Sex Does Not Constitute A Committed Relationship.

a reply to: BASSPLYR

That's nice.
If that is where you are at then cool for you
Different folk

originally posted by: MrBlaq
Unfortunately though the title of this thread
may be deemed common knowledge, it does not
signify that the majority believe it.

Sex does not constitute a committed relationship.
Nor does it mean he/she is in love with you.
The ONLY thing it relates to is Friends With Benefits.
If you were not married, and your "friend" decided
to have sex with your neighbor, it's just absurd
to claim they cheated on you.

I repeat, Sex does not constitute a committed
relationship, nor does it mean he/she is in love
with you. Unfortunately many men and women
fall into the trap of thinking that it does. Then
when their "friend" decides he or she wants some
sex from someone else, they are heart broken.

I'm being redundant for a reason, therefore I
repeat, sex does not constitute a committed
relationship, nor does it mean he/she is in love
with you.

I'm being bombastic in the hopes someone
will believe sex does not constitute a committed
relationship, nor does it mean he/she is in love
with you. And possibly save their son or daughter
from unnecessary grief.

Most mature adults not influenced by Hollywood
and/or modern inventions of relationships,
understand clearly what constitutes a committed
relationship.

Very true and there are many different types of 'committed' relationships these days.
Folks have to be up front and honest from the very beginning or any type of relationship won't work in my opinion.

There are folks who are in a committed relationships and not sexually exclusive. How can that be? It exists.
The issues arise when trust is breached and honesty is not a priority. Everytime.

I think that is nearly impossible to spare someone's feelings from being 'hurt' or someone being heartbroken if the 'goals' of the relationship have not been discussed from the beginning. I think it is wonderful if folks can find that 'one' person that they love eternally and have no desire for anyone else romantically, spiritually or physically but I'm not sure that's realistic for everyone.
I don't necessarily believe it's a religious thing either.
Look at divorce rates. I believe most divorce can be linked to dishonesty or simply, people change.

I have daughters and I would never want them to lower their standards, settle for less than they desire or deserve or have risque, promiscuous sex just for the sake of it.
By the way, neither wants to be married or have children.

a reply to: MrBlaq


Sex (can be) a throwaway thing today, like an "air kiss."

Maybe you are left with some social satisfaction, but the feeling doesn't last and wasn't meant to linger any longer than her scent.


(As for the reason for the thread, you need to tell her your position, not us.)

a reply to: MrBlaq

OMG SEX TALK.

*get's triggered*

Thread reported.

JK!

Basically I agree with you OP and I think if you're just honest upfront there would be less confusion about the matter at hand. Then again, it sounds like if you're going to be more honest upfront, you might not get to third base as often as you have been...? Idk, just something to quickly consider.

a reply to: MrBlaq

There was that old saying "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?"

a reply to: ketsuko

Well considering what we know now about the effect of the hormones being fed cows, and how that affects the milk we drink, and in turn our bodies.. well..
I might not even take that free glass of milk.
Just saying

I would like to know when it seemed reasonable to compare ourselves with cows and giving away free glasses of milk!

Odd. Anyway.

Here's a song to further demonstrate that train of thought.

a reply to: MrBlaq

Ive heard what does sex have to do with marriage? Or love? Neither negates having sex without it.

Sex can stand on its own, and does. Though, ideally its far better when youre in a loving relationship.

Though some may argue visiting "professionals" can be highly rewarding as well...even if it costs a bit.

Not for me...Ive never "paid" to it just to have it...and I wouldnt think of starting now...much better when its mutually beneficial for both parties in a real relationship....

a reply to: MrBlaq

A truly committed relationship based on love does not require sexual intimacy, it requires respect and mutual understanding. A sexual relationship does not require commitment at all.

Whatever is going on between you and and another, it should be talked about openly so that there are no misunderstandings.

When I was dating the man who is now my husband, he hadn't mentioned wanting to be exclusive or committed, so I just assumed he didn't want to. Later found out that in his culture, people don't date- if they go out together, they are together exclusively. It doesn't need to be said. (heads up to women who might have a french guy ask them out- saying yes to an evening out is a bit more than you might think...)

After that, we understood that we couldn't take anything for granted or assume anything- all needed to be put into words!
Because I made out with someone else during that time, and hurt his feelings, which I wouldn't have done if I'd known he felt the same. I thought he was just having fun on vacation and i should make effort not to get too attached...

originally posted by: Bluesma
When I was dating the man who is now my husband, he hadn't mentioned wanting to be exclusive or committed, so I just assumed he didn't want to. Later found out that in his culture, people don't date- if they go out together, they are together exclusively.

