Questions for the Empaths

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: tigertatzen
My mother spent years and lots of money trying to get someone to "fix" me.

I'm so happy I had an open minded mom, but - other then being ridiculously shy and emotional - I never shared my experiences with anyone. I had OBE's since first memory. Used to go "flying" almost every night, especially to the Gray Place. I liked that place. But, never said anything to anyone.

It took a lifetime, but I feel secure and grounded now. Malls I can do. I have trouble with grocery stores.

You are very fortunate. My mother is a fire-and-brimstone Bible thumper. I left home at 16 and never went back. The last straw was when my mother told me that she only loves me because she's obligated to do so. It used to really upset me, but now I realize that ultimately it is her loss. 😉

originally posted by: tigertatzen

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: tigertatzen
My mother spent years and lots of money trying to get someone to "fix" me.

I'm so happy I had an open minded mom, but - other then being ridiculously shy and emotional - I never shared my experiences with anyone. I had OBE's since first memory. Used to go "flying" almost every night, especially to the Gray Place. I liked that place. But, never said anything to anyone.

It took a lifetime, but I feel secure and grounded now. Malls I can do. I have trouble with grocery stores.

You are very fortunate. My mother is a fire-and-brimstone Bible thumper. I left home at 16 and never went back. The last straw was when my mother told me that she only loves me because she's obligated to do so. It used to really upset me, but now I realize that ultimately it is her loss. 😉

Good for you for hanging in there - - - our inner strength seems to keep us fighting for something we really don't quite understand.

I considered suicide about age 9, because I felt so lost. That inner strength is what kept me going. The journey's been hard, but today I'm strong.

I have a complete disconnect with my 2 brothers, it is difficult to cut those ties, because society teaches us they're supposed to be there. I have no regret. I have a life, family, and friends I chose.

a reply to: tigertatzen

I would suggest to the group that emotional/psychic vampires are not empaths. I cannot absolutely confirm from my own observations that emotive vampires exist. I believe they do -- people who use various dramatic poses to control or influence others. I imagine most folk have been around others that seem to 'drain' them. It's possible to view this as a transference of energies. I cannot confirm that, but I believe it.

Empaths are folk of varied degrees that sense or can allow themselves to sense the underlying emotions of others. In one sense, as with psychic ability, I believe all us are empaths and have psychic ability. Everyone. As with all other [insert deity of your choice]-given abilities, it manifests in people to varying degrees. For me, those that feel they are empaths are sometimes assailed by the rush of collective humanity and individually strong emotion.

I find this difficult to talk about. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. A majority of my peers believe this is bullcrap. I don't blame them. It isn't scientifically measurable. I also don't believe that it makes me 'special' in any way. It's like having a penchant for music, or mathematics or other creative endeavors. It's just something that exists and to have it is to know it.

Unlike you, perception-at-a-distance is not my forte. I'm not sure I would want that.

Everybody has something to learn, and something to teach. Glad to be here to learn. ;o)

a reply to: meridie

Thank you for having the sand to speak your piece. I think that must've been hard. Well done. ;o)

a reply to: quercusrex

Sorry I removed the wrong quote line. My bad.

a reply to: tigertatzen

I think I would disagree with the part about needing permission, but I respect your opinion. I agree with it to a point even. No one should someone's happiness, but I don't think the same is true for the opposite. What if at the end of the day you had someone who could take away all the unwanted negative emotions you were basically forced to absorb? Would you still say they needed permission to do so?

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: tigertatzen

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: tigertatzen
My mother spent years and lots of money trying to get someone to "fix" me.

I'm so happy I had an open minded mom, but - other then being ridiculously shy and emotional - I never shared my experiences with anyone. I had OBE's since first memory. Used to go "flying" almost every night, especially to the Gray Place. I liked that place. But, never said anything to anyone.

It took a lifetime, but I feel secure and grounded now. Malls I can do. I have trouble with grocery stores.

