I talk to myself because there is knowone else to listen.

I am in a pretty dark place right now so I am unsure if this makes any sense but I can no longer talk to myself because there is no one else to listen.


Everyone has problems and issues with their lives, it's all part of bieng a person.

some people like to talk about their problems openly to all that will listen and that's a good thing beacuase as they say a problem shared is a problem halved. Unfortunatley sometimes people get so caught up in thier own problems and using those empathic souls who are willing to listen that they spend all their time talking and none of the time listening.

As an empathic soul myself I will always take the time to listen to someones troubles and take it upon myself to make things better, find a solution or at least allow them the relief that comes with getting things off their chest.

But what happens to the listener when surrounded by a sea of other peoples problems?

The listener never gets the chance to talk about their problems because like all compasionate empaths they will put thier own fears and problems to one side to help others regardless of the size of the problem on either side.

So now you have someone with their own problems and also the problems of others, the others feel better and often have the issue resolved by the listner and the listner has thier own problems still to deal with.

I have spent so long wanting to make everyones life happy and everyones problems solved that it has gotten to the point where my own problems are so great that not only do I know not how to deal with them they have escalated to the point that my social, financial and mental state has fallen beyond something that can be mended.

I can't turn to the talkers because for so long I have kept quiet. I am the listner, I solve peoples problems, I look after them when they need help and pick them up when they fall down, I have created a world where my own life seems immaterial and try so hard to make others happy I do not know how to say no and the talkers have become so used to it they do not understand my actions.

I talk to myself because there is no one else to listen.

a reply to: nonspecific

I very recently have been going through the same problem. I always want to help others possibly due to a past that i somewhat regret. Now that being said I would not be the person I am today having not done said "bad" things. The way I have been coping is I got rid of the house and moved far away to reconnect with a family that I never wanted to be around. Its still hard everyday and I find myself doing dishes or cleaning the pool and then boom tears from nowhere and I cant control them. Going out in public hasn't been working out so good but I know that I will get there again. I guess my point is that know who you are and always be a good person. It WILL get better I promise

a reply to: nonspecific I'm a good listener and I am a caregiver so my life is often about tending to other peoples needs before my own.
I have conversations in my head to work out what I'm going through and I write letters that don't go very far. It is tough when being the one person you can depend on and turn to... is yourself, but then you become stronger and more in touch with your inner self.
If you do find a person to share your troubles with, it helps, just don't make the relationship solely about sharing each others troubles... you want to enjoy each others company and have a bit of fun too.
I wish you the very best on your journey of getting to know you, you've always got you and you'll always be there for you!

peace my friend

originally posted by: peppycat
a reply to: nonspecific I'm a good listener and I am a caregiver so my life is often about tending to other peoples needs before my own.
I have conversations in my head to work out what I'm going through and I write letters that don't go very far. It is tough when being the one person you can depend on and turn to... is yourself, but then you become stronger and more in touch with your inner self.
If you do find a person to share your troubles with, it helps, just don't make the relationship solely about sharing each others troubles... you want to enjoy each others company and have a bit of fun too.
I wish you the very best on your journey of getting to know you, you've always got you and you'll always be there for you!

peace my friend

I am glad to know it is not just me that suffers this way.

Many years ago I became so obsessed with helping others even though it would often make my own life worse that I ended up with a mental condition where I thought I was no longer human, my mind created a fantasy in which I was an angel sent to help others and as an angel my own life was unimportant and only others mattered.

Looking back the problems that I have solved created problems to myself that I honestly not see a way out of.

As I say I am in a pretty dark place right now but your words are a help.

Thank you.

a reply to: nonspecific

I can't turn to the talkers because for so long I have kept quiet.

Talkers or takers? They'll drain you till your dry and discard you like an empty soda can. If they can't take one moment to show you any of the attention you have so lavished on them then they don't deserve it. Pearls before swine and all. If it has become this detrimental to you, detach and save your self, take time to recharge, find another group of 'friends in need'.

Beware, if you stop 'helping' them, these energy vampires will come after you. It all get a little worse, you have to detach completely.

originally posted by: intrptr
a reply to: nonspecific

I can't turn to the talkers because for so long I have kept quiet.

Talkers or takers? They'll drain you till your dry and discard you like an empty soda can. If they can't take one moment to show you any of the attention you have so lavished on them then they don't deserve it. Pearls before swine and all. If it has become this detrimental to you, detach and save your self, take time to recharge, find another group of 'friends in need'.

Beware, if you stop 'helping' them, these energy vampires will come after you. It all get a little worse, you have to detach completely.

That is a fair point and yes maybe some are "takers" but that is life.

