I talk to myself because there is knowone else to listen.

a reply to: imod02

That is very beautiful. Thank you for that.

I've never sought these things. They just keep coming my way....No, truly, they do.

Some mysteries are Self-explainable.

a reply to: ClownFish
Some times its more important to ask the question than to get the answer

a reply to: nonspecific

Some good advice but as I say I think I may have left it too late.

There is a reason people say "it's never too late". : )

Mistakes can be put behind us, (thankfully), and learned behaviors can be unlearned.

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting
a reply to: nonspecific

Some good advice but as I say I think I may have left it too late.

There is a reason people say "it's never too late". : )

Mistakes can be put behind us, (thankfully), and learned behaviors can be unlearned.

I agree.

Perhaps I should have said left it too late for this chapter to continue and another one to begin.

originally posted by: ladyinwaiting
a reply to: nonspecific

Some good advice but as I say I think I may have left it too late.

There is a reason people say "it's never too late". : )

Mistakes can be put behind us, (thankfully), and learned behaviors can be unlearned.

Indeed every choice is a lesson we are signing up for, so beware of the course load that comes back as karma to grade how one did... its why I sit and play statue most of the day, cant sign up for more lessons if I sit here and mind no business other than sitting and basic self care and well trying to remind people life doesnt have to be so complex or painful.

Sometimes its like being born dead and trying to remember all that killed us reliving it and trying to get over it each time we need the lesson a situation we forgot arises to help us get over it called the future... instead of being a restless spirit attached to old bones old faces and old places, to finally sit like a stone... surrounded by flowers and butterflies and the love of everyone that missed us and then truely rest wholly in peace instead of fragmented to pieces.

Morose or pleasant? I dunno but it sounds good to me... meditation has been like defragmenting the ol hard drive and releasing memory sometimes... to feel spacious and unburdened.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

These thoughts sound so strange to me. The way you have turned completely inward. What are you protecting yourself from? Yourself? Or are you completely defeated by life? To spend most of your day sitting like a statue in meditation. It sounds like an escape that has gone on maybe too long?

Don't you believe we have to face our problems? Not turn our backs on our own lives?

I always say if you've got a problem, face it.

a reply to: angeldoll

I stand as a monument to point at those in my family still wrestling with demons... what I point to or face is what they keep running away from.

Dont mistake the finger for the moon.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

I guess I see. But it still seems like you are the one who is running, by avoidance. I'm so NOT trying to insult you or anything. I was just wondering about your justification.

I have an odious little characteristic, which is to sleep when things get to be too much. I sleep to escape.
Just thought I noticed some similarities with long periods of meditation.

Although when I awake, I feel strengthened enough to go face whatever it is.

a reply to: angeldoll

Im curious as to what you are trying to project on me other than legs and locomotion? As an angel shouldnt you scarifice wings instead of just flapping air against stone? Sure it can cause a howling that gargolyes are said to keep away incase banshees try to corner things... try being like water if you wish to weather such storms instead of floating along on it with the stopper removed doll, or else all this sees is a coming and going with the tides.

In plain english? I sit here out of empathy and compassion for those called family even though the sufferings are what many prefer to lay down on a couch and wine about... I see even the lesson of how not to be as a valuable example to grow from in balance. So in their last push of life even if theyve attempted to pit their children against eachother as gladiators for a living will, they know Im fair they just didnt expect me to also try to give them a chance of redemption so they wont face the darkness for so long thinking its me, when it is only a shadow unaware theyve avoided the light for so long.

Asking me to turn away of course is noble of you but spreading your wings in front/behind me only makes them believe in demons of darkness all the more. However, its my station to sit in that grey area between the light and darkness of black and white where others see a clear division? When in motion its the area in which I sit hard to see attached to duality... even you projecting on me only reflects that which you fail to see called oneself.

Judgement is not ours, but wisdom does have arms of a certain weight or gravity whether one wants it or not... when all abodes of being have an expression in all forms there is no mistaking reality as a reflection when nose to nose knows.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

I have offended you and it was not my intention. I will be quiet, and leave you to do as you wish.

Oh, I'm not a real angel, and I don't have wings. It's a play on my real name, first and last.

See ya. Sweet dreams.

Angelina D.

ps I'm not a demon either. Just a regular inquisitive human being.

a reply to: angeldoll

Please see my signature about assumptions... no apologies needed, I know my purpose without and shadow or doubt how can suffering arise when so complete unless attached to illusions of truth instead of knowing the reality of all being beyond any need for coming or going? It is what it is I dont try to make it something else I just point so those that do try too suffer less than need be... sometimes they need a mirror without any distortion and sometimes they need the clear panel of being, its situational and arises in the moment without any intention... the mirror is simply a shadow on the wall in allegory of the cave, attaching to the form as someone else is attachment to name and form... or one of the 12 links in the chain of conditioned arising, being beyond such conditions means every moment brand new birthed out of each and every moment of being, could be a heaven or a hell but its not my karma forming it, Im just in whatever sphere pointing with nothing but dust and echos or empty concepts as thats the only way to communicate understanding to those that wish to use language for such a thing whether that occurs in ones body, speech, or mind.

When ones being is transformed into one of benefit to others out of pure empathy of understanding... the hours of meditation or basically every moment is a gift, life is precious and perfect... the conceptual attachments are the chains that make it something else. Not attached or being no one going no where what is there to hide from or do? The task is done lain down no burden, attachment to me is attachment to parts of one self... perhaps reading your posts as if they were directed at you instead of me will show you something about you.