You are very fortunate. My mother is a fire-and-brimstone Bible thumper. I left home at 16 and never went back. The last straw was when my mother told me that she only loves me because she's obligated to do so. It used to really upset me, but now I realize that ultimately it is her loss. 😉

Good for you for hanging in there - - - our inner strength seems to keep us fighting for something we really don't quite understand.

I considered suicide about age 9, because I felt so lost. That inner strength is what kept me going. The journey's been hard, but today I'm strong.

I have a complete disconnect with my 2 brothers, it is difficult to cut those ties, because society teaches us they're supposed to be there. I have no regret. I have a life, family, and friends I chose.

Thank you. I think we are all being brought together by this thread for a reason. So many of us have suffered alone for so long.

I am so glad that you did not choose to end your life. That would have been a grave tragedy. I can feel other empaths' energy, like little balls of ethereal white light, floating on the periphery of my mind. It is a comfort to me, all of those thousands upon thousands of lights. It might look to another person like fireflies on a dark night, were I able to share what my mind's eye sees.

The thought of one of those lights being extinguished out of confusion and despair saddens me immensely. And there have been many. One of the best lessons I have learned in this life is the true meaning of "family". Once I realized that it has nothing to do with who you're related to by blood, it wasn't hard at all to walk away.

originally posted by: argentus
a reply to: tigertatzen

I would suggest to the group that emotional/psychic vampires are not empaths. I cannot absolutely confirm from my own observations that emotive vampires exist. I believe they do -- people who use various dramatic poses to control or influence others. I imagine most folk have been around others that seem to 'drain' them. It's possible to view this as a transference of energies. I cannot confirm that, but I believe it.

Empaths are folk of varied degrees that sense or can allow themselves to sense the underlying emotions of others. In one sense, as with psychic ability, I believe all us are empaths and have psychic ability. Everyone. As with all other [insert deity of your choice]-given abilities, it manifests in people to varying degrees. For me, those that feel they are empaths are sometimes assailed by the rush of collective humanity and individually strong emotion.

I find this difficult to talk about. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. A majority of my peers believe this is bullcrap. I don't blame them. It isn't scientifically measurable. I also don't believe that it makes me 'special' in any way. It's like having a penchant for music, or mathematics or other creative endeavors. It's just something that exists and to have it is to know it.

Unlike you, perception-at-a-distance is not my forte. I'm not sure I would want that.

Everybody has something to learn, and something to teach. Glad to be here to learn. ;o)

I completely agree with you. We are not vampires. I see "emotional vampires" as people who are affected by a psychological disorder. Either inherent or acquired, there is an emotional deficit that has an underlying physiological and/or psychological cause.

Even though it's often a conscious decision for them, it is still coming from a place of irrationality. They're called vampires because their relentless controlling, manipulative behavior is so psychologically damaging to their victims that it can literally make them physically ill. It is a frightening phenomenon. It is perfectly possible for an empath to also become an "emotional vampire", but we are not one and the same, not at all.

Empaths are born empaths. Some may have stronger abilities than others. Some have other gifts as well. Some go the majority of their lives not even realizing they are empaths. And some, like myself, knew from a very young age. I don't know why there are such variations, but it seems random.

I feel that "normal" people scoff at such things often simply because they're frightened of the idea of other people being able to read their thoughts and emotions. In fact I suspect that the assumptive nature of the OP is a direct reflection of that.

Human beings tend to fear and loathe and ridicule what they do not comprehend, or worse, fill in the parts that they don't know with their own imaginations. That leads to assumptions and false perceptions that often leads to a negative perspective, which is never good...look what happened to the Witches at Salem. Can you imagine if people started associating all empaths with the word 'vampire" and the general public adopted the same erroneous view? No wonder so many of us hide from the world.

You're right, too, that it is simply another gift like being exceptional at math or being musically inclined. If it were just as common, no one would think twice about it. And it very well might be; who knows how many of us are silently hiding out there?

And no, you probably would not want my particular ability...unless you could get a trial period first, before you accepted it.