The "talkers" though I bring apon myself as as I said I have a compulsion to help others and will always say I am ok even when not because I understand what it means to take anothers problems on board, I created a persona that was happy to shield them from the truth.

originally posted by: nonspecific
I am glad to know it is not just me that suffers this way.

Many years ago I became so obsessed with helping others even though it would often make my own life worse that I ended up with a mental condition where I thought I was no longer human, my mind created a fantasy in which I was an angel sent to help others and as an angel my own life was unimportant and only others mattered.

Looking back the problems that I have solved created problems to myself that I honestly not see a way out of.

As I say I am in a pretty dark place right now but your words are a help.

Thank you.

I also had a psychotic break seasoned with messiah complex if you want to talk about it.


So, anyway, what are your current problems right now? Maybe we can have a look at them together and find an advice or two

Hard to know what can help you if you've spent so long playing this role of listening. I've done the same at times..

One thing that may help. If you have nobody to talk to. Try imagining you are, pick somebody you might want it to be and write them a letter. You don't need to actually give it to them. Rip it up when you're finished. It has to be handwritten. Not typed out on a computer. Discuss everything you need to discuss and writing it by hand means you will pay more attention to each word and the words will flow and you will write much more than you intended to.
It gets it off your chest and you may even discover things about yourself or the problem(s) you hadn't thought of. Read it through after you're done.

It's a very helpful exercise that can work.

originally posted by: SpaceGoatFart

originally posted by: nonspecific
I am glad to know it is not just me that suffers this way.

Many years ago I became so obsessed with helping others even though it would often make my own life worse that I ended up with a mental condition where I thought I was no longer human, my mind created a fantasy in which I was an angel sent to help others and as an angel my own life was unimportant and only others mattered.

Looking back the problems that I have solved created problems to myself that I honestly not see a way out of.

As I say I am in a pretty dark place right now but your words are a help.

Thank you.

I also had a psychotic break seasoned with messiah complex if you want to talk about it.


So, anyway, what are your current problems right now? Maybe we can have a look at them together and find an advice or two

Sure if you ok doing so, Not sure I will be to coherent about it though.

I think mine started when I could not understand why some people could do bad things to others, then when my ex and I split up I no longer got to live with my baby son and ended up with nothing. I went from a home and a family to living in a tent with nothing but a few clothes and a few tins of food. According to the doctors it was my minds way of coping with trauma.

a reply to: nonspecific I'm sending you a comforting pat on the back right now...
I have ha those kinds of fantasies too. I am super sensitive to other peoples problems and was once told the I am a bottisivta (spelling?..a person that incarnated to help others)
This only sent me deeper onto the fantastical road of delusion... but I have made my way out of that and I do believe in angels and that they actually work through us at times in order to truly be of help. I know when it's not me because someone will remark on something I have said to them that was good advice, but I barely remember what I said... it was passed through me from some divine being and was not draining or disturbing and all I can do is thank God for however I helped in any way... because, left to my own devices things would have come out way too harsh.

I believe you are strong and can look within yourself to see where or what things need nurturing and maybe set aside some time just for your self to be still and breath deeply knowing you are divinely cared for when you care for yourself. A bit of nature can be very grounding. I like to sit on some grass and connect to Earth 2-3 times a week for grounding and centering in order to organize my thoughts and weed out my problems leaving room for only nice things to grow, like honeysuckle.... it smells so heavenly.

I hope you find a light at the end of this, welcoming and healing...I believe you will.😊

Oh and remember this good advice from my mom when I was in the same place as you right now:

It's perfectly OK to be selfish from time to time. You need it to recharge your batteries so you can keep on giving without feeling exhausted.

originally posted by: nonspecific
I went from a home and a family to living in a tent with nothing but a few clothes and a few tins of food.

That sucks big time. What's your situation right now? Any improvement? Have you reached for help from local charities and social services?

There is a massive diffrents beteen empathic and co-dependent. In my life time I have only met one true empathic person , the rest have been co-dependent or something else. Take care and dont spend too long in the place you are now.

originally posted by: SpaceGoatFart

originally posted by: nonspecific
I went from a home and a family to living in a tent with nothing but a few clothes and a few tins of food.

That sucks big time. What's your situation right now? Any improvement? Have you reached for help from local charities and social services?

Sorry I should have explained, that was about 7 years ago now and since then I rebuilt a new life with someone else and see my son most weekends so that was good.

The problem is that I never got over the trauma and never stopped thinking I was here to help people.

right now the things I have done to help others have taken their toll on my new life and it looks as if I may be looking to be back where I started.