Wow, that is interesting.
In my world the assumption is that there is no exclusivity until it is raised as an issue if/when the relationship develops and one or both wish to commit.
I can't imagine someone on just a date or two thinking I'm theirs exclusively.

originally posted by: grainofsand

originally posted by: Bluesma
When I was dating the man who is now my husband, he hadn't mentioned wanting to be exclusive or committed, so I just assumed he didn't want to. Later found out that in his culture, people don't date- if they go out together, they are together exclusively.

Wow, that is interesting.
In my world the assumption is that there is no exclusivity until it is raised as an issue if/when the relationship develops and one or both wish to commit.
I can't imagine someone on just a date or two thinking I'm theirs exclusively.

It was the same for me! But the whole context is different for them- they go out in groups of friends more often. That way you meet guys when you are out with your whole group of friends (male and female)... and they are out with their group too. So in fact, instead of getting to know each other one on one on a date, they get to know each other first in collective contexts, being friends first.

So by the time you decide to go out alone together, you already know each other pretty well.

Mating rituals vary from culture to culture!

a reply to: MrBlaq

Today sex can be risky to health for one thing this alone would mean if you consider some a "Friend" which implies caring, you don't share your junk with anyone else for the period of time you decide to remain in a sexual relationship. IMO.

What is Friendship to you? If you care about a friend you make sure they know where they stand. All you have to do is tell them you intend to scew around with whomever you please and see if you are still "Friends".

originally posted by: Bluesma
they go out in groups of friends more often. That way you meet guys when you are out with your whole group of friends (male and female)... and they are out with their group too. So in fact, instead of getting to know each other one on one on a date, they get to know each other first in collective contexts, being friends first.

That's exactly my world as well though!
My social group is large but the same faces at bars, beach parties, [insert social event] etc.
That is why the whole no-strings safe sex thing feels so natural. Friends who occasionally share moments. Sometimes some are drawn more closer together than others and form commitments, but sex with friends is common in my society/community.

I've never been on a 'date' lol, just meet folk at gatherings/parties/clubs/wherever with the people in my wider social circles...usually if there is mutual sexual attraction then it happens that night, such is the way of my local society.

originally posted by: SeaWorthy
All you have to do is tell them you intend to screw around with whomever you please and see if you are still "Friends".

I know you didn't reply to me but I've got lots of female friends who occasionally enjoy no-strings sex.
We 'screw around with whomever we please' and are still friends who care about each other.
Just because it may not work for you don't assume your experience is the same for everyone.

originally posted by: grainofsand

originally posted by: SeaWorthy
All you have to do is tell them you intend to screw around with whomever you please and see if you are still "Friends".

I know you didn't reply to me but I've got lots of female friends who occasionally enjoy no-strings sex.
We 'screw around with whomever we please' and are still friends who care about each other.
Just because it may not work for you don't assume your experience is the same for everyone.

main point being....

If you care about a friend you make sure they know where they stand. All you have to do is tell them you intend to scew around with whomever you please

I have to add that in my experience people like your experience are all of the welfare Mothers and attached wage Fathers and sad unhappy kids who never quite know who to call Mom and dad.

a reply to: SeaWorthy

Ah yeah, true.
All my friends follow that code, anything otherwise would be deceit and deception.
The no-strings safe sex in itself can not be criticised in anyway outside of religious circles though.
WTF could anyone criticise about adults enjoying something recreational?!

Just saw your edit...

originally posted by: SeaWorthy
I have to add that in my experience people like your experience are all of the welfare Mothers and attached wage Fathers and sad unhappy kids who never quite know who to call Mom and dad.

I'm glad I don't share your experience then.
Happy, vibrant social circles of people with lots of happy kids. Sounds crap in your circles then if that is your experience.
I feel for you.

There are plenty of good reasons not to have sex just because you feel horny that don't involve religion. Here is one:

The fact that a woman carries the DNA of her past lovers for life should probably make one pause a bit and wonder whether the free for all approach is the best way to go.

No-one wants a past lover to haunt a happy marriage but that just might happen if a child carries the genetic traits of previous men.

It is probably a good idea to wonder about how your current actions might affect your (or your "friend's" future), which is why a cavalier attitude when it comes to sex is not the best idea.

Life is meant to be enjoyed! So is sex! But the attitude of anytime, because I feel like it, might have long-term effects that don't make themselves immediately apparent. I'd recommend one to exercise caution.

a reply to: zosimov

Blah, thank's for the life lesson but you haven't convinced me.
You find recreational safe sex an issue...many people don't.
You have no real argument against it but go ahead...I will find amusement considering your position.
DNA forever hahaha! Don't wear a condom?! You should.