You are also absolutely correct, there is a lot we can learn from each other. Before this thread I never would have dreamed that anyone thought of empaths as being some kind of creatures that suck the emotions out of people or "feed" on them. To say that's appalling to me would be an understatement.

originally posted by: tigertatzen

originally posted by: argentus
a reply to: tigertatzen

I would suggest to the group that emotional/psychic vampires are not empaths. I cannot absolutely confirm from my own observations that emotive vampires exist. I believe they do -- people who use various dramatic poses to control or influence others. I imagine most folk have been around others that seem to 'drain' them. It's possible to view this as a transference of energies. I cannot confirm that, but I believe it.

Empaths are folk of varied degrees that sense or can allow themselves to sense the underlying emotions of others. In one sense, as with psychic ability, I believe all us are empaths and have psychic ability. Everyone. As with all other [insert deity of your choice]-given abilities, it manifests in people to varying degrees. For me, those that feel they are empaths are sometimes assailed by the rush of collective humanity and individually strong emotion.

I find this difficult to talk about. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. A majority of my peers believe this is bullcrap. I don't blame them. It isn't scientifically measurable. I also don't believe that it makes me 'special' in any way. It's like having a penchant for music, or mathematics or other creative endeavors. It's just something that exists and to have it is to know it.

Unlike you, perception-at-a-distance is not my forte. I'm not sure I would want that.

Everybody has something to learn, and something to teach. Glad to be here to learn. ;o)

I see "emotional vampires" as people who are affected by a psychological disorder. Either inherent or acquired, there is an emotional deficit that has an underlying physiological and/or psychological cause.

I kind of agree with this. I don't think a true "energy vampire" is aware of their negative energy. I've met some super nice people who are "energy vampire's" - - but, they really don't know why they affect people in a negative way. They're just in a serious deep funk and sad.

I think they are different from those who are aware of connecting with energy and use it for more selfish reasons. As I said in my first post, anyone can be an "energy connector". Those who consider it a gift, treat is as a gift. But, I think there are those who take advantage rather then consider it a gift.

originally posted by: voudew
a reply to: tigertatzen

I think I would disagree with the part about needing permission, but I respect your opinion. I agree with it to a point even. No one should someone's happiness, but I don't think the same is true for the opposite. What if at the end of the day you had someone who could take away all the unwanted negative emotions you were basically forced to absorb? Would you still say they needed permission to do so?

Yes, without question. I am Wiccan as well as an empath, so my views are a bit more complicated on that subject, but there are other reasons too.

It may seem like a sweet gesture just to walk up to some random unsuspecting person and take all their pain away. But by doing so, no matter how much you personally think it might benefit them, you are violating their free will by denying them the choice, which can have consequences that you may not be able to readily perceive.

To do such a thing without asking or being asked is to not fully understand the entire situation, and making such an assumptive choice for someone else can do them more harm than if you did nothing at all. It is far too easy to fall into the trap of believing that because we've been blessed with an ability most others have not, we have unmitigated license to do with it whatever we please. In my religion, that is considered an abuse of power and directly violates the Rede.

Outside of my spiritual beliefs, there are other considerations. One important one is the fact that pain is actually necessary in a lot of cases. Grief is an excellent example of this. So is the pain of failure. In most cases, so is the pain of ending a relationship. Ending a career...many "life events" that cause pain and sadness are meant to teach us important lessons. And it is not our place as humans to decide what other humans should experience or not.

If we cross that line, we are adopting the attitude--consciously or not-- that we are superior to other humans and thusly, do not have to ask permission, because we know better than they do what's best for them.


We would be tampering with other people's minds and memories. Controlling their emotions. Reprogramming them to be happy because we feel they should be happy, not bothering to ask their permission because hey...who wouldn't want to just be happier, right? Starting to sound scary yet? It should, because some of us can actually do it.


Here's a real life example for you. My daughter's best friend died in a horrific car accident several years ago. She was only 17 at the time. I did not know her or her family personally as my daughter was a bit older and lived with her boyfriend in another state at the time.

