Long Distance Relationships

Do they really work and how long can they go on for?

Something has to give eventually.

What's everyones opinion?

Hey Pocket

I believe they can work...as long as you both keep in contact with each other somehow then you'll both be okay!

Gryff

sometimes contact via e-mail and telephone makes you miss each other even more.. Does that make sense.

It's frustrating.

Oh. Girly talk.

Must stop eavesdropping.

ou can join in if you want.

What's your opinion on LDR's???

the time you are apart drags and the time you are together flies.....

I can say that usually, I just cut the cord, and start over in the new place. Not very romantic, but practical....at least when I wasn't too serious about it. Of course, that was all before meeting my soulmate, and committing to marriage. My parents had a long distance relationship most of the time I was growing up, as he often worked overseas....

Periodic in person visits seem to be the key to maintaining it....even if just for a day or so. E-mail and phone calls are great, but they're no substitute for physical contact (and I don't mean just sex, just connecting, you know?). Good luck Pocket...relationships in general are rarely easy, but long distance ones are sure the hardest.... For me personally though, something has to give, and one has to make a sacrifice and move, if the relationship is going to last. I can see doing one for a year or two, but any longer than that, and it's time to cut your losses and move on with your life. I wish you the best of luck, in whichever route you take....

Any relationship can work I think. Depends what you want.

I'm not into phone sex or any rubbish like that, so if you are for some reason a "highly sexed" person then long distance isn't much use huh.

Contact by email/phone/messaging/whatever? Depends how good you are at writing/talking/listening without your partner in front of you. I've found the phone part of it 'tragic' and awkward at times.

I haven't seen too many long distance relationships grow out of email/internet contact into real life romance, except for the mutually desperate. But even they can work.

My sometimes partner who is in a long distance relationship with me (even though she lives in my house with me) tells me it is a matter of commitment. I agree.

Definitely, you can be committed to someone even if they live over the other side of the country or the other side of the world.

It's all to do with trust. If there's trust, there's love and togetherness.

No they don't work, dont you read cosmo?

Stop wasting your time and get a new guy, there's plenty of em where you are

sometimes contact via e-mail and telephone makes you miss each other even more.. Does that make sense.

I think LDR's can work, its just important to keep the communication open, but not to the point where it starts interfering with your life. Also, maybe try to set up a pattern of in-person visits (like weekends).

According to some research, "Two studies were conducted to examine how people cope with stress, both with their partners and on their own, in their premarital long-distance romantic relationships (LDRRs). In the first investigation, nineteen individuals involved in LDRRs were interviewed to determine the sources of stress in their relationships, the coping strategies they use to manage stress, and the role of communication in the coping process. Analysis of the interview transcripts revealed ten sources of stress, seventeen coping strategies, and six themes related to the ways in which participants talk about stress with their relational partners. The coping strategies and stressors uncovered in Study 1, combined with those identified in previous research, were used in Study 2 to ascertain how cognitive appraisals of a relational stressor impact perceptions of coping response, and the association between ratings of the coping strategies and assessments of relationship satisfaction and distress. Moreover, several individual difference variables were used to test how gender, gender orientation, attachment style, and perceived mastery influence the coping process. A total of 427 people participated in Study 2, with 241 people reporting on proximal relationships (PRs) and 186 reporting on LDRRs. Data analysis showed that there were differences in the choice of stressors and coping strategies between the participants in LDRRs and those in PRs. In addition, appraisals of the stressor (i.e., whether or not the respondents believed the stressor was a threat to the relationship, and whether or not they thought they could change their stressful situations) had a strong effect on participant ratings of coping strategies and perceptions of satisfaction and distress. Furthermore, all four individual difference variables seemed to have some bearing on evaluations of the coping strategies. The results of both investigations are discussed in terms of their contributions to the research on communal coping in the context of close relationships and the study of premarital LDRRs. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2002 APA, all rights reserved):"

Source: Maguire, K. C. (2002). Communication and communal coping in long-distance romantic relationships. Dissertation Abstracts International Section A: Humanities & Social Sciences Vol 62(12-A), 3996.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder or does it make you forget more easily????

I think the more you don't see someone, the more you miss them. I guess it all depends on how strong your feelings are for one another.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder, but there is a line that gets crossed... At some point, you cross that line, then realize that you're just fine without the other, and that you miss the person less and less... Lets hope you never get to that line, nor cross it...

This may sound really strange Gazrok, but I think about that line all the time and the reason I know I will never cross it is because I get a horrible sick empty feeling inside whenever I think about it.......

Do you know what I mean?

They may work for others (and I'm glad to see it works for you), but ldr's aren't for me... If my fiance' got a better job offer at her corporate office tomorrow (in New York), I'd quit my job and go with her (and I like my job), but I'd find another, and I don't do ldr's.....

sometimes you don't have a choice.... There may be lots of other complications as well. Also the uncerainty of whether it will work if you up sticks and move to a place you dont know, start a new job and make new friends.

I think that if you never give anything a shot, you'll never know.... You could always go back to your routes and pick up where you left off. At least you could say that you had tried.

There may be lots of other complications as well. Also the uncerainty of whether it will work if you up sticks and move to a place you dont know, start a new job and make new friends.

Nobody ever said there weren't risks though (any relationship is a risk)... For myself, if I have to even question whether or not someone is worth that risk, then it doesn't say much for how much I love them (in my own mind)... I realize, I don't have all the facts in your case though, and I'm sure you have valid reasons. As I mentioned, "for me", meaning just the way I am about this....I'm not trying to apply it to anyone else...or your situation....

Yeah, but I'm still quite young and perhaps if I'm honest a little scared.

Originally posted by Pocket
Do they really work and how long can they go on for?
Something has to give eventually.
What's everyones opinion?

They can work and become very strong, or they can weaken and fizzle out. But any relationship can do this.
Any relationship can work or fail, depending upon the people involved and how much they mean to one another. I would not turn away from someone because the majority of people tell me that they've had a long distance relationship that fizzled out. Because I'm me and I'm different and the person I'm involved with is also different. It all depends on how much you both love eachother and how much you are both willing to give and sacrifice.
Love was/is not meant to be easy for most..sometimes there are great obstacles we have to jump over in order to gain the ultimate love between eachother. And sometimes both parties involved are not willing or cannot deal with those obstacles..

I have never been involved in a LDR..so I can't tell you anything from experience as far as that type of relationship goes. But nothing in life is guaranteed. There's no guarantee that it will fail or flurish..Ultimately, you have decide if it's worth holding onto and at the same time hope that the other makes the same decision..

Another thing to always think about is that, people come and go and some, we are just more willing to sacrifice more for..strange how that works really..
Magestica

[Edited on 7/7/03 by magestica]

I've learned over time that anything is possible, but the negatives are so powerful. Like you said, when you actually get to see the other person you have such an incredible time, but if it's for a week let's say, then it ends up feeling like an hour. And then if you're apart for a month it feels like 10 years. This is my problem with long distance relationships. It's so hard to deal with because the majority of the time, while you are having a great time talking to the other person, you spend so much time missing them, and being sad etc. It's too damn hard.
Pocket, I don't know how old you are but you seem to be a very caring person, and really... if you are very young I personally don't think it's the best thing for you because someone in their teens etc should be enjoying a relationship of the other person being there, going to movies, etc etc. It's part of life, don't give that up.