I talk to myself because there is knowone else to listen.

originally posted by: nonspecific
a reply to: SpaceGoatFart

Some good advice but as I say I think I may have left it too late.

It seems odd that you are a new member that just happened to be here at the right time.

Like one angel helping out another eh?

It's never too late. There's only where you are now and where you are going tomorrow.

Maybe grounding yourself can also help you (tons of advices about grounding online: good rest; physical exercise, good eating habits, no caffeine/drugs, etc)



Yeah it's funny when you think about it When I was in the same place as you, providence sent me people to help me out too and it really felt like serendipity.


I'm sure there is such a quality to our lives and this world, but if you want the basic, down to earth explanation about me joining to post on your thread:

- It's been a few years now I roam conspiracy boards to find people lost in dark places and share a bit with them about my own path, hoping it will help them find their way out
- I also tend to be banned quite often from these sites because I have a bad habit of sometimes being too frank with people with terrible opinions and behaviors
- If you take these two previous circumstances together, suddenly me joining today and posting on your thread makes a bit more sense


I tend to love seeing this world with the eyes of a child, looking for magic and divine quality in it. But today I also learned that I should never think too seriously about any of this because it's not healthy. A sharp critical mind is required if you want to walk the thin line between the realms of the mind and spirit and the realms of the matter.



You are alive. Learn to see the irony of your past journey, laugh about it and release the shame and tension! Now you're ready for a fresh start

originally posted by: SpaceGoatFart

originally posted by: nonspecific
a reply to: SpaceGoatFart

Some good advice but as I say I think I may have left it too late.

It seems odd that you are a new member that just happened to be here at the right time.

Like one angel helping out another eh?

It's never too late. There's only where you are now and where you are going tomorrow.

Maybe grounding yourself can also help you (tons of advices about grounding online: good rest; physical exercise, good eating habits, no caffeine/drugs, etc)



Yeah it's funny when you think about it

When I was in the same place as you, providence sent me people to help me out too and it really felt like serendipity.


I'm sure there is such a quality to our lives and this world, but if you want the basic, down to earth explanation about me joining to post on your thread:

- It's been a few years now I roam conspiracy boards to find people lost in dark places and share a bit with them about my own path, hoping it will help them find their way out
- I also tend to be banned quite often from these sites because I have a bad habit of sometimes being too frank with people with terrible opinions and behaviors

- If you take these two previous circumstances together, suddenly me joining today and posting on your thread makes a bit more sense


I tend to love seeing this world with the eyes of a child, looking for magic and divine quality in it. But today I also learned that I should never think too seriously about any of this because it's not healthy. A sharp critical mind is required if you want to walk the thin line between the realms of the mind and spirit and the realms of the matter.



You are alive. Learn to see the irony of your past journey, laugh about it and release the shame and tension! Now you're ready for a fresh start

I was freaking out for a while there, I am trying to put aside the occult a little but one of the things I belive is that reincarnation is not linear and we can come back at any time we choose.

I was wondering if you were a reincarnation of me that came back to live a free will life but programmed to be in a certain place at a certain time to make sure I was ok in a time of crisis.

originally posted by: nonspecific
I was freaking out for a while there, I am trying to put aside the occult a little but one of the things I belive is that reincarnation is not linear and we can come back at any time we choose.

I was wondering if you were a reincarnation of me that came back to live a free will life but programmed to be in a certain place at a certain time to make sure I was ok in a time of crisis.

You know, my spiritual stance is pantheism. I believe everyone and everything is an individual aspect of a single divine force. Like a facet of a diamond.

So in a sense, seen from a divine perspective, time isn't linear, and we are all incarnations of the same divine soul.

I have no idea if it's even remotely correct but it does help me when I have to take some though ethical or philosophical decisions, because it reminds me of the golden rule every time.


Without going into the mystical aspect of it, I'm pretty sure that what goes around comes around, and that if you help someone else, you help yourself.

Just you can't do it 24/7 at the cost of your own health. It's simply not efficient.




And like I said, don't take any of this spiritual mumbo-jumbo too seriously. Because it isn't

a reply to: nonspecific

If the problem can be solved by man then it ain't no problem

a reply to: nonspecific
You just described me.

Wise advice given to me when I first stopped drinking was change the people, places and things that I thought were detrimental to my new life.

There are MANY people going through what you are that get together and talk about it, and better yet, actually listen too!

We call it sharing our experience, strength and hope. I still go to try and share these things and to show it is possible to triumph over your demons.

But I remember walking through the first door being terrified. I knew I was losing my best friend, the bottle...amongst other things.......

Through old timers, like I am considered now, LoL, I was shown a new way to live and replaced my old demon with REAL, go to the woodshed with ya, friends.

People who will listen.
It sure couldn't hurt at this point could it? What is there to lose?

I have friends I met 30 years ago at similar places that are like family to me as I am to them.

Not all groups are created equal! But I bet you could find one that you fit right in. You may even be surprised by some of the 'members', in a good way!
You are NOT alone nonspecific.