The girl's mother was of course devastated. I was absolutely horrified because the proximity of my own child to that terrible event was dominating my own thoughts and emotions. My daughter was also just crushed. I felt helpless in the face of her grief, but I knew she would be OK and that she had to process it in her own way, so all I did was push as much calming energy at her as I could without interrupting that process.

A few months later, the mother of the girl added me on facebook. She is a very sweet person and my daughter likes her immensely, so I accepted. It didn't take long for me to start getting waves of emotion from her photos. Of course, I politely tuned them out at first, but every day I'd be freshly bombarded with them. Usually when that happens repeatedly, I take it as a sign that my assistance is being requested by the Universe. I refer to it as a "nudge". I also know from experience that if I continue to ignore it, it will become more insistent. I had never before in my life approached someone I do not know and revealed myself in that way, so I was conflicted.

Then one day she made a page just for her dead daughter and started posting quotes and things about death and missing those who have passed from this life. Not long after that, the tone of her posts changed dramatically and she started hinting that she wanted to die so that she could be with her daughter. It was very subtle at first "I miss you so much and look forward to the day when I can see my baby again in heaven" and things like that. Well, it alarmed me. Soon after, she started saying it outright. She wanted to die, prayed every day for it in fact, because she couldn't stand living without her daughter. And not one person out of the hundred or so followers of the page, who actually know this woman personally, said one word. I did not know what to do.

I finally spoke to my daughter. She said that she was worried too, because the mother had completely stopped acknowledging her remaining daughter at all and had gotten to the point where she would not leave her bedroom for days at a time. I asked my daughter if she thought I should speak to her and she said yes.

So I gathered my courage and messaged the woman. I told her that I had noticed some very alarming posts from her that concerned me and that I am an empath and that I can heal people and that I could feel her despair and wanted to help her. I told her that my daughter was extremely concerned that she might harm herself and that I had picked up those emotions through her photos and posts and was also concerned. She didn't respond for a few days and I was worried that I had offended her or freaked her out. But when she did, she said something that humbled me.

She was very nice and didn't appear shocked by what I had said to her. She thanked me for my concern and told me I was very kind but that she would rather not accept my help. The reason she gave me was this: Her pain was horrible and sometimes she thought it would be easier if she just died because at least she would be with her daughter. She even wished for it, many times every day. But she knew deep down that her other daughter still needed her and that her prayers to join her dead child were not being answered because she was still needed here in this life.

But the most compelling thing she said was that even though the pain of her loss was relentless, it was also tied to her memories of her daughter. If the pain was taken, her memories would begin to fade. She would stop having a reason to revisit them and eventually lose them too, and her daughter would be then truly dead and buried. She wanted to do this her own way.

I realized then that I had overstepped and made the assumption that because I felt the enormity of her pain and sadness within my own mind, I assumed that she would be happy to be relieved of it. Had I not asked her and just decided to do her the anonymous favor of taking it away, I could have altered the outcome of this woman's future in ways that had not occurred to me. I was being taught an important lesson, and I saw that very clearly.

The girl's mother is now living a very full life. Her younger daughter's death ultimately brought her and the eldest closer together, where they had never really gotten along before. She is in college for the first time in her life. She's engaged to be married and has a grandchild on the way.

She didn't need my help, and I believe it would have been morally wrong if I had not given her a choice. I also believe that I was being specifically shown that, as a reminder that this is a gift that is not to be treated casually.

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: tigertatzen

originally posted by: argentus
a reply to: tigertatzen

I would suggest to the group that emotional/psychic vampires are not empaths. I cannot absolutely confirm from my own observations that emotive vampires exist. I believe they do -- people who use various dramatic poses to control or influence others. I imagine most folk have been around others that seem to 'drain' them. It's possible to view this as a transference of energies. I cannot confirm that, but I believe it.

