Stupid, stupid low IQ types

a reply to: verschickter

This is going to hurt. I think your sister is short a few points herself for sticking with this guy.

I read this after you have gone to sleep.

First of all, I am so sorry you are in this mess. You are being very galant because you care too much.

The truth: the mom/wife has to take responsibility. The guy is a loser and always will be. As long as you are willing to accept responsibility for their mistakes, they will never be responsible.

These are horrible people/parents. You cannot save them. Love will not help. They are responsible for themselves.

The only person that matters is that 3 year old.

I understand your situation and your ability to help is pretty much tapped out.

This child deserves to be in a safe, stable home. Neither parent can provide that at this point. The best you can do is try to find a safe place away from these two irresponsible people. A family member or friend would be my best bet. Unfortunately, the authorities may need to be called; I know you don't want to do this but doing the right thing is not always easy or easy to live with.

Quit helping these idiots and focus on the child. And please quit helping them and making yourself miserable. Help the kid-he/she is the only thing that matters.

a reply to: RAY1990

Good call. It does sound like what a 'tweeker' would do.
When they are on meth, they tear things apart... never put them back together.
I have seen a tweeker basement filled with completely torn apart TV sets, VCRs (this was years ago) and stereos. I asked the guy what he was doing with all of it and he told me that he was repairing them.

originally posted by: butcherguy
a reply to: RAY1990

Good call. It does sound like what a 'tweeker' would do.
When they are on meth, they tear things apart... never put them back together.
I have seen a tweeker basement filled with completely torn apart TV sets, VCRs (this was years ago) and stereos. I asked the guy what he was doing with all of it and he told me that he was repairing them.

I saw something similar that shocked the hell outta me. Went with a friend to some guys apartment to pick up a computer that had supposedly been fixed. Took forever to get the fellow to answer the door, and he seemed reluctant to let us in. I probably gasped when we finally entered. The small studio apartment was stacked floor to ceiling along every wall with discarded laptop shells and the floor was carpeted with the innards from the laptops. There must have been 2000 destroyed computers in this place. The guy who had created this nightmare was so high on something that he couldn't speak properly and he just began digging through the piles (apparently) trying to find the machine that he was supposed to fix for my buddy. We never did leave with anything, and I had to drag my friend away to keep him from knocking the tweaker-tech guy out.

You are enabling the behavior.

Either personally remove the child from the situation or contact the authorities.

Then let them be - they will live or die - their choice. You can't help them.

nvm

a reply to: verschickter

Holy Jesus...

I am not even a complete idiot, and even I know that when there are electrical matters afoot, if one lacks specific experience or training, one must call on the aid of someone who does have that experience or training. One must certainly not poke around in the guts of ones dwelling place, prodding at wires, cutting things and generally making a mess of things!

That is the activity of a severely addled mind. A person must know their limitations, and for all that I like altering my state as much as the next hardworking, enterprising person does, I also consider it vital to never be out of control, unless my surroundings are such that a loss of control cannot harm anything. For example, I get utterly berserk at rock festivals, because I am out in a field, with nothing unfixable around me to break. But undertaking the consumption of beer or smoke at someones home (assuming their involvement and permission to do so of course), I remain, while yes, intoxicated, utterly in the moment and with my faculties largely intact. Its a matter of personal honour to be able to do so, and to know when it is time to cease imbibing, and make my way to home, and bed... even there, I will ensure that I take on enough water to counteract the alcohol I have consumed, prevent it from drying my gut and brain out, lessening the effect of the hangover, so that I can actually function in my normal role for the rest of the day, rather than staggering around like an incompetent for most of it.

I find the lack of will on the part of some people, to remain in control of their vices, utterly befuddling. Full disclosure here:

I smoke weed on occasion. I drink beer and rum. I drink beer and rum for the flavour, not for the effect. I smoke weed because not only do I enjoy the flavour of the stuff, but I find it calms my overclocked noggin down, and allows me to think one thought at a time, rather than forty thousand of them so quickly that I cannot actually grasp at any of them. I do not drink to become drunk, nor do I smoke to become so high that I cannot think at all. I enjoy what I enjoy, because I ensure at all times that I control myself, my consumption of my favoured vices, to the degree that even if I am somewhat tanked, I am still capable of proper and sensible thinking, on matters such as might pertain to the safety of myself and those I happen to be around at the time... and I am NEVER in an altered state around my child.

