My Best Friends Fiasco. um, I mean Fiance

a reply to: TrueBrit

As usual, my friend you make the utmost sense.

Unusual, is it did not take you 17 paragraphs to get your point across...



/standing by with a fire extinguisher ...

Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: Sheye
Been reading through this thread and I have to admit one thing puzzles me. Why would your dear friends fiancé choose to send him to the store, so she could proceed to dump on him and his family unless she knew she had willing ears to listen.

Why does she not see you as the good friend you say you are who should be squashing all attempts to diss your friend. You need to tell her to her face sternly that you will have no part in a conversation putting down your friend or his family and you will let your friend know what she said.

Sorry Mike.. but it seems so odd she would choose her bf’s best friend to dump about him . Drunk or not ... I find that confusing.

Sheye,
TrueBrit nailed it with his reply to you .
I could not Have said it better.Thanks TB for allowing me to be lazy and not type that all out.

Respectfully,
~meathead

Some girls are just trainwrecks. Others just want to love someone, and someone who loves them back. I'm sorry your friend is in this mess. You need to suck it up Nicely and explain to him exactly what's going on.....maybe press record on your cell phone and bait her into a conversation when she's hammered and sent this guy on a liquor store mission for her.....thats what i would do.

You are his brother, remember that, he deserves the best in your eyes so help him find that. He's probably super self conscious because of his MS TOO keep that in mind. Probably thinks he won't find anyone else, anyone to accept him etc....and that's bulls#&%....
Just reassure him that he can and does deserve better. I know the MS thing probably really messes with him, my mother has MS....so I'm quite familiar. She was with a guy for a long time got diagnosed, and things have been downhill ever since that they just got divorced. PLENTY of women would love a guy like you describe, especially who would accept and raise a child that is not his own, be a partner, provider, teammate, etc.....he deserves better.

please suck it up and help him before he screws up his life because at some point unfortunately, he might very well need extra help or be taken care of per say because of his horrible disease that he needs someone who will genuinely love him and care for him, not just take his money and bail on him once things get bad.......please...do him a favor he will once again thank you in the end......good luck! Remember TRUE FRIENDS SAY THINGS OTHERS MIGHT NOT HAVE THE BALLS TO SAY.... THE TRUTH.....do it!

originally posted by: CJCrawley
a reply to: Mike Stivic

I made a comment because, a while ago, I was in exactly the same situation as you.

I told my friend what I thought of his wife and he told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was out of line. I was cut to the quick at the time, but I later realised that he was right.

Turns out I was right about her and he ended up divorcing her...but I was wrong to interfere.

Even if you think your friend is making a big mistake you've just got to let him make it.

Now, I would never give my honest opinion about a friend's wife unless they asked for it.

None of my business, after all.

I said my peace, once, and that's that. Moving forward his heartache is on him.

But I will always be here for him..

That's that too...

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Neither did I. As long as there is understood mutual respect, the truth can be shared. Maybe it takes almost a lifetime of trust to reach that point, but truth is just about always, there are exceptions, appreciated-and needed.

Best wishes at the wedding-and after.

originally posted by: FamCore
a reply to: Mike Stivic

when you have someone like that, it's worth biting the bullet (to a certain extent, even biting your tongue) to honor those lifelong friendships/brotherhoods.

After losing my brother I also lost my best friend because of his own mental/personal issues... I wanted to lean on a friend and he wasn't there on any level, just kept ignoring me and when he finally responded he said "just be a man". That wasn't going to help me.

I used to hold it against him but he wasn't able to keep our friendship of almost 20 years a priority. I don't blame blame him
But I used to, and I really do miss him. Don't let These trials come between you. I think sounds like you know what you have to do, even if it forces you to go against your instinct on some level.

Thanks fam,

There isn't a thing in the world that I would let jeopardize this friendship..

I am not saying if he called me in the middle of the night asking for me to bring a few igloo coolers , duct tape, and a hatchet I would show up in a heartbeat..

I mean I live two hours away without traffic....And I would need to make a stop at walmart.




Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: hartbeat

Thank you for your response , please read the thread, I have told him, he still wants me to be his best man , and I accepted.

Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: Justso
a reply to: Mike Stivic

Neither did I. As long as there is understood mutual respect, the truth can be shared. Maybe it takes almost a lifetime of trust to reach that point, but truth is just about always, there are exceptions, appreciated-and needed.

Best wishes at the wedding-and after.

Thank you, I will knock back a crown or two for you!!

Respectfully,
~meathead

Hi again, yes I have read the thread and I know you told him but I think you should nicely keep reminding him. I mean i know you probably won't, as you said you told him but if this was my sister, my best friend, I would keep telling her until she listened to me.....

i didn't say anything thing to her when she was gonna get married, I knew she was getting married for the wrong reasons etc...but she did it anyways, I had sucked it up like you and said ok her life her choice.....well you know what hit the fan and they got divorced a while back and she always tells me why didn't you stop me, why didn't you remind me, why didn't you make me listen to you.....you knew the whole thing and still didn't tell me to snap out of it...and I tell her i tried to tell you you didn't listen and she always tells me that i should have kept bugging her and telling her till she listened because i know her better than anyone, even herself sometimes......

But I respect and understand why you are taking that stance, as i did before but just trying to help with the inevitable outcome i guess... sorry its a terrible position to be in and you'll always be there like you said.....good luck....

a reply to: hartbeat

I looked him in his eyes and told him what I knew and what I thought. He looked me in my eyes and told me this is what he wants.

