when we should have simply not played that move at all.

One day in a future yet known, you will realise this... and think "I remember some idiot on that forum, havent seen it in years now, Above Secret something.. but he said this would be how I'd feel. Idiot was right..."

originally posted by: WarriorMH

Always thought the same and it made me scared reading things and feeling completely unknown to myself, like it had nothing to do with me. I just thought something in me changed so much that i just could not get me anymore, i hated all about how i thought and it made me go into crazy mode, scared of not knowing what's up in my mind

It's not in your mind. It is how it is. We lose what we hold close to us, all the time. We lose everything so many times, in our short short lives.

We lose the simple things as much as the important things. We are like monsters from the future, come back in time, to change our lives.

Would the you who was then, now, go back in time to keep her from becoming the you who are now? Or would the you who is now, stop the you who was, from changing who you are now?

Life... it is cruel.

As I said, what is so important to us right the moment, will fade into obscurity, over time. We don't need masked masterminds to take everything from us... we are that masked mastermind. We may want to change it, terribly, but.. life says we can't. we become what we are.

Do it a dozen more times yet. You'll see. And those moments when you pine for a past long gone, you can never recreate it. The who you are now, will always stop you.

originally posted by: norhoc
a reply to: WarriorMH


Why did you not just start your own account? Why take over someone elses account, that is weird

I know, I also don't get it but I was very lazy and it was easy to just open the browser and it was always logged in, we used to share the same laptop so it just happened, was dumb I know but oh well, now it's just mine so no big issue

a reply to: SummerRain

It will feel so separate to who you are then, but it will also be so familiar

This was the problem, it was so unfamiliar to me, I did not recognize absolutely nothing related to me, I felt rejection reading my own words and ideas.

It was confusing because is not as if I had evolved it was as if I never was that person to begin with, there was nothing at all I could recognize as me

One day the who you are, will be so different to the who you were, that you cannot imagine being that person, but you will know it intimately

I felt like this yesterday but did not understood why or how it came to be. I did not know me at all, there was no connection I could find

I feel with a clear mind today, not so confused and I can see I may have left that confusion get into my mind too much

I have to read your posts again to get it better since I could not get some of it

Thanks for your words

I joined ATS in 2004. I've changed some since then, but so has the world.