Stupid, stupid low IQ types

I´d like to vent about a special person that is in a relationship (+child) with a family member. Nothing that I didn´t tell him already straight in the face but this time I don´t know what to do anymore.

This extremly low and stupid being is one of the "ganster" types that has zero IQ, two left hands but thinks he can do everything after watching a YT video. 25ish years old. The type who does powdery drugs in the bathroom with a 3 year old in the flat according to the mirror and white stuff I´ve seen (and disposed, call me an asshole but it was accessible to the 3 year if he would enter the bath alone COME ON!) while visiting the bathroom WHILE I helped them out of the mess they got in. He´s the sort of guy who spends all her money and but keeps his own bank account just for him, spending money on drugs and other stuff, like, a brand new EMPTY aquarium for 1000 bucks that´s collecting dust now. He´s also gambling.

Back to the cause:

A lightbulb was defect (as turned out hours later) so the idiot thought it´s the dimming switch. Instead of checking the fuses of the dimming switch (pull out, turn 180° and insert replacement fuse) he ripped it out of the wall and bought a new one, messed up the connections and fried it. Then he installed a switch and switched Neutral to Phase....... yeah you guessed it.


Then he called me. No power in the flat. They have a small child. So I decided to help out (who else..). When I saw what he did in the meantime while I was driving there, I freaked out. He dismounted all the switches in the surrounding area, dismounted all sockets, opened every connection box he could find AND CLIPPED THE #ING WIRES BECAUSE HE´S TOO DUMB TO PUSH ON THE LEVER TO FREE THE WIRE FROM THE SOCKET/SWITCH.

After two hours of reconnection and figuring out the original installation / tracing down the color codes for the wires, nothing was working. I already began to doubt my skills. That´s when I noticed small scratch marks at the sockets PVC. The #ing idiot pryed the sockets and switches open because he´s too dumb to push on the small lever (that even reads "push", although it´s english). So he poked around in there, hoping to achieve something, failed and CLOSED THEM to give them (later) back to me for installment. After that didn´t help, he clipped the wires and I had to fix this mess. Of course there were broken wires inside the insulation, too. I cursed him everything while I used every trick to reconnect cables that are 2cm "long".. People have told me how beautiful I can swear but this time, no fun involved. He then proceeded to leave because he was pissed (because no spine).

So after three hours of dicking around with what should have been a 1 minute job, I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel (pun intended).

That´s when it got interesting. I´ve overhead a sharp conversation while mounting the frames and faceplates soon to be free to finally leave. For that, you have to know that this individuum "owns" (still debt on the car) a KIA ceed ("tuned", 3000€ wheels, scratched wheels after 1 week because he can´t #ing drive) and it´s a small story of it´s own. Let´s just say, the car is standing for almost 2 years now. Nobody knows what´s up. I even offered help downloading error codes but he told me it´s the generator and he will fix it soon (on his own....).

Anyways, because of that, he wanted to take her car, as he does for like almost 2 years like it´s his own. That´s when the conversation heated up between both and I heard (translated, not original wording) "you can´t use it until the brakes are fixed!" right when I stepped through the door with my toolbox. Naturally aware of his stupidy, I asked "what´s up with the brakes?" (the little kids and my relatives safety in mind). I was told they "lost" a brake pad.

yeah sure.




so I asked how that came to be. He said it was laying beneath his car (* wait for it) but he already disposed it and ordered replacement. I gave in playing this game and told him, if that´s really the case, he´ll need new braking disks, too and the brake system checked generally. He said he already ordered all the tools, too. He then left via foot. I stayed another 10 minutes and went out with her on the balcony where she took a smoke and calmed my nerves smoking passive. She then asked me if I could take a look at the car. I was extremly glad she asked because:

that guy + brake repair = funerals

So we went down into the underground garage to check on the car. A quick look revealed someone was messing with them/him, because all brakepads were installed. Also, all discs had a nice blue hue to them. I made my comment about that and then I decided, because it´s her car and he´s #ing it up, to do a small check. She seemed very happy that someone was looking after her car.

The oil was nonexistent, the "stick in gauge" was not even wet at the bottom. Gladly, the misstreated oil found another place to stay: The cooling fluid had a nice brown texture to it. Jackpot! Of course the engine warning light was on. I was greeted with some "rap music", if not for my deaf ears, I would be now. He´s smoking #ing blunts in there judging by the look of the ashtray.

I´m so angry right now, this fool is living the "ghetto style" and endangering every person around him and making live misserable. I don´t know what to do, really. I know it´s not directly my job to look after her but family is family and she has done nothing wrong, except for tolerating him and the stuff he does (the drugs in the car and bathroom).

I urgently told her NOT to allow that he put´s his uncapable fingers on the braking system and that the engine is toast already when she started to cry. I can´t find the correct words to describe my anger about this stupid, stupid person. There´s only one positive thing to say about the guy: at least he goes to work regulary.


Edit: I forgot, I drove to the local hardware store and bought a bunch of new switches and a single socket so they at least have power and light in that corner of the flat but will face the consequences of stupidy brought uppon them by this degenerated person.