The hardest step is that first one.
Support and love from across the pond.
Steve

a reply to: stosh64
Another HUGE step that is scary, but can provide a MASSIVE base to build your recovery on is rehab.

I KNOW, initial reaction is NFW. I don't need that.

It sounds like you already had the family intervention from your last thread.

I remember my denial. I am not that bad, I can do this. the denial list is endless.

But from your thread it sounded like you admitted you have a problem. That is HUGE.

All I am trying to do is share what worked for me nonspecific.


It would not be seen as weakness! I believe it SAVED my life.

My family, which I temporarily lost, now looks back on those days as the best thing that ever happened to us.

Thoughts and prayers floating across the Atlantic to you nonspecific,
Steve

originally posted by: stosh64
a reply to: stosh64
Another HUGE step that is scary, but can provide a MASSIVE base to build your recovery on is rehab.

I KNOW, initial reaction is NFW. I don't need that.

It sounds like you already had the family intervention from your last thread.

I remember my denial. I am not that bad, I can do this. the denial list is endless.

But from your thread it sounded like you admitted you have a problem. That is HUGE.

All I am trying to do is share what worked for me nonspecific.


It would not be seen as weakness! I believe it SAVED my life.

My family, which I temporarily lost, now looks back on those days as the best thing that ever happened to us.

Thoughts and prayers floating across the Atlantic to you nonspecific,
Steve

I am starting to think that the alcohol is the easiest thing to overcome so rehab is not really something that I want to look into right now. aside from one moment when things were looking really bad I have not even thought about a drink. It's a hot day right now and no one else is here, I have 6 bud's in the fridge and I could easy drink a couple and knowone would even know but I don't want to.

One thing I am thinking about is maybe when I see what happens in the near future I will look at some counciling or if I am going to be doing this on my own then maybe rehab so I at least have someone or something behind me.

Thanks for you words and concern.

a reply to: nonspecific

Always considered you as one of the good guys nonspecific. I'm sad you are not doing well and I'm sure many here at ATS will be more than happy to help you if we can.

You have to be careful being a helpful person I have friend who does the same, she feels it's her duty to help others and she can get awfully upset when she can't help. It can create a downward spiral because ultimateely we all newd a hand at times and all the time she spends helping others is time she neglects to help herself.

I myself have had it hard the last few years and the last 6 month in particular, I've had to distance myself from my friend bexause she needs her own well-being and I don't want her forgeting her own problems. It's difficult as I myself have gracefully ignored my own issues and when you do that for so long you can forget what the issue origonally was.

I never knew depression could manifest itself physically as in physical illness... Don't allow yourself to get ill and never ignore an opportunity for relief. I'm all ears if you ever want to talk.

a reply to: nonspecific

Your always in my thoughts and if you ever need to talk.

I always have to stop and read what nonspecific posts

All the best Brother,
Steve

I'd like to say to everyone that has sent me pm's and anyone that may be worried that it was not my intention to come across this way and I appologise.

Sometimes things get so bad that with no where else to turn the ether is the only option.

People often end up feeding the monsters that are distroying the person they want to help, should this be becouse of co-dependence or the want to help. The truth is the OP is in full control of his/her future, the hard part is freely giving that control over to professionals who can then help to rebuild a diffrent life. To hand that control over takes courage at a level few people who have not been there can ever understand. If you look at how the word courage is spelt, it has the word rage in it. Courage can be seen as a positive rage, and I belive it is. Time for a positive rage, go get the phone

a reply to: nonspecific

When I clicked on the "live topics" and saw your Avatar, my heart skipped a beat.

You were, and therefore always will be, my very first hero on ATS:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

There is always someone here. You never know who you're talking to and you never know who's listening, but listening, they are.

Sometimes when we are in a new place, things look different and we mistakingly look at them with our old eyes, because we haven't figured out that new things require new eyes.

I know how to listen. I could share the secret, but that would require talking.

Please just know that you are loved and respected more than you seem to realize, and obviously more precious than the feedback that your present environment may be inadvertently reflecting to you right now.

Hang in there...I want to add for us...for me... but what could be more selfish? I am boldly asking you to hang in there for you, because you have always impressed me as being a humble man, and I can't think of anything more humble than to hang on, when you want to let go.

Susan

a reply to: ClownFish
Seek not warriors or heros
Seek not Knights or Kings
Seek only what is important
Seek only who you are

originally posted by: ClownFish
a reply to: nonspecific

When I clicked on the "live topics" and saw your Avatar, my heart skipped a beat.

You were, and therefore always will be, my very first hero on ATS:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

There is always someone here. You never know who you're talking to and you never know who's listening, but listening, they are.

Sometimes when we are in a new place, things look different and we mistakingly look at them with our old eyes, because we haven't figured out that new things require new eyes.

I know how to listen. I could share the secret, but that would require talking.

Please just know that you are loved and respected more than you seem to realize, and obviously more precious than the feedback that your present environment may be inadvertently reflecting to you right now.