He is a grown man, completely capable of taking responsibility for his own actions. A trait that first led us to become friends in the first place .

If I keep pushing the point I cease being a stalwart friend and become " that asshat who is causing problems".

We are in our mid forties, we met in our teens, I am not afraid to be frank with him. We have been through it all together, a testament to the strength of our friendship is the fact I said what i did and he still wants me to be his best man.

Arguing further the point would not only be fruitless, but detrimental..

Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
My best friend, for over 30 years is like a brother to me. I consider him family and we actually introduce our selves as such even though we share the same first name.
...
Respectfully,
~meathead

Really? His first name is also Meat?

What's his family name? Ngreet?
Dagger?
Derived-Products?
George-Jetson-His-Boy-Elroy-Daughter-Judy-Jane his wife?


Just kidding. You seem like an awesome friend to this guy.

A whole lot of children of alcoholics end up being codependents. They are familiar with relationships in which one person has a substance abuse problem and the other is the responsible one who takes care of them. We gravitate towards the familiar, even when it is bad for us.

I've watched some really manipulative women before, who get together with nice guys, but are always fishing to convince another nice guy that they are victims in need of a rescuer. A collegue of my parents (a timid and intelligent professor) allowed himself to be convinced to kill a womans husband. She was gorgeous and crazy, he is in jail for murder, and she danced away to continue her games with others.

Another woman I met a few years ago had just left her husband in Switzerland for a guy, took off with him, then convinced another guy living near me that she was being emotionally tortured by her boyfriend... he put on his rescuer suit and shot the guy. Now he's in jail too, and I am not sure what happened to her- but she walked away.

Good thing you are not falling into the white knight trap.

a reply to: Nothin

That was good, the jetsons line made me chuckle!



The same name made it easy to deal with customers on the road.. you only meet them for the pack, the load, and then the delivery. So it was easier for them to remember our names and that makes things more comfortable and THAT lead to bigger tips....



Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Bluesma

That's crazy...

I wouldn't worry about that with them though, I honestly don't think he has ever even been in a physical altercation that I can remember.
And he's not small, I have seen him strap a refrigerater to his back and walk it up two stories by himself on a bet...

He is the type of guy who will take the abuse until he won't ..And at that point he claps his hands and he walks away..

The problem here is it's harder to walk away when your married...but, as I've said I can't do much more than continue to be there for him.

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: hartbeat

The MS treatment he is on is a brutal one, he self injects it with a pen once every two weeks,it usually knocks him on his ass for two days, so he takes it on Friday when he gets out and basically loses two weekends a month to the side effects..

Before she moved in he took those shots religiously,now if she has something "important" to do he will skip a weekend here and there... We got in a big argument about that when I heard it from his brother..

I am sorry to hear about your mother , it is an awful awful illness..

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: FamCore

Just so you know, that person who told you to man up was not a real friend and you are better off without him...

Seriously bro, that's messed up...

When my friends father died I came down and stayed at his grandmother's house with him for a week and didn't leave until his pops was buried .
My pipes froze up here because I wasn't able keep the wood stove going..

Real friends, are always there... No Matter What...

They don't say "man up , get over it"

That has me pissed off... eff that guy...

/cyberhugs

And I am sorry about your brother, a year later and I'm sure it hurts just the same...

Respectfully,
~meathead

Yes it is a horrible, horrible disease. I'm sorry to hear that he is on the shots, my mother has been on them for years, but her MS is now rapidly progressing unfortunately. She took them weekly for years and same thing, knocked her on her butt for days....she started doing the same thing, missing doses, etc. To the point that she is no longer on the shots. She does take other medications, but to be honest it's not helping her.

She has just gotten to the point of discussing bucketlist with me, confessing that she doesn't think she has much time left...she has alreadt informed me that she will do assisted suicide when the time comes. She walks with a cane but has fessed up that she can no longer stand or walk longer than 10 minutes, that she can't sit for long periods of time, it's too painful. My mother literally takes like 40+pills a day for various things associated with the disease. She is only 55. Diagnosed around 36.

She is also one of the unfortunate ones that has black holes in her brain, meaning literally that she has holes in her brain like Swiss cheese, just disintegrated, gone! Started with one or 2 now has over 20. Her ex husband loved her till he found out she was sick, now they got divorced. Breaks my heart for her, nothing I can do to fix this as i am sure you feel too, for your brother.

I totally understand not wanting to push it farther with him, this is his life his choice. Just continue to be the best brother you can, as you have been, and it will all work out in the end. I truely wish your brother the very best, and you as well.....in this life you are lucky if you get one or 2 friendships like you are describing, nothing is worth throwing that away, even being right so i truely applaud you. Just keep loving him, it will all be ok ad long as he has you till the end. .... good luck!

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Well Mike, the amount of effort required to cut to the meat of a thing is directly proportional to its complexity. Human interaction, although complex, is relatively easy to simplify without making ones conclusions automatically erroneous.

I just wanted to update the thread..

My friend has been happily married for 2 years now.

His fiance has not touched a drop of alcohol the entire time. (I'm very happy for her and him on this)

And I am happy to report that we are all still friends.

First time in my life I am actually happy to say "I was proven wrong."

I am however having a hard time getting my entire foot into my mouth..



Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Mike Stivic

He saw her Heart and you saw his... Pretty beautiful stuff !