I am also a newly recovering alcoholic so it's all coming to a head and I am starting to realise that many of my actions were based on the mental condition and in hindsight I should have concentrated on myself and those closest to me instead of trying to help those I knew and loved less but needed the help more.

a reply to: nonspecific

That is a fair point and yes maybe some are "takers" but that is life.

Not if they are taking your sanctity and life from you.

originally posted by: nonspecific
The problem is that I never got over the trauma and never stopped thinking I was here to help people.

right now the things I have done to help others have taken their toll on my new life and it looks as if I may be looking to be back where I started.

I am also a newly recovering alcoholic so it's all coming to a head and I am starting to realise that many of my actions were based on the mental condition and in hindsight I should have concentrated on myself and those closest to me instead of trying to help those I knew and loved less but needed the help more.

Thanks for clarifying

edit: About your own experience with the strange:

My own road to delusion was more the "crazy isolated hermit" kind

I was fascinated by the strange and the occult, I amassed tons of books on those subjects, joined conspiracy boards, and slowly but surely, changed from a social and normal person to a lonely weird guy obsessing over spirituality, aliens or magic.

Then one day all hell break loose and I tipped over the edge. I lost my mind and strange things began to happen.

I'm much better now and actually learned a ton from it


I'm sure you did too. For example you can now probably realize that it requires herculean strength to be giving all the time, and that sometimes you need to raise your shield, isolate yourself, or ask to receive instead.


This was a difficult experience, but you went through it and now you are stronger.


Remember the hero's journey. This is your path:


The fact that you are pretty self-aware about your past trials and current situation shows you are on the way upward!

It's very good. It takes time and it sucks but you are now on the right track and know where you can work on to improve your situation.

Be strong (and be a bit selfish to recharge your batteries you deserve it)

a reply to: SpaceGoatFart

Some good advice but as I say I think I may have left it too late.

It seems odd that you are a new member that just happened to be here at the right time.

Like one angel helping out another eh?

originally posted by: violet
Hard to know what can help you if you've spent so long playing this role of listening. I've done the same at times..

One thing that may help. If you have nobody to talk to. Try imagining you are, pick somebody you might want it to be and write them a letter. You don't need to actually give it to them. Rip it up when you're finished. It has to be handwritten. Not typed out on a computer. Discuss everything you need to discuss and writing it by hand means you will pay more attention to each word and the words will flow and you will write much more than you intended to.
It gets it off your chest and you may even discover things about yourself or the problem(s) you hadn't thought of. Read it through after you're done.

It's a very helpful exercise that can work.

I agree with this exercise... it can help give one a new perspective on how to deal with an overly needy person when they actually begin to drain you.... when you effectively have contemplated in your writing all that you needed to get off your chest... you can let it go..in the fire place... just let it burn into nothing, watching the problems disappear the new clarity.

I like to look upon my relationships as gardens... some nutrient sucking weeds just need plucking and put in the compost pile to serve a different purpose and left to be broken down by friendly worms and decay. Some flowers are more delicate , yet don't need to much work, like the tulips that come and go on their own every year. We have to water here and there, get our hands a little dirty and then after the work it is time to take care of ones self, wash up and eat lunch and be happy the garden will be fine until next time.

a reply to: nonspecific

Nonspecific, bless you.

It is not all in vain my friend. Your path is that of the righteous. Maybe a better way to put it is that you DO make a difference in reducing mental and spiritual pain in others. Others have done this for me, and I have done so for them.

Just call out for a little assistance to handle and dissipate the mental/spiritual weight if it feels like too much for one to beat. Im of the belief that there are truly benevolent forces in this world. You're one of those benevolent forces, nonspecific.

It is true what you say about being a sensitive individual and almost absorbing neuroses and the issues of others. Can be a real pain but when you care and feel compassion for others the way we do, you feel it almost to be your purpose in life to mentally assuage others, right?

Well, it is also paramount that you always hold that one candle to one person. Yourself. Letting go of these things is key to healing. Keep strong and know that you're appreciated.

All co-dependents call themselfs empathic, the reasion for this is that been empathic is an abilty, but been co-dependent is an illness, so its nicer to say one has an ablity to one is sick. Co-dependency is a very very destructive self defence system of people who cannot handle there own pain/life use. The good news is it can be helped by addressing the base cause/causes of it. You know you are not going to find the cure here on ATS but you do know what you need to do and where to go to start the road back to your own life. The hardest thing is to start the process, there will be many "down hills" but you have to look at down hills as part of a good thing becouse down hills give you the speed to help you climb the hills ahead. Forget ATS, pick up the phone, you know the rest