I can enjoy my vices, because I maintain control of myself in such a manner, that I pose no risk to anything or anyone, but myself in the consumption of them. It is a point of principle, and though I am loathe to admit it, not a small amount of pride. I know my limitations. It would appear that your family members partner, is not aware of, or capable of complying with this basic necessity, this fundamental of manhood. If one is to indulge in something, one must be capable of controlling oneself, to ensure that ones choices are not effecting those around one negatively.

It would seem, however, that this fellow cannot tell the difference between positive and negative in the least, which explains his adventure in domestic electrics perfectly. I would advise your family member, to eject this idiot from their lives, until such time as he learns the fundamental importance of self control, moderation, and self respect.

This is a proper Texas attitude adjustment.
Ideally, there is no violence involved.
"Get your # straight."
In a stern voice and solid eye contact.

That was a very long surprising and revealing, but also very productive day.

To clear things up first:
She´s not my sister or daughter but the daugther of my wifes sister (all deceased in). So she´s also a "niche" of some sort but I did not want to complicate the post by introducing two niches. She has no one left except for me and my niche. That´s why I care.

To say I "enable" this is blatantly false as it´s not like I´m constantly helping out. The flat is clean (as in cleaned) and the little one has a good mother in general. It´s not like she´s doing drugs or it´s a drug hole but they are on the brink with his behavior.

I went there with my niche(her "half-sister", who´s already living at my house), she was talking most of the time as I mounted the rest of the sockets (it´s a rented flat). They are in deep financial trouble as it turned out because he´s acting like he transfered the bills but supposedly spents the money at the local gambling house. They are on the brink of sitting on the street, only because of the child, the owner (a nice old lady) "tolerated" the last two missing rents.

The tragic thing is, if not for HIM, she would be doing okay financially. The current solution is that we sat together with the lady and set up a plan to get the money to her ASAP. The rented flat is canceled and the day after "helloween", or maybe earlier, she´ll be moving in with the little one until she get´s back on her feet.

I´m not going to pay any bills but both can stay here for free until all debt is paid off. The only condition is that she keeps her part time job and helps out my other niche with her toddler if she´s at work and vice versa. The rest of the time will be covered by me. For example if both are working at the same time, I´ll be in charge of the two.

This week I´ll have a close friend visit. The plan is to check out the cylinder walls with his fibre camera. I/we suspect there is a cracked wall because coolant fluid and oil is mixing. That would mean the engine is dead.

The guy however made a scene when he arrived. I suppose he was clean at the moment. I told him once again to keep his fingers from the brakes because they are okay except for him driving like an ass (blue hued disks..) and smoking blunts in the car. I told him to man up and what a fool he is. Then I told him I can help him (turned out, he had no fatherly-figure in his life) after my man up comment. I can show him how to approach a problem and get it solved (through others if necessary).

I also told him calmly how this will all go down. How there will be no more drugs in this flat. That he´ll have to look for a place to sleep (he´s definitly not sleeping at my house) but that he´s welcomed if he want´s to visit his son. What I did not told him yet that I managed to get a room in a catholic compound so he does not have to sleep on the street.

I don´t want him on the street of course. I offered help in terms of getting him into some sort of rehab programm but I´m not sure if he will use this chance. It´s up to him. But I managed to get him to dispose some of the white powder (I know now what it is, it´s not the "M") drugs into the toilet, although I don´t believe it was everything he had. What I made exceptionally clear to him is that this will go down how we told him. I expect him to throw a tantruum at the exact moment I´m writing this post but hope she will stay strong.

This may all be very much at once for both but she and in the end, he also, agreed that smth. must change and that this is the best solution currently.