Empaths are folk of varied degrees that sense or can allow themselves to sense the underlying emotions of others. In one sense, as with psychic ability, I believe all us are empaths and have psychic ability. Everyone. As with all other [insert deity of your choice]-given abilities, it manifests in people to varying degrees. For me, those that feel they are empaths are sometimes assailed by the rush of collective humanity and individually strong emotion.

I find this difficult to talk about. I'm not ashamed of my beliefs. A majority of my peers believe this is bullcrap. I don't blame them. It isn't scientifically measurable. I also don't believe that it makes me 'special' in any way. It's like having a penchant for music, or mathematics or other creative endeavors. It's just something that exists and to have it is to know it.

Unlike you, perception-at-a-distance is not my forte. I'm not sure I would want that.

Everybody has something to learn, and something to teach. Glad to be here to learn. ;o)

I see "emotional vampires" as people who are affected by a psychological disorder. Either inherent or acquired, there is an emotional deficit that has an underlying physiological and/or psychological cause.

I kind of agree with this. I don't think a true "energy vampire" is aware of their negative energy. I've met some super nice people who are "energy vampire's" - - but, they really don't know why they affect people in a negative way. They're just in a serious deep funk and sad.

I think they are different from those who are aware of connecting with energy and use it for more selfish reasons. As I said in my first post, anyone can be an "energy connector". Those who consider it a gift, treat is as a gift. But, I think there are those who take advantage rather then consider it a gift.

Ahhh, see you're talking about energy vampires rather than emotional vampires and that is a totally different thing to me.

Energy vampires apparently drain other people's energy without even realizing they're doing it. I have read a bit about them and spoke to a girl who's sister had a boyfriend they were convinced was one of them. She said he almost killed her sister.

He had the draining effect on the entire family but it was so subtle and they spent so little time around him that they just didn't even mention it or worry about it. Then the girl got sick. Diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome...at the age of sixteen. She got worse as time passed and they tested her for everything under the sun and could not figure out what was wrong with her.

They finally had a spiritual healer visit her and that person told them that she was being attacked by an energy vampire. It didn't take long to figure out who the probable culprit was, especially when he went away for a week out of state and her condition rapidly improved.

I watched a reality paranormal show on my laptop not long after that where a similar situation was occurring, only the vampire turned out to be a neighbor. It's fascinating and horrifying to me at the same time. They apparently have no idea and cannot control it either.

Emotional vampires are different. It's a human psychological condition. They don't drain energy itself. They just wear the person down by constantly using their own emotions to manipulate them. They don't actually feed on emotions...they're addicted to emotional turmoil . It's all about control with them.

From what little I know about energy vampires, they actually feed off of people's personal energy. They actually need it for some reason. I'm not sure what about it exactly sustains them or if they cannot survive without it or if they've got some deficit or cannot produce enough of their own energy or what.

But I have known empaths who use their gift to manipulate people for their own benefit or even amusement. They get a kick out of the sense of superiority. Some of them brag about it. One of them was my best friend years ago. I dropped her like a bad habit when I found out she was using her abilities to screw with the lives of people she didn't like. I will not associate with someone like that, and if I have the power to stop them, I will not hesitate to do so. They are everything that people fear about those of us with "psy" abilities, not to mention just horrible human beings in general.

originally posted by: tigertatzen

Ahhh, see you're talking about energy vampires rather than emotional vampires and that is a totally different thing to me.

Will check into that. Enjoying your posts.

BTW - - do you know about Judith Orloff, M.D.

The Emotional Vampire Survival Guide: Emotional Freedom in ActionText

www.drjudithorloff.com...

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: tigertatzen

Ahhh, see you're talking about energy vampires rather than emotional vampires and that is a totally different thing to me.

Will check into that. Enjoying your posts.

BTW - - do you know about Judith Orloff, M.D.

The Emotional Vampire Survival Guide: Emotional Freedom in ActionText

www.drjudithorloff.com...