Hang in there...I want to add for us...for me... but what could be more selfish? I am boldly asking you to hang in there for you, because you have always impressed me as being a humble man, and I can't think of anything more humble than to hang on, when you want to let go.

Susan

Thank you for that, I am normally quite good at composing myself but given my current state of mind and bieng all alone here I will admit that your words bought a big smile through a stream of tears.

I never had you down as a Susan.

This post is right up my alley myself said to me...and myself answered, yes it is!
Nothing new here...been talking to a crazy man for years...or course I am not the crazy one...I keep telling myself.
Cheers

The same way groups use divide and conquer on their agendas. Use it on your problems, make a heading of need to do asap, most important, important, no so important and let go.

You can make your own headlines for your listing... so that you can divide up these issues, leave spaces between each listing so as youre listing you can be thinking of ways to solve the asaps etc and jot ideas down like a brainstorming when writing the other ones out.

Thhe reason I didnt say talk it out is because talk doesnt really accomplish anything other to inspire when theres uncertainty but that wont stop the procrastination from doing... a firm resolve of writing a goal or plan of where you would REALISTICALLY like to end up yep bolded that because deluding oneself with the end goal leaves us in dream land and what ifs... leave the end goal alone and tackle each step to get there on level of importance.

I always knock my bills out first, handle any responsibility to others because word is bond, then take care of matters as needed. But in many cases accepting ones lot as this is just it for right now bottom of the pit might as well dust and rearrange furnite so bottom has stuff that makes life worthwhile in it.

Iced T the rap tv and movie fellow said all he really wants is his XBOX that make him happy... meaning aside from the millions of dollars mansion etc. all he really needs is an xbox his favorite game a TV and a place to plug it in. So when you really look at life what is the thing that gets you through? Is it helping other people? Id hope you arent too full of pride to reach out to others... but Id make the list first and see if its something you can tackle in bits, play some music you liked in a happy time in your life think on positive times youve experienced choose to feel lightness instead of weightiness indulge in something you deny yourself... compassion and empathy cant be one sided have to have it for yourself too, or else you get stuck in a door mat victim role.

Encourage yourself as you encourage others and life sort of handles itself when you take responsibility for your part in your own life as well as others lives. Like telling someone procrastinating about washing their dishes to just put an album on and the dishes with be done before its over then one less thing to be concerned about. Problems are best seen in the review mirror, so try not to place any in front of you either or take on more than you can handle.

Know what you can change know what you cant and accept things and yourself and when you are handled and sorted... then sort others when they need it, no harm in doing that unless those others are misery loving company then thats just hey come wallow in despair with me.

Im sure this is the sort of advice you might give someone else being a helper of peoples problems... sometimes that role comes with taking ones own advice, testing it out and seeing if the advice you give is worth what you think it is.

Thats another point of view, pretend your problems are someone elses, then act like youre helping them instead... whatever it takes ya know?

a reply to: nonspecific



A few years ago I was almost done in life, I lost my soul and almost my life to a adderall addiction that was so bad. All I thought about was my adderall and I was living inside a adderall world. Lost all my friends and much more.

My doctor kept upping the dose. I was a walking pile of junk. One morning I took my greatest love and flushed it away. Was it hard? I can't describe it to another human how the withdrawal going cold turkey was. It has been two years and I got my life back and my friends.

Whatever your going thru I know you have the power inside your mind to pick yourself up and be the great person you are! If you ever want to talk PM me and I will give you my number!

You need new friends....get rid of the enemy suckers. They will eventually leave you when you have no more to give, they are not your friends.......help yourself and your family first .....replace the alcohol with a new good addiction, like working out, bike riding, walking around the block....become active get that oxygen flowing through your body and clear your mind...only you can focus on you .....and if you have more spare time, volunteer at the local SPCA or animal shelter. Animals need love too ! ....good luck and I'm sorry your going through this...but step one is getting rid of the energy suckers, get rid of the dead weight .

a reply to: nonspecific

I never had you down as a Susan.

It took longer to sign that post than to compose. Being oneself can be rather vulnerable. But you are being you and somehow being "Fishy" at the moment just didn't carry much weight or credibility.

So, new circumstances...new eyes...and a new smile...yep...I know it will be a huge struggle, but about that smile part...rinse and repeat, you hear? Rinse and repeat.

You've got to get through this and come out the other side so that you can tell us later how you did it!

And for now, if it's okay, I will get back to my job here as being...

Fishy

originally posted by: ClownFish
a reply to: nonspecific

I never had you down as a Susan.

It took longer to sign that post than to compose. Being oneself can be rather vulnerable. But you are being you and somehow being "Fishy" at the moment just didn't carry much weight or credibility.

So, new circumstances...new eyes...and a new smile...yep...I know it will be a huge struggle, but about that smile part...rinse and repeat, you hear? Rinse and repeat.

You've got to get through this and come out the other side so that you can tell us later how you did it!

And for now, if it's okay, I will get back to my job here as being...

Fishy

I nearly called you fishy but I also thought the comments you made and the impact they had did not seem appropriate.

thank you again.

Gregg.