I for myself have mixed feeling about the situation. I´m glad I can help her out, I´m glad that there will be two little ones but I´m not so glad that this means I´ll give up even more personal space. I´m very happy when I think of the upcoming christmas when the table will be not just us three but two more and if HE want´s, he can of course join us.

I don´t know if others would have done it my/this way. I hope it all goes down. I really really hope for him I don´t get a call from her about him being violent or similar in the aftermath.

That being said, thank you for the input.

a reply to: verschickter
After reading that, it sounds like you are a very good person, going well beyond what could be expected.... especially offering to help the stupid guy learn a few things about life. After all, it isn't the dumbasse's fault if he was raised in a broken home.
My hat is off to you.

Thank you for the kind words but I have to admit:

Basically RAY´s posts and the fact that the guy himself had no father made me go this route. Otherwhise I´d have been much harsher to him but there is this thought in my head, I don´t want him to die. It would hit my relative, her son much more than how it currently is.

So it basically was a good idea to make that rant and get some input. You are right, it isnt the dumbasses fault that he was raised in a "broken" home but he should not hand that down to his own son. Of course it´s complicated for him to grasp that, not having had a father. I learned some stuff about him that changed my opinion a bit.

a reply to: verschickter

Wow, what a piece of work! Does she at least appreciate your assistance? Seems she does, but she's got to get rid of this guy. He's clearly dangerous, in more ways than one. He's clueless about the car, or deliberately screwing it up, or someone else is, to get to him. He's using, which means sooner or later, someone is going to be after him, and if they are there, they could be hurt. Plus, if he's using, who knows when he might fly off the handle and injure one of them? Talk to her, and perhaps even consider getting him arrested outside the home.

Be careful, though. Helping family can be tricky, even though it's the right thing to do.

originally posted by: verschickter
What would you do?

I normally don´t ask strangers for help in such topics.

Not directed at me, I know, but concerned, so offering what I can. He's an addict, and that's a HUGE problem, as you already know. I can understand not wanting the authorities involved, for her and the child, too, because that can cause as many problems as it resolves. Best thing might be to get them out, when he's not there. Stuff in storage if need be, move only what they have to if that's what is possible. Remove her car, too, and have it thoroughly checked out before she drives it. Who knows what else is wrong with it? Checking it for any substances, etc, before this, isn't a bad idea, either. Serious cleaning, perhaps, before the mechanic even sees it. Then, once she and her child are cleared, report him to police, as having the drugs there. With her clear, there wouldn't be the risk of her losing her child. Even if they did nothing, at least she'd be clear of him. She might love the guy, likely does, but he's not changing, and she needs to remove herself and her baby from his area of influence. As a mom, I am very concerned, for the child AND for her.

I can relate to crowded conditions. Recently had relatives with us, for a while, and while they fit space-wise, finances were a real issue, and there were other issues as well, that I won't get into here. But can relate to wanting to help family. It's just what families do. Keep us posted?

Well, I see that you did take steps, and they sound like quite good ones! So, you will be a bit crowded, but you will know they are safe, and that's what counts!! Doing something to help him, above and beyond, and shows your character!! Maybe he will learn from that. I hope he does. I wouldn't hold my breath, but you can hope. I have seen people refuse help, and others try and fix their issues, so this could go either way. Hang in there!!

originally posted by: verschickter
What would you do?

I normally don´t ask strangers for help in such topics.

Buy the guy something really strong, uncut, and let nature do what nature does.

a reply to: verschickter

That's a very humane way you've handled things. I genuinely hope he can change, for the sake of the kid. People quick to judge tend to forget that whatever memories are created by that child will stick with it and help define them for the rest of their life.

Misery breeds misery, children don't need extra hurdles placed before them in this ever changing world.

He is, after all. A human, most of the time drug users are treated like scum. A disclaimer, I've seen the effects of hard drugs a good portion of my life. Sometimes people have no escape, every angle that could've illuminated a better way were darkened by circumstances. They've come from poverty, gotten hooked on poverty and have little outlook other than poverty. Drugs are an escape, sometimes the escape takes over reality and means to an end need to be met.