By definition, half of people are dumber than average.
I knew a guy that tried to get a tan with a hair-dryer. And he has children.

You live on an island. The ocean is deep. Baseball bats and duct tape are cheap
Just sayin'

a reply to: verschickter

He needs help with his drug problems.

The stupidity can be worked on, I mean you say he can hold a job so he is at least a functioning member of society.

But the drugs, he needs help.

If for any reason that house was to be searched, they would both lose access to the kid. It's that simple. It's better to be honest, it's on him to admit a drug problem but he needs to do it fast because when such acceptance is forced upon you, the outcomes and consequences are never good.

He sounds like a DIY dip****, tampering with things is a sign of drugs like meth or speed, maybe that's what you found in the bathroom? Either way it's dangerous... Again though it's pointless addressing issues like that whilst drugs are in his system and control a vital part of his brain.

I hope things go well, they need to, or he'll lose it all. Such things don't just happen to other people. By the sounds of things, it's a miracle he isn't in jail due to his stupidity. His drug problem will mess up someone's life eventually.

Think long and hard, weigh up the pros and cons. Do what you need to do.

That isn't a healthy place for a 3 year old.

Believe me, his IQ is probably not measurable. Given enough time, an ape (no pun intended) could have fixed the initial problem.

His blank eyes reveal hollowness inside. If he enters a room the overall summed up IQ of every person in there drops to below zero.

a reply to: RAY1990

My mind is racing what the correct thing to do would be.

I don´t want to go into details of what was relayed to me when she had her breakdown but it´s similar to the wife getting beaten up but don´t leave because "there is still good in him".

The topic was exactly what you wrote, getting him into help and her out of this mess. Not sure if she sees the solution yet. I also don´t want to intervene like it´s my direct problem but the kid. At least I know she is clean and takes measures to prevent stuff like the kid finding drugs. And she probably know´s it deep down there, the question is, will she act on her own or do I need to take ugly steps (official ones) and fear she does something stupid if they decide to take the child into short time custody.

edit:
she´s not a bad mother, she cares for him. Going to that lengths could do more harm to the childs wellbeing and her. But if she doesn´t change something soon, I feel I have to do something.

originally posted by: verschickter
a reply to: RAY1990

My mind is racing what the correct thing to do would be.

I don´t want to go into details of what was relayed to me when she had her breakdown but it´s similar to the wife getting beaten up but don´t leave because "there is still good in him".

The topic was exactly what you wrote, getting him into help and her out of this mess. Not sure if she sees the solution yet. I also don´t want to intervene like it´s my direct problem but the kid. At least I know she is clean and takes measures to prevent stuff like the kid finding drugs. And she probably know´s it deep down there, the question is, will she act on her own or do I need to take ugly steps (official ones) and fear she does something stupid if they decide to take the child into short time custody.

edit:
she´s not a bad mother, she cares for him. Going to that lengths could do more harm to the childs wellbeing and her. But if she doesn´t change something soon, I feel I have to do something.

take him aside hit him a few slaps tell him to wise up or else .

Well I did something similar years ago, also to help a child and spent the night in jail although it turned out, the perv and threat I prevented was real the day after the dust settled. It was not okay though the way I handled it back then...

Also, I´m not the youngest with some health problems. If he´s on drugs, it would end in a disaster with at least one of us in hospital.

So that´s not an option.

Another option would be offering shelter but room is a problem since my niche and her 1 1/2 year old is living with me already. For short time it would be okay, but that does not solve her problems with the financials, the car but it would provide a stable environment (and more sleepless nights for me).

I just can´t befriend myself with the thought ratting out a family member to the officials. I know how this will turn out since we, when the greater part of my own family was still alive, used to offer short-time shelter to abused children until officials found a propper home. The full force of the official machinery will be unleashed on her while not really being at fault.

Don´t get me wrong, the kids wellbeing is of utmost importance, I just don´t want her life to be ruined if there is another way to do it.

These kinds of stories are the ones I think of when people look at their own selfish behaviors and say, "What? I'm not hurting anyone but myself!"

No. He's hurting himself, your relative, the child, and you. And we don't know how many others have come into contact with his selfish little web and been damaged by it.

And you can't make laws to stop it. If people like this understood the Golden Rule, they wouldn't act like they do to begin with.

What would you do?

I normally don´t ask strangers for help in such topics.

a reply to: verschickter

Yeah, I feel for you and her. These are always tricky situations.

I would say give her time, but time isn't something you can waste on things like this. When things go wrong hindsight is a horrible thing, and all parties could be wishing they did something earlier.

It can literally take years to break through to an addict and have them wanting to change, sometimes ultimatums work, sometimes they make it worse.

But if their is no abuse and the only issue is his drug use and stupidity, then an ultimatum and counseling might work. He needs to see the error of his ways, the key to that is understanding what he is using.

If he really is as thick as you say, chances are he's oblivious to how the drugs have altered his mind.