Thank you, I'm enjoying yours also. I feel very pleased that this thread took such a positive path, even though it didn't seem very positive at first. It gives me hope for the future, which I believe that we are meant to help shape into something better for all those who come after us. Maybe this is the beginning of that. How cool would that be?

That name sounds familiar but I'm definitely adding that to my reading list for the week. Thank you for the link!

originally posted by: argentus
a reply to: quercusrex

None of the above. I've learned to shut it all off, or risk overload. You open a crack, a thin line when you choose to.

It took a lot of self-debate to reply to this thread.

You know, I'm so glad you did, and the others who have expressed hesitation as well. I normally would not have revealed so much of myself this way either, and I'm actually surprised that I found myself responding at such length.

I cannot explain it but I feel at ease here, communicating with all of you. It's a very strange experience, but a wonderful one as well. Do you feel it too?

a reply to: tigertatzen

Actually, I think you helped her to make a decision because of your 'empathic' support and validation and to find a way to continue with her life which may have not occurred if you hadn't sent her that message.

a reply to: tigertatzen

I cannot explain it but I feel at ease here, communicating with all of you. It's a very strange experience, but a wonderful one as well. Do you feel it too?

Yes, I do. I'm not at as much ease as I had begun with, but I appreciate your presence, and the discussions. Thanks for joining the thread.



CF

originally posted by: ClownFish
a reply to: tigertatzen

I cannot explain it but I feel at ease here, communicating with all of you. It's a very strange experience, but a wonderful one as well. Do you feel it too?

Yes, I do. I'm not at as much ease as I had begun with, but I appreciate your presence, and the discussions. Thanks for joining the thread.

CF

Can't say I'm at ease in this thread at all.

With the contributors? Yes. With the thread and OP? No.

originally posted by: tweetie
a reply to: tigertatzen

Actually, I think you helped her to make a decision because of your 'empathic' support and validation and to find a way to continue with her life which may have not occurred if you hadn't sent her that message.

I think so too. I am certain that was my role in this, to just interrupt the harmful path she was on enough so that she would find her own way back to where she needed to be.

I think that is actually the case most of the time...this gift is not meant to be used to manipulate someone's life path by removing all of their sorrows. The discomfort and confusion that we feel when we take in others' negative emotions is very likely meant to deter us from making that very mistake.

In many ways, it would be tantamount to fundamentally changing a part of who they are as a person, and it is not our place to decide that for them. But we can still use our ability to help them without robbing them of their free will. It is meant to be a resource to help us and others, not a panacea for all of humanity's failures and woes.

originally posted by: Annee

originally posted by: ClownFish
a reply to: tigertatzen

I cannot explain it but I feel at ease here, communicating with all of you. It's a very strange experience, but a wonderful one as well. Do you feel it too?

Yes, I do. I'm not at as much ease as I had begun with, but I appreciate your presence, and the discussions. Thanks for joining the thread.

CF

Can't say I'm at ease in this thread at all.

With the contributors? Yes. With the thread and OP? No.

The OP was written in a very negative, aggressive and confrontational vein and it was meant to be that way...regardless of any disclaimer to the contrary.

I didn't like the tone of it at all, nor many of the disturbing posts that allude to us being somehow here for the use of our energy, as if we're some type of remedy bestowed upon humanity to make them all feel better...that it's OK for us to be used in that way because that's our purpose for existing. It feels absolutely sinister to me. You're not alone in your unease.

But I don't feel unsafe or leery of the group as a whole. I feel protected and comforted...which is a very strange experience for me that I am unable to explain.

originally posted by: ClownFish
a reply to: tigertatzen

I cannot explain it but I feel at ease here, communicating with all of you. It's a very strange experience, but a wonderful one as well. Do you feel it too?

Yes, I do. I'm not at as much ease as I had begun with, but I appreciate your presence, and the discussions. Thanks for joining the thread.

CF

It was my concern at the disturbing nature of the OP that compelled me to join in...I wasn't going to initially. Good thing I did though...you guys are awesome.