No child wants to grow up to be a drug using criminal.

Things go wrong along the way.

Most drug users won't be given the time of day, that being said people would surely be surprised at the amount of drug users in society.

Anyways I'm blabbering... You did the right thing, most people wouldn't do what you did. Given a genuine opportunity to better ourselves, most of us will take the chance.

I'd keep a closer eye on the family over the next few days/weeks though, coming clean needs a schedule, it needs hard work but it's doable. It isn't easy for most but I can personally attest that even the worst people can become decent with the absence of drugs.

If he becomes violent, have the book thrown at him and worse.

Did he shows signs of just agreeing or was there decent dialogue between you two?

It's best to be safe, though everything pointed out to me that this guy isn't inherently bad, just poorly educated.

Wishing all the best

originally posted by: burdman30ott6

originally posted by: verschickter
What would you do?

I normally don´t ask strangers for help in such topics.

Buy the guy something really strong, uncut, and let nature do what nature does.

Kinda pathetic advice don't you think?

You'd be surprised how many people take drugs and function perfectly fine in society. Also nothing in this case suggests that he is injecting substances, of which is the main method of overdose, especially when referencing "uncut" substances.

No wonder people on drugs hide it until it's unable to be hidden, no wonder clear drug takers seldom ever get the help they need.

Stereotypical bs really. Dinosaur talk.

a reply to: RAY1990

Nobody ever suggested I was a man of modern sensibilities. I simply call it like I see it.

originally posted by: burdman30ott6
a reply to: RAY1990

Nobody ever suggested I was a man of modern sensibilities. I simply call it like I see it.

And what era of sensibility calls for the murder of drug users?

I mean honestly, it comes across a bit extreme. What would you do if you found out a family member was a drug user, one you had upmost respect for beforehand?

originally posted by: RAY1990
If he becomes violent, have the book thrown at him and worse.

Did he shows signs of just agreeing or was there decent dialogue between you two?

It's best to be safe, though everything pointed out to me that this guy isn't inherently bad, just poorly educated.

I had the feeling he full well knows what he´s doing wrong. That points towards either flat out addicted or doing it to cope with smth. I don´t have the feeling he´s inherently bad but does not grasp the responsibilities he has to fulfill.

If he ever becomes violent towards her, I hope the police arrives before I do (in case they would live together, not at my place).

BTW, I called her today to check on her and if she(or he) maybe changed her mind and in the end had a longer talk. I feel it´s not just bla bla. It depends on her when she moves in but the plan was to slowly proceed. The furniture (hers) has to be stored somewhere, too. Somewhere not freezing cold and dry, I´m looking into that currently. I have enough room inside my barn but it´s not the optimal place to store it as it "only" has a bullerjahn inside.

Also, some fixes have to be made for sure before she returns the key to the flat. I´m almost certain some problems will face. Just can´t imagine it will be that easy.

I´m also appalled by some comments here but it was to be expected. After all "it´s the internet", isn´t that how it´s said? A pathetic excuse to leave moral and humanity at the door if someone tells me "it´s the internet, calm down".

Yeah, it hasn´t to be this way, just saying. Really, why is it so accepted by most? I guess it´s because of the slight anonymity. Murder is where the jokes are not funny anymore. But that´s my opinion.


a reply to: LadyGreenEyes
I didn´t even think of searching actively for hidden drugs in the car, thank you for that hint! Can´t imagine her getting into a "DUI" and be responsible for his #!!

The house is not that small, there are two bedrooms. I can empty out the other one that currently the room where the 3D printer and some prototypes I got as a gift to take with me when I retired, are stored..Then we still have a living room left for social wellbeing and a space to play for the little ones if weather is bad.

Before my other niche moved in, I used the whole house as a test environment for my latest hive-AI experiments. Not exactly like "Doc" from BTTF but it wasn´t child safe for certain.Will have to relocate to the barn but that´s exactly why I used the house, it´s central heated.

Regardless, I´ll try my best to get this worked out for them and I really really really hope it works. I´m too old to not care, life is short and precious.