If the authorities were to be involved, they seldom ever want to just take kids away. They weigh up the risks and act accordingly. Dodgy wiring and tampered cars would have them acting...

I really don't want to affect any decision making and I'm trying to find the right words, so with that being said. Make sure she and her child has support, the ability to get away from him if the need arises, numbers for agencies that can offer support, things like that.

Because as I said, responsibility in relation to these things can be thrust upon you. When that happens a level of prejudice exists from the authorities and all the power is in their hands.

It's best to be educated, prepared and if possible honest. It's always best to be the first to engage with problems like these.

Hoping for the best possible outcome for you all, even him.

a reply to: verschickter

About the only thing you can do is try to get your relative out, but she is the one who has to make the break, and if she isn't going to ... then she isn't going to.

And *if* her unwillingness to leave is putting a kid in danger, someone who has no power to defend him or herself, then you really have to think very carefully about that. At what point is your concern for her only endangering the kid who is the most powerless in this situation?

Only you can answer that. Things may be stable enough to let it ride for the moment and give you time to work on getting her out.

a reply to: verschickter

I feel for you.

I have step-daughters who are popping out children with idiots as well.

All you can do is tell her the truth as you see it. It probably will not do any good but at least give her something to think about.

I´ve read all the latest post before I sent this reply:


A thank you to everyone who joined this thread, I will now go to bed and try to sleep. Tomorrow I´ll (I´m retired) make a visit when he is supposed to be at work and speak with her. In the end, it´s really up to her.

RAY, you are right, better act sooner than too late. I´ll tell her about my concerns with the drugs and the messing around with dangerous things (like electricity and cars). I´ll collect some numbers and adresses but I plan on not rushing it. I´ll also talk to my niche, that only knows that I´m extremly angry on him until now.

Maybe she´s the better person for the relationship talk part since she´s nearly of the same age and single-mom, and a woman.

@ketsuko
"the point of no return" was basically breached when I saw the mirror while looking around for a towel to dry my hands after washing them.

@infolurker
Just need to find a way to not overwhelm but make clear something has to happen soon.

good night everyone so far

I wish I could say this sort of thing is just the days that we are in. I can't, I knew "brilliant" folk like this 30 years ago. Grown men who not only couldn't change a tire, but couldn't even figure out where the spare was. Loved the partying, hated learning about everything else. A couple of them were sort of book smart, but nothing else. Just moochers that sucked the life out of everyone around them eventually. Most of them are dead now - or living in halfway houses.

I am not sure how people end up in that special place. Low self esteem? #ty parents? Low IQ? It is sort of amazing.

a reply to: verschickter

Intelligence can be compared to a bulb. Someone with a 60w bulb can only see things dimly and they'll never know because...60w bulb.

If you've got a 100w+ bulb, you'll know there's nothing you can do here. Your sister will come to the right decision in her own time. All you can do is keep protecting her from his screw ups.

You've got to make sure you don't boil your own metaphorical engine or blow your head gasket.

I understand your post is born out of frustration and you are venting, but If I may I would like to offer a solution.

As hard as it may be, try and teach him instead of rail on him. I understand he may not want to be taught, but if you are going to be frustrated either way you may as well try to help him help himself in the process.

Tell him you will refuse to assist in the future, at the consequence of your (I assume) daughter and grand child even if it isn't actually true.

a reply to: verschickter

The only person that can help him is himself. If he doesn't seek and want help for his addiction, he'll become a walking time bomb. You can take that to the bank!

The child needs to be removed from that environment. He will grow up emulating his father. The future doesn't look so rosy considering drug addiction has become a huge epidemic. The poor work ethics and lack of maturity of a young generation is already causing huge problems for today's businesses.

I have a young nephew and niece on my wife's side who are addicts. One had a dance with death and was 2 minutes away from dying due to an overdose. Was it enough of a scare to make them stop? Hell no! The addiction to these drugs are too great. Even the success rate for rehabilitation is poor. They're both adults and the parents have unfortunately resigned themselves to the fact that someday they will lose both of them to their addiction. I can't begin to comprehend the stress and the torment these two are causing their parents.

a reply to: verschickter

Simple solution; call child welfare and tell them he's endangering the child. If you can, find out when they are going to arrive; if not, keep an eye out and when they pull up, call the cops complaining of the stench of marijuana smoke.......they'll find the stash of powder.

Anyway, that's the "Texas" solution, i.e., he who calls the cops first, wins.

If the guy routinely visits a Pub, and you are friends with the Pub owner/operator, send me a PM and I'll give you a second "Texas" solution.

originally posted by: TonyS
a reply to: verschickter

Simple solution; call child welfare and tell them he's endangering the child. If you can, find out when they are going to arrive; if not, keep an eye out and when they pull up, call the cops complaining of the stench of marijuana smoke.......they'll find the stash of powder.

Anyway, that's the "Texas" solution, i.e., he who calls the cops first, wins.

If the guy routinely visits a Pub, and you are friends with the Pub owner/operator, send me a PM and I'll give you a second "Texas" solution.

I think this calls for the 3rd Texas solution. A proper attitude adjustment!