I do appreciate your concern however it was very thoughful and kind of you but wholly uneeded, nothing to offend nothing to upset, just a form or container that has however long until it dissapates... my life isnt mine but there is no controlling the unconditioned once free, but abiding calmly and according to the expectations of law is respectful and caring of other beings as equanimity is the mode of expression... attachment to the ego self is the pain to escape, attached to any conceptual form of consciousness is bondage or being blind that experience is fragmented and not whole... holding onto such fragments does not allow a clear image of reality as it is in its absolute beyond such conditioning.

My apologies for any upset, as holding a mirror to others that judge without knowing causes the arising of emotions... first there was projection of self so naturally there was a reflection, then there was an assumption yet again another projection of self yet one of sorry I put myself on you yet it was repeated... please be careful in doing such as it is the very up and down back and forth that causes one instability in their lives or the very cause for suffering itself.

Thank you for the opportunity to point, hopefully there is a deep and profound understanding reflecting on ones experience and then seeing it in action later and being mindful seeing it arise each and everytime... so it moves from rote to experience building eventually doing that coalleces into wisdom into the nature of it that is formed within... then perhaps one could point... but there are more modes of expression than this to being to penetrait the nature of being, as it is simply one facet of a larger whole in full experience.

I wish everyone a great day in choices as that paves ones future, to be or not to be is not a question as that only seems to do or not to do is what truly defines us so please be mindful of intention as thats the well of karma every being drinks from.

a reply to: nonspecific

You'll have the thousand yard stare and an expression like you've wandered out of a motorway pile-up. Mind racing etc. Jumpy? Edge of tears?

This'll sound weird...feel the pulse on your wrist and be still. Try and count the beats to relax.

Finding moments of peace in times of anxiety can help. Your mind is out of synch and thinking negatively. It doesn't last and it's like riding out a bad trip. Deep down, you know it'll pass.

You're a good man going through a tough time and you've been there before. People you've helped have been there before too and it passes. It always passes.

All the best,
K

I've long held the belief that the best way to help someone is to teach them how to help themselves. An important aspect of this is being able to live as an example. Meaning, focusing on yourself and your own health can actually enable us to help others much more effectively.

Another thing, that took a while longer, was to learn that some are simply not interested in such "self-sufficiency." I think someone called them "takers" earlier in the thread. The ones who thrive on such lessons can not only go out and help others in kind, but will frequently turn it back around and help those who helped them. Bluntly, the former is a waste of time, while the latter go a long way towards making the world a better place. Choosing where we invest our time and energy in such matters is a deep wisdom, and there tend to be many more takers than those who will go on to give.

Given that we only have so much of ourselves to give, and only so much time to do it with, it can actually be a disservice to others, and ourselves, to spend inordinate amount of time on the "takers." The discernment of this is absolutely critical, or we may find ourselves in a position where we are unable to help anyone.

a reply to: nonspecific



You will always have your ATS family NS! There we ago again with the NS, I feel like I'm talking to myself. LOL

Anyway, You are never truly alone and with so many people from all over the world, there is always someone to talk to, someone who will listen.

a reply to: nonspecific
You can talk to yourself. You can even answer yourself. It's when you say, "Huh? What did you say?" that you know you have a problem. That said, I don't call it talking to myself when I do it. I call it getting expert advice.

originally posted by: Night Star
a reply to: nonspecific



You will always have your ATS family NS! There we ago again with the NS, I feel like I'm talking to myself. LOL

Anyway, You are never truly alone and with so many people from all over the world, there is always someone to talk to, someone who will listen.

thats Mr.Ns to you

Thanks NS

originally posted by: Skid Mark
a reply to: nonspecific
You can talk to yourself. You can even answer yourself. It's when you say, "Huh? What did you say?" that you know you have a problem. That said, I don't call it talking to myself when I do it. I call it getting expert advice.

I was talking to myself and disagreed, fell out and refused to speak to myself for 3 days once

On a serious note I feel a lot better now, as I said in the OP I was in a dark place at the time but it's getting lighter by the minute.

Like waiting for the sunrise.

a reply to: nonspecific
I hope you get to see the beauty soon. Thinking about you and sending you a million positive thoughts!!!!

a reply to: Martin75

Such a beautiful image thanks for sharing...

When someones outlook becomes bleak its like somehow permanence tries to settle in and stagnate a posion out view point, where no life can drink from it. When each moment fresh and vibrant, even if everything appears the same... it never is leaving all roads open to possibility moment to moment and none of them lead to a bad place... filling the ol canteen with stagnate water before moving on however? Seems to slowly poison each new situation in a back where we started from... meditation on emptiness is basically walking into each moment and letting that moment fill ones cup to drink from.

Last I drove out West in the early 90s I noticed how beautiful the red rocks and desert was and was in constant awe, then it hit me, I wasnt really in awe of all the opposite of trees back home yet the people living in those red rocks would likely have the same awe of my seen them millions of times trees... and every moment can become those millions of trees with the wrong perspective or outlook on impermenance that instead of fearing change allows for every moment to be free, understanding every moment is not the last, meaning nothing but possibility always exists... understanding that is free will itself? Allows one to embody change itself and exist moment to moment, free in the very being of life itself and all that arises...

This has my experience of oneness with the absolute or watever conceptual burden one wants to lay at peoples feet instead of carrying it with dignity so people dont trip over it.

Have a nice dawn or sunset everyone... like in the image it could be both if we dont think too hard about it making it something else because of conditioning.

a reply to: nonspecific
Good. I'm glad you're doing better.